Quote From: bprice_2003That phone call that we all dread as parents......My son was in a car accident on July 29, 2006. He had died that night of the accident, but the EMT Unit was able to bring him back. He was taking a couple of his friends home, and his car went into a creek. Normally that creek never has water in it, but that night it did. I think that God knew that I could not handle losing him abruptly, so he gave me two more weeks with him. I thank god for giving me those two weeks with him. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with. I have lost both parents, and 4 siblings, but none of their deaths compare to losing my son. My heart is has a large hole in it. If I was to have heart surgery right now, the Doctors would open me up and find a large part of my heart gone. We were very close, and I miss him so much. He was just a joy. I thank god, for those 17 years that I had with him. He touched so many people's life, that we didn't even know. He was just an awesome young man. He was a football student, and honor student. He was baptized last year.
I am angry, and I have question why, but I know that God's plan is always bigger than ours. I'm not to the point of being so angry with god to give up on my faith. I do have have the faith, hope in knowing that I will join him one day. I know that my son is my Guardian angel, and he will always be with me in spirit. I think that we all feel that our kids are suppose to bury us as parents, but that is the human instinct in us. I know that I will see him again one day, but it's just really hard to cope with this. Sometimes I sit back and look at those kids that are doing nothing with their life's, and ask why not them. Why take my son, that was touching peoples life's while he was here? Then I realize through a poem that someone sent me during my bereavement, that our children are not ours. They belong to God, and he has given them to us, to bring them up in the right way.
We all have an inter-strength that we don't even know that we have. We have to made that decision whether or not we will use it. My son, and God is my strength right now. Without them I really don't think that I would still be here today!
During those two weeks that I had with him, I was constantly praying for god to take me instead of him. I think that everyone that has dealt with the loss of their child, has probably prayed that prayer. That was not his plan.
Something that I have decided to do now, is to write down my experience with his loss. So many friends and relatives have no ideal in what to say to someone who is dealing with losing their child. They all want to say the right thing, but have no ideal what to say. I just feel so compelled to write my experience with this, and what my heart is feeling.
I just take one day at a time. It's like starting over again with everything. I have good days, and bad days. My job requires me to work with young people. Some days, I'm driving to a school to do a recruitment visit, and I'm crying like a baby. Before I get to the school, I have to dry it up, because I know that I can't go into that school crying. Before I couldn't even talk about his death, but now it doesn't bother me as much. I want to keep his memory alive.
My family, friends, and faith have been such a big help to me, but I have to be honest, I'm still hurting so bad. I just miss the physical part so much, his voice, smile. I know that I will always hurt, but I hope that one day the hurt will ease up some. I use to fear death, I no longer fear that. I know that he will be on the other side waiting for me when I close my eyes to death. That brings a smile to my face.
My pain goes out to everyone here that has lost a child. I just need to know that someday, some of this pain will go away.......... :-( Just keep me and my family in your prayers that we will grow stronger each and every day. I will do the same for you also.
I too know how you feel I lost a child to a car wreck. There is a whole the size of well just half of it is gone. I know that it will never be filled until the day we are together again. We all have those days. But remember he would want us to go on and try to live or live our lives to the fullest. We would have wanted the same for them to go on. Thank you for your prayers and I will do the same for you.
