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Topic : Divorce Support

Number of Replies: 4223
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:01:52 pm
Author : dataimport
Over half of all marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't make it any less painful for those going through it. Discuss your experience here.

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April 2, 2009, 3:53 am CDT

All I can say is WOW.

Quote From: muddycreek

Ok I would really appreciate somebody's opinion on my problem. Im
currently married and have been for 10 months. My last marriage lasted
for 8 years and ended suddenly when my ex wife left me for a co worker.
Im 34 years old and im sick of the games my new wife plays with me. She
is 27 and very attractive. All throughout our relationship she has had
a thing for "seeking" attention of other men...and by that I mean
constantly having several guy friends who have in the past made our
relationship very difficult... She would constantly get text messages
that I thought were inappropriate before we got married but she always
new what to say to me to make me think they were harmless. But after we
were engaged the messages didnt stop...and it was really starting to
hurt me...I was guilty of going through her phone, email... I couldnt
trust her...I just didnt want to go through being left like I was in my
first marriage..but I have always given her the benifit of the
doubt..Then last may we got married and all was well for a few
months...no text no supicious email.. Then in October she was back to
her old tricks...she posted a profile on a social network... I laid in
wait acting like I had no clue what she was doing...It was a nerve
racking week watching her contact other guys and doing some flirting..
Then I had my breaking point...I confronted her about it. And of course
she tore into me telling me I did not respect her privacy and was to
noisy for my own good and didnt trust her...so I left for 3 days and
she begged me to come back that she didnt do anything wrong really..she
said she felt that i was distant and that made her do it...ok so here I
go back but I tell her I'm not distant and she can talk to me about
anything..I married you and I meant my vowels...I would never do that
to you but if this happens again...its over! So the last few months
went by and one night I couldnt sleep I just had a gut feeling that she
was up to it again...I get her laptop and decide to see what she had
been looking at...*******.. go figure...she had been pulling up her ex
husbands profile and that of his new girlfriend as well as some other
guys...I didnt say anything to her I thought well she just may have
been curious to as what he was doing...but I still was a little
nervous...so I began monitoring her email everyday...and then right in
fromt of me was a confirmation to a "hidden email account she had
created...she knew I knew about her email account so she went and
created another...as well as a ******* page...So I knew she was up to
her old tricks again. So I hacked her email and ******* account..she
never has been to good with creative passwords..and in front of me was
letters to two seperate guys... In one of those letters she was talking
to a guy telling him how sexy he was and he looked great since she had
not seen him in a while...she was flirting hard! The letter to the
other guy she asked him to lunch sometime...since she hadnt seen him in
a while.. I lost it...I immediately confronted her and here again she
said they were old friends and thats how she joked with them and again
I was noisy and it was none of my business. I left and thats been a
week ago.. We are married not dating...and is this how a married woman
acts...It makes me look like dirt to her "friends"... I might be old
school but she is sending messages to other men that make it look like
she doesnt take her marriage or me serious.... She has called me a
bunch and I have stood firm...she finaly admits that she screwed up and
her heart is broke without me...and to give our marriage 1 more
chance...I dont know...my trust has been violated so many times....

Please go back and read line #27 down from the top of your message.

 

Anything before that, or after, does not really matter. Its a matter of how long and how many times are you going to try to prove to yourself that she is a good catch.!? 

 

Stop for a minute and look at why you think it is ok to be lied to; why you think it ok for someone to disrespect your marriage; why you are afraid to take control of your life? I think I know why you are afraid to take control of your life, insecurities, fears, feelings of past rejection and abandonment or a very controlling mother........now you very well possibly could be working out your relaitonship with one of your parents, through her!!! 

 

The fact that she takes the blame for making you upset???????  It sounds more like she is bragging, honnestly. Her apologies are not from the heart, they are shaped like a heart, but it is her heart she cares about, not yours. Sorry. 

 

My advice? And I know you are feeling really bad right now.......don't think about if you are going to leave or stay, but start thinking about WHY you choose to be with someone that has potential to do you such great harm???/ Good luck.

 
April 3, 2009, 8:29 am CDT

Confussed

I have been in a marriage for 2 years but been with my husband for 7 years I am 25 years old and he is 27.  We have 2 kids together Gavin age 5 with Asphergers and Ally age 19 months.  My marriage has been broken for awhile and I have been self distructing for some time b/c my husband refuses to step up and take responsiblities for his actions and just ignored my attempts to fix the marriage.  So I have made a choice to move to my moms (but with one place so Gavin can have his things as best he can) but we live in GA now and my mom lives in OR so I am set on going and know that I have to be healthy for my kids and if not then they will not be happy and Gavin having the issues he does and it still being new to me i need support as much as I can get and I just dont have that here with my husband he dosent try to understand Gavin and the way he is all he does is video games and his band and his music club I never even get a break.  He does however work hard and does good at his job with going everyday and not calling in and quiting but just not a family man.  So the advice I would love to have is......Do I have a right to move out there with the kids?  I dont want to take the kids away from him but he is not the best for them and neither one of is healthy he has anger issues and I have an addiction I am trying to over come.  My mom is very happy in her life and stable and knows about raising a child with disabilities and works from home with Paul who is stable as well and they are willing to help me get on my feet and be the best I can for myself and my kids. So please any advice that you can give would be awesome!!!!!!!!
 
April 6, 2009, 8:41 pm CDT

wow thats like my problem

Quote From: kimikomine

Please go back and read line #27 down from the top of your message.

 

Anything before that, or after, does not really matter. Its a matter of how long and how many times are you going to try to prove to yourself that she is a good catch.!? 

 

Stop for a minute and look at why you think it is ok to be lied to; why you think it ok for someone to disrespect your marriage; why you are afraid to take control of your life? I think I know why you are afraid to take control of your life, insecurities, fears, feelings of past rejection and abandonment or a very controlling mother........now you very well possibly could be working out your relaitonship with one of your parents, through her!!! 

 

The fact that she takes the blame for making you upset???????  It sounds more like she is bragging, honnestly. Her apologies are not from the heart, they are shaped like a heart, but it is her heart she cares about, not yours. Sorry. 

 

My advice? And I know you are feeling really bad right now.......don't think about if you are going to leave or stay, but start thinking about WHY you choose to be with someone that has potential to do you such great harm???/ Good luck.

my husband works on the road and im at home with three kids and he always lies to me so i always find out the hard way i really wish dr.phil could help us both ive been married for a little over a year and with him for almost six off n on. n now he wants to call it quits he wont talk about nothing he doesnt even live at home anymore when he calls he complains about everything and the call will last maybe five minutes PLEASE DR.PHIL HELP US BOTH in order for a devorse to be final we have to take marriage counciling and he wont so what can i do or say or just anything it really hurts kids and family well maybe one of us can figure out something so keep in touch pl_mathison@yahoo.com
 
April 7, 2009, 3:39 am CDT

Sorry about your situation.

Quote From: blondechik

my husband works on the road and im at home with three kids and he always lies to me so i always find out the hard way i really wish dr.phil could help us both ive been married for a little over a year and with him for almost six off n on. n now he wants to call it quits he wont talk about nothing he doesnt even live at home anymore when he calls he complains about everything and the call will last maybe five minutes PLEASE DR.PHIL HELP US BOTH in order for a devorse to be final we have to take marriage counciling and he wont so what can i do or say or just anything it really hurts kids and family well maybe one of us can figure out something so keep in touch pl_mathison@yahoo.com

My best advice to you right now would be:

 

Start taking control over your life, mathison.  Dr Phil is not going to be able to help you if you don't start taking measures to try to help yourself as much as possible right now.  If you are a stay at home mom, then you probably can get some kind of assistance to help with finances. Also, make some phone calls to local woman's organizations in the area. If there are none, go to a college and go to the counseling center, or library, or police station. Tell them you need help financially and legally to move forward with your life.

 

Stop looking for people on t.v. to help you.   The person that can help you the most, is standing right in the mirror......You.  Good luck.

 
April 17, 2009, 1:11 pm CDT

Divorce Support

Dear Dr. Phil

 I was wonder if you could give me some advice on how to handle my problem.

My husband and i have been married for 18 years and we have 2 boys 10 annd 8 years old our marriage has not always been the best at times. I got laid off at the beginning of the yaer and last year my husband quit his job to go with a company called primica and not doing well at all we hardly have money to pay bills and i discovered that he was talking to some one else and he told me that he had feelings for this person i have always had trouble telling him how i feel and always didnot do things with him that he liked to do i give him the freedom to alway to what he wanted even if i didnot want him to do it. He told me that he has to follow his heart  he tells me he loves me and will always love me but his heart is not into trying to save the marrige but i want to,and he stays at the office all the time and when he comes home he helps with the boys and once they are in bed he takes off. We are both depressed about the money problmes I asked him if he would think about marrige counsling he said that he would think about it we can not afford to seperate or even divorce right now  Is there any way that i can try to save my marrige

 
April 22, 2009, 7:50 am CDT

Just filed for divorce

I am 39 and married for 12 years.  2 years ago I found out my husband was having another relationship for 4 years, and also that he he cheated on me several times before that.  I know I should have take a decision back then, but I believed his promises.  Now I know he is still with her, even though he denies it.  I am sure he will not change ever, that he is a systematic lier and I don't trust him anymore.  I am having psychological advice, and also Reiki.  We have 2 daughters and I don't want to hurt them, but I will not give them the example of just accepting things that are unacceptable.  This is a matter of dignity.  I am witting here just to express my feelings and to share my story with other persons going through similar situations. Help and words of wisdom are appreciated.
 
April 22, 2009, 6:17 pm CDT

Tough Decision to Make

Quote From: sunshine_mx

I am 39 and married for 12 years.  2 years ago I found out my husband was having another relationship for 4 years, and also that he he cheated on me several times before that.  I know I should have take a decision back then, but I believed his promises.  Now I know he is still with her, even though he denies it.  I am sure he will not change ever, that he is a systematic lier and I don't trust him anymore.  I am having psychological advice, and also Reiki.  We have 2 daughters and I don't want to hurt them, but I will not give them the example of just accepting things that are unacceptable.  This is a matter of dignity.  I am witting here just to express my feelings and to share my story with other persons going through similar situations. Help and words of wisdom are appreciated.

Well, I just want to tell you I am sorry you have to deal with this situation.  It's a very hard thing to deal with the fact that you know your husband is not being faithful  to you,  and it makes you have to make a terrible decision to live a life without that person.  I'd say you are probably doing the right  thing though.  If he has been doing this for 4 years, and you have discussed this before and he still hasn't changed, I doubt he will.  Some men just never learn.  I think they think they can get away with it, but usually they are always found out eventually.  You deserve to have someone you can trust, especially when you have kids.  I have had to make that decision also, amd it was the last thing I ever wanted to face, but after a very long time, I eventually did.  Your life changes in all kinds of ways, but usually for the better, it just can be tough.  Just get some counseling if you're having a hard time dealing with things, maybe take the kids with you also once every couple weeks too.  They need it also, and will be going through a lot of emotions.  I wish you happiness, and good luck, you will be fine, and better off than having someone treat you unfairly.  W

 
May 6, 2009, 8:41 pm CDT

Online Divorce is Cheap and Legal?

Hi,
I have friends online said that online divorce is cheap and is also legal? Is that true? Because I really don't have that much money to hire a lawyer so i really need a cheap divorce. That's the link my friends gave me. My husband and I can't get along anymore. I don't know, he said he has fallen out. Please help.
Here it is: http://www.divorceguide.com
 
May 9, 2009, 12:59 pm CDT

I need some HELP for me and my kids

I DO NOT KNOW WHERE TO EVEN START ON THIS SUBJECT. I JUST WANT TO CRY ALL THE TIME FOR MY KIDS! I have been divorced for just over 2 yrs now (separated for 3YEARS)and  my ex husband and his current wife CONSTANTLY fight with me, harass me, and control everything that I do best for my children! they keep my children from me whenever they feel like doing so!!!!!! AND theres nothing I can do except to get  an attorney that will do whats right. They have went against the court order on everything in it!  I  CANNOT afford another attorney. The 2 that I did have, didnt fight for me and my children. To me this is a war about LOVE (for my children)and to him it'sa war about HATE (towards me).  I think to myself, how can this stop??!  There is so much more to my situation to even put on the computer! The lawyer I need and want for my children is too much money, but he's very good. I NEED to get my story told.

 
May 9, 2009, 1:05 pm CDT

I dont know

Quote From: briandg

Hi,
I have friends online said that online divorce is cheap and is also legal? Is that true? Because I really don't have that much money to hire a lawyer so i really need a cheap divorce. That's the link my friends gave me. My husband and I can't get along anymore. I don't know, he said he has fallen out. Please help.
Here it is: http://www.divorceguide.com
There are dissolutions that are cheaper than a divorce. If you get along to be able to agree on stuff. If you have children, I'm not for sure if a dissolution or a divorce would be best.
 
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