I lost my baby girl January 27, 1999. Some say that I am ignorant to think that I can say I know how it feels to lose a child because I was still pregnant and Sierra was a still born. I have never, nor will I ever try to compare my loss to anyone Else's, but I do know how much it hurt. My husband wanted so badly to be a father, that when I told him the news that he was going to be one, everyday was like Christmas for him.Then tragedy struck. January 22 1999, He came home from working the night shift and I was still asleep. He liked to watch T.V. in our room, which always seemed to wake me up, so he sectioned off our room with a blanket. I woke up, and at first thought I had wet the bed. Embarrassed, I shuffled off the bed to discover that my water had broke, i was 5 1/2 months pregnant. Our car was not working at the time, so I called a friend who rushed me to the hospital. My OBGYN came into my room and the first thing out of his mouth was, "what did you do to break your water" I was furious, I said I was sleeping. He did an internal exam and walked out saying he would be back within the hour. 38 hours later I told a nurse that I demand to see him and if he isn't here withing 5 minutes, I was leaving. He walked into my room, leaned against the counter and said "You are such a selfish little b**ch" I lost it and told him he had no right to treat me like this. He told me to calm down, put my feet up and relax. That was it, I said I wanted to leave. I signed the forms and left. I had never gone through this before and did not know what to do. January 26, I went back to the hospital, another OBGYN took one look at my chart, admitted me into the hospital and ordered and ambulance take me to another city that could better deal with me. She was irate. My husband was told he could not come with me, the hospital I was going to was over 2 hours away. Halfway there, one of the EMT's found out that my husband was told he could not come, he said if the situation wasn't so grave, he would turn around and go get him. Once at the new hospital, I was surrounded by so many Dr.s and nurses, I was overwhelmed. I was so scared, and alone. I was given a steroid shot in my thigh to try to help the baby. My labor stopped and everything seemed alright. The next morning while checking on me, they discovered the babies heart rate had dropped to 3 beats per minute. They rushed me to ultrasound and said they could give me an emergency c-section, but sadly there was less then a 1% chance the baby would survive. Through tears and disbelief, I told them to let her go in peace. I asked to be left alone, and I watched on the monitor as my babies heart stopped beating. I wished so badly to have had my husband there, I had no one. I delivered Sierra Lanae later that day, I held her for hours and just cried. I had a nurse Robin, my angel, who stayed with me from the time she got on shift, until I went home 2 days later. She bought me a calling card to call my husband and family, she and another nurse bought my little lost angel an outfit. I will never forget what they did for me, and for Sierra. I found out later that if ur water breaks, the baby must be delivered within 24 hours, Sierra was born 5 days after mine broke. Too add so much more hurt to my already broken heart. My mom, husband and brother in law came to get me. On the way home we stopped at my brother's, my mom called the funeral home, I just couldn't do it. My brother knew Sierra's body needed to stay cold, and some will say it is sick, I don't care. He cleaned out his freezer and placed the tiny box in which she lay inside. My sister in law at the time, started screaming that she wanted the food thrown out since my brother "stuck that vile thing in the freezer" Had I not been so emotionally lost, I am sure she would have lost more then a few teeth right then. Thank you for letting me tell my story. And again, I would never compare myself to anyone who has lost a child, my heart goes out to each and every mother, father, grandparent, sibling, aunt, uncle, anyone who has lost a child.
