Message Boards

Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 16, 2007, 9:56 am CDT

Somebody help me deal with my family!

Hello all....I hope someone can give me some advice on how to deal with my family.  I'm a white single mom recently engaged to a hispanic man.  We have been together for almost a year now.  This is the first interracial relationship that I've been in and my family has seemed fine with it until we announced that we are engaged.  Then everything seemed to change.  They are now telling me how they don't approve of mixed marriages and of people having children that are biracial.  My fiance is a wonderful man with a great job, wonderful family values and everything that I have ever wanted in a husband.  He is completely devoted to me and treats my two children as if they were his own.  He wants to have a baby with me soon after we are married and I want the same more than anything.  I wouldn't let him go for anything in the world.  When we are with my family they are fine and they talk with him and treat him good but when he is not with me I constantly hear racial remarks and remarks about how we'll have a "half-breed" baby.  This makes me furious.  My children are very happy with our relationship and they are very much looking forward to our marriage and having a little brother or sister someday.  My worry is my parents will put different thoughts in their head.  My other worry is that my family will begin with the racist comments and things like that when my fiance is around.  I would be totally embarrassed and hurt by this.  I know this would hurt him so much.  The comments when he is  not around are getting to be too much for me to  handle without blowing up at them.  How can I talk to them and ask then to please stop because all I want is a happy family in the future and I know I can have it with this man?  They have no idea how much they are hurting me by their sudden change.   Thanks in advance for listening......

 
April 23, 2007, 1:28 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: steph3586

Hello all....I hope someone can give me some advice on how to deal with my family.  I'm a white single mom recently engaged to a hispanic man.  We have been together for almost a year now.  This is the first interracial relationship that I've been in and my family has seemed fine with it until we announced that we are engaged.  Then everything seemed to change.  They are now telling me how they don't approve of mixed marriages and of people having children that are biracial.  My fiance is a wonderful man with a great job, wonderful family values and everything that I have ever wanted in a husband.  He is completely devoted to me and treats my two children as if they were his own.  He wants to have a baby with me soon after we are married and I want the same more than anything.  I wouldn't let him go for anything in the world.  When we are with my family they are fine and they talk with him and treat him good but when he is not with me I constantly hear racial remarks and remarks about how we'll have a "half-breed" baby.  This makes me furious.  My children are very happy with our relationship and they are very much looking forward to our marriage and having a little brother or sister someday.  My worry is my parents will put different thoughts in their head.  My other worry is that my family will begin with the racist comments and things like that when my fiance is around.  I would be totally embarrassed and hurt by this.  I know this would hurt him so much.  The comments when he is  not around are getting to be too much for me to  handle without blowing up at them.  How can I talk to them and ask then to please stop because all I want is a happy family in the future and I know I can have it with this man?  They have no idea how much they are hurting me by their sudden change.   Thanks in advance for listening......

My family wasn't too happy about my interracial relationship either. My mom said she would rather be dead. It is now 16 years later and my entire family from my great uncles, grandparents, cousins,etc love my children. If they love you, they will love your family. Don't let a good man go based on race. Chose what is right for you.
 
April 23, 2007, 9:47 pm CDT

It's not all negative...

I'm a white woman married to a black man and we've not had any real problems with our union in the 15+ years we've been married.  We have a pretty solid and happy marriage and it only keeps getting better. My family, though this was a new experience to them, took it in stride.  His extended family is huge and probably 50% are in interracial relationships, so this was pretty much routine to them.

I think a lot of problems can come from cultural differences more than race itself. My husband and I come from very similar backgrounds and experiences.  It also has a lot to do with environment, we're very fortunate that where we live mixed couples are not an unusual site and we've yet to experience any kind of obvious racism. Whether or not people stare, we don't know.  Long ago we decided that wasn't worth paying attention to, so we don't, it's not even in our consciousness. 

I didn't have any criteria for race when I dated.  My husband and I just clicked as freinds in art school long before we went out, and our relationship just deveolped naturally.  Most people don't see us as two people of different races together, but two people of similar interests (art) who are of such like minds it's kind of weird sometimes.

We have two kids - being mixed is not really an issue for them, they are quite comfortable with their identity.  We've always maintained a good sense of humor which helps our whole family enjoy who we are while being able to laugh at ourselves and all the silliness in the world.
 
April 24, 2007, 3:45 am CDT

WIL DIE TO MARRY A WHITE MAN.

hello people,i went through the interacial marriages page and iread peoples views and the problems they are facing as for me am an africa in nigeria i wiil die to marry a young white guy and i know my family wil be happy for me here in nigeria we dont have that problem.
 
April 26, 2007, 11:46 am CDT

Thanks for listening....

Quote From: bballmom14

My family wasn't too happy about my interracial relationship either. My mom said she would rather be dead. It is now 16 years later and my entire family from my great uncles, grandparents, cousins,etc love my children. If they love you, they will love your family. Don't let a good man go based on race. Chose what is right for you.
Hi there...thanks for the reply.  That is good to hear from someone that my family will come around because there is no way I'm letting a good man like my fiance get away.  He is wonderful to me and my kids love him too.  I'm happy that everything worked out for you too!   Take care and thanks again....
 
May 2, 2007, 7:57 am CDT

Soon to be married

Hello all.......After 52 years living in this world, it finally happened..I met the most wonderfull Hispanic woman..Like a god send she came into my life...

The problem I am having is simple but yet very difficult at the same time...Her son lives with us..He's 21 and has just now joined the work force..He is very spoiled and gets what ever he wants anytime he wants...His mother will jump everytime he wants something and not having his drivers license, she takes him everywhere  no matter what time of day...She will not let him grow up. I get so frustrated, and angry. I'm so afraid that he'll live with us for ever..I so much want to spend my life with her..But not with him in the same house..He won't talk to me, thinking he will derespect his father. He won't even look at me, turns his head everytime he walks by.  Not only that but he physically attacked me on one occasion in a drunken state. beating on me while I was in bed sleeping I forgave him for that , but it still  do not trust him...Any advice will be great...

 
May 14, 2007, 1:42 am CDT

homosexual wrong?

hi im 22 and currently in a relationship with a girl who first was my best friend.we are both very religious, and cant help feeling the way we do about each other.we want to be together so badly but dont know if its wrong to be inlove?is it so wrong to love a person so much,even if it is another girl?what are we supose to do,cause wether we are toghether or not,the feelings wont go away?
 
May 16, 2007, 2:19 pm CDT

help

I have been in an interracial relationship for almost two years now.  My family was upset that we were together and now that we are engaged they have become divided on this issue.  My brother and sister-in-law talk badly about me behind my back and have used my nephews as pawns, stating that I'm not allowed to see them as long as I'm engaged to a black man.  My mother and I have not spoken in five monthes and she has no problem stating that I'm not a good daughter since I haven't broken up with him.  The rest of my family is not as out-spoken about the issue, but don't mind standing to the side while my family is falling apart because of this interracial relationship. 

 

What do I do to patch things up with my family?  How do I get my family to realize that it doesn't matter what color he is?

 
May 18, 2007, 5:15 pm CDT

I'm told I'm racist....cause I ask the questions...

I am an Carib-african-american women of multiple ethnicities (including Irish).  Although I don't consider myself a racist, I have been called one on several occassions simply because I ask the question: Why are white women constantly going after black men?  I only ask this because I see it often & don't mean it to be a sterotype.  And then, when I pose the question, I am labeled "ignorant", "stupid", "racist", "angry", and "jealous".  Yet, a white woman can talk about it all day long and no one says BOO!

 

Many times I have posted the question in forums only to get an answer like "because they are better in bed" or some other asinine answer which only perpetuates the sterotype that white women go after black men for sexual reasons.  Recently, I started a forum on another site asking the question and white men & white women alike came after me with burning "cyber" crosses hollering racism.  I was even told that if I was classier, more educated, and more beautiful, I could keep my black man.  Frankly, I have never lost a black man to a white woman nor have any of my black friends (that I know of) and I find it sad that when we ask a question about the issue, we are taunted and shunned.  Yet, I read discussions such as these and realize that racism does exist and mostly its in the families of these women or their friends. 

 

You can't have it both ways.  You can't claim that you love black men and then run around calling his counterpart racist and less than a white woman.  What does that say about your black man's mother, sister, aunt, etc.?

 

Why are black women always the ones in the wrong when it comes to asking the obvious question when it comes to inter-racial relationships?  Why are black women always reduced to being jealous, ignorant, or less than a white woman because we want to know why they are so interested in our men?  And I use the term "our" for lack of a better word...not for possession reasons.

 
May 18, 2007, 5:32 pm CDT

But it does matter....

Quote From: rebekah215

I have been in an interracial relationship for almost two years now.  My family was upset that we were together and now that we are engaged they have become divided on this issue.  My brother and sister-in-law talk badly about me behind my back and have used my nephews as pawns, stating that I'm not allowed to see them as long as I'm engaged to a black man.  My mother and I have not spoken in five monthes and she has no problem stating that I'm not a good daughter since I haven't broken up with him.  The rest of my family is not as out-spoken about the issue, but don't mind standing to the side while my family is falling apart because of this interracial relationship. 

 

What do I do to patch things up with my family?  How do I get my family to realize that it doesn't matter what color he is?

This is exactly what I am talking about in my own post.  White folks DON'T have a problem with Black folks until their son or daughter brings one home.  And please don't let him be a Black man that doesn't play pro ball or is on a hit television show because if he is, then his color can be overlooked.  If he's broke or doesn't have the PERFECT job or position, they are not going to accept him/her either way.

 

The fact that your family has shunned you because you brought a Black man home and won't let you even see your nephews says more about the issue of racism than anything else.

 

I have to ask...  What is it about him that you love sooo much you would choose him over your family?  And is it worth it to lose the love and respect of your family because you fell in love with a Black man?  What if he were Asian, or Hispanic, or Middle Eastern?  Do you think the responses would be the same?

 

Look, there are lots of reasons for your family to feel the way they do and one of them just might be, they don't like their daughter, sister, friend with a Black man because it makes them uncomfortable.  It makes the issues of race & relationships REAL for them.  Perhaps it embarasses them...whatever the case, it's not your job to get them to realize anything.  If you love him for the right reasons, all will work out fine. 

 
First | Prev | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Next | Last