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Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

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February 25, 2007, 9:29 am CST

Interracial Relationships

im currently having a distant interracial relationship.

last year i was on mauritius and i totally fell for this guy who worked on the hotel.

he'd always make me laugh and hold up all the doors for me and talk to me about stuff and once when a boy in the pool threw a ball at me he jumped in front of me to stop it (i got hit anyways though, haha, but it's the thought that counts) and on my last day there he kissed me on the cheek and gave me his cellphone number.

we texted for about four months, but then we both got tired of it.

now this christmas he wrote to me again. there was a really bad hurricane here by then and when i told him about it he comforted me and told me everything would be fine and that he'd be there with me to protect me. my feelings for him came back.

since then we've been texting. im just a little confused because sometimes he answers with a really sweet message just two minutes after i've sent mine, but sometimes it takes weeks for him to answer, and he sends me some kind of cold non-personal message.

i dont know what to think.
please help me.

i really need someone to talk to.

x

 
February 28, 2007, 9:20 pm CST

Interracial Relationships

This is for anyone who doesn,t think interacial marriges work my mom is mexican and my dad is german they met and 2 weeks later got married they have been together 34 years  my parents get along well and had 5 children all who grew up happy and healthy  being in love has nothing to do with colour!!!!!!!!

I have dated all different races and have not found one to be better than the rest in my eyes everyone has good points and flaws regardless of race.

I am so glad i was raised by 2 parents that taught me to look on the inside,I would have missed  out on some good relationships and friendships if I judged people by the colour of they're skin

 
March 1, 2007, 2:39 am CST

What's a race, then?

There is no such thing as races... just cultures! A skin colour is just outward appearance, it doesn't matter. What matters is how the person was raised, how he thinks and feels, what he values... How he IS, not how he LOOKS.

What's important is whether both parties are tolerant enough to accept and (to a certain degree) embrace each others cultures, traditions, habits etc and make compromises, so that both can feel fulfilled and happy without feeling that they had ti give up a part of themselves.

Sure, I also have prejudices, I admit it. Sure, I also stare if I see a white woman and an arab guy, or a white guy and an asian woman, wondering whether this is the typical prejudice marriage or the typical equal, happy marriage... but no offense meant, I wonder the same things with couples who have same skin tones!

Besides, being "colourful" you stick out just by looks, so it's just natural for people to look. It's the same as looking at people with funny clothes or interesting hairstyles etc. It's not against anyone, it's just people's natural reaction.

Mean comments, however, are not.
 
March 5, 2007, 7:20 pm CST

Mim...

Quote From: mimwackd

My husband of 12 years and I have always been at odds with my son and his daughter, both 30 years old, and both from previous marriages.  My son is married with 2 children, and his daughter is single.  Here are some current examples of my concerns.

  1. I love the holidays and go out of my way to cook, decorate and entertain family.  Thanksgiving produced a realization that absolutely blew me away.  My husband and his family sat at one table, and my family sat at another.  I stood in the middle of the room and felt....................The next day I went out and purchased an extremely large dinning room table and chairs to ensure that that would never happen again.  Unfortunately, no one wants to do a sit down meal, preferring finger foods and my husbands says it is no big deal to him.
  2. My husbands birthday was 2/19 and his daughter gave him the following card.  On the cover is a picture of Bill Clinton and Dick Chaney.  Chaney is saying "Bill, interested in doing a little hunting this weekend?"  Clinton says "Sounds good!"  Open the card and Chaney says "Oh yeah, bring the wife!"  AIM to have a great Birthday!

Just a few examples of what I am exposed to on a reoccurring basis.  Should I be upset, hurt, or concerned?  What do you think?

I'm a little bit confused by your post.  You didn't say, but based on the board it is on, I am assuming (I know - dangerous lol) that you and your hubby are of different ethnic backgrounds.  You say you and your hubby have always been at odds with your son and his daughter.  You say yours is married and his is single - is this an issue or was it just background? 

 

As for #1 - did your families not sit together because of racial tension or just because they don't know each other very well?  I think going out and getting one big table was a great idea in any case.  I hope y'all can have some wonderful sit-down dinners at them.  Maybe try the place card thing, and mix the families together, so they can be gently forced to make convo with each other, and hopefully that will bridge any differences they have, rather they are racial or just unfamiliarity.

 

#2 - this one confused me more than anything else you wrote.  Why would the bday card your stepdaughter gave your husband give you cause to be upset,  hurt or concerned?  Are you a big fan of the Clintons and your hubby is not?  Is this a difference of politics?  I personally am not a big fan of the Clintons, and thought it was a bit funny.  But then I also find humor directed at Republicans funny - heck Cheney got plenty of gun jokes after his hunting fiasco.  Perhaps your hubby and his daughter just have different ideas of what is funny than you do?

 

You say these are a few examples of what you are being exposed to on a recurring basis.  If these incidents are indicative of the whole, then I personally don't think you have anything to be upset, hurt or concerned about.  However - what I feel doesn't matter much actually - if you are feeling those things, then you need to investiage why more fully and if you feel there are things that need change after you do so - have a discussion with your husband and y'alls children as necessary.  If there need to be different boundaries set, that everyone can agree on, then work on negotiating them!

 

Best wishes to you and all your family and congrats on 12 yrs of marriage!  :)  Roxy

 
March 5, 2007, 7:23 pm CST

petite moi...

Quote From: petite_moi

im currently having a distant interracial relationship.

last year i was on mauritius and i totally fell for this guy who worked on the hotel.

he'd always make me laugh and hold up all the doors for me and talk to me about stuff and once when a boy in the pool threw a ball at me he jumped in front of me to stop it (i got hit anyways though, haha, but it's the thought that counts) and on my last day there he kissed me on the cheek and gave me his cellphone number.

we texted for about four months, but then we both got tired of it.

now this christmas he wrote to me again. there was a really bad hurricane here by then and when i told him about it he comforted me and told me everything would be fine and that he'd be there with me to protect me. my feelings for him came back.

since then we've been texting. im just a little confused because sometimes he answers with a really sweet message just two minutes after i've sent mine, but sometimes it takes weeks for him to answer, and he sends me some kind of cold non-personal message.

i dont know what to think.
please help me.

i really need someone to talk to.

x

This is just my take - but this man is telling you, not too subtly, that he isn't really that into you (to quote that cheesy book) - IMO anyway.  It seems he was really sweet to you a few times, and gives you that once in a while, to keep you hanging on.  The fact he ignores you for weeks sometimes and is cold others says much more than the fact he has occasionally been sweet. 

 

My advice - move on and find someone who will treat you with dignity and respect ALL the time!  Best wishes and take care, Roxy

 
March 5, 2007, 7:30 pm CST

Tracie...

Quote From: busty_tracie

I am a 34 yr old black woman who is fed up with dating black men because in my opinion they dont know how to treat a woman  and show her respect.  I am so desirous of dating a white male but in my country a black man can date a white woman and it is ok but for a black woman to date a white man there are all sorts of comments and they hurt.  Can i have your help?  What should i do go with my heart or listen to these ppl who are still living in the past.

I don't think anything is wrong with you.  You are clearly a lovely woman and from what you wrote, are also introspective and intelligent.  That said, I am not sure how to advise you.  My first thought was that perhaps you have not yet met the right black man.  I think it is a shame that all of the ones you have been involved with left you with a bad overall impression. 

 

Best thing I can think to tell you is to open your mind back up and give equal opportunity to any man you meet, regardless of his ethnicity.  Don't turn your back on an entire race of men.  Perhaps you will date and fall in love with a white man, as long as both of you are prepared for, and have the strength to deal with, the negativity that relationship will engender in your country - then you should also stay open to white men (or Latino men etc etc). 

 

Absolutely do listen to your heart - as long as your brain has told your heart to be open to all men.  Those are my thoughts anyway.  I hope you find someone with whom you find love, happiness and fulfillment.  :)  Roxy

 
March 5, 2007, 7:36 pm CST

memma...

Quote From: memma1

I am a very white american and my husband is a very Arab Lebanese man. People have told me so many horror stories about arabs, but my husband has more character and more respect for me than anyone I have ever met in my life. He has a strong culture and we struggle over cultural issues, but we are SO happily married and I can't wait to have children with him and teach them about both our cultures. We need to really get over our predisposed ideas of people based on their colors and enjoy other people! Different backgrounds just enrich the relationship SO much!

I agree that different backgrounds can enrich a relationship.  Glad to hear you and your hubby have a very happy marriage.  I only want to caution you about one thing - be very very sure you and your hubby have absolutely agreed on how you are going to raise your children before you have them.  You say y'all sometimes struggle over cultural issues, and those struggles need to be resolved before you bring children into the marriage.  If you haven't agreed ahead of time about what kind of religious upbringing the children will have, schools they will attend etc - it could cause major strife in your marriage.  That would be bad for y'all, but especially for the kids.

 

Best wishes to both of you!  :)  Roxy

 
March 14, 2007, 8:45 am CDT

Parents dont approve

Hi guys i just need some support. I would love to hear from people who have gone through the same thing if possible. My finacee and i have been together for 2 years now and we are planning on getting married this summer. Things on us have been really hard for the past 3 months because my parents do not approve of interracial relationships in any way. They have threatened him and i, they said if we get married they will have us "hurt" and never speak to me again. They said it will be an ebarassment to the family and this is all just killing me. Before they found out about  my finacee and i my mom was my bestfriend. We did everything together and they put me through school and helped me buy my 1st car. They have always been there for me. Now im inlove with the most amazing man, he is just everything i ever wanted in a man and they are telling me i will become white trash and a black mans "B" if i marry him and people in our family will laugh at me. I love him so much andim not letting him go, i just wanted to talk to someone who have been through something similar.
 
March 23, 2007, 1:21 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

hi me and my housband are both white but i am from europa and he is american

 the longer i am married i realize more and more that we are different- he respects me and provides financally but doesn"t help at home- and i am not talkong about cleaning- i am talking about fixing things, driling, moving furniture or puting cable at house

he sais that he is to tired to do things, that i am not his mother to nag him about it and he doesn't like the list on the fridge what needs to be done either

i am really frastruated i feel like i am alone- oh we have a son 2 year old-  i have to do everything on my own or hire handy man- the thing is we are not rich

is it even possible to change him or i have to get used to it

 

 
March 23, 2007, 2:12 pm CDT

Interracial RElationships

My daughter has been dating and now living with a black guy for the past 5 years.  They meet in high school and then moved in together.  Most of his family is excepting of samantha. However some of our family members are not and some we haven't even told because we don't want the drama.  They are talking of married and are afraid of having a big reception due to creating a family war.  I don't think its fair that these two wonderful kids have to sacrific a wedding that they have probably looked forward to growing up just because some family members can't expect interracial relationships.  What do you do?

 

Mom looking for advice for her daughter

 

Debra Jung

 

 
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