Topic : Coping with the Death of a Child

Thank you for your message. It hasn't been even a year since I lost my 12 year old baby girl, and I find that some people make me feel crazy that I am supposed to get over this much quicker than I have. But in my heart I know I never will. When my daughter died, most of my life was taken with her. I still am so heartbroken. It's the worst pain I could ever have in my heart. It's like a curse on my life that will never leave. I was told by a doctor that I should be getting over this in about a year, and if I don't then I need more help to get there. I don't think anyone could make me get over this. It's done; it's final. My heart is broken; my life feels worthless without my child. She was my main purpose in life and I can't find much of a purpose anymore. I don't know how to cope with this most days.

 

I dream about her all the time with only ONE dream that brought me happiness while I was dreaming it: she took my hand and led me to my coffin which was next to hers. During this one dream I was very happy. I know it sounds strange to be happy while I am going to lie in my coffin, but in my dream I knew that we were going to be together in a beautiful place. Other than that, I am plagued with nightmares all the time, waking up with sweats, like I JUST found out that she was gone for the first time! Nightmares after nightmares for me and only one dream that brought me happiness. It's so horribly toublesome!

 

WHY do mothers have to lose their children? It's so disturbing and such a helpless feeling. We lose a huge part of ourselves. No, not in one year will I get over this...I doubt I ever will. One of the only comforts I can find is knowing that others who have been through the same thing can reach out to me to let me know that I am not completely crazy for feeling so lost and so empty. It doesn't bring her back, but it takes away some of the self-inflicted, never-ending guilt from the loss of her, which has been so overwhelming to me! Like you said, NO ONE will EVER know until that person experiences such a loss. It certainly brings so many feelings in my life that I've never had...feelings that I can't conquer! As a young girl IF I had known I would have to endure this, I don't think I could have fathomed such pain. But it's come and somehow I have to learn to find some kind of hope, something I lack completely!

Like you I lost my youngest Son two yrs ago. It is difficult especially this time of yr. From Thanksgiving until about the middle of March, I feel as if I just want to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and just stay there. Robbie died on 2/4/2005 it has been 2 yrs now. He was married, and was the proud father of twins a son Jameson and a daughter Clarissa. They were only 3 mos. old when he passed away. I have some consulation when my Grandmother was alive she had 10 children, 7 of whom are still living. She lost 3 sons, and I know that until the day she died she remembered their birthdays and the day each passed away. I turn to her for my strength to get through the roughest of days, such as his birthday, and he loved the 4th of July. He was a wonderful son, great brother and true friend.

I lost a liitle girl 23 years ago to SIDS,  I was the worst day of my life as I was just a 21 yearold girl myself.  Here I am 45 and a survivor.  My marriage ended  10 years after the death.  I felt ruined then and know now it is not true.  I am alright today because of Jesus in my life.  Our children are passed on and we will see them again.   As I walk thru this veil of tears on earth I have found now that I am happy for her, no longer sad.  You do learn to live with it tho, you always remeber and the pain does lessen.  It ruined my life for many many years, I went crazy and needed help.  Everyone who experiences a loss as this should seek counceling.  I wish that I would have.  And I hope by saying this I can help someone.  It can make or break a marriage so it is so important.   don't be ashamed to reach out as I had.  I finally did in 1999, I crossed the line and tried to commit suicide,  because of my faith I thought that would never happen but ity did to me. i WISH LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO ALL WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS PAIN.

I lost my only child  2.5 years ago.  He died from a sudden illness.  I was fortunate to be referred by my physician to a Christian bereavement center who conducted grief workshops.  My husband and I attended just one month after Eric died and then again one year later.  We also attended a Christian grief support group affiliated with the center.  Now we have organized a branch of that support group in our own community and reach out to other parents who have lost child.  This has helped tremendously.  Our church family supported us from the beginning and continue to be our strength now.  We have our faith to guide us through this temporary separation from our son.  We pray for all families who have suffered this loss.

I lost my son, an only child, 2,5 years ago.  I have done extensive research about grief by reading books, attending seminars and support groups.  I have come to the realization that no one can tell you how to feel, each one of us grieves differently.  No one can understand what you are specifically feeling, though others who share this tragic loss can certainly relate.  Husbands and wives, other children, other family members need to be given the space they need to grieve.  Turn to grief resources in your community.  Books are a great tool for confirming that your feelings are not crazy.  Find ones specifically related to loss of child.  Support groups are excellent and a strong faith in God and a supportive church family can make a big difference.  This is truly the worst loss imaginable, outside the natural order of things, it's needs TLC for all involved.  I have survived, even prospered as my son would have wanted for me.  He helped others throughout his life, now it's my turn.

HELLO.  I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR PAIN.  AS MOTHERS OF CHILDREN WE HAVE LOST, SOMEHOW WE ARE UNITED AND UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.  I LOST MY SON IAN WHO WAS 25 YEARS OLD.  HE WAS MARRIED AND LEFT BEHIND 3 CHILDREN.  IAN'S PASSING HAS LEFT A VOID IN MY HEART AND I STRUGGLE EVERYDAY WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE IS NO LONGER HERE.  MY ANGUISH IS CARRIED OUT EVEN FURTHER TO SEE HIS CHILDREN SUFFER WITHOUT HIM.  I TOO AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HOLD TO THE PROMISE OF SEEING HIM IN HEAVEN.  MY MEMORIES OF MY SON IS WHAT KEEPS HIM ALIVE.  AND THOUGH THEY ARE GONE, WE CONTINUE TO LOVE OUR CHILDREN, FOR THE HEART WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.  MY FAITH IS STRONG AND I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HEALING AND RESTORATION FOR US ALL.   MAY GOD KEEP YOU IN HIS PEACE. 

 

MARIA, IAN'S MOM FOREVER

Dear Sweet Angels Arms...

 

I am so touched by your willingness to see through your grief and take on your grandchildren in the way that you have.  Yes, they are obviously hurting, but imagine what it would be like for them without you.  One-on-one counseling may help.  Many grief centers offer it or can recommend grief-specific counselors in your area.  Interns in counseling (working on their degrees) offer free counseling through local colleges, mental health and social service departments.  Grief can turn inward into depression or anger and have lasting consequences, but if dealt with, children can work through issues.  I also found that by going twice a month to grief groups has helped.  For me, once a month, didn't provide the support I needed.

 

Regarding your husband; lacking a supportive spouse can be hard, but coping daily with an unsupportive one is even harder.  Maybe it is a "deal breaker" like Dr. Phil likes to say.  Maybe there are issues not related to your grief or loss that are really behind his attitude (jealous of the time that you are spending with the grandchildren?).  It's so hard to tell what dynamics are in play when the death of a child or in your case children, happens in a family.

 

I wish you peace, blessings and God's love,

 

Eric's Mom

My daughter in law passed away July 31, 2006, my son was so depressed and loved her so much he passed away Dec 30, 2006.  I don't know if I'll ever get over losing the two most beautiful people in my life.  Elizabeth died a week before her 22 birthday, Josh had just turned 27 when he passed away.  I just feel lost and alone now.  Maybe one day it'll be easier to deal with but right now I don't see that light anymore. 

I lost my father right after high school, then my older sister died in 2003, but this is the worst, losing a child is the last thing a parent expects especially two people so young and so alive.   

Its been almost a year since i lost my 6 month old daughter to cot death, and it just seems to be getting harder.  I spend my days going over that horrible day. I just wish i could have done something to stop it.

 

I have a three year old boy at home and i know i have to be here for him, but my heart is just not in it any more. My life is spinning out of control and i don't know if i can bring it back under control.

 

 

 

Its not been a year yet since i lost my little girl to SIDS. She was six months old and just full of life. I put her down for her afternoon nap and she never got up. That day just plays over and over in my head, and some days it like a living hell.   Just seeing other babies breaks my heart.

 

When yu say your arms ach to hold him, i know just how you feel, i would give all that i have just to hold her one last time.