Topic : Cheated On

I found out 2 weeks ago that my husband had cheated on me. He told me and they had only kissed a few times but I'm scared it will happen again.  He seems very sorry but how do I start to trust again and I don't want to be hurt again like this.  and how do I put it behind me?  Any advise? 

i've been married for 22 years and two sons, one is living on his own now and the other still has a year left in school.  eleven years ago i had my life completely devastated when i learned my husband was having an affair.  at the time he was caught, he had every intention of leaving me and our sons and also told me that he'd had an affair with this same woman eight years before and had been in love with her the whole time.  my whole life, my past, present, and future, as i thought it to be, was completely destroyed.  he made me file for a divorce (i guess he was too chicken) but as soon as he was out of sight, i called the lawyer back and cancelled it.  well, a few weeks rocked along - we never really separated, he spent a few nights in a camper but that was about it, things weren't working out with the other woman and i guess he realized he was gonna have to split things with me and pay child support, etc., so he decides he wants to stay.  by that time, i'm fed up.  after much agonizing and consideration on my part, i decided to at least try to stay until the kids were grown.  i will honestly tell all of you that i was never really able to forgive him but i've managed to keep the peace and give my boys a good home.   

well, last summer i received a phone call at my work from a woman who wouldn't give me her name but wanted to know if my husband had talked to me about a divorce.  again, i was just blown away.  i immediately confronted him but of course, he denies this and says it's just somebody trying to upset me.  i got ahold of the previous other woman and although it was difficult for us to talk, she assured me it's not her and she has absolutely no use for my husband and has gotten on with her life.   

i tried everything i knew to track down the call but with privacy laws like they are these days, i wasn't able to do it.  i really think he's had another affair.  i don't think for one minute that someone just called me out of the blue just to upset me.  but i am to the point that i just don't know what to think.  do any of you have any advice for me?   

please read the message i just posted on this website from old car gal.  you are telling my story almost exactly.  i stayed with my husband for the sake of raising my two boys.  one is 22 now and the other is 17.  over the years it has been pure hell at times.  i was the same as you.  i did it all.  he didn't have to do anything.  when i found out he was cheating and had cheated more than once during the marriage, i was devastated, just like you.  couldn't eat, could sleep, had to take antidepressants and nerve pills.  that was almost 12 years ago.  there hasn't been one day that i haven't been very bitter and angry.  i know i've done the right thing for my kids and that's was always what was important to me but it has not been easy.  and now?  well, just read my message and you'll see that it's looking very much like he's done this to me again.   

i know that staying with him was right for my kids.  i didn't want them to have to deal with all the stuff that comes from a divorce - step parents, step brothers and sisters, christmases here and there.  you know what i mean.  BUT, it has been very hard for me.  looking back, i'm not at all sure if i'd do it this way again.  you are in turmoil right now.  but you need to think really long and really hard about whether or not you can successfully live with this man.  good luck. 

i am hurting for you as i write this.  you can read my message and experience as oldcargal.  she wasnt' my best friend but i treated her as a friend, none the less.  no, they didn't get married.  no, they didn't have a child together but it was so painful just the same.  you are in the early stages of this.....maybe by now your head has cleared somewhat.  but let me tell you that you simply MUST GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!  i know this tears you apart.  i know there are nights you wake up with your heart pounding!  i know!  i've been there!   i never thought my husband would cheat either!  but he did!  more than once!  was it my mistake to trust him?  NO!  just as it wasn't yours to trust your husband!  look at your children and be thankful that God gave them to you.  look at your life and be thankful God gave that to you also.  trust me, sweetie.  you won't always feel like you do now.  you will evolve into something wonderful.  something strong!  the best you can be!   

and what will he have?  guilt!  day in and day out!  no, you were NOT a bad wife!  you were probably a wonderful wife.  i'll bet you did everything a good wife does!  please do not beat yourself up for what he did.  men are very weak creatures and they love to blame the females in their lives for their weaknesses.  i'm telling you that you CAN get on with you life and God has something wonderful planned for you...........take it one day at a time.  one hour at a time.  sometimes, one minute at a time!  but put one foot in front of the other and go forward!   God bless you!