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Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

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December 26, 2008, 8:05 pm CST

Lost

I need some advice and help because I feel completely lost. I have been dating a wonderful man for quite sometime now, and he is of a different race than myself. I have no problem with interracial dating, but I know my parents do. I have no idea how to tell them because I feel he will not be accepted and I will be a disgrace in their eyes. I know the man I'm dating is getting frustrated with the fact that he has not met them, but I'm just so scared that it could end everything. What do I do? I care so much for this man and hurt at the thought of losing him. I just want him to be accepted and for my parents to see the great individual that he is.  
 
January 5, 2009, 1:22 pm CST

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: theren7

I am a black woman married to a white man.  We've been married for three years.  He is such a supportive. loving, and caring husband. 

 

When I introduced him to my family, I received a different, but respectful response from them.  They had to  grow to understand and accept our relationship.  Of the many family members that I have, there was one aunt that just couldn't understand the relationship at all.  I must say, "I'm from Mississippi."  In my opinion, interracial dating/marriage isn't really understood by SOME southerns.  For many of them, I think it is past experiences in which they have based their opinions.  For others, my belief is that they would rather stay with what is familiar to them.  After setting aside her thoughts, I must say, "My aunt loves him to death."

I havent been on this message board since January 2007 and I am happy to say that I am getting marry tomorrow, January 6th 2009 to my fiance.  He is a white man who Ive been with  for the last 2 1/2 years with.  His family now accepts me for who I am now.  They know I was a good woman  for their son and if you read my messages earlier on the message board, his parents did not approve of our relationship.  But after time and patient and knowing that this wasnt a phase for their son,they saw that I love him and care for him.  They saw that he loves me too.  We are happy and ready for the world.  I understand what it is like not having your family understand why you are in a interracial relationship.  My family was fine with our relationship.  It was his parents but now we r pass all that.  We're happy and thats what matters!!!
 
January 27, 2009, 7:15 pm CST

Interracial relationship and older woman with younger man

I'm a  woman of color dating a younger spanish man.  I'm from a culture that is not to excepting of the interracial relationship, which hasn't affected me in any way.  The way in which I was raised has alot to do with my character and my personality.  I believe that we as a people are equal in every aspect.  When you cut any body we all bleed, so why the diverse attitude (lol).  lOVE HAS NO BOUNDARIES.  Love comes from the heart, and know one can feel for us.  I have the same concerns regarding the age of the person you fall in love with.  If the person meet most of the things that you are looking for, why does age have to be a factor.  Remember we will all get to that age that we are discriminating about.  So live your life with all of the guidelines, values and principals that you have been thought, and "live the life you love, or love the life you live"

 

Awaiting for any response 28-01-09 

 
February 15, 2009, 12:13 pm CST

I feel you!

Quote From: asura_sotosuri

I'm 20 years old and I recently entered into a deeply throught out interracial relationship. I'm white and my boyfriend is black. He'd been a very good friend of mine for four years prior to us dating each other so my family had met him more than once.  He and I have always been attracted to each other but we never dated because of either personal conflicts or because of my family.  When my father found out that I was thinking about dating him he kicked me out of the house.  He told me that if I was going to "disrespect him like that" then I could live somewhere else.  He then proceded to kick my twin sister out of the house for supporting my decision.  Thus (long story short) we moved out and I started dating him 'under the radar' because many people in my family wouldn't accept it.  My mom knows, but she's like, "Don't tell your father!  Don't tell your grandpa!  Don't tell your aunt!  Don't tell *insert many more here*". My poor mother... stuck in the middle of all this trying to keep a very unstable peace.

 

It didn't matter to my father that I was a good daughter.  It didn't matter to him that I'm going to be a Paramedic before I'm 21 and that I save lives for a living/in my free time instead of party or doing drugs.  It didn't matter to him that I started college at 16, that I don't drink or smoke, and that I always let them know where I was when I went out.  It didn't matter to him that I was only working part-time while I was in college full-time when he kicked me out and it would be nearly impossible to support myself.  It didn't matter to him because his prejudice was more important then his own daughter.

 

I still love my father but I'm standing my ground.  I know he didn't expect me to make it on my own and truly it would have been hard without my sister by my side.  I know he didn't expect us to say, "fine. We don't want to live in a house with someone who can hate someone for the way they were born and that be the ONLY reason. "  I know he'll never come around to accepting my boyfriend and truly, it is his loss.  I'm sorry that I lost my home and my father to this but I can't imagine living in a home where someone can hate someone who makes their daughter happy... for their mere skin color when they sat down once and had dinner with them.  We all bleed the same color but some people don't understand that.

 

I hate my family isn't able to share in my happiness just because my boyfriend is black.  Sometimes I regret my decision because I miss my home and my family, but then I think about how when I'm with my boyfriend he helps me forget all the terrible things I see working on the ambulance.  Sometimes you just have to stand your ground and fight for what you believe in, no matter how badly it can hurt.  You have to keep looking at the light instead of falling behind into the darkness.

Hi my name is Toni, I am in a very similiar situation as you. I am 26 and have been with a black man for five years, we just recently got married, behind my parents back. I am also six months pregnant which my mother now knows. My dad will not speak to me at all, he says I have betrayed him. I also have a sister who stands behind me, I don't know how I'd do it without her. I feel bad that you have to go through this, but it's comforting that we are not alone. Sometimes I feel guilty, like i am a bad daughter for being with a black man, but he is really good to me, I don't see things the way my parents do, I never have. I believe there's a reason for that. I believe we are here to change the world, to open people's eyes, it's not going to be easy but god trusts us to handle this great responsibility.

What you need to know is that you are doing the right thing, even though it feels so bad sometimes. I was so close with my family, and it tears me up to think they would waste time being hateful, instead of wanting to see me. Life is so short, but I told them I will be right here waiting if they decide they change their minds, and want to be a part of my life. You sound real mature, like you know what is right. Just know you are not alone, there is other people who are being discriminated on, just like us for our choices. If your man makes you happy, then you are where you should be, no matter what anyone else thinks.

God bless you, and if you need to talk please don't hesitate to let me know.

Toni
 
February 17, 2009, 3:03 pm CST

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: asura_sotosuri

I'm 20 years old and I recently entered into a deeply throught out interracial relationship. I'm white and my boyfriend is black. He'd been a very good friend of mine for four years prior to us dating each other so my family had met him more than once.  He and I have always been attracted to each other but we never dated because of either personal conflicts or because of my family.  When my father found out that I was thinking about dating him he kicked me out of the house.  He told me that if I was going to "disrespect him like that" then I could live somewhere else.  He then proceded to kick my twin sister out of the house for supporting my decision.  Thus (long story short) we moved out and I started dating him 'under the radar' because many people in my family wouldn't accept it.  My mom knows, but she's like, "Don't tell your father!  Don't tell your grandpa!  Don't tell your aunt!  Don't tell *insert many more here*". My poor mother... stuck in the middle of all this trying to keep a very unstable peace.

 

It didn't matter to my father that I was a good daughter.  It didn't matter to him that I'm going to be a Paramedic before I'm 21 and that I save lives for a living/in my free time instead of party or doing drugs.  It didn't matter to him that I started college at 16, that I don't drink or smoke, and that I always let them know where I was when I went out.  It didn't matter to him that I was only working part-time while I was in college full-time when he kicked me out and it would be nearly impossible to support myself.  It didn't matter to him because his prejudice was more important then his own daughter.

 

I still love my father but I'm standing my ground.  I know he didn't expect me to make it on my own and truly it would have been hard without my sister by my side.  I know he didn't expect us to say, "fine. We don't want to live in a house with someone who can hate someone for the way they were born and that be the ONLY reason. "  I know he'll never come around to accepting my boyfriend and truly, it is his loss.  I'm sorry that I lost my home and my father to this but I can't imagine living in a home where someone can hate someone who makes their daughter happy... for their mere skin color when they sat down once and had dinner with them.  We all bleed the same color but some people don't understand that.

 

I hate my family isn't able to share in my happiness just because my boyfriend is black.  Sometimes I regret my decision because I miss my home and my family, but then I think about how when I'm with my boyfriend he helps me forget all the terrible things I see working on the ambulance.  Sometimes you just have to stand your ground and fight for what you believe in, no matter how badly it can hurt.  You have to keep looking at the light instead of falling behind into the darkness.

You know, when I first began reading this post I was shocked.  I thought I might have written this myself; the situation was very close to my heart.  It was so relatable, I'm 19 and recently entered a relationship with my black boyfriend who had been my good friend for some years.  The part that really struck close to home was reading about your habits growing up in your home.  I, too, went to college young, at 15 and will graduate with my Bachelor's before I'm 21.  Never did drugs or smoked, spent my time shaping a future for myself.  And yet, a black boyfriend was enough to push all of my attributes to the backburner.  It was enough for my father to treat me like I hadn't a clue about the world I was a part of, as if I had never displayed any character or awareness of the world and the people in it.  I, too, understand what it is like to have someone tell you, "oh, don't tell your father....grandfather...grandmother...."  It is painful and can only be eased by the one you love, but it never disappears.    I wanted to say this to let you know that it apparently is not a rare situation and though it hurts, this is what it looks like when the world is undergoing a changing mentality.  We are the ones carrying change on our callused backs, keeping focused, reminaing just and looking forward for the those who remain clinging to the past.  I personally hate feeling like a liar when I tell my family I was "out with a friend" when really I was with my boyfriend, i hate facing the people that brought me to this world and nurtured me while I know their view of the world is a twisted one.  I never got kicked out of my house, I tried telling my dad about this guy when everything first started.  My dad got completely out of control and I made the decision to keep my relationship a secret instead of facing my father. (I knew he wouldn't kick me out, instead, my dad would keep me in the house and become hellbent on never having me see my boyfriend again- that wasnt going to happen).  But in the very end, it is ourselves that we must remain true to and love.  The others will either come around eventually or suffer silently in the misery of their twisted convictions.  In the end, as I said before,  we must bear the weight gradual change throws on our shoulders.  Only the courageous and the strong have the power to bear this weight.....  i try my best to feel honored that I, and others like myself, are willing to push through the hardest and tallest of walls. 

 
March 12, 2009, 12:46 pm CDT

Can't understand

 I have rescently became single again and it was with a caucasion woman and I am a black man that I have dated off and on the last 4 yrs. We knew one another from 20yrs ago and hungout with the same crowd. She never really paid me any attention back then but we reconnected 4yrs ago via the internet and started talking then dating. For starters she was married and going thru a divorce (supposedly). To this day, she is still married but they only have the kids in common and we have never been able to committ fully or move beyond dating due to this. Now in between then and now, 2 yrs ago in January of 2007, she came back to me pregnant with another man's child that she had met online. She quit talking to him and then went back to a white guy she had dated off/on when we would split up and he didn't want her so she came to me. Not knowing her situation, I reluctantly took her back for the most part because I can actually say that I love her. So we started all over again, for the 3rd time, and I never noticed that she was 4mos pregnant. So as time went on she finally let me know on the nite she went into labor and called me over and I went and, BAM!, she hit me with it. It starteld me but I shook it off and decided at that moment to be there for her because no one knew but me as she stated. She hid this for 9mos without telling anyone or anyone really noticing. I dealt with it and was there while she had it and was the first to hold it and mind you not, it was an interracial child. She has to caucasion kids with her husband. She gave this kid up for adoption agains my wishes and me telling her I would be there to help her and take responsibility for the child knowing it wasn't mine. But she did anyways with the help of her dad's side of the family. Now he passed away last year and she never let me meet him, nor was I allowed to be there for her for that while he was hospitalized with a serious lung infection that took his life after a 4 mo battle. Never was I allowed to go and be supportive to her and for her and her family due to the racism on her dad's side and the step mom. The never knew me or met me but were so judgemental of me and she never once backed me or supported me or tried meeting this situation halfway. Then we broke up again and I retaliated with a nice email to her real mom and step-dad about things I knew about her that they didn't and it caused a serious problem within our relaitonship. They never once tried helping us when I had difficulties with her, but were quick to be judgemental of me when she went to get their support and backing when she ran to them. She has a very serious addiction to marijuana, and she is a habitual lier, she has serious financial problems, they pay her bills and give her an allowance. And then she came back to me in September of last year and we dated again. This time I went above and beyond with keeping money in her pocket, gas in her car, groceries in her new home, taking care of her and her kids, cooking, cleaning, you name it I was her servent. We both have good jobs, but my money was greener to her. I even stooped low and provided her with her pot to show her I wanted this to work. Things were good until in December I decided to stop giving so much without getting in return. I mean like her unconditional love, attention, support and just us being together. I wanted to see if she would or could step up this time. Nope. It was like hell from Jan to Feb and she really went ballistic and dumped me 2 days after Valentine's Day. We didn't have plans for the day, but mine had changed with my family so I called her and went over to her home. I bought some steakes and potatoes and wine and cooked dinner for us and she started an argument that I had begged her twice not to go there and she continued and it blew up in my face. 2 days later she tells me she had to think about things and then let me know that she didn't love me anymore and wanted out and just dumped me like a bad habit. I mean I am not an angel here, but I can tell you I never cheated, went out on her, brought her back anything like she did to me, nor did she have the problems with my family that I had with her's. I don't think she has been fair or the least, supportive of me at all. Can anyone tell me if I am crazy or what it is I am not seeing or understanding here?
 
March 14, 2009, 4:20 pm CDT

not a fan of interracial dating or marriage

i do not condone interracial dating unless it is a matter of the fates just happening to bring two people together. some people openly seek to date people of other races. if love happens, it cannot be stopped. but. other than fate, i do not believe in dating outside of my race. i am a black female. i feel as though if i was not good enough to marry in the past when these relationships were unacceptable, then i am not seeking acceptance or love from these former oppressors now. all whites have a superiority complex. some are more visible than others, but they're there. a person of another race would be a last resort. for there is nothing greater than a strong black loving understanding, caring educated black man.
 
April 1, 2009, 3:12 pm CDT

Single w/interracial children

I have recently broken up with my boyfriend of 4 yrs. We have been living together for a year until the breakup. Did not realize he had an issue with my children being of mixed races black/hispanic. But of course now that I look back and think about these past 4yrs I overlooked the signs and the little comments that were made. I do not look at my children or others and see color, I see the person. I live in a large city filled with all different races and sex preferences and never thought anything of it. My children have always been accepted by my family and my friends. No one has ever made any comments about my children until now. It really bothers me I guess because I never had so many racial discussions ever than this past year. He blames our break on my children. He says they are disrespectful, lazy and horrible and they do not like him because he is white. My daughters both make a 3.0 and higher gpa in school, they both work and play sports in school. They have never called him a name or said anything bad about him to his face or behind his back. They may not hold a long drawn out conversation, but I do not see that as a sign of disrespect. They are teenagers and they have their ups and downs and I remember how I was as a teenager, and it doesn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. Recently one of my children came out and told me they are gay and that was the icing on the cake for him. Now he says they hate him cuz he's white and a man.

I guess I am just looking to vent and some type of comfort. I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this experience.

 
May 9, 2009, 10:47 am CDT

Wife does not announce marriage to her family

Hello. I am a male from SE Asia -- married person from another Asian culture as well.
My wife was apprehensive of announcing our relationship before our marriage -- to her friends -- since we were in a limbo whether to stay together. then we both decided to get married...
After that, she never announced her marriage to her family. It is convenient because we both live in North America now. After one year, she accepted that it was her fault that she did not announce our marriage to her family members. but she is loving, caring in the place where we live.

How should I take this? I think she waits for some moment where her family comes here and she would announce it to them... I felt so much betrayed because my family knows that we are together. Should I get away from her? or should I forget this now? Totally confused. Many times, we came close to breaking up. now is similar situation -- only thing is she accepted it was her fault (today May 9th 2009).

What do you think of my situation? I am not feeling anything at all - but I lack the courage to break up as well. should I gather the strength and get over this?
 
May 9, 2009, 12:29 pm CDT

you should go ahead and introduce

Quote From: dreamer313

I need some advice and help because I feel completely lost. I have been dating a wonderful man for quite sometime now, and he is of a different race than myself. I have no problem with interracial dating, but I know my parents do. I have no idea how to tell them because I feel he will not be accepted and I will be a disgrace in their eyes. I know the man I'm dating is getting frustrated with the fact that he has not met them, but I'm just so scared that it could end everything. What do I do? I care so much for this man and hurt at the thought of losing him. I just want him to be accepted and for my parents to see the great individual that he is.  
this is my situation. you do not want to get your man thinking like me.
----------
Wife does not announce marriage to her family

Hello. I am a male from SE Asia -- married person from another Asian culture as well.
My wife was apprehensive of announcing our relationship before our marriage -- to her friends -- since we were in a limbo whether to stay together. then we both decided to get married...
After that, she never announced her marriage to her family. It is convenient because we both live in North America now. After one year, she accepted that it was her fault that she did not announce our marriage to her family members. but she is loving, caring in the place where we live.

How should I take this? I think she waits for some moment where her family comes here and she would announce it to them... I felt so much betrayed because my family knows that we are together. Should I get away from her? or should I forget this now? Totally confused. Many times, we came close to breaking up. now is similar situation -- only thing is she accepted it was her fault (today May 9th 2009).

What do you think of my situation? I am not feeling anything at all - but I lack the courage to break up as well. should I gather the strength and get over this?
 
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