Quote From: debra232006Your sister sounds like she has the same relationship I have with my daughter, Jessica. Jessica was 14 when I lost her to a car accident on November 8, 2003. Even though it has been 5 years, I still have days when it feels like yesterday. I am so sorry for the loss of your neice Stephanie! My heart goes out to your Sister as well. I know the first couple years are the hardest. Does it ever get easier, I don't think so, but the course changes. The bad days are farther apart and happen less frequent, but that pain is something no one can fathom and it something, I think, every parent lives with until they themselves have passed.
How old are the boys? My heart goes out to them as well, losing their Mother at such a young age! How tragic for them!
You are already doing the one thing that will help your Sister the most, LISTEN. Be there for her, allow her to express whatever it is she needs to at that time. You don't have to have answers, you don't have try and understand or comprehend. You have lost a child of your own so you know that pain, the heartache that comes from that. It doesn't matter at what age or what circimstances a parent loses a child, the pain is still the same.
Just to give you some ideas of how my family got to where we are today is:
On her birthday we had birthday parties... cake and ice cream, and we would all tell a story or share a memory of Jessica as our "gift."
On her Angel Date, the first 2 yrs we had our Pastor come and have a little memorial for her.
At Christmas, we would all buy ornaments for eachother. These ornaments would be of a memory we had of that person with Jessica. For example, on my frig I have a picture of Dad and Jess on his tractor. For Christmas one year, I found a pewter tractor ornament and that was my ornament to my Dad. When we gice the ornaments to each other, we share the memory that ornament represents.
The other holidays, we sit around and share memories of her.
I also initiated a Memorial Garden for the high school Jess attended because that year we lost 5 students and the students along with the community was grieving hard. You could do something on a smaller scale in your yard, or her yard. Putting things there that Stephanie loved, enjoyed. Planting flowers in her favorite colors, planting some of her favorite flowers, if possible. Making an area for seating so you can go there and remember.
Something one of her friends did for me was to put a collage of pictures together on a DVD and had background music playing while the pictures ran like a video.
These are just some ideas.... everyone will find their own path, there own way of doing things to get them through what they need to get through. But for you to be there for her and to listen, that is the BEST gift you can give her.
HUGS
Debra
I hope some of this helps you and if you need to express more, please feel free to do so!
Hi Debra' Thank you so much for advice. My niece , Stephanie died on April 17, 2005 and my daughter and I went up to be with my sister that day. She was so happy that we came up and spent the weekend with her and my parents. We all went to the cemetary and remembered her and the antics she use to pull and the trouble she got in and how much my mother said that Stephanie was just like her Aunt Jan. I miss her so much and I do listen a lot to my sister. In my sisters bedroom is kind of like a remember Steph room. She has surrounded herself with pictures and other things of Steph. I told her that I thought it was normal and don't think that she is going crazy. My niece's boys are 6 and 2. They are the sweetest boys and I am so sad to think that they won't be able to really know their Mother.
I really appreciate your help and advice. Sometimes I think people get tired about hearing how my sister is having a hard time and they sometimes think she should be over it by now. Again THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!!!!!
jANET(oldnet)
