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Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

Number of Replies: 757
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:28:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Losing a child is especially traumatic, share your memories, stories and support with others here.

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December 18, 2006, 3:35 pm CST

I understand your pain

Quote From: gojenn

My beautiful, talented 17 yr-old daughter ended her own life on New Years Eve 2005.  My life ended that day too.  Only I have to keep existing day after day after day with the empty space where she's supposed to be.  Nothing makes it better.  Time doesn't help.  I'm just waiting to die.

I am so sorry about your daughter. What is her name? I do understand your pain. I lost my son to suicide on July 6 2005. I too feel like my life has ended. But I have another son who was left without his best friend. Brandon was 21 when he died and Garrett was 22 at the time. I know that I have to keep my self going for him.

There is a group called SOS (survivors of suicide) there may be one in your area. Everyone there knows how you feel. There is truley something to be said to have a place to go where everyone there has been thru the same thing as you...as horrible as it is. If there is not a group near by, there is always a phone contact person.

You just need a place to have someone hear your pain and really understand. Please don't stop reaching out.

 
December 20, 2006, 7:40 am CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

My friend committed suicide on October 7, 2006.

I have been diagnosed with depression and my hair pulling has gotten worse.

It feels like one can help me and I'm drowning and all of my friends are just

sitting on the dock watching me.

 

-Theresa

 
December 23, 2006, 9:24 pm CST

Seeking to learn the lesson in loosing a child...the answer may never come in this lifetime

Eric Christopher Leavens

12.09.85 to 12.11.05

 

Just 20 yrs old. In college studying as a psychology major at Millersville University in Pennsylvania. His ultimate desire was to write one day. He already loved to write poems. He was deeply troubled by the world's "injustices" and his inability to immediately change any of them.

 

He too, like many of you here, left us a suicide note about the many attempts he made on the weekend of his birthday. The attempts were unsuccessful. This was also confusing to Eric, but to me it was a sign that his time here was not done~he had more work to be done. On the evening of the 11th however, he got into his car to most likely go sit at a nearby peak that brought him peace, a place that he loved. On the short drive over, he fell asleep at the wheel and hit a truck head on and was killed instantly at 6 pm.

 

I was given the news by 2 policemen who came to my door since Eric's college was 2 hours from our home. I will never forget that moment in time for as long as I live. The impact of the words confirming what I already knew. Being forced to walk a journey that I didn't even want to be on. I am a single mom who has raised my 4 boys alone for many years and my boys are everything to me, I never thought for one second that I could live through loosing one.

 

One year later, I have found a way through a sea of constant pain, thoughts of suicide of not only myself but my 3 other boys, people who are rude, and companies that only give you a short period of time to "get over it". On the other side of that I have seen the amazing side of people who truly cared about Eric and my family step forward that were always in the background, I have witnessed many miracles, and I am finding a support that I never had before. Not that all of it is not bittersweet.

 

I have found many ways to cope but one of them is reading. If you have not, there are many excellent books out there. Miracles by George Dalzell, Lessons from the Light George Anderson. George Andersons book has a chapter on "who will care for our children" I found especially touching. I have come to realize that Eric is still with me, still loves me, still cares about me. I have work to do here for now, but I cannot not wait for my time to cross over, because I know that Eric will be there waiting for me and I will get to see him again. Until then I am blessed with all the signs that he has given that he is still around me. I hope that all of you that have lost your children from this earth know that they still watch, love, and care very much about you!

 
December 26, 2006, 8:28 am CST

Normal isn't normal w/o my son

Its been 5 months and 4 days since my 22 yr old son took his own life.  The holidays were not holidays as I remember them.  The pain seems to get worse rather than better. To get through a day is almost impossible some days.  I lost everything I own in May of this year to a house fire, and in July my son shot himself in his garage. The whys are so difficult to understand. God, for whatever reason, took the special things a mother saves other the years in the fire, and than my Matthew.  So few physical memories, that I realize are material, but would have been so presious now to have.  For me, I don't feel like the same person I was.  Finding a place that is what I used to feel in life is no longer.  I feel like alot of me died with him, which makes me feel so lost at how to feel good again, (at least alittle bit).  I watch the Dr. phil show quite often, and when I saw the link to this message board I knew i had to try to use the tool in hopes that I could get some good advice and support in what others have done to move on. Maybe even  be able to help someone else with my story I sure would be  positive thing for me.  Looking forward to hearing from any one of you soon!!!!  A Sad Mom "Matts Mom"
 
December 27, 2006, 3:32 am CST

changed forever

Quote From: cheetagirl3144

Its been 5 months and 4 days since my 22 yr old son took his own life.  The holidays were not holidays as I remember them.  The pain seems to get worse rather than better. To get through a day is almost impossible some days.  I lost everything I own in May of this year to a house fire, and in July my son shot himself in his garage. The whys are so difficult to understand. God, for whatever reason, took the special things a mother saves other the years in the fire, and than my Matthew.  So few physical memories, that I realize are material, but would have been so presious now to have.  For me, I don't feel like the same person I was.  Finding a place that is what I used to feel in life is no longer.  I feel like alot of me died with him, which makes me feel so lost at how to feel good again, (at least alittle bit).  I watch the Dr. phil show quite often, and when I saw the link to this message board I knew i had to try to use the tool in hopes that I could get some good advice and support in what others have done to move on. Maybe even  be able to help someone else with my story I sure would be  positive thing for me.  Looking forward to hearing from any one of you soon!!!!  A Sad Mom "Matts Mom"
 I am so sorry for your loss of Matt.  I know the sorrow and the pain your feeling as I lost my son Willie 8 months ago today.  Willie hung himself in the garage of his home, he was 20 yrs. old. As the numbness  and shock wears off it will get worst as it becomes more real to you it get worst.  You are not the same person you where 5 month and 4 days ago and a part of you is gone. Losing a child is the most horrible thing  for a mother, someone who was a part of you  is gone.  I  try not to find a reason why  Willie chose to leave. only knowing what ever pain and sadness he was felling was to much for him to take any longer. Willie had a lot going for him,his own home,a boss the loves him like his own ,getting his own lobster boat to run, was getting a new truck the next day,he also had his heart broken by his girlfriend of six years,he was on his cell phone when with her just before he died,she was not coming back as planned and met someone else (I spoke to her a few weeks after) so how can I understand why?? I will not know that until we are together again.  So why only Willie and God really knows.  Slowly you will find peace and comfort .  Do you have other children or family ? the days do get better than BAM it hits you again like a wave washing over you it has taken me to floor unable to do anything but  lay there and cry.  I pray  for comfort and peace for both of us and any mother or father who has lost a child. God Bless you and Matt.  Keep writing I helps and the support  and friendship I have found here is a blessing.  Bunny  Willie's Mom
 
December 27, 2006, 9:08 am CST

Adam My Love

Hello,,

I lost my son Adam on Oct-17-2006 due to leukemia...he was 12 yrs old...Loved by every one,,i have a Daughter too ,she is 10 yrs old .This is the hardest time for us .As i am a single mom.. Every one tells me it gets easier with time , but for me i feel more and more pain every day...Now i was just reading msg board and some parents you guys lost your kids years ago and still it seems like you are in the same pain as i am right now..

Please pray for me and my daughter ,,May God give us strength to move on with our lives.... Amen

 
December 27, 2006, 11:58 am CST

My Beautiful Son, Andy

Andy died on May 5, 2004 at the age of 29 years, 4 months, & 3 days. The pain is excruciating and just gets worse. It feels like there's a bowling ball on my chest. My son Robert is 26 & my daughter Amanda is 22. I cannot help them. Our family used to be extremely close; we have been ripped to pieces. I used to love the holidays; not anymore. Andy's birthday is January 2nd. I don't think I'm going to be able to get through it. Already tried suicide 3 times. Last time (June) I shot myself in the stomach 3 times. Doctors amazed I survived & didn't hit anything major. Realistically, I know how selfish I've been and how badly I've hurt the people who love me. But I just don't see the point of getting out of bed. Andy would be telling me to shut the * up & stop whining. People say the most ignorant things. Just a few: "When are you coming back to work? My God, it's been 2 weeks." "I know how you feel. My dog died." I cry constantly. Never know when it's going to happen. Every single day at work. One "psychiatrist" told me to set aside 5 minutes in the morning to grieve. I wanted to strangle her. The next person who tells me they know how I feel is getting the crap beaten out of them. I would never ever presume to know how you all feel after the most devastating thing that could possibly happen. God, I miss him.
 
December 27, 2006, 12:05 pm CST

I am so sorry

Quote From: asmaahmad99

Hello,,

I lost my son Adam on Oct-17-2006 due to leukemia...he was 12 yrs old...Loved by every one,,i have a Daughter too ,she is 10 yrs old .This is the hardest time for us .As i am a single mom.. Every one tells me it gets easier with time , but for me i feel more and more pain every day...Now i was just reading msg board and some parents you guys lost your kids years ago and still it seems like you are in the same pain as i am right now..

Please pray for me and my daughter ,,May God give us strength to move on with our lives.... Amen

for your loss of Adam. Sorry to say that in my experience, it gets worse. My son Andy died on May 5, 2004. He was 29. Seems like there was numbness for so long. I don't remember Christmas for the past 2 years. I will pray for you and your daughter.
 
December 27, 2006, 2:14 pm CST

Prayers

Quote From: carlahhhh

Andy died on May 5, 2004 at the age of 29 years, 4 months, & 3 days. The pain is excruciating and just gets worse. It feels like there's a bowling ball on my chest. My son Robert is 26 & my daughter Amanda is 22. I cannot help them. Our family used to be extremely close; we have been ripped to pieces. I used to love the holidays; not anymore. Andy's birthday is January 2nd. I don't think I'm going to be able to get through it. Already tried suicide 3 times. Last time (June) I shot myself in the stomach 3 times. Doctors amazed I survived & didn't hit anything major. Realistically, I know how selfish I've been and how badly I've hurt the people who love me. But I just don't see the point of getting out of bed. Andy would be telling me to shut the * up & stop whining. People say the most ignorant things. Just a few: "When are you coming back to work? My God, it's been 2 weeks." "I know how you feel. My dog died." I cry constantly. Never know when it's going to happen. Every single day at work. One "psychiatrist" told me to set aside 5 minutes in the morning to grieve. I wanted to strangle her. The next person who tells me they know how I feel is getting the crap beaten out of them. I would never ever presume to know how you all feel after the most devastating thing that could possibly happen. God, I miss him.
 You are in my prayers  and I will have my prayer group also pray that you some how find peace with the loss of your son.  I do understand your loss, I lost my son Willie 8 months ago(today) and it has riped out my heart. I have two older sons and a older daughter,Mark 31, Chris 26 and Megan 21, Willie  20 ( he hung himself)). Your kids need you and you should  find a support group that you can go to with  other mothers who have lost children to suicide there is a on line group Parents of suicide.  It has helped me a lot it is just for parents that have lost children to suicide. Please try it if even you just read the post, for me I don't feel so alone sharing with other mothers of suicide. I don't listen to the stupid remarks others say  I know I did my best,  made mistakes like everyone else . I know that Willie loves me and he knows I love him, his pain was just to great.  Willie also had ADHD and that was a factor too.  I cry everyday in the car,store at work and I just cry if anyone can't understand then just to bad for them.  I will grieve for my son till the day I die and nothing will change that. When someone say I know how you fell I tell them " you can't and I hope you  never do"  God Bless you and bring you comfort. Bunny
 
December 27, 2006, 2:18 pm CST

Prayer

Quote From: carlahhhh

for your loss of Adam. Sorry to say that in my experience, it gets worse. My son Andy died on May 5, 2004. He was 29. Seems like there was numbness for so long. I don't remember Christmas for the past 2 years. I will pray for you and your daughter.
 I will pray for you and your daughter . i am sorry for your loss of Adam. God Bless Bunny
 
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