Quote From: ladygem53
It is a PRIVILEGE for you to be allowed to be part of your grandchildrens lives not a RIGHT. Children NEED a safe, stable peaceful home with hopefully BOTH of their parents. Grandparents are the icing on the cake but in no way mandatory! What are you doing to EARN your place in their families and lives? Grandparents EARN the right to be part of their grandchildrens lives.
My parents never knew any of their grandparents and grew up just fine.... like the other lady said. You dont really miss what you havent had. Mine lived 8 hours away and saw them once a year. I talked to them several times a year and got gifts from them. I missed my bio father much more because he died when I was young. Grandparents arent even on the same radar screen! There was no resentment either for the choices my mother made about not moving back to be closer to our grandparents. You are confusing your desires with your importance through overemphasizing.
Quoting when those children grow up and have their own family they should not hold old disagreements against their parents and not give the parents show how they can be positive grandparents. Why should they trust you around their children considering their own history and experience with you? You may not agree with their views but they have every right to them. All your children didn't come to the same conclusion about you as some kind of conspiracy together to distance from you.
As Dr. Phil says "You can't change what your refuse to acknowledge." That's the first step. Its not an easy step but necessary. TAKE SOME OWNERSHIP INSTEAD OF FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
It sounds like you are making a lot of excuses for your choices in raising your children.
My sister is a single parent and her situation was very similar to yours. Why do you think her children stay in close contact and she is Grammy to all 7 of her grandchildren? Her ex paid $550.00 a month total for 4 children and she worked A LOT. All four kids went to Ivy League schools although if it were not for scholarships and financial aid plus help from grandparents none of it would have been possible.
Which is more important to your children........the things you provided them such as opportunities or your relationships with them? Ill tell you ........relationships.....with you.
Disagreements can be resolved. What have you done to make resolutions? To make amends? To make a new history with them? Do you expect to make excuses and for them to accept them without question just because that is what you want? Excuses and reasons mean NOTHING!
You know that other saying Dr. Phil has about it one takes one negative or bad thing to change a child but it takes 1000 positive things for that same person to make up for the one bad thing.
Quoting felkins4 - I send them gifts, however I never hear from my son or my daughter in-law if they liked what I sent them nor do they ever send any pictures of the girls to me. I know how that feels! What I did was start writing a check in my nieces name to her youth group at church. I would send her a card letting her know what I did saying (sincerely) I knew how much her participation and work with them meant to her and I wished her lots of love and happy memories for the birthday or holiday. I also let her parents know what I was doing saying since I didnt know whether she liked any gifts sent to her in the past but still wanted to do something to let her know I was thinking of her with lotsof love and wanted to do something for her.
Another thing you can do is open accounts for your granddaughters for college for instance and just send them cards for birthdays and holidays letting them know what was added to the accounts and how much you love them.
Instead of defending yourself to them; LISTEN, LEARN, UNDERSTAND and RESPECT their positions. Then start down the long hard road of building and repairing through your ACTIONS for the relationships with them. They are evidently united in their feelings about you. Something youve earned by the decisions YOU made for which they had little or no control. OWN IT! Until you take RESPONSIBILITY for your choices and decisions without defense or excuses nothing will begin to improve.
Quoting - Also when my children were still young I was a support mother to other new moms; being recommended by their pediatrician. That doctor wasnt living with you....... wasnt your kids....... and has nothing to do what kind of mother you were to your kids.
Your children may be better parents without you around if for no other reason than the stress you bring to the situation. With your attitude, I would not be surprised if your children cant trust you not to be disruptive to their marriages also. If thats true, they should not consider allowing you to influence their children. Its up to the parents to decide if you being around is in the best interests of their children. If you truly have not only your grandchildrens but childrens best interest truly in mind.......... SHOW RESPECT for their decisions and the REASONS why those decisions have been made.
Begin a new history with them today.
I will have you know I was a good mother not a perfect mother, but a good mother. I was very much involved in my children lives as well as worked and went to college. And all four of my children went to college and they all got very good jobs.
And for the son I have been trying to be reunited with was just killed just north of Baghdad on April 6, 2007. So you need to understand that a mother, if she really loves her children and their families will never give up on being reunited at any cost.
So I would like for you reread your message to me and if you though you were being helpful you were to negative to help anyone. As the old saying goes "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar". I also want you to know I was and am very proud of my son and very sadden we will not be reunited here on earth, however, I know we will meet in Heaven Some Sweet Day and I will look toward that day now.
(Original Air Date: 09/19/06) Bloody attacks, arrests, mug shots and undercover stings -- sounds like life in a rough part of town, but this is what happens when some in-law conflicts go too far! Maria and her 73-year-old mother-in-law, Catherine, came to blows over their disagreements, landing Maria in jail. Maria's husband, Ted, is tired of being in the middle and wants his mom to change her ways. Why does Catherine say it's not her fault? Can these women learn to drop their fists and get along? Then, follow a chilling true-crime story that made headlines across the nation and destroyed a family. Karen says her in-laws attempted to hire a hit man to kill her, her children and even the family dog, and the whole encounter was caught on tape! How can she and her children overcome this life-changing event? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
