Your story is quite similar to mine. The outcome may not be what you want to hear. While holding a part-time job and going to school part time, my wife expressed the desire to go out with the new "friends" she has made. At first, like you, I thought it would be good for us to have things or do things as individuals and not just as a married couple.
This once a week event became a several times a week event. Eventually, over a 6 month period, she quit her job, dropped out of school, but continued going out several times a week. As my wife withdrew into this world of partying, I felt our marriage was crumbling. She withdrew to the point where all of our marriage obligations and responsibilities fell on my shoulders. I felt abandoned. When I expressed my concern and told my wife that I felt like she was neglecting her marriage, she told me it was all innocent fun with the girls. She told me I was over-reacting. I, like you, heard many promises of how "this was the last time" or "I promise not to do it again", but she did not stop. When I questioned her on what she did those night or who she was with, I could never get a clear answer.
Needless to say, my resentment and suspicions began to grow. I never wanted to believe that my wife would cheat on me - so I began searching for evidence. For weeks, I thought I was being paranoid or insecure - until I found the proof to confirm my wife's infedility. Like others on this message voard, I began examining the cell phone records and found endless calls to and from the residence of another man. Our checking account had 25$ to 50$ withdrawls that my wife could not explain. Finally, I found the password to her email account and read her emails.
There was the confirmation I had been looking for. For the longest time, I refused to believe that after all this time my wife would cheat on me. The obvious signs were all there, but I still wanted to believe that my wife was honest and loyal. Despite all of the evidence, I still wanted to hear the words from her mouth. When I confronted her, she continued to lie. Even as I showed her the emails, she still denied the affair. Her denial made me laugh out loud.
When she realized that she was finally exposed, she decided she wanted to separate. The whole time she still professed "her love" for me, but yet never admitted doing anything wrong. It was bizzare. By that point, the marriage was over for me. She pursued the affair, she lied, and she abandoned the marriage - not me. I threw her out and filed for divorce.
From my experience, don't react out of emotion. If you believe there is cheating, find proof - especially since you have children. If you find anything that looks questionable (emails, bank statements, cell phone records), save them. Start protecting yourself now. Ask your wife if you could join her on a few of these nights out. Have you met the people she parties with? Ask to meet them. Does she tell you where she goes on these nights out? I would drop by these restaurants/bars unexpectedly to see who she is with.
Staying out all night and being drunk like that is not acceptable. You deserve straight answers, but when it comes down to it, you can not control what someone else does. Divorce is a terrible choice to make, but for me, it was the right choice. I wish you the best in this situation and I pray that your wife does not self-destruct like mine did. As much as I loved my wife, I realized towards the end that I could not stop her from making such terrible choices in life. Adultery is so selfish, destructive, and cowardly. To all the ladies on this message board - there still are a few good men out there, but we are in the minority.
