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Topic : 03/21 When In-Laws Cross the Line

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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 12:00:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/19/06) Bloody attacks, arrests, mug shots and undercover stings -- sounds like life in a rough part of town, but this is what happens when some in-law conflicts go too far! Maria and her 73-year-old mother-in-law, Catherine, came to blows over their disagreements, landing Maria in jail. Maria's husband, Ted, is tired of being in the middle and wants his mom to change her ways. Why does Catherine say it's not her fault? Can these women learn to drop their fists and get along? Then, follow a chilling true-crime story that made headlines across the nation and destroyed a family. Karen says her in-laws attempted to hire a hit man to kill her, her children and even the family dog, and the whole encounter was caught on tape! How can she and her children overcome this life-changing event? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 19, 2006, 7:20 am CDT

fighting inlaws are the least of the worries for one family

I KNOW THIS IS ABOUT THE FIRST SEGMENT OF THE SHOW, BUT THIS IS FOR THE SECOND PART, THE WOMAN, WHO'S INLAWS PUT A HIT ON HER FAMILY.....ABOUT 10 YRS AGO, MY MOTHERS BF STARTED TO MOLEST ME, IT HER RELATIONSHIP LASTED FOR ABOUT 7 YRS....A COUPLE OF DAYS AFTER I TURNED 14 HE RAPED ME, IT WAS A MONTH AFTER HE RAPED ME, THAT HE AND MY MOTHER BROKE UP, ALL THIS HAPPENED W/O MY MOM KNOWING...WE WENT TO COURT IN FRONT OF A JURY, THE SHORT END OF THE STICK, IS THAT HE GOT AWAY WITH THIS, AND JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, A LADY CALLED ME AND IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH HER GRANDKIDS, HE IS SICK, NO ONE CHOOSES TO GO THROUGH THEIR TORMENT!!....MY COMMENT TO THE MOTHER IS, PLEASE LET YOUR DAUGHTER KNOW THAT ALTHOUGH RIGHT NOW SEEMS LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD, SWEETHEART, IT'S NOT, I PERSONALLY KNOW, WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR LIFE, RIGHT NOW YOU MAY FEEL HELPLESS, AND WORTHLESS, BUT IT'S NOT YOU THAT SHOULD FEEL THAT WAY, THE PEOPLE THAT DO THIS TO HELPLESS CHILDREN SHOULD FEEL LIKE THAT!!...NOT US....DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT TO DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION, I DIDN'T GO TO THEARPY, BUT WHEN I WAS READY, I STARTED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN!!..I PRAY FOR YOU, AND HOPE THAT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR TRIAL HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH SENSE TO CONVICT THOSE THAT HARM ANYONE!!!!!!!!

 
September 19, 2006, 7:38 am CDT

09/19 When In-Laws Cross the Line

Quote From: pombal

I have been married for 3.5 years and I love my husband dearly, and that is why I am hoping to get help so that I can learn to peacefully co-exist with my in-laws. Initially, I was the "hand-picked" daughter-in-law, when I was "set up" with my now husband. Everything changed when the wedding approached. My mother-in-law is a control freak, because her siblings, husband and sons have let her have her way all her life. I came from a home where I saw my mom's feelings and opinions trampled on when it came to my dad's family because of the way she appeased everything. My dad finally realized that my mom's opinion's mattered and their relationship is so much healthier now than it was before. I want a healthy family based on my husband and I, and eventually our kids. 

I feel that the problem with my MIL is that she has no experience being a DIL and her mother was a very toxic person when it came to her DILs. My husband's grandmother babysat her daughter's children (son's children had to find a sitter), and was demeaning to her DILs on various levels. In addition, my MIL's MIL met her once overseas before she died and they were only together for a couple of weeks. She never knew how it was to be a DIL. In turn, I hear my MIL blame all of her extended family's problems on ILs. On several occasions, I have heard her blame her nephews' teenage pregnancies, divorces, and mental issues on her ILs. She even blames her sister-in-law for her nephew being gay, because once she bought him expensive leather gloves! Yet, when she gets together with them she is so two-faced. The problem is that I see the same thing creeping into our relationship. I have caught her on several occasions talking about me behind my back when she does not notice that I walk in. Despite the fact that my budgeting managed to pay off our mortgage in 3 years, she thinks that I "waste" her "son's" money because I dress well and buy my husband nice clothes (usually outlet, wholesale, sale, or a gift from my parents) and keep a nice home. Although, she does not have the guts to tell me what is bothering her directly, she does make bitting remarks when my husband is not around. Everything became 100 times worse when my husband's brother moved to the same city. He is a mooch that uses his friends (so he lost them) and relationships until they are no longer useful. When I refused to have him over for dinner as often (he came at least once a week) because of his attitudes and so many problems that I do not have time to discuss, she got upset. When my husband and I told her our concerns, she called ME a lier and said that I was the worse thing that ever entered into her family. I cried for a week, especially after all of the time that I spent doing things for her, bitting my tongue, and generally being nice. She since admitted that the things that we were concerned about were true, but never apologized. Instead she said that my husband's younger brother was young, and that we should just ignore all of the hell he puts us through, but heaven forbid we see him less! In the end, she rewarded my BIL with the down payment on the apartment they bought for him (when we bought our house, she gave us a BBQ). She manipulates to get her way with everything. She hated my BIL girlfriend that he was mooching off of, so if the down-payment wasn't enough, she assumed the $90000 mortgage on his apartment and the girl was dumped the next week. She has run her family using a system of guilt and manipulation all of her life. She still does it. Sometimes she gets in these distant moods and she won't let us know why, but the backstabbing is usually flying. My husband defends me quite often, but I have caught him lying about his brother and mother (covering for them) so many times "so I won't think badly of them." When I ask him why, the standard reply is "I don't know." My MIL manipulates my husband into "being a good brother" and he feels obliged to spend time with him even though he is poison in our relationship. In the end, I need help diffusing this constant tension. I love my husband, but I am tired of being manipulated, controlled and put down. Does anyone have any advice for me? thanks for listening

I wish there was some magic to perform. I'm on my second marriage. The second set of nut jobs. The first set of in-laws I was to young and in experienced to cope. They died and the problem ended. My now Father-In-Law blames all his crazy ways on his mental health. My MIL passed a couple of years ago and it wasn't untill the last couple of years that we learned to like eachother. My FIL is just plain nuts. Everytime he does or says anything stupid we just look at eachother, my husband I and say "How many years could he possibly have left?" It's not worth the agrivation. It won't go away. So long as no one is in physical danger let it go. Also, just for a laugh, every so often I remind my FIL there are places for people like him. I could easily find the perfect rubber room  and straight jacket to match. He gets so mad and I laugh a evil laugh.
 
September 19, 2006, 7:44 am CDT

Catherine is SOOOO full of it!

Don't believe a single word that comes out of this "sweet, Christian, southern" woman's mouth.  This lady is my ex-mother-in-law through and through!  She had everybody believing she was a nice, wonderful human being; a year before I left her son she tried to kick me in the stomach and cause me to miscarry my daughter.  All because we said something she didn't agree with, and it was so minor I don't even remember what it was!  Catherine is not a sweet lady; I could see venom and hate seeping through every pore.  She just takes advantage of her "little old lady" facade to make people go "Aww, poor thing."  She's so full of it, if you watch her leave she'll leave brown footprints.  I ain't buying it.
 
September 19, 2006, 7:56 am CDT

Restraining orders

The last woman on today's show demonstrates why the first MIL, and yesterday's Jessica, need to stop wasting the police's time and the tax-payer's money with these frivolous restraining orders over scratches and  idle "threats".  Thank God the last family was saved and the police hadn't been too busy investigating, "She shoved me and I spilled my coffee," cases.

 

These attention getting 911 calls have become a real problem in our small community.  We don't have enough law enforcers to be going out over every family tiff, just so someone can tell her firiends, "Oh so-and-s- was so awful; I had to get a restraining order." 

 Please!  We're on to you.

 
September 19, 2006, 8:39 am CDT

Help!My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage!

My husband and I have been married for almost three years now and he was 30 and never married before when we met.  His mom has always been like a wife to him.  Makes all his decisions about EVERTHING!  Even before we were married she has nosed her way into our business.  My husband has always said she is just trying to help but I want her out of all the decision making because we are adults and make our own decisions.  This has caused us to seek marriage counceling and his brother and his spouse are also seeking counseling due to nosy ,medeling mother-in-law.  I feel as though my husband and his mother are the ones married and I am the third wheel.  Decisions are always made behind my back, loans are taken out with her and my husbands name on them and I am lied to about it by both of them, and frankly I don't want her knowing how much money we have and what it's spent on because she voices her opinion everytime we buy something new and I have never asked her for a dime. I tell my husband it is her way of being in control by being in the middle of everything we do and he just doesn't see it.  She recently said some horrible awful things to me and about me to the whole town and I wont speak to her.  This fued has been going on for a couple of months now and my husband just keeps on being buddy buddy with her and I wan't him to tell her she is wrong , stay out of our business, don't give your opinion until it's asked for, appologize to me for the nasty way she treated me, and tell her he is on my side, not hers, but he just won't do it because he is so afraid of hurting her feelings.  Nevermind my feelings, let's protect her and let our marriage go down the drain.  I am just tired of them being a team and I am the enemy.  I don't know how to get my husband to tell her off and be on my side.

 
September 19, 2006, 8:42 am CDT

When IN_LAWS CROSS THE LINE

I can totaly understand this situation with the mother in-law.  Mine is a doosy!  She is one thing to her church family and others but behind the backs of everyone she has a judgmental comment about everything.  And her way is the right way.  When my husband asked me to marry him, the first place we went was to his house to tell his mother and father, the first question out of her mouth was do you have to get married.  First big clue.  Then after our sons were born she told me that if anything ever happened between my husband and myself that she would get my children.......we've been married 25 years this year and she is now 78, and still very much like your mother in-law the drama queen and wants all attention .
 
September 19, 2006, 8:54 am CDT

Inlaws & outlaws

I have to ask Gram why she did have any ownership in what happened...even Dr Phil was letting her know in a nice way {she}as GOD as My witness GRANNY  TOO needs HELP...I was waiting for GOD to strike her dead right there for lying like a old southern {bleep}....and I love that the other daughter was whining from her seat y'all are attacking MOM...makeing her look bad...NO HUN MOM did that all by herself...!!!!

Let me tell ya granny...when someone tells you to leave there home LEAVE....they are her children NOT YOURS.....cause where did it get you....NO GRAND KIDS....!!!! what did you gain?

you think the grand kids are gonna grow up and Love you for having Mom arrested!!!! Duhhhhh

 
September 19, 2006, 9:17 am CDT

I can relate

 I've always had a decent repore with my inlaws until my husband passed away in January of this year. We were married 13 years. After his death, my mother in law spewed venom about me and our marriage to anyone who would listen. I have cut all ties with her and my sister in law and her family as well. The rumors and accusations are still flying around out there, and I felt it was unhealthy to subject my children ages 12 & 13 to them. We are better off without them in our lives. If I could move away, I would.
 
September 19, 2006, 10:39 am CDT

I needed that!!

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I just wanted to let you know that for different reasons I keep my 3 boys away from my mother in law but you have got to do whats best for you're children!!! I feel you are right and JUSTIFIED in the choice you've made. STAY STRONG!
I just want to thank you so much! My husband supprots but doesn't support my decision to this mess! I want to Thank you cause I really needed that! I do have an email address if you would like to share stories, cause there is a lot more of stuff his family has done that I do need to get off my chest! it is martinsonmommyca@lycos.com please email me anytime! and again THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
 
September 19, 2006, 10:55 am CDT

my dad's mother

hit my mom in front of us when i was 6 and my brother 8. we never saw her again until i was an adult and will never like her.  she is evil through and through. my dad never stood up for himself or anyone else but he did tell her to get out and never come back. we didn't miss not having her in our lives.

 
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