Topic : 03/21 When In-Laws Cross the Line

Quote From: kaysquare

I have known women like Catherine....self-righteous and phoney as a three dollar bill.  I'm not all too sure I believed every single word that Marie said, but I know I don't believe much of what Catherine claims.  Those two women will never be able to settle their differences, because Catherine simply cannot admit she's lying....in her own mind, she's probably sure she tells the truth, "as God is her witness"....what a load of BS.   Dr.Phil believes there's no love like a Grandmother's love.....I've got news for him, some Grandmothers just don't understand what real love is.  They want love only on their own terms & under their control.  I think Catherine is one of those, & the love she gives her grandchildren isn't healthy.   Her act is a scam.

Quote From: kaysquare

I have known women like Catherine....self-righteous and phoney as a three dollar bill.  I'm not all too sure I believed every single word that Marie said, but I know I don't believe much of what Catherine claims.  Those two women will never be able to settle their differences, because Catherine simply cannot admit she's lying....in her own mind, she's probably sure she tells the truth, "as God is her witness"....what a load of BS.   Dr.Phil believes there's no love like a Grandmother's love.....I've got news for him, some Grandmothers just don't understand what real love is.  They want love only on their own terms & under their control.  I think Catherine is one of those, & the love she gives her grandchildren isn't healthy.   Her act is a scam.

Quote From: renwigg

Right away, I'll say that I can tell that Mom-in-law in this case is clearly not the easiest person in the world to get along with. I also have some very difficult in-laws who have used the We-are-fine-Southern-folk on me. That said, I can totally identify with Maria's frustration. But even so--is anyone else completely horrified that a 29 year old woman would savagely rip apart a 72 year old woman's arm? Does any sort of annoyance justify such a brutal attack? Maria's justification that she felt that she and her children were being threatened is outrageous. "Threatened" by the elderly grandmother that Maria admittedly adores the grandchildren and is herself adored by them? Also--was it or was it not brought up that Maria has repeatedly thrown things around the house and physically assaulted her husband?

 

She sounds to me like a woman who has a severe and violent temper and was justly prosecuted. I was very dissapointed by Dr. Phil's criticisms of the decision to prosecute Maria. Frankly, I have on many occassion found my in-law's behavior to be very rude and/or unfair. But I wouldn't dream of savagely attacking my MIL like some sort of wild animal would!!

Quote From: loom34

I wonder if you ever spoke to the girlfriend's parents who asked their daughter to leave prior to moving in or after she was there?  Could you see red flags with this situation and perhaps there was a reason they asked their daughter to leave.

 

If she were eighteen, I don't know how you feel you were stuck with her.  You were not legally responsible for her and she was a high school graduate that could have supported herself if she needed to do so.  Also, you son is equally responsible for her pregnancy even if you feel she did this on purpose.

 

I wonder how long it will be before her own parents decide they can't handle her behavior.  However, there is a child involved in this situation now which makes this more complicated. 

 

You appear to be treated with disrespect because you enabled it to start and continue.  To heal might mean distancing yourself from the situation.  I would be grateful the prosecutor is going to drop the charges at this point.  Concerns would be for the grandchild with your son and girlfriend as parents.  Again, you are probably grateful that you are not going to have to go to court for Domestic charges.

 

Quote From: loom34

Actually, both parties in this situation acted pretty insane.  But you can't go back and they seem to be moving forward with counseling help.  One thing that either could not do if they severe the relationship and that is to forgive each other.  Forgiveness is important in every relationship since we are capable of mistakes. 

Quote From: boandenise

I can somewhat understand what you are going through. I went through a similar situation 2 years ago right after my son was born. 

 

My husband and I got pregnant right when I was graduating high school and he still had a year left. We got married and i moved in with his family. Everything was fine until my son was born. I felt that my mother-in-law was trying to tell me how to raise my son and i resented her for it. After 2 months we maoved out and went to live with my parents. It was fine at first, then things just got out of hand. After four months, they were ready for us to move out. We started lokking for a place to rent and was having a little difficulty. Then one day we come home to find that they had changed the locks on us and were kicking us out. While we were moving our stuff out my dad called the police on us. So, we decided to cut off all ties to them and they did not see us for 6 months and that was only for our family Christmas dinner. We didn't start socializing with them for another 3 or 4 months after that. And now a year later, i have never been as close to my parents or to my in-laws. So, it can get better and i hope it does.

 

By the way, we found an apartment that day after we were kicked out and now we are living in our own home.

 

Also, as a grandparent, you have visitation rights. Look into getting court ordered visitations so you can at least see your grandchild.

 

Another thing, one thing you said disturbed me. You said that "our worst nightmare happened-she got pregnant. Realize that your are calling your grandchild a nightmare. I would never say the my son was a mistake, he was a surprise.

 

 

 

 

Quote From: loom34

Looking for some real advice:

 

http://www.support4change.com/relationships/letgo/9/27.html

 

Above is a link to "Letting Go Of Adult Children."  It has some good suggestion that you might find helpful.  It doesn't speak directly to your situation, but it does have some parts that you may relate to.

 

Quote From: sa_dias

SOUTHERN LADIES HAVE KNOWN HOW TO PUT A SPIN ON A STORY FOR DECADES. THE OLDER THEY GET THE BETTER THEY ARE TO BE BELIEVABLE. THEY COUNT ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS TO BELIEVE THEIR LIES.

 

DR. PHIL KNOWS THAT,  AND TO DIRECTLY CONFRONT THIS WOMAN WHO WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO TELLING THE LIES THAT SHE HAS BEEN ACCUSED, WOULD BE FUTILE. ON NATIONAL TV THIS WOMAN WOULD NOT ADMIT TO ANY WRONG DOING, AND SHE DIDN'T. IN HER MIND IT WAS BETTER TO COME AND DEFEND HER LIES SHE TOLD THAN NOT COME AND ALLOW THE TRUTH TO MAKE HER LOOK BAD AT HOME, CAUSE YOU KNOW ALOT OF PEOPLE IN HER HOME TOWN WATCH DR. PHIL....  SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER FESS UP TO THE CRAP THEY PULL ESPECIALLY MONSTER-IN-LAWS.

 

 

 

THANK GOD FOR DR. PHIL....

HE'S MY HERO

 

STEPHANIE

Quote From: fluffyfat

Wait just a minute. The lovely and honest Robin McGraw is a southern lady and so is her amazing sister who survived that terrible car accident with such courage and style.

Reading through this thread I've seen post after post that seems to despise Catherine based on her Southern accent and her age. Yes, her age. It seems if two women go on television to tell their sides of the same story; the majority of people are going to believe the one who is youngest and prettiest. I'll be old some day and this frightens me.

I don't think Catherine is perfect. She may well be too critical of her daughter-in-law and have too much to say about the way they're raising the children. That's sort of a universal problem that all families put up with. It's part of good parenting to correct your children and it's hard to just stop when they reach a certain age. So all around the world we have seniors still correcting their middle aged children. And all around the world we have the grown children taking it with a grain of salt because they know they owe their parents a great debt of gratitude for bringing them into the world and raising them. They also feel love for their parents are glad to have a big extended faimly to share holidays with and to add love to the lives of the children.

So Catherine may have raised her voice at Maria that day when she came stomping into the kitchen, using foul language in front of the children. She may have even put her hand on her throat, but let's look at the facts.

The mug shots showed a pale skinned neck with no marks on Maria's throat.

Catherine's arm had deep bloody gouges.

Catherine was knocked to the floor while holding a baby and she does have the brittle bones of a 73 year-old.

Catherine had good reason not to pass the baby to a woman who was screaming about her husband's, affair, was on pain medication and was not supposed to lift more than five pounds due to surgery.

Catherine's son admits he sided with her at first and told her to call the police ('I didn't think she'd really do it" doesn't count.) In Virginia the police must arrest someone when they are called out on domestic violence. It used to be that the police would come listen to both sides of the story and go away. This is probably what Catherine thought would happen; but the police got tired of being used as family counselors so these days, even if the person who calls calms down and says they don't want anyone arrested [ithe police are required to take someone in.[/i At that point it was just like Catherine said -- it became a case of the state against Maria and Catherine couldn't stop the ball rolling.

The judge heard it all and thought Maria was guilty.

So I wouldn't be so quick to say that Catherine is lying -- particularly not just because she's old and southern.

Quote From: felkins4

 

Children do need to have their grandparent(s) in their lives.  Some times it is the parents that do not give the grandparent(s) a chance to show them what good grand parents they can be.  There are always some bad times between children and parents, however, when those children grow up and have their own family they should not hold old disagreements against their parents and not give the parents show how they can be positive grandparents.

 

I was a single parent of three boys and one girl and yes we had our hard times.  However, they only think of the hard times we had and never think of the good times we had together.  Neither do they consider if I had been a really bad mom they may not have had the opportunities which made them all very good strong adults.   They all have very good educations and very respectful jobs.  I am very proud of my children and of what they have become; I just want them to share a little of their lives with me now.  I also want so much for my youngest son to let me be a grandmother to his two little girls.

 

I send them gifts, however I never hear from my son or my daughter in-law if they liked what I sent them nor do they ever send any pictures of the girls to me.

 

I had a very mean mother in-law and I promised myself and my children I would never try to tell them how to live their lives or raise their children.  Also when my children were still young I was a support mother to other new moms; being recommended by their pediatrician.