Topic : Cheated On

Quote From: mrmorpheus

I hope someone can help me with this.

Here is my story.....

 

Me and my wife have been living together for 12 years, and have we have 2 kids. Our realationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but somehow we have made it work. About 6 months ago we had a huge fight,and it was just the last straw for me, so i moved out. We tried to talk in the next 2 weeks but somehow always ended up arguing in front of the kids, because she was so angry that i moved out. She shifted from trying to get me to move back in, and two days later, she said she would take the house and all conversations would go through a lawyer. And then again a few days later she wanted me to move back in, and another 2 or 3 days later everything changed again, she would keep the house, and i could keep the depts and so on.....  I told her that I didn´t want to move back in,  unless somethings would change, and then we would start arguing again. I told her that we obviously couldn´t discuss anything, so i told her what i wanted..... that we would  try NOT to talk about exactly this matter for maybe 2 or 3 weeks, and just think about what we would like to do in our relationship. I wanted to set a date and then we would meet and discuss our things, whether to sell our flat, or try to fix our marriage, because we just couldn´t talk together with all this anger involved. On one occasion, two weeks after I moved out, I came to my home at night when the kids were sleeping, ( i rented a small flat when I moved out) and we tried to talk. That night we both became a bit emotional, shared our feelings and ended up having sex, but later that night I went to my rented flat.

I took our sons almost every day and shared the weekends with them after i moved out, but they couldn´t sleep over, because I had no furniture no beds for them.  But on the weekend of the fourth week, I took my sons and we all stayed at my fathers house and we spent the weekend there.

 

Here comes the main part of my story.....

 

I have a friend from the past who used to be a good friend of me and my wife, but me and him had a big disagreement many years ago and so we ended our friendship there. But my wife has sort of always contacted him when she and I have had a big fight, and then they would meet and talk about things. She always told me and she also knew of my disapproval of this.

4 weeks after we broke up ( on a monday) i spoke with my wife, and asked her why she always contacted my ex-friend ( Lets call him X ) when we had our fights. ( I did not know she had contacted him after I moved out, but I somehow suspected it ) She got defensive, and told me it was none of my business, since we had broken up and i moved out. She could contact whoever she liked. We spoke together for the next 3 days about our marriage, and i told her that i loved very much and told her all the feelings i had for her and needed her in my life, etc etc and she felt the same way,but she told me that she propably blew any chance of us being together. When i asked her why, she told me she slept with X, on last friday night.( The same weekend my boys stayed with me at my fathers house)  She went out to dinner with people from work , had been drinking the whole night, and X was calling her, and later that night she went to his place. They sat at his place and drank two bottles of wine, and ended up having sex. She told me that she felt bad about it right away, and she stopped in the middle of the progress. She told me that she was thinking about us and our sex life at the time because she felt that it was "bad" sex she was having, and she felt like she was cheating on me.

I asked about details, but she tells me she has told me everything about how it happened.

She said that, he was lousy in bed, had a small "fellow", and they quit in the middle of it.

( I just feel that she told me this, because it is propably best for me to know it like this, because its the "best" of the "worst" ) I mean, who quits in the middle of sex ??   I will propably never know the truth for that matter.

I told her that i would like to get over this, and try to work out our proplems, even though she had done this, but things would have to change. I also told her that i dont want the anger to take control of me because of what happened. I know that it would be really easy just to walk away and call her names, and get on with my life, but i dont want to take the "easy" way out, i want to make this work.

I told her, that in order to do so, things would have to change, especially in showing our emotions, and also regarding our intimacy.

She has broken all contacts with X, and he is no longer in our lives.

The proplem is this.

Even though she told me that she "felt" like she was cheating, she says that she wasn´t, because i moved out and our relationship was over. Even though we had a lot of issues that were not resolved, she feels this way.

I feel extremely bad about that she has had sex with another man, but somehow i feel that she doesn´t realise what she did.

I feel like my heart is going to explode, i think about this a lot, and i cant seem to get the image out of my head of them together. I love my wife very much, but sometimes i have doubts that i will never get over this.

We have been going to a marriage counceller, for 5 months now, and i still feel this way.

Our sex live has not been so good for the past 3 years, because she has been on anti-depressants, and she said it was a side effect of the drugs, a lack of sex drive. Now she is off the drugs, and still nothing has changed. We sleep together maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks

I feel like i am the one who has to accept all kinds of things and she just gets away with saying, "this is just the way it is !! "

My wife has always been very sentimantal about all kinds of things, and has cried in weddings, reading obituaries, reading sad books and so on.

But i somehow feel that she doesn´t feel bad about what happened at all.

I have cried about this and told her my feelings, but she tells me she tries not to think about what happened.

I feel that she doesn´t show "enough" remorse....

Am i crazy ?

Is it possible to get over these kind of things ??

Somebody please help me, because i feel like i am getting depressed over this whole thing....

How can i cope with this ?

Is this going to be like this forever?

How do I trust my wife again ?

 

My mind is filled with questions, and I cant answer any one of them.....

Quote From: mrmorpheus

I hope someone can help me with this.

Here is my story.....

 

Me and my wife have been living together for 12 years, and have we have 2 kids. Our realationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but somehow we have made it work. About 6 months ago we had a huge fight,and it was just the last straw for me, so i moved out. We tried to talk in the next 2 weeks but somehow always ended up arguing in front of the kids, because she was so angry that i moved out. She shifted from trying to get me to move back in, and two days later, she said she would take the house and all conversations would go through a lawyer. And then again a few days later she wanted me to move back in, and another 2 or 3 days later everything changed again, she would keep the house, and i could keep the depts and so on.....  I told her that I didn´t want to move back in,  unless somethings would change, and then we would start arguing again. I told her that we obviously couldn´t discuss anything, so i told her what i wanted..... that we would  try NOT to talk about exactly this matter for maybe 2 or 3 weeks, and just think about what we would like to do in our relationship. I wanted to set a date and then we would meet and discuss our things, whether to sell our flat, or try to fix our marriage, because we just couldn´t talk together with all this anger involved. On one occasion, two weeks after I moved out, I came to my home at night when the kids were sleeping, ( i rented a small flat when I moved out) and we tried to talk. That night we both became a bit emotional, shared our feelings and ended up having sex, but later that night I went to my rented flat.

I took our sons almost every day and shared the weekends with them after i moved out, but they couldn´t sleep over, because I had no furniture no beds for them.  But on the weekend of the fourth week, I took my sons and we all stayed at my fathers house and we spent the weekend there.

 

Here comes the main part of my story.....

 

I have a friend from the past who used to be a good friend of me and my wife, but me and him had a big disagreement many years ago and so we ended our friendship there. But my wife has sort of always contacted him when she and I have had a big fight, and then they would meet and talk about things. She always told me and she also knew of my disapproval of this.

4 weeks after we broke up ( on a monday) i spoke with my wife, and asked her why she always contacted my ex-friend ( Lets call him X ) when we had our fights. ( I did not know she had contacted him after I moved out, but I somehow suspected it ) She got defensive, and told me it was none of my business, since we had broken up and i moved out. She could contact whoever she liked. We spoke together for the next 3 days about our marriage, and i told her that i loved very much and told her all the feelings i had for her and needed her in my life, etc etc and she felt the same way,but she told me that she propably blew any chance of us being together. When i asked her why, she told me she slept with X, on last friday night.( The same weekend my boys stayed with me at my fathers house)  She went out to dinner with people from work , had been drinking the whole night, and X was calling her, and later that night she went to his place. They sat at his place and drank two bottles of wine, and ended up having sex. She told me that she felt bad about it right away, and she stopped in the middle of the progress. She told me that she was thinking about us and our sex life at the time because she felt that it was "bad" sex she was having, and she felt like she was cheating on me.

I asked about details, but she tells me she has told me everything about how it happened.

She said that, he was lousy in bed, had a small "fellow", and they quit in the middle of it.

( I just feel that she told me this, because it is propably best for me to know it like this, because its the "best" of the "worst" ) I mean, who quits in the middle of sex ??   I will propably never know the truth for that matter.

I told her that i would like to get over this, and try to work out our proplems, even though she had done this, but things would have to change. I also told her that i dont want the anger to take control of me because of what happened. I know that it would be really easy just to walk away and call her names, and get on with my life, but i dont want to take the "easy" way out, i want to make this work.

I told her, that in order to do so, things would have to change, especially in showing our emotions, and also regarding our intimacy.

She has broken all contacts with X, and he is no longer in our lives.

The proplem is this.

Even though she told me that she "felt" like she was cheating, she says that she wasn´t, because i moved out and our relationship was over. Even though we had a lot of issues that were not resolved, she feels this way.

I feel extremely bad about that she has had sex with another man, but somehow i feel that she doesn´t realise what she did.

I feel like my heart is going to explode, i think about this a lot, and i cant seem to get the image out of my head of them together. I love my wife very much, but sometimes i have doubts that i will never get over this.

We have been going to a marriage counceller, for 5 months now, and i still feel this way.

Our sex live has not been so good for the past 3 years, because she has been on anti-depressants, and she said it was a side effect of the drugs, a lack of sex drive. Now she is off the drugs, and still nothing has changed. We sleep together maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks

I feel like i am the one who has to accept all kinds of things and she just gets away with saying, "this is just the way it is !! "

My wife has always been very sentimantal about all kinds of things, and has cried in weddings, reading obituaries, reading sad books and so on.

But i somehow feel that she doesn´t feel bad about what happened at all.

I have cried about this and told her my feelings, but she tells me she tries not to think about what happened.

I feel that she doesn´t show "enough" remorse....

Am i crazy ?

Is it possible to get over these kind of things ??

Somebody please help me, because i feel like i am getting depressed over this whole thing....

How can i cope with this ?

Is this going to be like this forever?

How do I trust my wife again ?

 

My mind is filled with questions, and I cant answer any one of them.....

Quote From: mrmorpheus

I hope someone can help me with this.

Here is my story.....

 

Me and my wife have been living together for 12 years, and have we have 2 kids. Our realationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but somehow we have made it work. About 6 months ago we had a huge fight,and it was just the last straw for me, so i moved out. We tried to talk in the next 2 weeks but somehow always ended up arguing in front of the kids, because she was so angry that i moved out. She shifted from trying to get me to move back in, and two days later, she said she would take the house and all conversations would go through a lawyer. And then again a few days later she wanted me to move back in, and another 2 or 3 days later everything changed again, she would keep the house, and i could keep the depts and so on.....  I told her that I didn´t want to move back in,  unless somethings would change, and then we would start arguing again. I told her that we obviously couldn´t discuss anything, so i told her what i wanted..... that we would  try NOT to talk about exactly this matter for maybe 2 or 3 weeks, and just think about what we would like to do in our relationship. I wanted to set a date and then we would meet and discuss our things, whether to sell our flat, or try to fix our marriage, because we just couldn´t talk together with all this anger involved. On one occasion, two weeks after I moved out, I came to my home at night when the kids were sleeping, ( i rented a small flat when I moved out) and we tried to talk. That night we both became a bit emotional, shared our feelings and ended up having sex, but later that night I went to my rented flat.

I took our sons almost every day and shared the weekends with them after i moved out, but they couldn´t sleep over, because I had no furniture no beds for them.  But on the weekend of the fourth week, I took my sons and we all stayed at my fathers house and we spent the weekend there.

 

Here comes the main part of my story.....

 

I have a friend from the past who used to be a good friend of me and my wife, but me and him had a big disagreement many years ago and so we ended our friendship there. But my wife has sort of always contacted him when she and I have had a big fight, and then they would meet and talk about things. She always told me and she also knew of my disapproval of this.

4 weeks after we broke up ( on a monday) i spoke with my wife, and asked her why she always contacted my ex-friend ( Lets call him X ) when we had our fights. ( I did not know she had contacted him after I moved out, but I somehow suspected it ) She got defensive, and told me it was none of my business, since we had broken up and i moved out. She could contact whoever she liked. We spoke together for the next 3 days about our marriage, and i told her that i loved very much and told her all the feelings i had for her and needed her in my life, etc etc and she felt the same way,but she told me that she propably blew any chance of us being together. When i asked her why, she told me she slept with X, on last friday night.( The same weekend my boys stayed with me at my fathers house)  She went out to dinner with people from work , had been drinking the whole night, and X was calling her, and later that night she went to his place. They sat at his place and drank two bottles of wine, and ended up having sex. She told me that she felt bad about it right away, and she stopped in the middle of the progress. She told me that she was thinking about us and our sex life at the time because she felt that it was "bad" sex she was having, and she felt like she was cheating on me.

I asked about details, but she tells me she has told me everything about how it happened.

She said that, he was lousy in bed, had a small "fellow", and they quit in the middle of it.

( I just feel that she told me this, because it is propably best for me to know it like this, because its the "best" of the "worst" ) I mean, who quits in the middle of sex ??   I will propably never know the truth for that matter.

I told her that i would like to get over this, and try to work out our proplems, even though she had done this, but things would have to change. I also told her that i dont want the anger to take control of me because of what happened. I know that it would be really easy just to walk away and call her names, and get on with my life, but i dont want to take the "easy" way out, i want to make this work.

I told her, that in order to do so, things would have to change, especially in showing our emotions, and also regarding our intimacy.

She has broken all contacts with X, and he is no longer in our lives.

The proplem is this.

Even though she told me that she "felt" like she was cheating, she says that she wasn´t, because i moved out and our relationship was over. Even though we had a lot of issues that were not resolved, she feels this way.

I feel extremely bad about that she has had sex with another man, but somehow i feel that she doesn´t realise what she did.

I feel like my heart is going to explode, i think about this a lot, and i cant seem to get the image out of my head of them together. I love my wife very much, but sometimes i have doubts that i will never get over this.

We have been going to a marriage counceller, for 5 months now, and i still feel this way.

Our sex live has not been so good for the past 3 years, because she has been on anti-depressants, and she said it was a side effect of the drugs, a lack of sex drive. Now she is off the drugs, and still nothing has changed. We sleep together maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks

I feel like i am the one who has to accept all kinds of things and she just gets away with saying, "this is just the way it is !! "

My wife has always been very sentimantal about all kinds of things, and has cried in weddings, reading obituaries, reading sad books and so on.

But i somehow feel that she doesn´t feel bad about what happened at all.

I have cried about this and told her my feelings, but she tells me she tries not to think about what happened.

I feel that she doesn´t show "enough" remorse....

Am i crazy ?

Is it possible to get over these kind of things ??

Somebody please help me, because i feel like i am getting depressed over this whole thing....

How can i cope with this ?

Is this going to be like this forever?

How do I trust my wife again ?

 

My mind is filled with questions, and I cant answer any one of them.....

Quote From: mrmorpheus

I hope someone can help me with this.

Here is my story.....

 

Me and my wife have been living together for 12 years, and have we have 2 kids. Our realationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but somehow we have made it work. About 6 months ago we had a huge fight,and it was just the last straw for me, so i moved out. We tried to talk in the next 2 weeks but somehow always ended up arguing in front of the kids, because she was so angry that i moved out. She shifted from trying to get me to move back in, and two days later, she said she would take the house and all conversations would go through a lawyer. And then again a few days later she wanted me to move back in, and another 2 or 3 days later everything changed again, she would keep the house, and i could keep the depts and so on.....  I told her that I didn´t want to move back in,  unless somethings would change, and then we would start arguing again. I told her that we obviously couldn´t discuss anything, so i told her what i wanted..... that we would  try NOT to talk about exactly this matter for maybe 2 or 3 weeks, and just think about what we would like to do in our relationship. I wanted to set a date and then we would meet and discuss our things, whether to sell our flat, or try to fix our marriage, because we just couldn´t talk together with all this anger involved. On one occasion, two weeks after I moved out, I came to my home at night when the kids were sleeping, ( i rented a small flat when I moved out) and we tried to talk. That night we both became a bit emotional, shared our feelings and ended up having sex, but later that night I went to my rented flat.

I took our sons almost every day and shared the weekends with them after i moved out, but they couldn´t sleep over, because I had no furniture no beds for them.  But on the weekend of the fourth week, I took my sons and we all stayed at my fathers house and we spent the weekend there.

 

Here comes the main part of my story.....

 

I have a friend from the past who used to be a good friend of me and my wife, but me and him had a big disagreement many years ago and so we ended our friendship there. But my wife has sort of always contacted him when she and I have had a big fight, and then they would meet and talk about things. She always told me and she also knew of my disapproval of this.

4 weeks after we broke up ( on a monday) i spoke with my wife, and asked her why she always contacted my ex-friend ( Lets call him X ) when we had our fights. ( I did not know she had contacted him after I moved out, but I somehow suspected it ) She got defensive, and told me it was none of my business, since we had broken up and i moved out. She could contact whoever she liked. We spoke together for the next 3 days about our marriage, and i told her that i loved very much and told her all the feelings i had for her and needed her in my life, etc etc and she felt the same way,but she told me that she propably blew any chance of us being together. When i asked her why, she told me she slept with X, on last friday night.( The same weekend my boys stayed with me at my fathers house)  She went out to dinner with people from work , had been drinking the whole night, and X was calling her, and later that night she went to his place. They sat at his place and drank two bottles of wine, and ended up having sex. She told me that she felt bad about it right away, and she stopped in the middle of the progress. She told me that she was thinking about us and our sex life at the time because she felt that it was "bad" sex she was having, and she felt like she was cheating on me.

I asked about details, but she tells me she has told me everything about how it happened.

She said that, he was lousy in bed, had a small "fellow", and they quit in the middle of it.

( I just feel that she told me this, because it is propably best for me to know it like this, because its the "best" of the "worst" ) I mean, who quits in the middle of sex ??   I will propably never know the truth for that matter.

I told her that i would like to get over this, and try to work out our proplems, even though she had done this, but things would have to change. I also told her that i dont want the anger to take control of me because of what happened. I know that it would be really easy just to walk away and call her names, and get on with my life, but i dont want to take the "easy" way out, i want to make this work.

I told her, that in order to do so, things would have to change, especially in showing our emotions, and also regarding our intimacy.

She has broken all contacts with X, and he is no longer in our lives.

The proplem is this.

Even though she told me that she "felt" like she was cheating, she says that she wasn´t, because i moved out and our relationship was over. Even though we had a lot of issues that were not resolved, she feels this way.

I feel extremely bad about that she has had sex with another man, but somehow i feel that she doesn´t realise what she did.

I feel like my heart is going to explode, i think about this a lot, and i cant seem to get the image out of my head of them together. I love my wife very much, but sometimes i have doubts that i will never get over this.

We have been going to a marriage counceller, for 5 months now, and i still feel this way.

Our sex live has not been so good for the past 3 years, because she has been on anti-depressants, and she said it was a side effect of the drugs, a lack of sex drive. Now she is off the drugs, and still nothing has changed. We sleep together maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks

I feel like i am the one who has to accept all kinds of things and she just gets away with saying, "this is just the way it is !! "

My wife has always been very sentimantal about all kinds of things, and has cried in weddings, reading obituaries, reading sad books and so on.

But i somehow feel that she doesn´t feel bad about what happened at all.

I have cried about this and told her my feelings, but she tells me she tries not to think about what happened.

I feel that she doesn´t show "enough" remorse....

Am i crazy ?

Is it possible to get over these kind of things ??

Somebody please help me, because i feel like i am getting depressed over this whole thing....

How can i cope with this ?

Is this going to be like this forever?

How do I trust my wife again ?

 

My mind is filled with questions, and I cant answer any one of them.....

Quote From: nikki52006

Hi I would like some good advice.

 

I am 22 years of age and  my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me some months ago.

 

It has taken me a long time to get over what he did to me, it hurt alot but I finally now am at the point where i have new friends and my own life back.

 

I have started seeing my ex again and he has started talking about maybe getting back together.

When he cheated the relationship was on the rocks and i do admit that, we were hardly talking, having sex or being normal, however i in no way see what he did as being ok.

 

He has apologised for what he did on numerous times, and I am starting to get emotinally attached to this man once again. I constantly question if we did get back together would it work out, and would he do it again.

 

I have read Dr. Phils' questions on infidelity and the most important one which asks, would i be able to emointally get my life back together or would i be bankrupt. At this point in time looking if i did go back in that relationship i think i could. But is it worth it?

 

He is older, ready to settle down, as am i, but i am alot younger and if he did do this to me again I would be able to get on with my life far easier than he could.

 

What would you do if you were in my situation. All I can do is feel to follow my heart. I know there are pleantly of "fish in the sea" however I am sick of waiting for somebody to come along who I think may never come along at all. I have a great time with this man everytime we go out and I am very confused at my feelings. I always said if he ever did this to me I could never take him back, but after all of that I am contemplating doing just that!

 

Any advice?

 

Quote From: crazyone

I have never done this before, but I have been struggling to deal with affairs I discovered over the last  year or so.  My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have three small children.  I discovered the affair when I went to the doctor for what I thought was a bladder infection.  As it turns out, it wasn't.  It wasn't anything.  I got to talking with my OB about the fact that my husband had recently been to the Dr. because of pain from his vasectomy.  Not the case.  My Ob asked me to get permission from my husband to "cross examine" our symptoms and to take a look at his medical records.  I asked, he agreed (not very smart is he?)  My OB informed my that my husband tested positive for chlamydia.  I was pissed to say the least.  Actually I was hysterical and confronted him.  It was a HUGE, ugly blowout.  He admitted to the affair.  Thankfully, I did NOT test positive and we (my OB & myself) chalked it up to God working in mysterious ways.  Anyway, I was and am devastated.  He ended the affair which was with an old classmate he reconnected with after a "reunion get together".  I had suspicions about a couple of other women prior to finding this out, and I begged and pleaded with him to be honest with me about any other affairs.  I later found out that he lied to my face and swore up & down that there was no one else.  I was not about to believe anything that came out of his mouth.  My terms for trying to move forward, were that he was to disclose to me any and all physical contact with anyone from the date of our marriage.  He had to write everything down and include all details as this information would be taken to a polygrapher and used to determine his honesty.  He complied and disclosed one other affair and at least two other inappropriate relationships that did not include sex.  We took that information to the polygrapher and he still failed his test miserably.  He of course is adamant that the test was incorrect and still stands by his answers as being truthful.  It has been about eight months since the test, we are still together but I don't believe him for obvious reasons.  He has done an about face and has been kissing my rear for the past year to year an a half and trying to make me believe his sincerity.  I battle with loving him and really desiring to make our marriage work, and hating his freaking guts.  I can't get the images out of my head, I have become obsessed with the issue and I get crazy at times and and just want to turn and walk away.  I am torn.  I do love him and he says he loves me and he is sorry.   I honestly don't think he is sorry enough and I wonder why I am willing to even try to forgive and get past this.  I don't understand how you could do this to someone you love.  To me it doesn't seem possible.  I have literally thrown up from the stress and the thought of him having sex with someone else.  Is there something wrong with me?  If any of my girlfriends had come to me and told me this about their relationship, I would have said "dump his undeserving ass and move on!"  Why can't I muster up enough self respect to do that for myself?!  I have not told any of my friends or my family.  I don't want people to know how humiliated I am and I don't want to be judged for whatever decision I do make.  That also leaves in the unfavorable position of not having anyone outside of my therapist to talk to you or lean on.  I also have financial dilemmas. I stay at home with my children and don't have an income.  I just don't know if I should stay and try to work it out or if I should walk.  HELP!!!!!!!