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Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

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June 30, 2008, 10:00 pm CDT

Ready for a change

I'm black and my girlfriend of 8 years is white. We have been in this relationship off and on for 8 years. I live in Dallas and she lives in a small town in Oklahoma. Its about a 1 hour and 30 minute drive to Dallas. She drives to Dallas to see me every weekend. She works on Saturday till 3 then comes to see me. I also drive to Oklahoma to see her and thats how we spend time together. Every Monday morning around 5:30 she gets up and drives home. We have been threw alot together but a few things haven't taken place. We have been together for 8 years but I have never met her brothers or here parents. Her family knows nothing about me, all they no is she drives to Dallas every weekend. Now she has cheated on me 3 times that I know about and I have cheated on her. She knows I want to marry her but I think we should live together first. The main reason why she hasn't moved is because she works with her brother working the family business. Moneys wise she is sit if she remains working the family busy. Keep in mind she hates working the family busy but she will not inherit any money if she quits her job. I ask her if she wants me to move to Oklahoma and her responses was "heck no we cannot live her". So basically what I'm asking is for some advice because 8 years is alot to throw away and I really need so direction.

 

 

 
July 27, 2008, 11:27 am CDT

Aren't all relationships

In my view, ALL relationships are inter-ratial.  Women are human and men are, who knows what! 

 

I am the PROUD mother of a white 17 yr daughter, a black 15 year old son and I am now pregnant with TWIN boys who's father is Puerto Rican.  All my children are biological.  Yes, I have experienced racism regarding the races of my children.  However, the racism and prejudice I have and continue to experience has come from MOSTLY my family.  Oh, there have been times when some ignorant retard has called me some stupid, unoriginal name, but I can count on one hand the times that's happened.  However, I would need a scientific calculator to enumerate all the racist and prejudice comments, intentional and unintentional that have come from my own family. 

 

However, I understand that for MOST of my family, their comments are not about how they truly feel about the races, but their FEARS of what others will think about me, my children and THEM, and what others might DO to express their thoughts about us.  And that fear comes from how racism reared it's ugly head in their generation.  In the 40's, 50's and 60's, they had Stepin Fetchit, the Watts Riots, etc....  They can't conceive that racism doesn't exist on THAT level anymore, atleast not that OPENLY and VIOLENTLY, and it's hard for me to get wrapped around the idea that it ever did.  I know it did, but not during my lifetime, atleast not during my conscience of the world around me lifetime.

 

So, I don't look at their comments as hatred, or dislike, but as an expression of their love for me and my children.  As time went on, and nothing bad happened to my son, or me, or them, because of my son's race, they became less and less uncomfortable with it.  In fact, I think, for the most part, they don't even "see" his race anymore, (but are still very aware of it). 

 

There are others in my family, though, who are racist, simply because, in their circle, it's unacceptable not to be.  And others who are NOT neccesarrily racist, but would NEVER interratially date, let alone have a child with, because of not wanting to "disappoint" the family.  WHO CARES!  Is what I say. 

 

Yes, I had problems with my son's father.  And yes, his problems stemmed from what he so Wrongly thought, and still does think, what being Black means he has to behave like.  THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is, In my opinion, the WORST kind of racism and prejudice.  To be self destructive simply because behaving otherwise means you are LESS Black than the next guy?  SICK!   I had the EXACT same problems with my daughter's WHITE father. 

 

What's my point with all this?  I don't know.  Racism is played out? Stupid? Yes.  Do I think Racism should be important.  Absolutely NOT.  It should be, by now, carry absolutely no weight today.  There is no room for it anymore!

 
August 21, 2008, 11:33 pm CDT

I was forced to break up with my boyfriend....

i have been with my boyfriend 2 years now, and we met in high school and i fell in love with him so much and he fell in love with me!!!!!! my family are greek orthadox christians and my boyfriend is muslim. My parents thought that it would just be a little thing but after 11 months of dating him i got serious! and my parents did not like that at all!!!!!!!!!!! they only met him once for about 10 minutes so they couldnt have said he was a problem. one night, they sat me down and said to me you have to end the relationship now, call him right now infront of us and end it!!!!!!!! and i was crying and i tried to run to my room but my dad grabbed me and said sit down and break up with him right now and i almost fainted i was dizzy and blury. i remember how bad this felt!!!!!!!!! so finally, i just couldnt take it anymore! so i rang him. and broke up with him infront of my parents. after a couple hours of crying i was so angry i thought to myself, NO! no way can they do this to me after 11 months, if they didnt want me dating a muslim they should have expressed that before we started dating and before i fell for him! so i rang my best friend and she came to my house and picked me up and took me for a drive. while i was in the car, i rang my boyfriend. my poor baby was crying and crying saying aleisha dont leave me baby i need you please stay with me, and i was crying too, and i said i am going to stay with you, i will do it without my parents knowing about it. so, ever since then, its been a secret relationship!  weve been hiding the relationship for a long time and its hurting.

 
August 26, 2008, 9:21 pm CDT

Help..! family opposes interracial relationship

Hi,

 

I'm a 20 year old female (Chinese), and I've been dating my best friend who's an Indian guy but born in HK and brought up there before he moved to Australia for high school, which was where we met. - so he speaks chinese and english fluently. We've been going out for 3 years now, and we were friends for 2 years before that. He treats me really really well, just like how a girl should be treated. I love him...and we've already talked about marriage, being together forever.

 

I told my family about that we're dating 2 years ago, and my family are very narrow minded people, being brought up in China and then came to Australia for around 20 years now. When I told them about my boyfriend, my mum threatened to suicide, she ran onto the road and wanted a car to crash into her - that didn't happen of course. She threatened to disown me, and kill herself and my grandma, aunt all were saying that it'd be my fault and guilt to carry forever if my mother did die. We broke up for 2 weeks, we were both very unhappy during that time, and we reconciled afterwards. My mum found out and got my dad to call my  boyfriend up and threatened to bash him up and make him paralegic.That also didn't happen either, but my boyfriend's family, who is in Hong Kong, were very afraid for him. They really are great though, they back us 100%.  Now my family actually isnt' violent, but very strict, especially my mum. She's the dominant one in the family, and my aunt and grandma also lives with us, which makes matter worse, since they add fuel to fire. Even after the threat, we couldn't break the relationship off. We can't meet up on weekends, or even talk on home phone. We just talk on mobile phone at night quietly so my family won't find out. We meet up during my university time and his university time too (he's 21 years old too, he's studying engineering, but my family thinks it's not good enough). My family expects me to be with a chinese doctor, pharmacist or lawyer..they look down on my boyfriend because they think his course is bad and also because he isn't Chinese.

 

What should I do?? I can't let go of my boyfriend, but I really want my family to accept us. We plan to marry one day. I think my family is aware of the fact that we are still together, but don't say anything about it unless I do. Sometimes they denigrate him, saying how he's useless and everything. They don't care that he treats me really really well and he's a very good person. They just want me to marry a rich Chinese guy. They are embarassed that I'm going out with someone outside my race.

 

Please help-!!! What can I do??HELP!!!!

 
August 26, 2008, 10:31 pm CDT

Help..! family opposes interracial relationship

 

Hi,

 

I'm a 20 year old female (Chinese), and I've been dating my best friend who's an Indian guy but born in HK and brought up there before he moved to Australia for high school, which was where we met. - so he speaks chinese and english fluently. We've been going out for 3 years now, and we were friends for 2 years before that. He treats me really really well, just like how a girl should be treated. I love him...and we've already talked about marriage, being together forever.

 

I told my family about that we're dating 2 years ago, and my family are very narrow minded people, being brought up in China and then came to Australia for around 20 years now. When I told them about my boyfriend, my mum threatened to suicide, she ran onto the road and wanted a car to crash into her - that didn't happen of course. She threatened to disown me, and kill herself and my grandma, aunt all were saying that it'd be my fault and guilt to carry forever if my mother did die. We broke up for 2 weeks, we were both very unhappy during that time, and we reconciled afterwards. My mum found out and got my dad to call my  boyfriend up and threatened to bash him up and make him paralegic.That also didn't happen either, but my boyfriend's family, who is in Hong Kong, were very afraid for him. They really are great though, they back us 100%.  Now my family actually isnt' violent, but very strict, especially my mum. She's the dominant one in the family, and my aunt and grandma also lives with us, which makes matter worse, since they add fuel to fire. Even after the threat, we couldn't break the relationship off. We can't meet up on weekends, or even talk on home phone. We just talk on mobile phone at night quietly so my family won't find out. We meet up during my university time and his university time too (he's 21 years old too, he's studying engineering, but my family thinks it's not good enough). My family expects me to be with a chinese doctor, pharmacist or lawyer..they look down on my boyfriend because they think his course is bad and also because he isn't Chinese.

 

What should I do?? I can't let go of my boyfriend, but I really want my family to accept us. We plan to marry one day. I think my family is aware of the fact that we are still together, but don't say anything about it unless I do. Sometimes they denigrate him, saying how he's useless and everything. They don't care that he treats me really really well and he's a very good person. They just want me to marry a rich Chinese guy. They are embarassed that I'm going out with someone outside my race.

 

Please help-!!! What can I do??HELP!!!!

 
September 1, 2008, 10:10 pm CDT

Hello

I am not new to the Dr. Phil board, but  I have not been here in a few years.  I find myself in  unchartered  grounds and unfamiliar constantly in a  struggle,  not sure .  I am a 41 year old w/female who has been dating  black males for the past two years. I am at such a loss w/the one who stole my heart, and so uncertain. I am here to support others in what ways I can. Such a tender subject as so many harbor issues w/race mixing. I have this in my family too, but thank god I raised my white children better and they really dont care as long as I am happy. My son has a few issues, but my daughters are pretty open. My x is dealing w/his as best he can. My parents, LOL, they will say she is grown and gonna do what she wants. My  Dad dont much like it, but they will never stand in the way of my happiness. Hello to all!
 
September 8, 2008, 4:33 pm CDT

Sister Unhappy about Relationship

I am a 34 year old black female and I dating a 30 year old white man. I have never been happier in my life. Before I met him I never believed that it would be possible to find someone who I could share everything with. He is so loving, geniune, and sweet. Despite the color differences we have soo many things in common. We both feel as though we are each other's soulmates. The problem is that I come from a very religious and conservative Christian family background. I called my sister up to tell her about him because her and I were really close, and she has always been very supportive of me. I thought maybe she would be happy for me. However, when I told my sister about him she seemed shocked and taken back. She even made comments along the lines of " I really hope you are not serious about continuing to see this guy". I have not told my boyfriend what her reaction was because I don't want him to feel hurt. He is a very sweet sensitive guy.  I have strong feelings for him and regardless of what my family thinks I am going to stick with him. However, I am not even sure if I should tell my boyfriend anything about what my sister thinks and I don't know what will happen to the relationship between me and my sister.
 
September 19, 2008, 2:09 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: exfactor33

I am a 34 year old black female and I dating a 30 year old white man. I have never been happier in my life. Before I met him I never believed that it would be possible to find someone who I could share everything with. He is so loving, geniune, and sweet. Despite the color differences we have soo many things in common. We both feel as though we are each other's soulmates. The problem is that I come from a very religious and conservative Christian family background. I called my sister up to tell her about him because her and I were really close, and she has always been very supportive of me. I thought maybe she would be happy for me. However, when I told my sister about him she seemed shocked and taken back. She even made comments along the lines of " I really hope you are not serious about continuing to see this guy". I have not told my boyfriend what her reaction was because I don't want him to feel hurt. He is a very sweet sensitive guy.  I have strong feelings for him and regardless of what my family thinks I am going to stick with him. However, I am not even sure if I should tell my boyfriend anything about what my sister thinks and I don't know what will happen to the relationship between me and my sister.

I am a 40yr. old white woman and I was in a serious relationship with a black man for 5yrs. I thought my family would be happy too until I told them about him. They said, What? Who? Anyway, to answer your question. I was honest with him about my family's feelings because I felt it was more respectful to tell him than not. I felt like I was disrespecting him by letting him go to meet my family and think that everyone liked him - when that was untrue. I was extremely hurt by my family's reaction and in the end my loyalty was with him. I love my family, but I feel someone's skin color has nothing to do with their value whatsoever. In the end my family came around for the most part. I'm sure your family will come to accept him when they realize you really love him. If not, it's your life to live and your happiness end. Best of luck,
 
October 18, 2008, 5:31 pm CDT

I am American and I am Black

Quote From: atlantaladi

Your husband is from Kenya - where there is only black people and there has been no Civil Rights Movement - no Apartheid. To him Africa is a continent. Everywhere else on the globe where there is black people - ALL of African decent, they were taken there violently - for hundreds of years. Africans were taken to South American as slaves, to the Carribean as slaves to America as slaves. In every case after slavery - a subsociety and treated as such.

 

There are African Americans, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Haitians, etc. ALL of African decent but VERY different language, cultures and "blended" with various other races in each place over hundreds of years. Black in the US doesn't mean African - it means African American - black people in America.

 

Your husband has no insight into how African Americans should view themselves because he doesn't know African American (Black) culture. Your comment....

 "I mean if speaking proper english and having manners is "acting white" then what is "acting black?" ...

Sounds racist.  YOU associate bad english and bad manners with black people.  The "black people" who said your husband doesn't act black are right - how can he and how would he when he is NOT from our Black culture? He's Kenyan! He should get over saying black people should just say they are American - it's offensive and dismissive, though I am sure neither of you intends that or understands that it is.

 

Also your comment..."I think when everyone in this country starts realizing that we are all americans not anything hypenated then it will be alittle better place to live."

 

- From a "Black " person's perspective is also a bit dismissive.  Why are you directing this at Black people?  If all "Americans" were TREATED the same - if African Americans WERE treated the same as Caucasians - there would be no NEED for the hyphens.

I have been told I act white,  I sound white  and my response has always been I act like Debbie and sound like Debbie --sometimes we are our own worst enemy!
 
October 19, 2008, 10:15 pm CDT

LIfe where I live now

My name is Drew, My mom is white and dad is black. Im dating a white girl and have been for almost 7 years.  When we first got together know one asked because (im very lite skinned) about my parents. Well I took her dad one day to meet my family. Should of seen his face, grant it he is from southeast Kentucky and we were in Ohio. It took him lets see almost 6 1/2 years to get over the race. Even after we have had two kids together.He always tried to be nice to be but you could see in his eyes how he felt. When he would tell others about me, It was never using my first name. It was always the "black kid". Now her mothers family has loved me since day one. Me being mixed could never find a girl that liked me and her family too. They have treated me like one of there own since day one. Telling me color dont mean a thing as long as you love her. We still have are problems with people around where we live. We moved from NW  ohio to SE ky. Like I said Im very lite skinned and people dont ask questions but we then come over. I let the picture of me,my mom,dad and brother be the first thing they see walking in. Im happy to be mixed, My dad always said "dont let what others say bother you,let it only make you stronger". That is what its done,is make me stronger
 
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