Topic : Cheated On

Whether or not she is committing adultery, she IS cheating. Cheating is much more than having sex with another man. She is not being true to her word and is putting other things above her husband and family. 

  

This is what I would do. I would arrange a babysitter for next week and insist on accompanying her to this "night" out. If she won't allow that I would then question her as to why. If she insists on going alone, I would follow her. At the very least you are entitled to some answers. I'd be tempted to tell her next time she goes out and doesn't come home all night she can just forget about ever coming home. You really need to stand up to her on this. She is walking all over you right now. 

 Well she came home and now all of this Is being blamed on me. She Is thinking about leaving me again. Why?
I am a really nice guy and I treat my wife and my children with love and repect and I am the problem. What am I missing?
We fight sometimes but what couple does not and this Is one of her reasons.
What can I do?
She wants me to change and I think I have but from her point of view I have not changed at all or at least not enough for her to notice and I have been doing things over the last few months that I have never done since I meet her just to show her how much she means to me. She has been thinking about leaving for a few months now and she was waiting to see If I could change and I thought I was making her happy but I guess I not. Why do I have to change If my wife Is not willing to do the same? She Is doing things now that I have never done to her or ever would. How Is this right? How can I talk some sence Into her??

That is what it all is pointing to. :( Sorry dude, this sucks and I know it hurts. Remember you can't control anyone but yourself. Just be the best dad you can be to your kids. I'll continue praying for you guys.

I am frustrated just reading this.  OF course he should of told you, SHE came in there JUST to say Happy Birthday...for heaven sakes!  Get a life already.  I would be so angry at him, no doubt.  He BROKE that trust line and he NEEDS to rebuild it and HOW can he do that if he doesn't tell you what you need to know.  HE may not think anything of it BUT you do and you have told him that.  IT is not too much to ask from your spouse that he tell you when he sees her, that is out of respect for your feelings.  SINCE he is the one that hurt them to begin with!  He is not rebuilding that trust. He is walking around like he got away with it and you just need to deal with it.  WRONG!?  Tell him this is it, he needs to be 100% honest from here on out or it's over, you will not deal with this anymore.  You can't worry forever, and if he really cares and want to regain your trust, THEN he needs to do it. 

Actions speak louder than words!?!?!?!   

If you have a job, then why are u still there?????  If you don't have a job, u need to get one!!!

You do not have to trust him.  If your trust was so important to him he should have thought about that before he flushed it down the toilet by choosing to have an affair.  Now he needs to EARN your trust. It is completely understandable for you to request he have no contact with this woman.  He needs to be polite and say high to her in passing, that is bull! If that is the case then he needs to be polite to you and take the long way so he doesn't pass her.  He needs to look at this affair as a shameful mistake he made, and not make excuses or place guilt on you for his wrong doings.  "I don't need to tell you everything"  He should have thought a little harder about the consequences of his actions.

hey everyone! 

  

i am brand new to this board and may not be in the exact right topic, but i need some advice from people who know what they are talking about :) 

  

I have been in a very loving relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for over three years now. before we met, i had been hurt a few times and been in one abusive/hurtful relationship. well, three years later, i still have so many insecurities that my current boyfriend will hurt me, or cheat on me, or whatever. Its like set in my brain that ALL MEN will hurt women. WHY am i thinking like this? 

  

i am constantly LOOKING for things to "proove" that he is cheating, or lying, or whatever. like today, he came over before work, but didnt bring his work clothes. i asked why and he said "i can just go back to my house", but in my OWN BRAIN, it meant that he wasnt really going to work, he would be leaving to go do something else. however, his boss ended up calling my house anyways to call him in. 

  

he is a very loving person, very upfront and honest, and he is my best friend. he is very well aware of these insecurities i have. another example, if he checks his voicemail from my house, ill check to see if he erased his password. he did last week, and i asked him why he erased it. he said "i dunno, i just dont like people knowing my password". but, when i found it again, i called and asked "can i call and listen to your voicemail?" just to see his reaction. he goes "sure, but theres nothing on there". 

  

i sound very paranoid and i am, and i truley believe its for no good damn reason. im not always like this, im go thru insecure phases. i also have an anxiety problem, which contributes. 

  

my therapists thinks these insecurites are from family issues (my parents recently had a bitter divorce), and of course, baggage from previous relationships. but i feel terrible. its almost as if i am accusing him of something he isnt even doing! this is the best relationship i've ever been in. we are healhy and have great communication skills. he has told me in the past that if he WERE to cheat on me, he'd break up with me first. why do i LOOK for signs of cheating, almost in a compulsive way? 

  

i feel weak for being so insecure like this. sometimes ill ask myself "is this some kind of intuition im having?" but there is NO EVIDENCE WHAT-SO-EVER of him lying or cheating. he is always around, he always answers his phone, he works nights but is with me(most of the time) when he isnt working. my mom said that my dad always, in a mean way, acused her of cheating which she never did and it hurt her pretty bad. i DONT want this to turn out that way. 

  

someone give me some comfort, please. we have plans of moving in together and getting married in a few years when the time is right. but i need to get over my past relationships and live in this one. i just am under the impression that all men are bound to decieve. 

  

any advice? 

  

this may help- i am 20, and in the process of "finding myself" and think thats part of the reason why i am insecure, bc i am insecure about other things. he is 24 and very strong and developed and i admire him for that! but how can i just fully trust him, or rather, trust myself? 

  

THANK YOU to whoever read this entire rant 

=) 

We have been married for seventeen years.  My family and our friends described our marriage as one of the "good" ones.  I felt the same.  My wife was/is? my best friend, soul mate and the wind beneath my wings.  

At the end of October she became part of a disaster response team that went to La after Katrina.  For the first time in our life together we were apart for two weeks.  I didn't understand how she could choose to be away from the kids and I for so long.  By the way we have fourteen year old fraternal triplets, a girl and two boys.  When she returned home I knew something was different.  After being home one day she got a call to go back down at the end of November.  I didn't understand how she could be so willing to leave us again so soon. 

In order to make a long story short, she met someone when she was in Loisiana and they planned to return together, which they did.  He is in the process of his fourth divorce.  I.ve been told. 

She not only left me, her friends, family and a job she had had for the past twelve years, she left our kids two weeks before their fourteenth birthday.  This is not the woman I have known and adored for the past seventeen years. 

We are struggling, the kids don't know the whole truth and on top of that I talk to her almost everyday since she left with this guy, the middle of January.  I love her dearly and want to work this through together but she is in Georgia.  Am I desperate?  Am I pathetic? Or is God keeping me around for a reason?   Any suggestions? 

Ok be easy on me.....Tell me if I am wrong for feeling this way........When my husband and I were seperated he started seeing a girl....they went out for about 2 months when he decided we needed to work things out......she called a month later and said she was pregnant.  we have not heard from her (directly) since...I have two children with him and together we have 5.  I want to know if it is normal for me to NOT want her child to be a part of our lives.......First we are not 100% sure if it is his, and she has never came around since she told him.  At first I was up in the air about it because I have children of my own and it is not hte childs fault....but the other side of me says........this girl knew we were married...as a matter of fact she worked in the hospital I had my daughter in and was the person who took all my info when I delivered in the maternity ward.  Three months later she was seeing my husband.  I feel like it is so much better for everyone involved if we just move on and she stays away........................Is it selfish where the child is concerned or is it understandable that I want to protect my family........I just dont feel that I could continue my marriage if she was involved because it was such a hurtful time.  I understand that it takes two.........I just cant forgive her.........I feel like she knew what she was doing, she acted like she was proud of it, and she disregarded any feelings for my children while doing it........how do I get over it????????       I believe the child is almost two so it has been almost three years since she contacted us???  Do I just let it go???????????

Your husband also knew what he was doing, though. How can you forgive him, but you can't forgive this other person? When you call her a "girl" do you mean that she is much younger? Because if she is much younger... that can account for her immaturity and how it came across seemingly 'proud' to you. It is absolutly understandable that you want and need to protect your family, and I would feel the same way, but you bring up a good point: it isn't the child's fault. How sad will it be if that child grows up without a father figure? Hopefully, since  you haven't heard from her, she has either found the real father or she has found a father figure for the child. It has been nearly 3 years, and she has probably matured a bit, also. (I hope...) In the past three years, has this come up at all? Does your husband wonder about the child? 

You ask if you should just let it go.. what else can you do? If she hasn't contacted you in three years, its not likely that she will soon. The ball is in her court, if and when she decides it is time to contact your husband, then she will. Hopefully it won't be for a DNA test on the Maury show or something!! (those are awefull!)