Topic : Interracial Relationships

Hello, well I have been there before.  I have an 11 yr old bi-racial daughter and my father also told me at one time he would "dis-own" me etc... blah blah blah........so I waited till after she was born, and called my dad and told him (my parents were divorced at the time) He was more mad at the fact that I hid this from him, and once he seen her..... he was in love.  To this day, my baby is "grandpa's girl".. no matter who her father is, he loves her because she is a part of me !  So, hopefully the same will happen for you and your baby.  My daughter's father had to put up with the same thing.. not coming over when my dad would come visit, my daughter's father would even go in another room of the house, and wait till my dad was gone, then come out where the rest of us were.  He was not happy about doing this, but he loved me and understood this was the way it had to be.  He didnt want to cause any more fights with my father and I , so he buried his pride.  Over the years, my father has "lightened up" on his views, but I know deep down he still is not FULLY accepting.  I hope this gave you a little hope .....

Have you tried to talk about your relationship with your boyfriend, and how you feel that his mother is trying to come between the two of you? Or, when you do try to discuss this topic, does it always end up being a fight, and you never get anything resolved?

My advice to you is easy to say, but very hard to put into action: you need to gather up all of the strength that you have inside of yourself, gather up your knowledge that you are a beautiful and honorable person who would never cheat or lie to your loved one, and with this strength and knowledge about your own personal character right in the front of your memory, approach your boyfriend with a calm tone and a reasonable and rational attitude to discuss how you feel. The fact is that you are having a baby soon, and you can’t deal with this chaos constantly- you don’t need it and you don’t deserve it. To approach your boyfriend without it turning into an argument, I suggest the ‘validation method’ with goes like this, for example, “I love you very much, and I appreciate all that you do for me, and all that we dream of together can come true. I want for us to have a happy, healthy and long lasting relationship, that is why I need to talk about this, I don’t want to fight, I just want to talk about our relationship. Do you really believe I would cheat on you? Do you realize that your mother wants to break us up because she is jealous of the relationship that we have?” Something like that- but you always begin with telling him things that you love about him and things that you appreciate, because that way, he is less likely to become defensive. The fact that he wants a blood test is something I suppose I could live with; but because his mother told him to do it is a fact that I would be livid over! But, you know what the results will be, so look at it this way; you get to be ‘proven’ correct, and she gets to be proven wrong. I wish you well.

I wasnt the most wonderful person in the world in highschool. I made bad decisions, and had a baby at the age of 18. She is now 2  and a half. Im not with her father, who was the source of my bad decisions. Im in college now. Ive been single for 3 years. Mostly just pushing people away because I'm terrified of getting hurt like I was before. I had been with my daughter's father for near 3 years. He was going down a path I couldnt follow. He turned to sex and drugs, blaming  it all on me because I decided to leave him. Truth be told, when I was expecting my daughter, he would always promise me he would help me buy her things, but when it came time, wouldn't have the money, but a week later, have plenty for video games and toys and such. He had bought me an 'engagement' ring. He said he had spent all his money on it. I found out that he had lied, and only spent 30$ on it. I found this out by going to the place he had claimed to have bought it from to get it sized and they told me not only did it not come from them, it was fake. I decided that his path was one of poverty and pain, not that money is the most important thing, but the ways he choose to spend what little he had was not what I had seen for me, or the baby I was expecting. Now, I've turned from that, I live with my mother and father, who have pulled me through.  I'm in college, and shes older. I've met a guy I'm very attatched to. He's black. I'm afraid I'm going to have problems not only with my daughter seeing him as a father, but my family accepting him. I have never been so impressed with a guy in my entire life, and I want to be with him. I've mentioned him to my mother, and she was very detatched. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to choose. I love my family, and my daughter, and would never do anything to hurt any of them, but my heart is aching. Someone please tell me what I should do, Im completely lost.

I thought of more I needed to add to this. I live in Northern Alabama. I don't know whats it like other places, but here, race is always been an issue. I've never noticed it until now though. He's a wonderful man with a good heart. My better half. I just need one person to tell me it's ok for me to love him.

There is nothing wrong with loving him! There is no law against it, although there used to be. Our world has come a long way, although it sounds like northern Alabama hasn’t come all that far. You must know someone in a mixed-race relationship?

You admit that you’ve made bad decisions in the past, and it takes a mature person to own up to that. We all live and learn, and it sounds like you don’t want to make any more mistakes, you want to do what is right from here on out for your child and for yourself. If you feel that this is Mr. W, give yourself a lot of time to take things slow and truly get to know him and his family inside and out. When you are more confident in your relationship with him, you will feel more confident telling your parents more about him. For now, because it is a newer relationship and because of his race, you are unsure of what to do. One thing is for sure- if your parents are going to always think of him as “the black guy” then they are the ones who are missing out on something.

I am a white woman who 28 yrs ago met a man who is I call him a Jamexican(half jamacan & and half mexican) we have been married for 24 yrs and have 4 kids. We have a good relationship and are very happy ..Our oldest daughter married an african american man and they are raising 3 kids...Race did not have anything to do with anything. WE JUST FELL IN LOVE>>>..And we are all still very much in love and are very happy...

I have a beautiful young daughter who is 18 and has made some bad mistakes. She has gotten herself involved in a young hispanic male who she got pregant by. She now has a cute little 3month old baby girl. Her boyfriend has a anger  problem and is very jealous over her. He torments her, all they do is fight to the point we have had to call police to make him stop. I hate to see her cry day after day with his guy. The last straw was one night he took the baby from her and said he was going to leave but he just went outside with the baby at 1am and walked around trying to make my daughter upset.. No DOUBT IT WORKED. Finally when we talked him to come in and he needed to leave he took a nail file and started cutting his arm. Needless to say the police was called again and they  finally took him away. She is young, I think little scared of his crazyiest behavior. He needs anger control and He is so jealous of her he constantley thinks she is messing around on him. She works 20hr a week and keeps a baby.. she doesn't have time for a social life. She can't afford an atterney to file custody papers. I suggested try to see if legal Aid would help her. Any suggestions on how to make this work for her. I know he will have to be involved in the babys life for years to come. He is a good father when hes not angry. But he has issues and problems he can't deal with. Hiis family is from Mexico and seem  nice althou they don't speak alot of english.

I am a white female and have really only dated black males. I am more attracted to them and in general have connected better with the black men that i have met over the other races. I am SO blessed because my entire family (with the exception of my grandmother) is completely supportive of this. I am glad that I come from a family and have friends that truely value what is on the inside and not by the color of someone's skin. I know there are people who disprove of this however I try and point these people in the right direction. Skin is skin - underneath we have the same parts. Differences also should be cherished, not frowned upon. No one should be judged by anything, but definitely not based on appearance. There is so much to the human mind, body, and soul that not being able to see past the color of someone's skin is one of the saddest things I have ever heard in my life. I will encourage my daughter (who is black and white) to date any good man that she finds despite the color of his skin or what he looks like. I hope that as I get older and watch new generations begin to date and grow up that they will be less and less racist and judgemental.

Sorry to sound harsh but whats your point? The fact that he is hispanic has nothing to do with him being an idiot, that's his character. Are you stereotyping? Can you honestly say that there are no men like that from other ethnic backgrounds?

My 19 year old daughter made a friend at work; and they are now dating.   She first told me that he was Puerta Rican after they had been dating for about a month.  I told her that I really can't object much about the interacial dating since my first husband was 1/4 Cherokee, and 1/4 Choctaw therefore making my children bi-racial.  Where we live no one thinks much about it.  And they have never had any negative racial bigotry to deal with.  But my daughter and I had our first run in with this Christmas at my 2nd husbands family gathering when she brought her boyfriend (with grandma's permission since it was her house).  of all the people who could have responded negatively ; due to the generational thing, I would have never guessed it would be my step children who behaved badly!!!!  Fortunately; they were polite while my daughters' boyfriend was present, but after they left the oldest kids started with the remarks...... I was so disappointed and angry with them that I told my husband what was said, kissed my inlaws goodbye and thanked them for the dinner and gifts and loaded my kids in the car and went home.  He was as surprised as anyone because his kids are biracial with a grandfather who was Mexican.  Neither his kids nor mine identify with those cultures, and more than likely consider themselves white.  Yet; WHAT THE ****??? 

I just cannot fathom this and am very angry with these kids, they are 16, 18, and 19.   My husband did say that he would make sure it never happened again (in my hearing), because he feels no matter what is said it won't change their hearts and minds.    I am caucasian, with European ancestors, and due to great geneology programs have trace both sides of my family to the origination points.   Yet I can not understand in this day and age why people are so ignorant and hateful.

I will not tolerate it as this young man may end up being my son-in-law at somepoint and my grandchildren will not be subjected to family members b.s.   I couldn't care less what total strangers say or do, but to have this in ones own family is a pretty ugly turn of events.