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Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

Number of Replies: 757
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:28:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Losing a child is especially traumatic, share your memories, stories and support with others here.

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December 27, 2006, 2:40 pm CST

Thank you, Bunny

Quote From: bunny628

 You are in my prayers  and I will have my prayer group also pray that you some how find peace with the loss of your son.  I do understand your loss, I lost my son Willie 8 months ago(today) and it has riped out my heart. I have two older sons and a older daughter,Mark 31, Chris 26 and Megan 21, Willie  20 ( he hung himself)). Your kids need you and you should  find a support group that you can go to with  other mothers who have lost children to suicide there is a on line group Parents of suicide.  It has helped me a lot it is just for parents that have lost children to suicide. Please try it if even you just read the post, for me I don't feel so alone sharing with other mothers of suicide. I don't listen to the stupid remarks others say  I know I did my best,  made mistakes like everyone else . I know that Willie loves me and he knows I love him, his pain was just to great.  Willie also had ADHD and that was a factor too.  I cry everyday in the car,store at work and I just cry if anyone can't understand then just to bad for them.  I will grieve for my son till the day I die and nothing will change that. When someone say I know how you fell I tell them " you can't and I hope you  never do"  God Bless you and bring you comfort. Bunny
I am so sorry for the loss of your son Willie. You are so right. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I hope that no one took offense at what I said about knowing how I feel. I do know that all of you have enormous, indescribable pain. It's me that keeps trying suicide. I did try Compassionate Friends, but it seemed even worse afterward, if that's possible. I know my kids need me. I love them with all my heart & I know they are grieving too. Just want to crawl in a hole and die.
 
December 27, 2006, 4:18 pm CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

Quote From: kristensmom

 

   I lost my daughter -my best friend Sept, 2 2005.  She had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy . He was 2 weeks old and was born on my birthday.  hes now 14 months and the most precious thing in my life.  The dad is in another country and has not even seen his son. I hope you get the pleasure of raising your grand daughter it will help with the greif a bit.

Sometimes life just kicks you.

You are certainly blessed to have your grandson to raise. It does heal the heart some. I enjoy seeing the same traits in my grand daughter that are just like her Moms. In the US, there is no such thing as Grandparents rights. Since the biological father is alive, he has given custody to his mom. We have a wrongful death suit that thje baby will have a significant amount of money. The other family keeps my family and I as far from her. I only hope and pray that she never experiences a loss like this. You never know until you walk in anothers shoes. I never dreamed that I would be wearing these shoes. I thought this only happened in the movies not to you or I.

 

You know, you say best friend. That was what my daughter was to me. Knowone treated me as well and loved me as she did. I void that could never be replaced. I will keep you in my thoughts.  

 
December 27, 2006, 4:29 pm CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

Quote From: carlahhhh

for your loss of Adam. Sorry to say that in my experience, it gets worse. My son Andy died on May 5, 2004. He was 29. Seems like there was numbness for so long. I don't remember Christmas for the past 2 years. I will pray for you and your daughter.
I am so sorry to hear of such young lived lost. When my daughter Stephanie died, for the first time in my life my heart was there just to keep me alive. Some use the term broken heart. Well, now I know what that term REALLY means. Never has anything been so painful in my life. I too tuned out and was not there for my other children, Andrew 6, Timothy 18, Collette 20 and James 23. I was just going through the motions in life. I did however, realized that my little son Andrew was suffering the loss not only of his sister but also of his mother. I really has to get a grip of myself for him. Today, we talk and laugh about his sister/my daughter. We talk about how much we love her and look forward to seeing her again. I too have thought of taking my life and my son keeps me alive.  My heart aches when I read the pain in your hearts and I too feel your pain. Thank you Dr. Phil for this message board. I will pray for all of you . Colleen 
 
December 27, 2006, 11:34 pm CST

my 22 yr old son Payton was killed this month

My son Payton was killed in a Lin. Mark Vlll, it the cruise control switch failed to deactivate causing a fire in the engine, my son tried to pull off the road when he saw the flames, and then he realized the brakes were out, and when he pressed the brakes the fluid caused the car to explode in fire. he hit a tree killing him instantly and his passenger. I could not give my son a casket burial, because he was burned beyond recongition. I went to see the body because, I felt I had to respect my child enough to say good bye. When we arrived at the funeral home ,My son was not in a beautiful room , he was stuffed in a cold storage area with cleaning supplies, and boxes. AS they unzipped the plastic black bag I could not believe these charred remains were all that was left of my beautiful son. I did not cry at the site of this horrific site, why? because I could tell this was my child. The muscles were there that he used to build homes for the poor. THe jaw line that had a model quality was still there. His strong hands had broken during the crash trying his hardest to maintain the firey uncontrollable forces. He was brave until the end shouting for his passenger to jump, but the crash was to sudden to save anyone.

when The troopers came to my door that night, I was told about the two bodies, and I thought it was two of my sons, until I ran into the bedroom screaming finding one of them sleeping.

How is one to cope with the loss of a beautiful child. He was my angel on earth, now he is my angel in heaven. If anyone cares check out his website paytonsproject.org He was so handsome everyone said he should be a model, but all he wanted to do is help people get houses to live in . Please pray for me my heart is broken.

 
December 28, 2006, 3:42 pm CST

Your welcome

Quote From: carlahhhh

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Willie. You are so right. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I hope that no one took offense at what I said about knowing how I feel. I do know that all of you have enormous, indescribable pain. It's me that keeps trying suicide. I did try Compassionate Friends, but it seemed even worse afterward, if that's possible. I know my kids need me. I love them with all my heart & I know they are grieving too. Just want to crawl in a hole and die.
 Your welcome ,I don't think anyone took offense  I didn't myself.  The pain is so great I've thought of suicide too but my kids and g-kids keep me going. I'd call my daughter Meg and she would talk me though it or just cry with me.  Your angry and have every right to be.  I was mad at the world mostly at  Willie and myself.  It's hard to be angry with him but I was,about five months after he died I was at his grave cutting back the shrubs so the engraving could be seen better and I freaked I was screaming at the top of my lungs cutting of the branches"how could you Willie?  Why ? Why did you leave Mama "  Well there are not many branches left on the sides of the shrubs. I got out a lot of anger that day and it's OK to be angry even at him.  I used the website POS and Dr. Phil and the pain is worst when you face it. I cry when I look at the sites of other kids. I cry for them , I cry for me and I cry for Willie. I pray you can find peace. You are in my prayers God Bless Bunny
 
December 28, 2006, 8:21 pm CST

My boy was murdered this year

It was a hit and run by a drunk/drug driver by our home. He was severed and blood everywhere. It took LIfe Force choppers way too long to get here to us. We are in a rural area and the waiting for help was horrid. He tried so hard to live. He just gradutated high school. We were just your typical dysfunctional happy go lucky family until now.

 

We are not a family anymore. We are ruined, destroyed forever. There is no help for us.

 

I have tried everything to reach out to no avail.. I even asked to talk to Robin once.

 

We are no longer living. We are merely existing in torment that is so hard it cannot be defined. I wish death for me soon. That's all I want now.. I just want to be with my son again so much.

 
December 29, 2006, 12:03 pm CST

Coping with the death of my son

My son Andrew died on 17th April 1984 aged 18 months.  He was born with pulmonary atresia and during his short life underwent 2 major operations, but sadly we lost him.  To this day I still feel the pain of losing him.  My advice to anyone recently bereaved, is to seek professional counselling.  In 1984, in the UK, bereavement counselling was few and far between.  I am now seeking counselling as it appears that even though you think you are coping with losing a child, some times, as in my case, many years later, bereavement catches up with you and you find yourself re-living the past and are unable to cope with every day things.  Unfortunately society does not understand how a loss so many years ago can still be impacting on someones life.

I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and have 3 grown up children - I try to stay positive and count my blessings.

 
December 29, 2006, 2:45 pm CST

For My Adam

God, I didn’t want my son to leave,
Cause he was precious .
We all are precious in your eyes
And all to you return.
I know my son will not come back,
And I still have much to learn.
Our time on earth is for learning,
And when our lessons are through,
Our spirit chooses the time we leave,
And we come back to you.
My precious son is with you,
And there will be a day,
That I too will leave this earthly place,
And you will light my way.
I know your arms will be open,
And I will have a smile,
To see my God and precious son,
I will then become Your child.
 
January 1, 2007, 12:15 am CST

Coping with the Death of a Child

Quote From: momofteenangel

It was a hit and run by a drunk/drug driver by our home. He was severed and blood everywhere. It took LIfe Force choppers way too long to get here to us. We are in a rural area and the waiting for help was horrid. He tried so hard to live. He just gradutated high school. We were just your typical dysfunctional happy go lucky family until now.

 

We are not a family anymore. We are ruined, destroyed forever. There is no help for us.

 

I have tried everything to reach out to no avail.. I even asked to talk to Robin once.

 

We are no longer living. We are merely existing in torment that is so hard it cannot be defined. I wish death for me soon. That's all I want now.. I just want to be with my son again so much.

Well, my son passed away, too. They said it was suicide but it could have been murder. We will never know. It is the most horrible thing, to lose a child. He was 28 years old. My daughter and I are having a horrible time dealing with this loss. And with the gangstalking that is going on,  that just makes it worse. And no one does anything about it. There is even police sponsored gangstalking, state sponsored gangstalking, even church sponsored gangstalking. I wish someone would pay attention to this and do something about it and help the victims and put a stop to this. No wonder there are so many suicides.
 
January 2, 2007, 12:19 am CST

The Loss of Our Sweetgirl.....

 First off, I would like to pass on best wishes and prayers for 2007...may we all find more strength to continue to find that hope to get up each morning and hold onto those memories of our little bundles of joy!!!

Our 14 year daughter passed away on July 14, 2005...just one week before her 15th birthday; just one week before we were to fly off on her Make A Wish trip to Disneyland.  It has been such a roller coaster ride for the past 17 months.  Some days it feels like a life time ago that she left us, some days it feels like just yesterday...and then there are days that I think she is still here and then reality kicks in and I have to face it all over again...she is gone.  I am told that the pain gets easier....well, I find it doesn't...we just learn to live with it; it's not like a cut that heals and that's it...this is an open wound, inside our hearts that nobody sees, that weeps forever.  I am told to reach out for support, but when asked how I am doing...it's funny how they run because it's too much for them to handle; the endless "we should get together and talk, have dinner, please know that I am there whenever you need me"....Okay....well there is still many a day that I shed my tears in silence and in solitude just to spare them.

Our Sweetgirl had been sick since birth and finally got diagnosed in 2003 with a Mitochondrial Myopathy disorder, she had a severe Complex IV, significant Complex I, severe Lactic Acidosis and Sideroblastic Anemia.  This is a disorder that affects the muscles and energy in your body; our Kayla fatigued easily with any kind of physical activity so she had to learn to limit herself; even though she ate like a lumberjack, she had difficulties gaining weight; she became chronic anemic as she got older which eventually lead to blood transfusions.  By September 2004, she had to rely on a wheelchair to get around and by December 2004, we had to homeschool her as she just had no energy to get up in the mornings even with 10-14 hours of sleep. There is no cure with this disease, just some treatments with no guarantee they will even help.  By June 2005, Kayla went into respiratory failure, intebated and we were flown to BC Children's Hospital.  Two weeks into our stay there, we were told that her diaphragm was paralyzed and that she would have to live on a ventilator the rest of her life.  At that time, we were making plans of selling all our stuff to relocate closer to the hospital so she could continue to get the best care....we kept her going, continued to give her hope so she would continue to fight...all she wanted was to go home...she knew already that she would not be able to go to Disneyland, she wanted to change her wish to getting braces....she knew she would be there for her birthday so she asked us to fill her room with balloons and asked all the nurses to be there.  BUT things took a turn for the worse....the blood transfusions had no effect on her...her bone marrow was shutting down as was the rest of her organs.  Nothing, nothing was working...nothing worked....she was gone.

The images still continue to haunt me....I cry in silence, have my moment, see her little finger pointing at me saying, "Don't Cry Mommy" (either in writing or sign language as she was still intebated); I lift my chin and carry on....

God bless all us parents out there................I hold you and your little angels in my prayers!!!

Luv
Suzette
In Memory of Kayla, visit her website at:
http://kayla-oflynn.memory-of.com.
 
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