Topic : Cheated On

Why does he want to be married to her! I think he is trying to "save" her. She is so controlling and manipulative. it's a very sick relationship. I also think that she has made him feel so bad about himself that he doesn't think he could find someone better to be with. They have been separated twice and he has started filing for divorce twice. He always takes her back. Now, my husband did not know about the other affairs she had. This all came out at the same time. She lied to him as well as her husband(surprise,surprise). She was actually with other guys during the same time period my husband and her were screwing around. He actually felt betrayed. As for what you said about my husband being weak, I think most men are weak. they were going to school together,had gotten to know eachother. I trusted him 200 %. (it makes me sick that he wasn't sneaking around. I knew he was with her!!!!) I thought they stayed aftr class and "studied". Anyway. I hate thinking about it. I get so sad. My husband was at what was probably the lowest point in his life. He had lost his job and benefits, we were being asked to leave our house because we were having our third child and the landlord did not want three kids in a two bedroom. We were financially struggling and it seemed like eveyone around us was going places. The stress was really taking a toll on our marriage. there were rumors going around about why he lost his job. some were true. Needless to say we were really discouraged.  I knew we would get through it. I didn't realize how much he just stopped caring. about everything. even his family and marriage. He confided in her about our problems and she just took him right in. How sweet of her! She was the one that initiated the whole thing. She saw he was weak. they were "studying" and she dared him to kiss her. Are we in high school? He thought it was harmless and told himself that it wouldn't go any farther or happen again. but of course, it did. Why do men turn to someone else when their having problems? I don't understand that. And why is it usually when we are at or weakest. When he kissed her i had been home just a couple days from the hospital from having our baby. Unbelievable. It makes me sick to, to look back on all those nights they were at school together. And where was I? At home. Where he can always find me. Taking care of our kids and home. So anyways, I'm still working on some issues I have. But seeing the change that has taken place in my husband has really helped. He's realized that he needs to change his behaivor around women and not be so flirty and friendly. just polite. He's realized that it starts with little things that lead to bigger badder things.  He's gotta grow up! We both know what we need to do to make our lives better. and we're doing pretty good. i know a lot of people that post on here believe in counseling. but we are doing well without it and think that sometimes it can just complicate things even more. Well I wasn't really planning on telling that much of my story. but  i feel better for doing so. Any feelings or opinions are welcome.

You may have a dangerous attitude in thinking that men in general are prone to cheat. You and I both know it takes 2 to cheat, so that means that there's a woman involved. I will say this though, if a married man is interested in a single woman he will be more likely to pass himself off as single to have sex with her, whereas most women tend to tell the truth about their marital status if they are married and cheating with a single guy.

Be that as it may, if you believe that your husband is open to cheating just because he's a man, you are relating to him as a parent, or some sort of authoritarian to an immature person. With this sort of attitude you could be giving him the impression that you expect this sort of behavior, and thus drive him away.

He is fully capable of showing fidelity, but whether or not he does is up to him. It's a question of what you two want in a marriage, what you expect from each other, and the strength of your regard and respect for each other and yourselves.

I think your BIL is in over his head. His wife needs the kind of help he is not trained to give.  The cost of his wishing to help his wife with his love is his self-esteem and his peace of mind. It may also cost him the relationship with his brother and the rest of the family. If I were in his shoes, I would insist to his wife that she get some therapy for herself, and some marital counseling with him, or a divorce is looming, If she refuses, the writing is on the wall.

I'm going to be gone for an indeterminant amont of time. Hubby and I are moving cross-country (again!) and I'll be off the boards.

I apologize to anybody that had further questions or concerns.

In the meantime, be kind to each other.

my girlfriend and i have been together for six years. she told me that she was sleeping with another man for the past two mounths. i am willing to give her another chance but on several conditons one condition is that she take a polygragh to show the she is truely being honest with me. she said she would hate me if i had her take the polygraph. that i should take her word thate it was only this one guy and that was all there is to it. what should i do. i love her very much but do i live with her hate or my conscience.

I've recently discovered that my partner cheated on me when I was 3 months pregnant. He went to what I thought was a friend's wedding. Turns out he was going as another girl's date. They ended up having sex in the restaurant bathroom (how classy.) and she got pregnant also. It apparently only happened the once.

My partner has had nothing to do with either her or the baby (now 7 months old).

My issue is that I cannot get past this betrayal. Any time he doesn't answer his phone at work, or is cagey about who he had lunch with, I immediately suspect that he's screwing around on me again.

The other woman and I have been in contact (and are even "friends"' on Facebook!) just because she and I will have to make a decision down the track as to whether to tell our children they have a sibling.

I found all this out when my daughter was 4 months old (6 months ago) and I just can't stop being upset by it.

How do I get the grief out of my system so that my partner and I can move on and have a trusting relationship again?

COME ON WOMAN!!!!  ARE WOMEN THAT BLIND!!! You might as well let him beat you verbally and physically, I have read through a couple of these Cheater Stories and let me tell you I have had enough!!! What makes you think that you can't do it alone? I might be able to see the 28 years hard to let go, your just used to him, but enough is enough don't you think, stop degrading yourself,  if your daughter was being treated like that how would you feel? especially if you caught him!! Have you forgotten your vows? His Vows? I have never seen you before But let me tell you something...

 

You are a beautiful woman that doesn't need a man to tell her or to make her feel like a beautiful free woman, there is so much out there in this world that you need to see and be apart of!!! Life is tough but just take a deep deep breath and embrace it!!  don't be scared of it, women who get cheated on and forgive their cheating husbands do not get any where in life only head aches and heart aches.

 

You said your children are out of the house even better, Go shopping, get your hair done your toes done Show your beautiful body off because obviously husband is too busy to even look at you, so don't do it for him but yourself and i promise you someone will give you that... ' WOW' look, and hey then it might just be your turn to do on to others as they do you....

 

I don't want to say your giving us woman a bad name but don't be weak, Men are no better than woman, on the contrary Woman can have babies and go through more pain than man so we are stronger, take that strength and make it into something, be happy for your life because its the only life you have...

 

Jessica

El Paso,TX

Can you please tell me why women insist on being with CHEATING MEN? do you have some kind of disease? are you sick and dying? your not going to have a trusting relationship again, so keep doing it to yourself keep torchering yourself... cause you obviously like it... its obvious he cheated, that he stuck his P**** in some other woman, its obvious he will always have that bond with that other woman...

 

come on women are better than that just please stop and move on no matter how hard it is, yeah you might want your kid to have a father but what about your heart and thoughts and morals, what are you teaching your kid, that its okay to cheat you'll just forgive and be miserable for the rest of your life...

If she is not willing to take a polygragh then she probably isn't telling you the whole truth. If she had nothing to hide then it wouldn't be a problem. Like Dr. Phil says, for every rat you see, theres 50 you don't. I think that is a pretty acurate stetement. When i found out about my husband he came clean with about 10 other things that he had done with other woman. If you need her to take one to have peace of mind,she should be willing to do anything it takes! She broke the trust. Now she needs to rebuild it.

You actually think that I LIKE being in this situation?!

Thank you so much for your compassion. I was hoping for something a little more constructive.

how did you handle that. did you work through it or was it over. i have never truely loved anyone before and i opened my hart to her and was honest with her every day and we told each other that if we were ever unhappy we would just leave each other and not play games. i truely believed her. in her past relationships she was cheated on and did not want to put anyone else through that. i have come to find out that she was the one that cheated in all the relationships either first or after she found out he was. our relationship has had its ups and downs and i have been 100% honest with her and i have proof for i take polygraphs every six mounths and and they ask about my relationships and i have past everyone of them. and i have told her that i have. but she still accuses me of cheating on her. i know we have a long road ahead of us. she needs to find out what her core needs are and set up a relapse prevention plan to help her in the future. i have tried to teach her  RP and the 4-step many of times but she feels that she can do it on her own.    thanks for letting me vent a little it has been hard at time but i have a good suport group of friends and family but sometimes i just need an out side opinion.  tahnks