Topic : Divorce Support

I've been married 26 years and my husband left me and the children and moved back in with his parents......it's been 3 months.....I believe in until death do us part.I am praying and waiting for him to come home.

How scary this is....our youngest child starts Kindergarten and Daddy is not at home.

I would love to hear from spouses who have abandoned their family...What lies did you tell yourself to make yourself believe it was OK to do this ?

And if you reconciled...what did it take and how long did it take ???

I recently discovered that my husband of almost 11 years, has a girlfriend. I think he wanted me to find out as he used his cell phone to call her 55 times and he knew that I would see the bill. I guess I have known that this day was coming for the past few years, we don't communicate well and neither of us is very happy with our sex life. Still that doesn't make it any easier to deal with especially since he still sleeps at our house and comes and goes with his new life as he pleases. For years I haven't been allowed to have friends, so at this point I have no one to talk to and so many things to say. I really want to try to end our marriage nicely and hopefully be friends in the future as we have a 10 year old daughter and I don't want her to suffer because of her father and I. I of course have all the usual worries, like, will my daugther like being with him and his girlfriend more because they will have money and go and do things, where as I won't have much money at all. Then I have the, I'm almost forty, will I spend the rest of my life alone worries, the how will I survive worries and at least a thousand other worries from health insurance to how to change a flat tire. What I really need are people who have or are currently facing the same issues to talk to, which is what I am hoping to find here. Please if you need a friend, like I do ... write and I will write back.

4 years ago, after 24 years of marriage, my wife told me she was not in love with me anymore. no abuse by either party, no infidelity(for sure on my side), my crime was i took her for granted. for the last 4 years i have tried everything i can think of to fix our marriage, to no avail. my problem is that i don't know how to leave. we have been together now for 31 years. i don't know how she will survive financially. our two daughters are 20 & 25 and they are both surprised that i have not left before now. i just don't know how to leave without alot of guilt/concern  about her survival, and my own future.

any help would be appreciated

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years. We have a beautiful little girl who will be 2 in October. About two months ago, my wife came to me and told me she thought we should live apart for a while to be able to work on things. She told me she thought it was the best thing for our marriage and it would help save our marriage. I was dead set against the idea, but I told her that if she truly felt it would help, I would do it. Basically, I felt like I would do anything to save our marriage. Also, we decided that we would begin marriage counseling immediately. Within 3 days of me being out of the house, she told me she was filing for divorce and no longer wished to go to counseling. Prior to that, the idea of divorce was never even brought up as a possibility.

I've most definitely made some mistakes in our relationship. For the last couple of years I've been trying very hard to run my own business out of the home. The fact of the matter is, I simply do not have the organizational skills to run my own business. It was failing, and I felt trapped. I was also a full-time stay-at-home father for the last year. I just felt like I had to keep trying. She didn't like the idea of being a full-time mother, and neither of us liked the idea of our daughter going to day care.

With the business, and also some instances of flat out being selfish, I just haven't been as attentive to her needs and her feelings as I should be. I acknowledge this whole heartedly, and I'm in counseling myself to overcome that, and also a depression I've been dealing with since childhood. Also, I've read several books on understanding relationships, and being able to express love better, etc. Through all of this, in the last two months, I've made some major changes in philosophy, and also in the way that I act.

My wife still loves me, she's told me this... She's scared to trust me though having trusted me with her feelings only to have me not take care of them before. I just don't know what to do... My family means more to me than anything in this world. I come from a family where my parents were divorced when I was very young, and it's something that to this day is causing me problems (the depression). I don't want this for my daughter, but even more so, I love my wife very much. I just don't know what I can do at this point to save my marriage.

Thanks to anyone who reads this and may be able to give me some encouraging words or advice.

Sincerely,

Andrew

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years.  We are both over 40 years of age.  During our dating relationship he had a problem keeping his hands off other women (even while I was in his presence).  I even caught him in a bar with friends and his hands up a woman's blouse.  This finally ended and things were going well so we married.  2 years ago (6 months after we married) he started traveling and only came home everyother weekend.  While traveling he began going out with his co-workers (so I'm told) for dinner each evening and would not call me.  This went on for 1 year.  His comment was it just took so long for them to have their dinner.  I later found out he was having liquid dinners and getting drunk.  We began having major differences at that time.  I expressed how I felt about not being thought about enough to even receive a phone call.  The job soon ended and I tried to express to him that we can't go through the same things again.  He received another job out of state and left me to sell our home and join him later.  Two days after being in the new state he began the same thing.  I moved 1 month after he did because it was beginning to appear that he wasn't going to his room at the Inn at night.  Last week on his birthday he got drunk and told me if I didn't become more passionate he would divorce me. 

I think it is time for a divorce.  I do love him very much.  He seems to think his behaviors and actions are no big deal and that I should not take them seriously.  Please, someone tell me if you also think I am taking the behaviors and actions too seriously.

I too have resently seperated.  My husband left our family in March 2005.  It has been so hard on all of us.  Kids(12 and 9)  Sept. will be our 15th year of marriage.  I dion't understand how he can say he still loves me but does not want to be with me.  What does all this mean?  I am comitted to my marriage.  He said he would not take off his wedding ring and then the very next week he did take it off.  I am trying to move on with my life but it is a long hard ride.  I take things one day at a time but some days are soooo hard.  How am I supposed to act around him?  What does he want from me?  How can I be just friends with him when I want more?  I have so many questions and I don't know where to get answers.  I can say that I put my marriage in the Lord's hands, because I just don't know what else to do.  I can't fix our marriage by myself. 

Any advise would be helpful. Thanks.

dex77@nc.rr.com