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Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

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March 23, 2007, 4:40 pm CDT

Not guilty

Quote From: cher757

for their racial dating preference? i prefer white or hispanic men and sometimes i feel guilty because i am black....as if i'm "turning my back on black men"....

I have been in that situation before. I am black and engaged to a man who is northern italian/scot-irish. Don't listen to what others say about you. You are not turning you back on the black race. That's your preference and dont let ignorance get in the way.

 
March 23, 2007, 4:46 pm CDT

My opinion

Quote From: busty_tracie

I am a 34 yr old black woman who is fed up with dating black men because in my opinion they dont know how to treat a woman  and show her respect.  I am so desirous of dating a white male but in my country a black man can date a white woman and it is ok but for a black woman to date a white man there are all sorts of comments and they hurt.  Can i have your help?  What should i do go with my heart or listen to these ppl who are still living in the past.

I think you should listen to your heart and go for it. I am a black young lady engaged to a northern-italian/scot-irish man. Don't let ignorance get in the way of true love and happiness. I got the same comments from some of my own family members. Love has no color. Let me leave you with a famous quote "Be thine true to yourself".

 
March 23, 2007, 4:56 pm CDT

Interracial woes!

My fiance and I are engaged.  Most of my family accepts it. But, there are two individuals that are not accepting and it hurts. One individual calls me "Oreo cookie" and other hateful names. How do you deal with ignorance so bad it makes you cry yourself to sleep

 
March 23, 2007, 5:00 pm CDT

Two different flowers are still flowers

I'm 20 years old and I recently entered into a deeply throught out interracial relationship. I'm white and my boyfriend is black. He'd been a very good friend of mine for four years prior to us dating each other so my family had met him more than once.  He and I have always been attracted to each other but we never dated because of either personal conflicts or because of my family.  When my father found out that I was thinking about dating him he kicked me out of the house.  He told me that if I was going to "disrespect him like that" then I could live somewhere else.  He then proceded to kick my twin sister out of the house for supporting my decision.  Thus (long story short) we moved out and I started dating him 'under the radar' because many people in my family wouldn't accept it.  My mom knows, but she's like, "Don't tell your father!  Don't tell your grandpa!  Don't tell your aunt!  Don't tell *insert many more here*". My poor mother... stuck in the middle of all this trying to keep a very unstable peace.

 

It didn't matter to my father that I was a good daughter.  It didn't matter to him that I'm going to be a Paramedic before I'm 21 and that I save lives for a living/in my free time instead of party or doing drugs.  It didn't matter to him that I started college at 16, that I don't drink or smoke, and that I always let them know where I was when I went out.  It didn't matter to him that I was only working part-time while I was in college full-time when he kicked me out and it would be nearly impossible to support myself.  It didn't matter to him because his prejudice was more important then his own daughter.

 

I still love my father but I'm standing my ground.  I know he didn't expect me to make it on my own and truly it would have been hard without my sister by my side.  I know he didn't expect us to say, "fine. We don't want to live in a house with someone who can hate someone for the way they were born and that be the ONLY reason. "  I know he'll never come around to accepting my boyfriend and truly, it is his loss.  I'm sorry that I lost my home and my father to this but I can't imagine living in a home where someone can hate someone who makes their daughter happy... for their mere skin color when they sat down once and had dinner with them.  We all bleed the same color but some people don't understand that.

 

I hate my family isn't able to share in my happiness just because my boyfriend is black.  Sometimes I regret my decision because I miss my home and my family, but then I think about how when I'm with my boyfriend he helps me forget all the terrible things I see working on the ambulance.  Sometimes you just have to stand your ground and fight for what you believe in, no matter how badly it can hurt.  You have to keep looking at the light instead of falling behind into the darkness.

 
March 23, 2007, 9:00 pm CDT

NEWLY MARRIED

I recently got married on 2/17/07 to a wonderful black man and I am white. He is 40 and I am 33 and this is my first marriage and his 3rd. He is an wonderful man and I couldn't imagine my life without him. His family loves me and I love them and we have no problems with his family-however, my family does not know, except my cousin and she does not approve and my dad who really never had anything to do with me and he won't speak to me now at all. My mother passed away in 2001 and she would have disowned me. It was hard at first, cuz I kept thinking of how my mother would feel and still 3 years  later in our relationship I still worry. My aunt is okay with us, cuz her daughter is married to a black man, so I have just one family member who understands. It is real hard sometimes, but why should you pass up on true love, just to make other people happy-This is not the segregation days-come-on people.
 
March 29, 2007, 3:02 pm CDT

Why do most Americans still think in the stone age?

I'd like to express my personal story to anyone that visits this subject of Interracial relationships.  Maybe it will shed a bit of light to your questions and thoughts.

If you'll note, I used embarrassed as an emote because I am for this subject at least embarrassed to be an American.  I am ex military and have lived and dated in many countries.  My view was "When in Rome"  so I dated the nationalities of the areas be it  Asian, German, English, Turkish, whatever.  I never  looked at it as anything other me dating women, not ethnic backgrounds.  I say that to say this.  In the 12 years I have lived overseas, not one woman ever saw me as a Black guy.  I was an American, period.   There were some women that I now see I should have married instead of waiting to come back to the US of A. single.  Trust me when I say, I am kicking myself all over town because when I moved back here to the US, needless to say, my interests in women were of another nationality, not just White, or Asian, just a different nationality.  I have never noticed just how prejudice this country is until I moved back here and started trying to date here.  It is one of the most, childish and ignorant displays of stupidity over what a persons color is I have ever experienced. 

I’ve been back here for 13 years now and I am still single.  And I am employed in Oklahoma (Bible Belt) which is definitely NOT a plus.   So for any of you that get involved in an interracial relationship.  You WILL have discontentment from others.  There is nothing you can do, say, or show to change these people.  A closed mind is a closed mind.  Funny thing is, I doubt seriously if anyone in the US, or the world for that matter is without some type of racial mix.  If you look at the history of the World, there has been ethnic mixing for thousands of years.  Unfortunately, people in this country only see skin color, and someone that looks White, can easily have Black, or Asian, or who knows what in there family tree.  I know there is white in my family tree but my skin pigment is all anyone will ever see.  I wish you lick, learn patience, learn to ignore the ignorant, be there for the other as you will have to work harder to make things work.  Especially if one is White, and the other is Black.  That mix seems to be the big trouble causer.  I have dated Asian here, and have never been looked at twice, I've date white, and double takes and stares are the norm when we were in public.  All I can really say to you is prepare yourself because the hassles are going to be there. 

 

 
March 29, 2007, 5:50 pm CDT

Don't try to change those that prefer to hate

Quote From: jungda

My daughter has been dating and now living with a black guy for the past 5 years.  They meet in high school and then moved in together.  Most of his family is excepting of samantha. However some of our family members are not and some we haven't even told because we don't want the drama.  They are talking of married and are afraid of having a big reception due to creating a family war.  I don't think its fair that these two wonderful kids have to sacrific a wedding that they have probably looked forward to growing up just because some family members can't expect interracial relationships.  What do you do?

 

Mom looking for advice for her daughter

 

Debra Jung

 

The best advice I can pass on to them, is to learn patience for the ignorant.  Other then Muslum countries, the US is one of the most racial and bigoted countries on the planet.  You can never change a closed mind when it comes to this subject.  If the family rejects them, move on, if friends reject them, move on.  If you attempt to get them to see things your way, that makes it worse, and they will eventually start to resent each other.  I am sorry it is this way, but it is.
 
April 2, 2007, 11:03 am CDT

Stay stong

Quote From: floridachic83

My fiance and I are engaged.  Most of my family accepts it. But, there are two individuals that are not accepting and it hurts. One individual calls me "Oreo cookie" and other hateful names. How do you deal with ignorance so bad it makes you cry yourself to sleep

It's ashame that some of your family members call you hateful names due to the fact that your in an interracial relationship, but you have to stay stong in a situation like this because your family members arent going to be the only ones calling you an "Oreo cookie". I think that it's good if you let your family know how you feel, and that it hurts you. If there are still people that remain to call you these types of names then hopefully and eventually they will just get over it. Once you and your fiance get married they wont really have a choice but to accept it. Tell them love is not a color!
 
April 8, 2007, 10:02 pm CDT

My husband is Black and he can not accept that I am white

Me and my husband have been married for almost 3 years now.  I am white and he is black. At first it was hard for my family to accept the fact that I was with a Black man. But they got to know him and really liked him. He feels that people stare and look at us. I really don't notice, I really don't pay attention. He does though. One thing that my husband has a problem with is showing public affection. He will not hold my hand in public and he will not go to some places with me. For instance he will not go to a bar or club. But he will go with other people. Is there a way that I can get him to feel more compitable with me and accept the fact that he should not care what other's think. Is there any one else out there with the same problem.
 
April 13, 2007, 2:19 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: thereelme

It's ashame that some of your family members call you hateful names due to the fact that your in an interracial relationship, but you have to stay stong in a situation like this because your family members arent going to be the only ones calling you an "Oreo cookie". I think that it's good if you let your family know how you feel, and that it hurts you. If there are still people that remain to call you these types of names then hopefully and eventually they will just get over it. Once you and your fiance get married they wont really have a choice but to accept it. Tell them love is not a color!

 

How much of this situation are you owning?  How badly did you hurt your family when you annoucned that you were dating or going to marry a black man?  What did you say to yourself that made it alright  to get  the attitude that "I am part of your family and you can just get over it"?  You are the one that crossed over the line and caused all the hurt in your family.   

 
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