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Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

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May 24, 2007, 3:34 pm CDT

Well.....

Quote From: konshesgirl

I am an Carib-african-american women of multiple ethnicities (including Irish).  Although I don't consider myself a racist, I have been called one on several occassions simply because I ask the question: Why are white women constantly going after black men?  I only ask this because I see it often & don't mean it to be a sterotype.  And then, when I pose the question, I am labeled "ignorant", "stupid", "racist", "angry", and "jealous".  Yet, a white woman can talk about it all day long and no one says BOO!

 

Many times I have posted the question in forums only to get an answer like "because they are better in bed" or some other asinine answer which only perpetuates the sterotype that white women go after black men for sexual reasons.  Recently, I started a forum on another site asking the question and white men & white women alike came after me with burning "cyber" crosses hollering racism.  I was even told that if I was classier, more educated, and more beautiful, I could keep my black man.  Frankly, I have never lost a black man to a white woman nor have any of my black friends (that I know of) and I find it sad that when we ask a question about the issue, we are taunted and shunned.  Yet, I read discussions such as these and realize that racism does exist and mostly its in the families of these women or their friends. 

 

You can't have it both ways.  You can't claim that you love black men and then run around calling his counterpart racist and less than a white woman.  What does that say about your black man's mother, sister, aunt, etc.?

 

Why are black women always the ones in the wrong when it comes to asking the obvious question when it comes to inter-racial relationships?  Why are black women always reduced to being jealous, ignorant, or less than a white woman because we want to know why they are so interested in our men?  And I use the term "our" for lack of a better word...not for possession reasons.

All I can tell you is how I feel about MY relationship with my boyfriend. He's black, from Jamaica and the most amazing man I've ever met. I didn't  "go after" a black man. He was there. I was there. And we had an instant connection. We've had our share of problems, but race, I can assure you, is NOT at the top of that list. Who cares? Why even post the question? Not all white women are on the prowl of black men. I CAN'T be the only exception. You seem, from your post, to be okay in the dating department. Why, then, are you asking this of people? Debates are "fun", but going round and round over something that just "is" doesn't get anyone, (Black or white) anywhere.  
 
May 25, 2007, 4:56 pm CDT

white women and black men

I'll be honest -- I am attracted to Black men.  I haven't dated a white man for YEARS.  By the same token, I  prefer Black culture.  I lived in the caribbean for years, now in the states I attend a Black church, most of my friends are  eith AFrican, Caribbean or African American.  I  find Black culture more passionate, dynamic, open, musical, and  has a stronger sense of community than White culture.  I am attracted to the way Black men look, the way they walk, the way they make jokes and how they relate to each other.  I love the way Black women tease each other, how supportive they are when they really care about you, how strong and loud they are, and I love the way they can hold a family together.  My husband is, of course, a Black man (Caribbean) and I ADORE him.  He adores me as well.  Its not about the sex or the size of...  Its about the CONTRAST.  Probably if I were Black I'd date white men (I love black skin against white).  :) 

Since I am attracted to Black men, I naturally have talked to a lot of Black men who are with White women and many of them have told me that they seem to end up with white women because they are generally less harsh than Black women.  They say that, on the whole, most white women tend to be a little more compassionate, more gentle, kind, loving.. that sort of thing.  Many of them say they don't like the combativeness and unforgiveness of so many Black women. 

I know these are generalizations and they certainly aren't meant to assume all Blacks or all Whites are the same.  I am just telling you what Black men have told me and I am being honest about my feelings because I think you are really just trying to understand.

Respect Always,

Caroline
 
May 25, 2007, 4:58 pm CDT

PS

I forgot to say that I am a White Woman married to a Black Man (a very WONDERFUL Black man!!!) ... nearly perfect, if I do say so myself
 
June 6, 2007, 8:39 pm CDT

What do I do?

Hello everyone,

   I am writing this message board because I need some sound, rational, and good advice.  Here goes...I am a 32 years old African American single parent and I am interested in this 33 years old divorced single parent Latino guy.  The interesting thing about us.  I used to be his assistant branch manager for one of the local banks.  At the time, I started being interested in him, his divorce process began.  He was very hurt, bitter and angry behind his break up with his wife.  I just consoled him as a friend.  One day I thought that maybe we could pursue a relationship but his anger and bitterness was too blinding for him to see me as a potential mate so I just stayed my distance looking from afar.  Four years later, we are still communicating and talking as friends; however, I would like to get to the dating part.  I would like to pursue a lasting relationship with him.  I guess you could say I have had a four year crush and I am ready for him to know about it.  I just do not know how to tell him.  In my state, interracial dating is somewhat accepted but for the white women to date other races not usually black women.  So I am stuck because I have a preconceived notion as to what he may think especially since he was one married to a white female.  How do I let him know that he could have a great relationship with me?

 
June 12, 2007, 11:11 am CDT

I am only one white woman

Quote From: jaimie1974

White women can talk about this all day long and no one says BOO because it is their issue. It is similar to a Jewish person talking about the negative reactions of others upon learning they are Jewish; they can talk about it because it is THEIR issue; or a lesbian talking about the issues she faces on a daily basis- she can talk about it because it is HER reality.

Your question, Why are white women constantly going after black men? is offensive on many levels. Just the way that you have asked it- using the word constantly insinuates that ALL white women use their free time to pursue black men; it just isnt true. Perhaps if you pose your question in a different way, you will receive more positive feedback. I can understand why people would quickly assume that you are ignorant, jealous and a racist because of the way you pose your question. If you truly are curious to know why some white women prefer black men, consider re-phrasing your question. I suggest something like, To any white female in a relationship with a black male- what is it that attracted you to him?

I do not refer to white women as"mine", or black men as the target for great sex. Actually I have found your theory of better sex with black men not so in all cases. We are all individuals regardless of colors. I think dark skined people are attractive, because their features stand out more, in comparison to white people. I am interested in black and white, all people and their stories in life's journey.  I really think it's wrong to say that white women want black men, and as I've also heard, all the "good ones"..ha.  no one's all that.   I was married to white and black.  Sex, better with the white, the black man ran around on me, but he didn't drink!   Now, a black man approached me, he's so far a good man for me. I am white but I really think it would be difficult to say for sure that is the only reason he is with me, or visa versa.  Black women who have chosen to talk to me about this have actually told me they wouldn't be interested in my man anyway.  He has so many disabilities, and needs a lot of care.  He does work, two jobs, hard working man, but these women wanted rich well established black men, he isn't .  I am with someone near and dear to me. If he chooses someone else someday, then so be it . Live Life, Love someone,, it's worth the chance you take.  Blessings and light.
 
June 14, 2007, 8:41 am CDT

Ask him to go for coffee or something

Quote From: nedallen24

Hello everyone,

   I am writing this message board because I need some sound, rational, and good advice.  Here goes...I am a 32 years old African American single parent and I am interested in this 33 years old divorced single parent Latino guy.  The interesting thing about us.  I used to be his assistant branch manager for one of the local banks.  At the time, I started being interested in him, his divorce process began.  He was very hurt, bitter and angry behind his break up with his wife.  I just consoled him as a friend.  One day I thought that maybe we could pursue a relationship but his anger and bitterness was too blinding for him to see me as a potential mate so I just stayed my distance looking from afar.  Four years later, we are still communicating and talking as friends; however, I would like to get to the dating part.  I would like to pursue a lasting relationship with him.  I guess you could say I have had a four year crush and I am ready for him to know about it.  I just do not know how to tell him.  In my state, interracial dating is somewhat accepted but for the white women to date other races not usually black women.  So I am stuck because I have a preconceived notion as to what he may think especially since he was one married to a white female.  How do I let him know that he could have a great relationship with me?

Before you tell him about your crush, give him a chance to let his feelings known to you. Get alone, you'll know what to do then.  I wouldn't jump right in and tell him I want a relationship with you.  I think, take it slow and get the feeling from him first.  You'll be just fine, long time to have a crush.  Blessings and lIght.
 
June 18, 2007, 3:36 pm CDT

about the in the begginning

Quote From: othrsideofdark

...which is why I see absolutely nothing wrong with interracial or homosexual relationships. I honestly do not understand how so many people can be so ignorant and close-minded.
 god created all things yes ,... but the bible states that he condemns homosexuals.. so people say its a sickness... its not..... its sick to want or choose to be that way but god didnt make anyone that way or approves of that lifestyle.. so u need to read and learn gods word more... yes love was created in the begginning  but god didnt make homosexuals man made that...god loves everyone and made man in his own image.. so your saying god is gay ... i dont think so... GOD BLESS...
 
June 19, 2007, 1:25 pm CDT

interacial relationships

     I am the ultimate "Interacial". I am black on the outside, but I was raised by white people. (no, I'm not racist, I was just rasied by white people who are racist.) My entire life has been a struggle and nobody would ever understand. I think my family sheltered me because they new the world was a cruel place.  I don't have a dad, because my family told me that my dad was a bad person, he raped, cut my mom's throught, even pushed my mom down the stairs. But my grandma would always introduce me to black people when we went out and tell me that there are nice black people. I dunno, I'm really confused on who I am. I mean I know who I am as a person, but I'm confused on where I came from. I can't find out anything about my father, I've tried, but It think it's a lots cause. I have only dated white girls, and I feel that it's wrong sometimes, because they don't understand. Same with black girls. I dunno what I'm triyng to ask, but Why do I feel so out of place?
 
June 19, 2007, 9:57 pm CDT

not quite what I said...

Quote From: ga_gal34

 god created all things yes ,... but the bible states that he condemns homosexuals.. so people say its a sickness... its not..... its sick to want or choose to be that way but god didnt make anyone that way or approves of that lifestyle.. so u need to read and learn gods word more... yes love was created in the begginning  but god didnt make homosexuals man made that...god loves everyone and made man in his own image.. so your saying god is gay ... i dont think so... GOD BLESS...
you're absolutely right, the Bible does state that. however, if you would have acknowledged my point that it was only stated by other mortals, never actually in any of the "quotes" from God himself, then you would also have to consider that the things you've been programmed to believe may have been inaccurately interpreted.  it's a scary thought, I totally understand.  I've been there.  I did however 'learn God's word' as you suggested, about 15 years ago when I studied the origin of religion and can quote anything you'd like to hear from any of them, including Christianity and the book (the Bible) that it uses as it's reference.  saying that 'it's sick' to be homosexual is a mortal judgment which that particular book plainly states is a sin so does that mean that you will now also be sentenced to an afterlife in hell for betraying your religion?  i doubt it.  only in a MORTAL INTERPRETATION does it say ANYTHING about homosexuality.  perhaps I'm not the one who needs to study further as the degrees on my wall point out that I already have.  in fact, since the English version you've likely learned was interpreted from another language which uses words that have no directly translatable word in English, some entire passages were created by the Roman Catholic gentlemen who translated it for us as to make the point that was previously stated with just one word.  and remember that even God himself "revised" that Bible from the Old to the New testament.  how many further revisions do you think it may have gone through over  the last several thousand years since the mortals wrote it down?  and since you seem to be decided that not a single word in the Bible should be questioned, do you think we should have all football players put to death in a public stoning because they are touching the skin of  a swine on Sunday?  i didn't think so. reserve judgment of all things, especially those you don't understand.  if you really believe that with all the horrible hate crimes, discriminations and overall ignorance homosexuals face everyday from self proclaimed "Christians" that it's something they would actually choose, well I would have to wonder about the education level of a person who would make that statement. question EVERYTHING for that is the only real path to truth.
 
June 20, 2007, 1:43 am CDT

Interracial Relationships

In looking at the messages I can really relate because I am kind of stuck in between two worlds. My parents were born in Indian and I was born here in Canada. Growing up with both cultures I found myself moving mostly toward the Canadian culture and away from the East Indian one. I am 22 right now and I know very little of the language, barely eat any of the food, and dont follow any of the traditions. My parents are now pushing me to find someone who is East Indian so I can think about marriage. The thought of this scares me so much. I have been dating someone who is white (dutch actually) and we just click. I care about him and we became very close, I have been too afraid to tell my parents because they had always told me this would be unacceptable. I have began to a few times, at just the idea of it my dad stopped speaking with me and my mom began to cry. Its very disrespectful to not do what your parents want in that culture. Im so so upset because I hope maybe one day to have a future with my boyfriend but I know that I will be disowned. I couldnt imagine life without my parents, I love them dearly and dont want to hurt them. Yet at the same time I love my boyfriend and he makes me happy.am working on my degree right now (paying for it myself) and ive been living on my own a few hours away from them, my boyfriend is considering moving about 10 hours away but we've talked and decided to stay together and work on a long distance relationship. I wasthinking maybe it would be best to tell them when I was finished school and see if my boyfriend and I become more serious and surivive the long distance relationship, but at the same time I feel so guilty for lying to them. I know the outcome of telling them will be terrible, but Im stuck on what to
do. . I know that in the end I need to do what makes me happy and if that means a future with someone of a different culture, thats what I am going to do. The stress this is putting on me is aweful...  I wish there was some easy way to tell them and deal with this. It would be just so wonderful if we could live in a world were there was no judgement about color or culture or race - I wish I didnt have to chose between my family and my happiness 

 
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