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Topic : Cheated On

Number of Replies: 5030
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:01:22 pm
Author : dataimport
If your partner's been unfaithful, find support here. General talk and debate about infidelity can be found in our Infidelity discussion.

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May 7, 2009, 8:04 am CDT

A word to the wise-

Quote From: redneon

LOL, well at least you came back and gave me one... its the most of gotten in a long time...the one from on line...LOL

 

We just got rid of snow here last week for crips sake...and you are cutting grass!!! holly....

good luck with the planting,, I buy hanging plants every year and put them on the house... they always die,,,LOL  I get a month or so out of them and they look so nice... and yes I do water them..LOL  I knew what you were thinking! :)>

 

Me walking fast so I look funny,,, noooo I just walk at a nice pace, just incase I see some handsome man on the walking trail... I want to be able to take a nice long look ya know.. if I go to fast I would have to turn around and look at him going by...LOL  well I do that sometimes too,, so I can get a look at his but...*grin*

 

So what is with the presents, is it your BD and you didn't tell me?  I could of sung or something ya know *smile* Or are they suckin up for something... especially the x, like what the heck is that all about... she calls you at the taveren and then brings you a photo frame even after you roll your eyes and don't answer...is she suddenly single again and trying to weasel her way back in?  Oh are you shuddering at that thought.... I am...LOL

 

We listed the house tonight, agent says we want to much for the area..even though it is waterfront property..but if he is to get some $ and I am from the sale then we need a certain amount to move on... she didn't give us much hope... the whole thing is sad.  He is being nice to me the past couple of days... not sure what that is about but its kind of weird,,especially for him.. he even asked how my day was, I almost fell off my feet! LOL  Maybe theres a full moon coming or something eh?

 

Well I hope you have a good morning Brad, maybe the sun will shine tomorrow cause its leaving us and maybe heading your way...we are getting your rain overnite and then till Saturday..but nice for mothers day and my oldest daughters BD party all in one.  Maybe someone will take me out to dinner...pppffffttttt! Talk soon ((hugs))Red

Your husband may be nice to you lately because he senses a distractedness in you? When you no longer are broken hearted and making him the center of your focus and life, he may sense it and miss that attention.

On the other hand, maybe he is just relieved that you aren't carrying on and being dramatic? Don't know, as I don't know your habits. A word of caution though, a cheater will usually jump to the conclusion that YOU are cheating on them when your focus strays from them.....

 
May 7, 2009, 8:09 am CDT

Not ready to let go-

Quote From: manoman

I am as far south in Indiana you can get... right across the ohio river from Louisville, Kentucky. So are summer's comes earlier than you northerns.  

 

My hanging plants always die too so I gave them up...even though they do look nice. And yes you did know what I was thinking. That is the thing with women that has always baffled me. LOL  I did plant a few flowers yesterday on the front porch, I stopped by and visited my sister and she had some leftovers and gave them to me as a gift... I know another one.  :-)))

 

I don't know why my X did it... My sister thinks it's because she is use to me giving in to her and now I don't kind of thing... Or your right,  it's "sucking up". She knows I am a good handy man and probabley needs something done to her house. She's always wanting to do the bartering system with me. I keep telling her no thank you and to call your boyfriend for that.  

 

You look at men's but's.? Eew... LOL 

 

Stay the course on your property... To the right person the price will not be a problem. It will just take a little longer. I have sold 4 houses in my life time so have patience and believe. 

 

It's suppose to be nice this weekend... I have no plans except for a bike ride. I was able to keep my HD motorcycle through the divorce. That and music was my medicene.

 

Thank you for offering to sing to me...( grin )  I can't carry a tune in a bucket. 

 

I enjoy hearing from you, and I wish you a happy, healthy day. Write back anytime... Oh, I would take you to dinner if I could.

 

((hugs)) Brad

 

 

 

 

Man, your ex is still trying to control you through your emotions for her. Kudos to you that you don't allow it.

After reading this, that communication I mentioned earlier may have to be a blunt one.

 

Some people are slow learners.....

 
May 7, 2009, 8:35 am CDT

oh please

Quote From: ritehere

Red, I'm not trying to be antagonistic, but the amount of correspondence between you and manoman indicates that you are not exactly done with men.

And how can we be done with other gender ever? There's only 2 kinds of people in the world! You may be done with close relationships with the other gender though, I can see that.

 

Learning to get along with yourself is the most important lesson we have to learn in our time here. Too often we seek validation of self in the eyes of others, and that's usually why relationships crash and burn.

don't try to analyze me... I don't have to "learn" to get along with myself, I get along with me just fine now.  And how would talking to someone on a forum board mean that I haven't given up on men, if manoman had been a transvestite I still would of written back and forth because of what we were saying, not "who " was saying it to me...

 

And one can be done with the other gender if one wants to... my husbands x did, she left him for a woman! so, yes it can be done...lol

 
May 7, 2009, 8:41 am CDT

Ritehere

Quote From: ritehere

Have to agree, a broken heart is is one of the toughest tests or trials to go through.

My biggest breakthrough came when I realized that if most of my boyfriends and husbands cheated on me with other women, it may be because of something I was doing or not doing.

We all present ourselves in ways that get reactions  from others. If reactions are consistent, and I am the common denominator in each relationship, I need to start with myself if I want a different reaction next time.

To reaquaint myself with my authenticity was the most positve defining moment in my life. I stepped out of the victim role forever.

So you honestly think that if man after man after man cheat its the womans fault...PLEASE!!!!! The common denominator is MEN!  If your going to tell every woman on here that its her fault that her husband is cheating be ready for some fights... me I'm so done with your attitude... MEN cheat, just because we found one, I repeat ONE man (manoman) who doesn't cheat, who didn't cheat... you believe that women are the problem....NO way honey, its the men who are the problem... we just get sucked into the pain and drama with them.
 
May 7, 2009, 8:47 am CDT

Ritehere

Quote From: ritehere

Red, I agree that there is a disconnect here.

Has it occurred to you that maybe your husband was waiting for you to mention the 911 call? I don't know you two so I'm not drawing any conclusions. The only other alternative to his behavior I can think of, besides what you said -that he just doesn't care-is that he was waiting for you to mention it first. Why, I have no idea.....just a thought.

My husband waits for me to do E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!  Always has,,, He never asks, he doesn't talk, cause that might show that he cared and gawd forbid that, that would happen.  I know why, you don't have to figure it out for me,,, We are seperated as far as we can get, but still living under the same roof until our house sells.. so we try not to look at each other cause then it makes me mad that our life has come down to living together but living seperate lives.... We couldn't be any more disconnected if we tried....
 
May 7, 2009, 8:56 am CDT

HA Ritehere

Quote From: ritehere

Your husband may be nice to you lately because he senses a distractedness in you? When you no longer are broken hearted and making him the center of your focus and life, he may sense it and miss that attention.

On the other hand, maybe he is just relieved that you aren't carrying on and being dramatic? Don't know, as I don't know your habits. A word of caution though, a cheater will usually jump to the conclusion that YOU are cheating on them when your focus strays from them.....

My husband is being nice to me because he knows when the house sells I will be taking half of the profit and walking out the door and he doesn't want to loose any money to me!

 

And I have never been dramatic in my life,, even when I found his emails I never raised my voice, I never thew anything at him, I never slapped him across the face.... I would of liked to but I never did.  I am THE most calm person you have ever met in your life.  He could care less if I was cheating, but we made an agreement not to bring anyone into the midst of our nightmare until the house sold and we were living separate lives...

 

I for one life up to my obligations and intentions and have morals that keep me from being a sleaze bucket and cheating...  he can continue to go "do" whatever sex he wants... because he is a man and thinks thats his right to go do it... I on the other hand will not stoop to such degrading behavior!

 
May 7, 2009, 9:25 am CDT

ritehere... thank you

Quote From: ritehere

Your husband may be nice to you lately because he senses a distractedness in you? When you no longer are broken hearted and making him the center of your focus and life, he may sense it and miss that attention.

On the other hand, maybe he is just relieved that you aren't carrying on and being dramatic? Don't know, as I don't know your habits. A word of caution though, a cheater will usually jump to the conclusion that YOU are cheating on them when your focus strays from them.....

I have done both... that you mentioned.

 

She just knows I have a good heart and the first 2 years of the divorce I did help her out...  I was doing it for the kids sake.

 

Now... 3 1/2 years later,  I have had good long talks with both of my daughters ( I got custody ) and they are go to go about me just being cilvil...

 

She just keeps trying.... can't blame her for trying. LOL

 

Thanks,

 

Brad  

 
May 7, 2009, 11:17 am CDT

Ooops...

Quote From: manoman

I have done both... that you mentioned.

 

She just knows I have a good heart and the first 2 years of the divorce I did help her out...  I was doing it for the kids sake.

 

Now... 3 1/2 years later,  I have had good long talks with both of my daughters ( I got custody ) and they are go to go about me just being cilvil...

 

She just keeps trying.... can't blame her for trying. LOL

 

Thanks,

 

Brad  

I posted it to the wrong one... LOL

 

I was trying to reply back ritehere about my X not leaving me alone... also

 

I have to agree with redneon... it doesn't matter if I was a male or female. Red and myself just agree on some of the things we have discussed here.

 

I do appreciate feedback... but not judgement.

 

Peace and hugs,

 

Brad

 
May 7, 2009, 3:36 pm CDT

Nope! :)

Quote From: redneon

So you honestly think that if man after man after man cheat its the womans fault...PLEASE!!!!! The common denominator is MEN!  If your going to tell every woman on here that its her fault that her husband is cheating be ready for some fights... me I'm so done with your attitude... MEN cheat, just because we found one, I repeat ONE man (manoman) who doesn't cheat, who didn't cheat... you believe that women are the problem....NO way honey, its the men who are the problem... we just get sucked into the pain and drama with them.

You misunderstand me.  Cheating is never the fault of the one cheated on. The actions and behavior of cheaters are theirs to bear.

What I meant was that there might be something in my behavior that lead the men I was interested in to eventually feel it was OK to cheat on me.

There IS a difference here.

 

I think you may be reading my posts with anger and defensiveness, that is not how intend them. I am not judging you, neither am I analyzing you. I write to others one-on-one, I do not apply generalities because the world comes in all shapes and sizes. I'm sorry if I've offended you in some way, if you don't like what I have to say, you have the option of not responding. 

 
May 7, 2009, 3:41 pm CDT

Miserable

Quote From: redneon

My husband waits for me to do E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!  Always has,,, He never asks, he doesn't talk, cause that might show that he cared and gawd forbid that, that would happen.  I know why, you don't have to figure it out for me,,, We are seperated as far as we can get, but still living under the same roof until our house sells.. so we try not to look at each other cause then it makes me mad that our life has come down to living together but living seperate lives.... We couldn't be any more disconnected if we tried....
I can't imagine a worse situation than living with your husband that you can't wait to be divorced from and get away from. Especially in this horrible real estate market!
 
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