Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

Karen,

I also beleive that time cannot heal ALL wounds! Does it get less painful sure, but the wound of losing a child never completely heals. I cannot fathom the pain your family has gone through losing a grandson (nephew) and son (brother). The devastation! My daughter was not just a granddaughter to my parents, we lived with them for 8 years of her life and then we were next door neighbors for the remaining years. She was thier daughter as much as mine and they suffer their loss and the pain I am going through as well. They say losing a child is the worst pain but I think that losing a grandbaby is right up there as well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May you find grace and peace, one baby step at a time. *HUGS* Debra

 I lost my son almost eight years ago. I made a box and place things it from his short six months her on this earth. Each year on his birthday I have been tempted to put something else in there. Something I would thing would be a part of his life now if he where still here. I was wondering if anyone else had done this and if so what type of things would you put in the box?  

I have never thought of doing that! I lost my daughter at the age of 14 to a car accident. I have kept all of her things, and my sister made quilts for all of us using her clothes. At Christmas time we all buy an ornament for one another that reminds us of a memory of her and we share that memory with the family and give that ornament to that particular family member. Our way of keeping her there with us at that time. We have done other things along the years. But I really like your idea.

I am so sorry for your loss!

Hugs, Debra

I lost my 19 year old daughter on April 17 of this year.  I am having a terrible time dealing with my loss.  I have 2 other daughters who seem to be dealing with this tragedy pretty well.  I can't seem to function.  The days are so long and time seems to drag by so slowly.  I am feeling like I need to talk to a counselor of some type but am unsure.  I don't know if this will help or make things worse.  I am tired of crying in front of my other girls and would like to be able to laugh again.

Please Help!

Thank you Debra,

Yes losing a grandchild is almost as bad as losing your own child. How old was your daughter and how long ago did you lose her?

Karen

You cry and cry and cry all you want!!! Its the only thing that help us deal wth the loneliness,, if you dont want to do it in front of the girls then find a good place outdoors or in the shower. I lost my son 6 years ago and I still have really " Bad Bernie Days" I call them. It took me so long to be able to stop feeling guilty that the world actually went on without him,, and the sun kept coming out and I would get so mad at that very fact. It doesnt feel like your functioning but you are,, if you can get out of bed and grab that cup of coffee in the early morning hours and look out,,, your functioning. Then in a month you'll be able to take that coffee cup and actually look out the window and start seeing things,, then in another month you'll feel her there with you. Then who knows,, maybe you'll get a chuckle out of something you remember her doing without crying. Its a long haul and a very tough one.

My heart is with you as one who knows that big chunk is out of it!!!!

Karen

Can be of GREAT benefit to you! I went to one after my daughter died. She was 14 when she died in a car accident. I totally understand the devastation and the not being able to function. It's ok! You do what YOU need to do to get through the day, but don't be afraid to lean on friends and family. They want to help but don't know how until you let them know. There is no such thing as time when it comes to grief. Everyone is different and handle things differently. You may want to include your daughters in the grief counseling as well. They may seem to be doing ok, but teens show their grief differently and internalize alot of it. They dont have the coping skills like adults do, but even those don't seem to help when you lose a child.

I wish you peace and solace.... keep reaching out to those around you. Hugs, Debra

You are all finding some peace and serenity today.  Hugs, Debra

Hi,

I lost my son Jesse 9 years ago this past January, and I tell people all the time that it is something that you never get over. You just learn to live on and hope that the pain dims with time. Some days are worse than others. Some months are worse than others and even some years are worse than others. I've done my share of destructive behavior because of it, but in the long run, I had to remember that I had a daughter who needed me to be there as well. Talking helps too. Talk to anyone you can. If you can get into counseling, that's great! I did that for a time...twice actually. But even just opening up to friends and family about how you are hurting can really help. If they think you don't want to talk about it then they won't, but if you open the door it's a miracle what a support system they can be.

Don't get me wrong. I still struggle. I think that's what brought me to this site. I just needed to touch base with some people who have been through the same thing I have. Unless you've lost a child, you just can't understand the pain.

Blessings to all,

Carol