Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

I am SO sorry for your loss! There are a few here that have lost a child to suicide, unfortunete that any of us are here. I lost my daughter to a car accident on November 8, 2003. She was 14 at that time. No loss can compare to that of a loss of a child. My heart goes out you and your family!

~Hugs, Debra

Debra,

I am still coping...I am doing much better..I took a year off of work.  I had a high stress job that did not understand my grief.

 

I have also lost a baby girl soon after her birth...so I am not a stranger to grief.

 

Hugs,

Pam

 I too lost my son to suicide.It will be two years this Sunday that I lost Willie,he was 20 yrs. old. I am also still having a hard time coping with my loss, there are still days that the pain brings me to my knees,I cry everyday some days more then others but it's always there . I have joined a group (on line) called POS  (parents of suicide). It has been very helpful. This is also a wonderful place to talk about our children and the caring and support is always there (Debra has been wonderful). I have not been on line much the last few month because it was just to hard to cope with,I still can't fully believe that my boy is gone. I had to go meds because I was not able to deal with it anymore,if not for my other children and grandchildren I don't know what I'd have done. My Dr. said I'm am suffering from acute grief.Not very helpful the the meds do help in coping. What is your sons name,please tell us about him. take care Bunny (((HUGS)))

Bunny,

My son's name is Jason.  We have a website  www.jasonhellewell.com  . Jason suffered from bi polar for over 10 years.  You lost your son within weeks of my son.  It is such a nightmare...you want to wake up and it not be real. 

I am coping OK...I still cry but the Prozac keeps me numb. 

 

I would like to know more about your son too.  I am a member of a yahoo group solos-parents.  I am also in a grief support group on cafemom.com 

 

I tried going to a support group meeting but did not get much out of them.  I am still in counseling...now just once a month.

 

Hugs,

Pam

I tried to get your web site for Jason but the server could  not be found. I will try again . My Willie had ADHD since he was 6. He had a hard time in school when he got older,one Dr. told me he did not know why he was picked on??  Will would help anyone my nephew Adam told me the other day "people took Willie's kindness as a weakness and used him, mostly Tasha". Willie worked as a sturn man on a lobster boat since he was 16, his boss Billie was a good friend to him he treated Willie like a son.   I am having a really hard time these last few days all I do is cry even the meds don't seem to help,  his Angel date is coming up in a few day. We are going  to have a candle lighting and Meg is writing a poem. Meg is 24 ,I have two other older sons Mark 32 and Christopher 27.I have not been in counseling but have an appointment next week ,I just can't do this on my own anymore I'm just a mess right now. Take Care (((HUGS))) Bunny

I lost my son July 21st 2005  he was 31, His name was Jason we called him Jay. As of today we still do not know what killed him we thought it was an over dose, but what we found out was that there was not enough methadone in his body to kill him

 It is very hard still today cus he left behind a beautiful daughter who we are really close to. Some times it makes it harder because she looks just like her daddy. It may get easier to go on. But it will never go away, To this day I still wait for him to come walking through that door and say dad mom I'm home and give us a big hug, My heart truely goes out to those parents who have lost a child no matter what  age. Just six months before Jay passed away my mother in law passed away. It still hurts we keep pictures of jay around the house for his daughter, But there are days that when I'm by myself I'll look at his pictures and cry knowing my oldest son will NEVER come walking through that door. My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with the lost of a child,     Kemm

Bunny,

I am glad you have a counseling appt next week..I started counseling right after Jason died.  I was fortunate fo have a counselor then that had seen Jason when he was younger.  It helped to have the insight into signs of suicidal thoughts even then.  I stopped going to her because she was not covered by insurance and it was getting expensive.  I have a really good counselor now..I was going weekly but now just go once a month. 

I have spent the last 23 months scrapbooking Jason's life.  I have over 15 albums so far.  It has been therapy for me.  You can see some of my pages on Jason's website. 

I took off work over a year...I tried going back after 5 weeks to a boss that was now expecting overtime since I had been off that long...I could barely handle an 8 hour day with only a couple of hours of sleep a night.  My counselor said I went back too soon...I went back out on disability and finally ended up resigning from my job.  I was able to collect disability for 6 months and unemployment for 6 months.  I felt very fortunate to have had the time to heal. 

I used to read alot...but have struggled to be able to do that since he died.  It has been so frustrating...I would read 2-3 books a week...now I try to read 1 a month.

Hugs,

Pam

We called my son "Jay" also...I wish he had children too...I have 2 daughters that are wonderful...but Jason was my only son. 

Pam

 

mom to jason   1/3/82-5/19/06

I know how you feel, when you say,"But there are days that when I'm by myself I'll look at his pictures and cry knowing my oldest son will NEVER come walking through that door." I know that feeling ALL too well myself. For longest time after Jessica's accident I 'waited" to hear her come through the door and say "Hi Mom, I am home." And your right, it does get 'easier" and I say that with caution because for everyone that "easier" is different, and it NEVER does go away. I have lost other loved ones in my life time but nothing affects  you like the loss of a child and if you have never experienced it you can't fathom it. It is so difficult to put into words the deep darkness, the gaping hole in your heart, the longing, the emptiness that fills your day, to someone that is not there. My Mother has made her house a shrine to my daughter. There are pictures in everyroom, even the bathrooms of her home. She has alot of my daughter's belongings scattered throughout the house as well. Today it's not so hard to go there, but in the beginning it was trully difficult for me. It was a comfort to her to do that, so I didn't say anything to her. I do have pictures of my daughter in my livingroom and hallway. I have hand size photo albumns that I put all her pictures in. I am not into scrapbooking, like my two sisters, so I do what I can, I don't have the time or the patience. I am working on a website though. There is a site that another parent posted here called, virtualmemorials.com, and it is wonderful. You can put pictures there, music, backgrounds, and you can write their story. People can visit and sign the guest book too.

I hope you continue to share your story with us! I am here everyday, just in case someone needs help!

~HGUS~ Debra

Again, I am SO sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter to a car accident on November 8, 2003 when she was 14. I think it's awesome that you are scrapbooking his life. I wish I had that kind of time and patience! When I lost my daughter she was my only child. I have since remarried and now have a beautiful 22 month old son who is the center of my world. I tell him stories all the time about his big sister and I show him pictures as well.

I think I went back to work a little too soon too, I went back just after 3 weeks. BUT, I had an awesome boss that allowed me to do what I felt comfortable with and if I needed to go home after just a few hours, that was ok too. I work in the medical field as a Medical Assistant, and was working with patients. My boss was a very wonderful woman with great insight. I have sinced moved, and now I teach Medical Assisting. I have finaly found my nitch! And I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to have to talk to people, I don't want to have move, period. But we find this inner strength deep down inside, from somewhere DEEP, and it get's us through those moments. My current boss is wonderful too and knows when I have my days and is very understanding and compassionate too. I can't understand how someone could be SO cruel and expect SO much from someone who has had their entire world turned upside down and not have compassion towards that! I had a coworker who exerted that attitude towards me and I just told her one day, that I hope she never had to experience the kind of pain she would feel if she were to lose one of her three children and walked away. She never said another word to me. Incredible to say the least.

I, too, can't seem to read as often as I used too. Jess and I would read books together. We read all the Harry Potter books together, there were only 4 at that time. We went to the movies to see them too. I can't seem to go the movies as often either. We would go see the newest Disney movies as well. She LOVED the movie theater. She went almost every weekend with her cousin or a friend.

Be kind to yourself! It's ok that you only read one book instead of 3, it's ok that we work 4 hours instead of 8, and it's ok that there are days we stay in our jammies the entire day..... we have that right. We need to do what WE NEED to do to get through that day, that hour, that minute, second, whatever it is.

I hope to hear more in the future about your son Jay!

~HUGS~Debra