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Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 214
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

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September 20, 2006, 9:28 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: atlantaladi

Your husband is from Kenya - where there is only black people and there has been no Civil Rights Movement - no Apartheid. To him Africa is a continent. Everywhere else on the globe where there is black people - ALL of African decent, they were taken there violently - for hundreds of years. Africans were taken to South American as slaves, to the Carribean as slaves to America as slaves. In every case after slavery - a subsociety and treated as such.

 

There are African Americans, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Haitians, etc. ALL of African decent but VERY different language, cultures and "blended" with various other races in each place over hundreds of years. Black in the US doesn't mean African - it means African American - black people in America.

 

Your husband has no insight into how African Americans should view themselves because he doesn't know African American (Black) culture. Your comment....

 "I mean if speaking proper english and having manners is "acting white" then what is "acting black?" ...

Sounds racist.  YOU associate bad english and bad manners with black people.  The "black people" who said your husband doesn't act black are right - how can he and how would he when he is NOT from our Black culture? He's Kenyan! He should get over saying black people should just say they are American - it's offensive and dismissive, though I am sure neither of you intends that or understands that it is.

 

Also your comment..."I think when everyone in this country starts realizing that we are all americans not anything hypenated then it will be alittle better place to live."

 

- From a "Black " person's perspective is also a bit dismissive.  Why are you directing this at Black people?  If all "Americans" were TREATED the same - if African Americans WERE treated the same as Caucasians - there would be no NEED for the hyphens.

I am black and born in America but my family is from Jamaica. I feel that some black Americans have a chip on their shoulders and have too many hangups regarding race and where we are from. We are all from the human race and should leave it at that. If a person thinks they are less than another race because of what happened in the past and what continues to happen in the present, then the racist still wins. I applaude interracial relationships because that brings us closer together as human beings, not black, white, etc.
 
September 22, 2006, 11:44 am CDT

close minded family

Well, I have been in a couple of interracial relationships that have all ended in fighting and yelling within my immediate family.  My family is a very close minded family they don't feel that it is right to have a relationship of any kind with anyone outside your race.  My current relationship is with someone that is from LA. that moved to Texas in 2000, everything is okay with us but he has to deal with the fact that he doesn't really get to be a part of my family's life and that he doesn't get to come around during family times.  But we do currently have a child on the way and will eventually have to break the news to the new grandparents.
 
September 24, 2006, 11:37 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: amylynn00000

Well, I have been in a couple of interracial relationships that have all ended in fighting and yelling within my immediate family.  My family is a very close minded family they don't feel that it is right to have a relationship of any kind with anyone outside your race.  My current relationship is with someone that is from LA. that moved to Texas in 2000, everything is okay with us but he has to deal with the fact that he doesn't really get to be a part of my family's life and that he doesn't get to come around during family times.  But we do currently have a child on the way and will eventually have to break the news to the new grandparents.
I can't say that I understand where your family is coming from. It makes no sense to be angry about someone that you are happy with, unless he doesn't treat you well. Would they prefer you to get someone from your own race that you weren't so happy with. All I can say is stick up for this relationship, you have a child on the way and if you love the father then you should never throw that away. It is their own fault if they refuse to be a part of the relationship. They are being immature and thoughtless and really need to grow up and realize you are happy. Don't give up on this just because some people are close minded about race.  Just be happy :)
 
September 25, 2006, 1:59 pm CDT

Interracial Relationships

My first marriage was to a white guy, I'm Native American, it was a bad marriage, he is still a raging alcoholic and on his third marriage.  For a long time after the divorce I stayed away from dating white guys based on my experience with him.  After a lot of work on myself and a long self-imposed period of celibacy (fear)and my own recovery, I have re-entered the dating world.  I now find myself shying away from men of my own race for various reasons, Native men my age are either diabetic, overweight and unhealthy, or in white knuckle sobriety, etc., etc.  I know these 'types' exist in all races but where I live it seems more apparent that the pool of Native guys I have to choose from are physically unhealthy and that pool is not very large.  I am dating again and this seems to be my year for blue-eyed blonds, I've met two very nice men so far since June 06. 

To me color doesn't matter, it's the character of the man that I'm looking at.  I may meet a quality Native guy or not and family and friends will accept whomever I choose as long as I am happy.    

 
September 28, 2006, 2:50 pm CDT

Religion and Relationships!

Hi,

I am 20 and I have been dating my best friend for about a year now, he is great, we have so much fun together and I love him so much. It makes me so happy to think about my futur with him and someday marrying him and being with him forever. However, there is one problem, he is Muslim and I have been raised Catholic.  I didn't think this would be a problem because Muslims are allowed to marry Catholic girls, but the problem becomes very clear when we started discussing raising kids one day. My boyfriends religion means alot to him, and I wouldn't want him to pick between me and his religion, but how is it possible for me to raise my kids Muslim if  I don't have the same beliefs?? What would I say to my child when he or she asks "Mom, why do I have to pray 5 times a day?" How am I suppose to tell my kids to do something I don't even believe in?

If anyone has any comments or suggestions please let me know. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend, but I'm afraid we might be wasting our time togehter if we think already that we can't raise kids together!

What should I do?

thanks

Jackie

 
September 29, 2006, 7:10 pm CDT

hi

Quote From: segui19

Hi,

I am 20 and I have been dating my best friend for about a year now, he is great, we have so much fun together and I love him so much. It makes me so happy to think about my futur with him and someday marrying him and being with him forever. However, there is one problem, he is Muslim and I have been raised Catholic.  I didn't think this would be a problem because Muslims are allowed to marry Catholic girls, but the problem becomes very clear when we started discussing raising kids one day. My boyfriends religion means alot to him, and I wouldn't want him to pick between me and his religion, but how is it possible for me to raise my kids Muslim if  I don't have the same beliefs?? What would I say to my child when he or she asks "Mom, why do I have to pray 5 times a day?" How am I suppose to tell my kids to do something I don't even believe in?

If anyone has any comments or suggestions please let me know. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend, but I'm afraid we might be wasting our time togehter if we think already that we can't raise kids together!

What should I do?

thanks

Jackie

I think that it is so cute that you found happiness with your best friend!  This is a good foundation for a lasting romantic relationship.  Good luck to you!

 

You should probably either convert to your boyfriends religion or learn enough about it so that you can help teach your children.  And just support your boyfriend in his efforts to teach your children.

 
September 30, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: lovingone

I think that it is so cute that you found happiness with your best friend!  This is a good foundation for a lasting romantic relationship.  Good luck to you!

 

You should probably either convert to your boyfriends religion or learn enough about it so that you can help teach your children.  And just support your boyfriend in his efforts to teach your children.

Thank you so much for the reply, I have thought of converting, but I don't think that would be right because I am not a very religious person, so for me to be not very religious as a Catholic girl, to convert so I can be not religious as a Muslim doesnt really seem right to me. I don't know.  So you think it is ok to raise my children a religion and force them to pray when they are growing up and to follow everything the Muslims do? Even if I don't believe in that?
 
October 1, 2006, 1:40 pm CDT

Interracial family chaos!

My fiance is white and I'm black and they HATE us together! We first got together in Decemeber of 2003 and the moment they found out that I was black, they disowned him. And oh god, they hadn't even met me yet. Then when they finally did, they said I was nice and I ended up moving in with him and his family for a while and for about 9 months, things went great. But then we decided to move about 500 miles away next to my family, and now they hate me with a passion. Now, they call me a golddigger, a n***er, a whore, they tell him that I used to cheat while I lived there and I really didn't. And now, I'm pregnant with his child and they told him it's not even his. Now he wants a blood test when the baby is born, and he's always accusing me for stuff I never even did.

 

Because of course, to make this story worse, he's kind of a Momma's boy, and I use the words 'kind of' for lack of better words. He listens to everything she says and then he's always stressed out when she gets mad at him for doing stuff for me that he didn't do for her. She's like a little manipulator and he just won't grow up and get it through his head that he's going to be a father soon and he can't keep picking her over us. It's soooo annoying.

 

*takes a deep breath*

 

Please, someone. Give me some advice on what I should do.

 

 

 

I wanted to take this to the show, but he said he didn't know if his mom and sisters would agree to it.

 
October 10, 2006, 12:53 am CDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: segui19

Hi,

I am 20 and I have been dating my best friend for about a year now, he is great, we have so much fun together and I love him so much. It makes me so happy to think about my futur with him and someday marrying him and being with him forever. However, there is one problem, he is Muslim and I have been raised Catholic.  I didn't think this would be a problem because Muslims are allowed to marry Catholic girls, but the problem becomes very clear when we started discussing raising kids one day. My boyfriends religion means alot to him, and I wouldn't want him to pick between me and his religion, but how is it possible for me to raise my kids Muslim if  I don't have the same beliefs?? What would I say to my child when he or she asks "Mom, why do I have to pray 5 times a day?" How am I suppose to tell my kids to do something I don't even believe in?

If anyone has any comments or suggestions please let me know. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend, but I'm afraid we might be wasting our time togehter if we think already that we can't raise kids together!

What should I do?

thanks

Jackie

Hi there,
Every relationship can have its ups and downs but the only way to solve them is to talk about them. There is no right or wrong answer here. But before giving up on a relationship that means so much to you, you need to discuss what options you have. I can't imagine how hard it is to think of these things when both of you are of different religions but all I can say is that maybe somehow you two can comprimise. Come up with a plan on how you will raise your children and stick to it. You could think about letting your child choose their own religion when they are old enough to understand while still including a bit of both religions in their day to day life.
Just don't be too willing to give it all up until you have both discussed what you would like to happen. If there is still no way out, maybe you should go to someone that can listen to both of you and help suggest ideas.
 
October 15, 2006, 8:13 am CDT

Mamma's Boy syndrome..

Quote From: karolyndowns

My fiance is white and I'm black and they HATE us together! We first got together in Decemeber of 2003 and the moment they found out that I was black, they disowned him. And oh god, they hadn't even met me yet. Then when they finally did, they said I was nice and I ended up moving in with him and his family for a while and for about 9 months, things went great. But then we decided to move about 500 miles away next to my family, and now they hate me with a passion. Now, they call me a golddigger, a n***er, a whore, they tell him that I used to cheat while I lived there and I really didn't. And now, I'm pregnant with his child and they told him it's not even his. Now he wants a blood test when the baby is born, and he's always accusing me for stuff I never even did.

 

Because of course, to make this story worse, he's kind of a Momma's boy, and I use the words 'kind of' for lack of better words. He listens to everything she says and then he's always stressed out when she gets mad at him for doing stuff for me that he didn't do for her. She's like a little manipulator and he just won't grow up and get it through his head that he's going to be a father soon and he can't keep picking her over us. It's soooo annoying.

 

*takes a deep breath*

 

Please, someone. Give me some advice on what I should do.

 

 

 

I wanted to take this to the show, but he said he didn't know if his mom and sisters would agree to it.

Honey, dont listen to that other post who started w/ .."I'm sure U werent raised on a farm"......

Anyways, I am a white female who has dated african-american men for 15 years now.  Let me tell you, I have never had the problem of the family not liking me because of my color.  But, I will say that I do have a guy now who has the "mamma's boy" syndrome.  So, all you can do is hope that the love you two have is strong enough to grow even more when your beautiful baby is born. I also have a bi-racial child, and am PROUD of it !! So, dont let this eat at you now, it will ONLY give the "mother-in-law" more power.  It will also effect the health of your baby, as I am sure U already know ! So, maybe U and your man can go away for a weekend, or just try to "re-connect" so he can remember why he fell in love with u, and realize that you two do have a connection, and especially now U need to get back on the "same page" so you can raise the baby in a loving environment.  The last thing you want to do is say anything negative about his mother, cuz that will back fire ! You have to find a positive way to say a negative thing.... if U catch my drift !  Good luck, and God bless........

 
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