Topic : Divorce Support

I did get ahold of the Sheriff's Department and filed a police report, also since we have been in marriage counselling for a few months, I called our counselor and he insisted that both of us come in last and if my husband would not agree to come in, then I needed to go to a local shelter for abused women & children. Our counselor said that what my husband said is a form of domestic violence. Last night afterwards he did not stay at our house. We have another counseling appt today at 8:30.

I feel so confused like I am at the cross roads of my life (life has been so difficult for along time) and I feel it is time to do something about it. Because I take marriage and family so important, I won't just leave my marriage HOWEVER it is a deal breaker when it comes to implied threats, verbal abuse and physical violence (which hasn't happened). We have been on a rollercoaster for so long, that I am not sure I want to keep struggling to make my marriage not just work, but have a happy marriage. Our family has gone thru so much, bankruptcy, foreclosure, repossession, and marriage crisis. I was even so upset and frustrated and truly don't know what to do to turn things around, I wrote to Dr. Phil for advice. However, he must be busy, because I haven't received a message back. My marriage therapist wants us to continue to work towards a healthy relationship, but shouldn't most of your marriage be good with just a little bit bad or not meshing right??

All I really want from life is to be happy, have a loving and healthy family, and a husband who is not just my husband, but my friend, my best friend actually. Someone I can always trust, count on to be there for me, and love me unconditionally. Am I asking for too much, are my views unrealistic?

My husband of ten years and I are most likely headed for divorce. We have a blended family, as this is the second marriage for both of us. It's a very long story, but lately the kids have noticed the tension in the home and have heard us fighting a lot. He is avoiding being at home, and when he is he is in front of the TV. We have been heading this way for a very long time, and today after an incident following our first joint counseling session, I cried all the way home, and called him and asked him (while sobbing, on the phone) to not even come home tonight because I can't stand the pain anymore. And he hasn't. He hung up on my without saying a word and I haven't heard from him since. It's now midnight. It's not the first time I've been foolish enough to say that, but it's the first time he's listened. To summarize: I am a stay at home mom who takes care of everything having to do with the family and the home, including all yard work and home repairs, while he works a desk job and then 7 days out of the week is heavily involved in his hobbies to the complete exclusion of the famiy. I have been feeling 100% taken for granted and am now so full of hurt and resentment that I can't see a way out of this. I gave up my career 9 years ago to take care of the kids so I am totally dependant on him financially, don't even own a credit card, so I am also scared that I would lose the house and with it, the kid's security.

I don't want a divorce. I want to save this marriage. He doesn't care. He hasnt' said or done one thing to make my think that he cares about me, the kids or the marriage. Our sex life died over a year ago and there is NO closeness, affection or kind words. It's killing me inside and I don't know how much more crying I can take. I am literally dying for him to tell me he loves me again, and just to show me that our marriage is a priority. I've been trying this for about 6 years. I think I have to face that he doesn't want this marriage to work, and look at the inevitable fact that separation, if not divorce, is in my immediate future.

Now, My REAL question is...what do I tell my kids? My counselor wants to see them on their own (but together) to hear from them, and tonight when I told them that (son-9, daughter-7, daughter-15) they were full of questions for me and let them all spill out. "Why are you and dadding fighting" "You've gone against your marriage vows once already, I'm scared that you're going to do it again" (my son) "It scares me when you cry and when you and daddy fight".....I just didn't know what to say, and it is so raw with me that it was all I could do to keep from breaking down in front of them. After my last divorce I vowed to God, to my daughter, and to myself that this marriage would work, and I feel like such a failure now. I'm 38, but can't see myself ever being in another relationship. I couldn't do that to the kids, and I still love my husband very much. This is the loneliest feeling I have ever thought I could have and I just don't know what to do.

How sad that I am pouring my heart out to a computer with tears streaming down my face- I just don't know where else to turn.

As if the physical violence wasn't enough...

the handwriting was on the wall.   Abuse in many forms.

You're a strong lady, you've done the right thing, haven't you?  You have, in my opinion.

No matter what you do, he is always gonna blame you.  He's not about to take any responsibility for his antics, tactics and actions, or in some cases lack of action. 

 He has got enough blame to spread around.That's how they survive with themselves.  Its just survive!  They don't want a life, a functional life for themselves, or anyone for that matter.  In your case, he didn't even answer to the rules of the 'real world'. 

Chances are he belonged in jail a long time before he finally ended up there.  These behaviors are embedded in his core.   Look, he punishes you for doing the right thing, now you see that, right?

He will continue on with this mess, there will not be change of any sorts....if it appears so, its just that...a temporary "act" to gain yet another of HIS wants or wishes. 

You hang on, you're strong, intelligent and live in the reality of the situation.

He can paint it anyway he wants....but.........truth and reality are what you hang on to.  Your reality, the true picture.....NOT his.

Take care.

My husband of ten years and I are most likely headed for divorce. We have a blended family, as this is the second marriage for both of us. It's a very long story, but lately the kids have noticed the tension in the home and have heard us fighting a lot. He is avoiding being at home, and when he is he is in front of the TV. We have been heading this way for a very long time, and today after an incident following our first joint counseling session, I cried all the way home, and called him and asked him (while sobbing, on the phone) to not even come home tonight because I can't stand the pain anymore. And he hasn't. He hung up on my without saying a word and I haven't heard from him since. It's now midnight. It's not the first time I've been foolish enough to say that, but it's the first time he's listened. To summarize: I am a stay at home mom who takes care of everything having to do with the family and the home, including all yard work and home repairs, while he works a desk job and then 7 days out of the week is heavily involved in his hobbies to the complete exclusion of the famiy. I have been feeling 100% taken for granted and am now so full of hurt and resentment that I can't see a way out of this. I gave up my career 9 years ago to take care of the kids so I am totally dependant on him financially, don't even own a credit card, so I am also scared that I would lose the house and with it, the kid's security.

I don't want a divorce. I want to save this marriage. He doesn't care. He hasnt' said or done one thing to make my think that he cares about me, the kids or the marriage. Our sex life died over a year ago and there is NO closeness, affection or kind words. It's killing me inside and I don't know how much more crying I can take. I am literally dying for him to tell me he loves me again, and just to show me that our marriage is a priority. I've been trying this for about 6 years. I think I have to face that he doesn't want this marriage to work, and look at the inevitable fact that separation, if not divorce, is in my immediate future.

Now, My REAL question is...what do I tell my kids? My counselor wants to see them on their own (but together) to hear from them, and tonight when I told them that (son-9, daughter-7, daughter-15) they were full of questions for me and let them all spill out. "Why are you and dadding fighting" "You've gone against your marriage vows once already, I'm scared that you're going to do it again" (my son) "It scares me when you cry and when you and daddy fight".....I just didn't know what to say, and it is so raw with me that it was all I could do to keep from breaking down in front of them. After my last divorce I vowed to God, to my daughter, and to myself that this marriage would work, and I feel like such a failure now. I'm 38, but can't see myself ever being in another relationship. I couldn't do that to the kids, and I still love my husband very much. This is the loneliest feeling I have ever thought I could have and I just don't know what to do.

How sad that I am pouring my heart out to a computer with tears streaming down my face- I just don't know where else to turn.