Topic : Cheated On

Quote From: mamaof3kid

I am 22 years old with 3 kids. My fiancee decided to tell me that for the past 6 weeks he has been sleeping with my best friend and fell in love with her. He told me and my whole family that he was going to go out of town for work, but as you can tell that is not what happened. The whole time he was gone he told me he loved me and that he was going to come home soon. He told our kids that he was comng home. He promised my 3 year old that he was coming home, but kept breaking it. He would send me text messages saying he loved me and missed me and could not wait to come home to us. All this stuff that made me think things were ok between us. Then I started to have a feeling that something was going on and I asked them and they both lied to me saying that nothing was going on and to stop blaming them. He kept getting mad at me saying for me to stop being so paranoid and that he only loved me and only wanted me. Well I was right the whole time. I told him I am willing to forgive him and get past this, but he said he doesn't know if he wants to. He told me he is tired of being treated bad and being bad mouthed by me and I told him it will all stop the only reason it all happened was from all the stuff he was saying to his friends, but he doesn't believe me. He took in my oldest daughter as his own which is 3 years old and that is the only dad she knows and she keeps asking me when her daddy is coming home. When I tell her he isn't then she says that he loves her and misses her and will come back. He is giving me no hope right now. I gave him everything and I am willing to work things out because I love him that much. It just seems like he doesn't care about my feelings or our kids. He is more worried about not hurting her. I don't know what to do. I keep asking him if there is hope for us and he keeps saying he doesn't know. If I want to I can still wear my engagment ring if I want to or flush it for all he cares. I told him that something inside of me keeps telling me to not give up every time I pray for it. So I have no clue what to do at all. when he called me today he was actually really nice to me and sounded concerned.

Quote From: stormyeyes

It has been just over 2 years since I found out my husband was a  DOG .We  seperated  for a few months and I agreed  for him to come home.He really has been great.Doing everything he is suppose to be doing.Fathers Day is coming and I just want to do anything for him.For 13 years before he became stupid he didn't do anything for me on Mothers Day,  Birthdays ,Christmas you name the holiday he didn;t do anything!  Until he chose to break my heart.He won't come clean over   everything he did.I really don't think he  will.It burns me up to think of everything that I have done for him and he did this to me..to us .. For 13 years there was disappointment  and embarrassment when friends ask what did you get for what ever holiday and i had to say Oh, Nothing.Just what ever the kids made.That was the only thing I had to look forward to. No flowers.No card. I should of known when he got me that dishwasher for my birthdasy /Valentines/ Anniversary something was up.Oh yeah it was guilt present The old slut got a piece of jewlry for valentines.I do have to say that he was at homewith me that night.Suprise.I just had vent...Now I'm going to cry and then I know I'll put something together for him for FD  I know my friends are probibly sick of hearing it from me.even though they won't say it Thanks guys.I know it does get easier I'm just having a little melt done right now. 

  

Quote From: time4time

 This may be different. I'm a married man in my mid forties with 3 children ages 9 thru 15. My wife and I have been married 17 years and can say I've adored and loved her the whole time. She seemed to have the same feelings. Before our youngest was born, we decided I would be the best person to stay at home to raise children. I sold my business and started a new one that would make my schedule flexible. That is the background in a nutshell.    

 Last month I discovered she was having an affair with someone I knew....He is single. Obviously she denied it with every fibre in her body. I believed she was either out with friends or working late, so she said. Their talking started in January and the actions really heated up in April. After I proved to her I had all the evidence, she admitted to it. I got most of the truth after tons of questions. Tried to get me to believe it was "making out". Then, after time, started getting more and more details. May still only have a partial truth. I'm sure neither will tell it all. Guess every detail doesn't matter. I'm sure, like any affair, you get mad about the things they found time to do with them and not you.    

 After long talks and her insisting he was the only one. I told her I could forgive her for the things she SAID they did. Again, I told her we had drawn a line and all truthes needed told. She swore I had heard everything about anyone.    

 Well, about 5 days later I discovered another affair with a married man in the area. It started in January and ended in March after he was caught with someone else. I wondered why she was so freaked out to hear about what he had done. They talked on the phone and he insisted there was no truth to it. After seeing the phone bill, they must have "broken up" after this. She said they would talk about what they wanted to do to each other. You can use your imagination.   

 With both guys there were numerous phone calls from our house and from cell to cell. You can even tell on the bill where she would call and "say" she was just heading home from work. She found time to call them during her "busy" day and talk for 15-40 minutes. Either every day on the way to work or during work. Sometimes, I would get a 1 minute call after them. She would try to get them to come to the house when I was out, even some when our kids were home. All three say they never came over to our home except for once.    

 After forgiving once, it seems crazy to forgive again. Would this be considered one episode with multiple players? I think I may have the truth. Guess there could be more. I do still love her. I just have a hard time getting all the images, lies and distrust out of my head. She said she hurts too and says she can't imagine my pain. But, no real sympathy or heart-felt apology. Not that I need a pitty party. Maybe want her to really hear what I say.  There could not have been a whole lot of guilt. A few of the times I called or she called, she would be with the other person and act totally normal. They both said she was ready, willing and able.    

 After the second discovery I asked her to gather some things and be prepared to stay away for a while. She was gone one night and pleaded to come back.  I let her come back so as not to alarm kids. She says is determined to win my heart, trust, love and companionship back.    

 What is a guy to do?   

Quote From: tweety18

This is my first time in posting a message and am little nervous about it. I am quiet and so this is a stretch for me. 

My husband had an affair and went on a trip with this mistress. When they got back I served him with divorce papers. This was in May. I found out for sure that Feb. that he had a mistress, but wanted to wait till after my daughters wedding in June to confront him. Then I found out about this trip to Austrailia so with my youngest daughters push I filed. I was so angry it goes beyone words. This all took place last year. When he got the papers he talked me out of the divorce even though I was and am still not sure I want to stay married. This year we will have been married 40 years. When I think back I don't think this is his first affair, but of course he say it was. I hate adultry and have always said I'd not stand for that. I go to chruch he does not. We do not talk and he still stays out and goes to casinos alot. Even the one I know he and her went too. I do not trust him. He says two wrongs don't make a right and I am an obligation to him. Our state is a community properity, no fault state. He says if I continue the divorce he'll fight. We have a house on 12 acreas, which why I think he does not want a divorce. I also found out he has credit card bills over $50,000.00. When I ask him about things he just says he's taking care of things. We do not talk. I am trying to make sense out of it all and can't. There is so many emotions I go through. I have worked to keep the family together, but I don't see how I can keep going in this relationship. We have 3 kids and they are all grown and have their own families. 

I want to do the right thing, but think I am just scared to leave. I work part time and until 10 years ago I was a stay at home mom. My husband in a controller and has always said it's his way or leave. 

This July the divorce filing ends. I'd have to refile if I wanted a divorce. I think I just need a back bone. My Christian friends are divided on their advice of divorce or not to divorce. I think I want someone to say to it or don't do it. My husband is a controller and verbally he's not been very nice to me over the years or even now when we do talk. 

I have gone to a counselor, he won't go to one. He'd probably use it against me anyway. He has that knack of turning things toward me.  I know I need some self esteem or something.  

What now? 

Quote From: beckyleigh

My husband has done me the same way, except not with my best friend.  He has been living away from home with no communication to me.  I have heard plenty about what he has been doing, a stripper he met in a bar!  I have been really sick thinking about this, I have loved this man and devoted my life to him.  It hurts terribly.  Then all of a sudden on Thursday night he just appears at our house and tells me that he is coming home.  He has been gone for 2 months, has not helped pay one bill, and has been involved with a stripper.  I told him that he cannot do me like this, he can't just come home and expect me to be okay with that.  Though I do love and miss him, he has really hurt me.  He is still here, today is Saturday.  He told me that he broke it off with the stripper, that she fell in love with him, but he did not love her.  He is saying that he loves only me.  What do I do?  I feel like he would not have ever been with her if he loved me.  I cannot trust him.  He has just moved back in and resumed like nothing ever happened.  I am going crazy.  He has not appologized. He acts as if there is no problem.  I want my husband, but I can't seem to get over this.  And, when will he do this again?  I have prayed just like you......I just don't know if God sent him home to me or what?  I am so very confused and hurt.  My kids are glad he is home, they don't understand and I cannot tell them everything.  I do not believe him when he says he loves me......I used to feel such comfort and love in his arms, but that is all changed.  My heart goes out to you and your children.  It is so hard.  Why do men have to be dogs?  I have found so much help with this Dr Phil board.  It is good to know that I am not alone.  I will pray for you and your family.  You are a good person filled with love and kindness, that is why you are willing to work things out.  I am hoping that we can too.  Take care.  I am your friend.

Quote From: sheri_1972

I am into counselling and yes it is helping but it is still hard.  I guess he is gay I am not sure he doesn't really talk about it with me.  He went to an interview and had an affair came home and with me probing him he told me he thought he was gay.  He asked me to stay as he didn't want to be gay so I did and then two weeks later things started again and I went home for a few days to process things and while I was away he up and moved to a different province to be with the man that he met on the internet 3 months prior.  So I am not sure right now I would say gay.  Thank you for writing back and if you have any other advise that would help, please don't hesitate to send me a quote.

Quote From: trinket

 My husbands "Boyfriend" came back into his life when we were married a year.  I was 5.5 months pregnant with our son. Apparently, he had been engaged in bi-sexual behavior since 9th grade.  

His family was in denial, and I was never told.  

  

His boyfriend and he had not spoken in 5 years. We were dating for 3 of those years before his boyfriend and he were reunited.  You see, his boyfriend was also maried, and my husband had slept with his boyfriend's wife, causing their relationship to stall.  A year after our wedding, my husband and the former boyfriend were reaqainted by a mutual friend.  

  

My husband went from a devoted husband and father, to a man I did not recognize.  Selfish, demanding, he would say things like "Im taking Eric to San Dimas to see his kids whether you like it or not !" and it was the first time I had heard about the trip.  The first time I called a divorce attorney, my son was an infant, and he attorney told me to stay till my son could talk...Because his father is going to have some anger issues about the child and try to harm him.   I stayed til my son was 4 years old  and talking full time.  It was a struggle but I did it.  I turned my ex into Child Protective Services last year, after he assaulted our then 6 year old in his car.  He was angry about having to leave a party to drive our son to my house.   

  

When I refused his visitation for the following month after that incident.. He told people he could not have our son because he was moving.  Never mind my son was upset and did not want to go, was refusing to speak to his father on the phone, and various other behaviors.  

  

that was the weekend my ex moved in with a new found girlfriend.  She has no idea about his past, and I am just the "Psycho ex " for reporting him.  

  

  

I saved up for about 4 months to leave my husband, and I got me and my son this dingy little apartment in a town 125 miles away. It was a struggle but I left him.  I met someone new, we got married, had a daughter and now I am in college for medical transcription.  My son is now 7, and sees his father every other weekend, if he's not canceling.  He still sees the boyfriend on a regular  weekly basis.  

  

  

My ex refuses to beleive he is gay- inspite of having homosexual sex with man.  Alot of married men do this I have found, and they call it  "Being on the down low"   These men have families with wives who are either clueless, or would not say shiza if they had a mouth full. From my son's behavior, I suspect they have had relations in front of him.   

  

It's not easy to leave.  I was on welfare for 5 months. I tried being amicable to my former bestfriend/husband, but he wanted to play alot of games, and now he pays he DA the monthyly childsupprt. .  I know i was a good wife to him, and People are shocked that I did not know before I married him. Remember, his boyfriend was not in our lives during our dating phase, or I might have picked up on something between them.  I did not deserve what I got.  Currently my husband lives with his girlfriend, and I have never met her.  I think hes' afraid I will tel lon him.  Not that she would believe me, I know I would not have beleived anyone if they had told me.  These men leave a trail of very angry women in their wake, and that should be a clue to anyone.  "She nuts, she screamed at me a lot" is what I was told about his ex's... it was all their fault the relationship failed because they yelled alot. .  These guys destroy families for sport.  

  

One day, my son is going to fitgure it out...and when he asks me if his father is gay-- I plan to tell him the truth.  Meanwhile, I document every sleaszy, mean spirited thing my ex does to my son, and I rely on the courts to protect us.  He is extrememly self centered now. He once suggested that he put my 6 year old on a Train, alone, for the trip home, so he does not have to drive him, and upset the delicate balance of his own life.. for his own visitation.  Before the boyfriend showed up...my husband would have never said such a thing. He was a different person.  The person he became, he can keep.  

  

Im just glad I had the courage and fortitude to get myself and my child out of that situation.  If I can do it, and I worked at night as a security guard to do it,  so can any mom who finds herself in the same situation.  You are not doing your child any good by staying in such a hostile home.  Protect your kids.  

Quote From: time4time

I don't think she wanted me to know. She denied everything. Seems like she still wants to be married. There are still 8-10 other evenings where she can't account for where she was between 6-9 or 10 o'clock. Said working late but records show otherwise. Claims there were 7-8 times she hooked up with the other men. Seems like still not telling the truth. Maybe other times not important. Have to look at big picture? She wants me to forget about it and move forward. Says that would be good for us. I'm still figuring out what happened. I just don't want to be the same trusting person and keep finding out more and have it happen again. It's hard to listen to everyone tell us how lucky we are when they don't know. If they only knew.

Quote From: topeka

Theres no excuse for him not  respecting you on your special days. That is a sign of love. This year for fathers day you should honor yourself instead of him. I think this would be a good way to let him know  what it feels like  to  be left out.  He should be showering  you with gifts on every occasional after his infidility. The very idea giving you a dishwasher to wash all his and the families dirty dishes and gives her jewerly.  Some things is hard to forget when he rubs it in your nose on all your special occasionals. What was so good about him being home after giving the slut the jewerly. This is one fault he needs to correct. 

Rose Mary 

Quote From: lg081765

I am married 18 years and have two children.  I 100% trusted my husband, I truly had no doubts about him ever cheating on me, he wasnt that kind of man.  Little did I know!  It started in Nov. 2005.  He came home one day and said I love you but I cant be here.  He said he was going through something, like a midlife crisis (he is 45).  I still did not think it was another woman.  Then in Dec., the Wed. before xmas, I found out he met someone else back in Sept, 2005.  I was devastated, in shock, disbelief, hurt, angry, and the list goes on. Extremely betrayed mostly.  Immediately because of the holidays, both immediate families found out.  Everyone was in shock because they just couldnt believe him of all people. If it wasnt for my children i wouldnt have gotten out of bed.  I needed to get up everyday to take care of them and follow the routine.  It was very difficult for me.  After I found out about this woman, I found out that it wasnt a one night thing, it was an affair.  He felt love for her and cares about her. He left the house after I found out and wasnt totally away, he would come once or twice a week to see the kids and give money.  He seemed torn between me and her.  He then came home for a week and he didnt seem like he wanted to be here. He went to the person I was going to for counseling and she suggested he leave the house because he had issues within himself and confused about what he wanted.  So he left and again if I didnt call him, he called me, he would come here a day or two during the week again.  Then he went away for a week with friends and when he came back he wanted to be home.  So he is home now and says he loves me and wants to be here but he cant get out of his head what he feels for the other person.  He cares about her.  I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since this happened.  I love him and want to still be married to him.  I feel that it is worth it to me to give this marriage a second chance.  For all the mistakes that were made and the unhappiness he felt and that I felt, thats in the past.  What we can make of the future is what is important.  I am afraid though to trust him or him being here. I feel nervous that he will say he wants to leave again and that he is not sure what he wants.  I dont want to be strung along.  If anyone has any advice or has a situation similiar to this  I would like to hear what you have to say. Thanks.