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Topic : Divorce Support

Number of Replies: 4225
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:01:52 pm
Author : dataimport
Over half of all marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't make it any less painful for those going through it. Discuss your experience here.

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August 6, 2005, 12:52 am CDT

lmbelcher

Quote From: lmbelcher

contd.Arrr now I got it!

I click on preview first.

 

I'm not usually this thick, just got a lot on my mind.

 

Hugs to everyone.

Lyni

  

You have to PREVIEW first?  Oops. 

 
August 8, 2005, 12:30 pm CDT

Divorce

Ok...Iam going to try this again if it wont post then I am on my own again... 

I have been divorced almost 5 yrs, I have a boyfriend of almost 3 yrs. He asked me to marry him. I already postponed the wedding once. Now i wondering if i should again. He is a great man. The problem is that anytime i bring up wedding plans to him or anyone else he will change the subject to something else. It makes me wonder if he really wants to marry or if he is only in it because he knows I have hopes of being remarried. I know that he loves me. I just dont understand the changing the subject thing... Is this a guy thing or maybe so unsure feeling coming out??? 

 
August 9, 2005, 5:32 am CDT

just thought it would be nice to try in here...

My ex who I've been with for 4 years (according to him) and I have been separated for more than 4 years now.  During the years of separation we've gone off and on. We have a 7 yrs old child together.  The reason he left was because according to him we always fought and told me I was so insecure with his past girlfriend when he called her to say merry christmas.  He had dated alot. in 2003 was the longest time of getting back together that lasted 3 months. He needed space again (that he is not ready to commit..like marriage) so we again broke up.  After a month he already started seeing a girl who he already know before we got back together.  That was the first time he treated someone like a real girlfriend after me.  They only lasts less than 5 months.  Then he started getting back to me but at the same time he's seeing another girl who he met through a friend.  Then we got back together again and only lasted for 2 weeks or less than that.  I sent him an email telling him that I wanted to move on with my life but he never replied to it.  Then after a month, he started seeing another different girl who I think he already knew the first year of our first separation.  They've been together for 8 months now and I think still growing.  He's been exposing our daughter to this girl already.  I am still upset about this especially that he's been exposing our daughter to her and I know there's nothing I can do about.  I am still hurt that he has moved on with his life.  I don't want to feel this kind of feelings anymore.  I hope that someone here can help me.  I don't want to wonder anymore if he is really very serious with this girl or not.  I also wanted to meet the girl for peace and because he's been exposing our daughter to her but he just ignored my request.  Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
August 9, 2005, 6:52 am CDT

Divorce

Quote From: aba1969

My ex who I've been with for 4 years (according to him) and I have been separated for more than 4 years now.  During the years of separation we've gone off and on. We have a 7 yrs old child together.  The reason he left was because according to him we always fought and told me I was so insecure with his past girlfriend when he called her to say merry christmas.  He had dated alot. in 2003 was the longest time of getting back together that lasted 3 months. He needed space again (that he is not ready to commit..like marriage) so we again broke up.  After a month he already started seeing a girl who he already know before we got back together.  That was the first time he treated someone like a real girlfriend after me.  They only lasts less than 5 months.  Then he started getting back to me but at the same time he's seeing another girl who he met through a friend.  Then we got back together again and only lasted for 2 weeks or less than that.  I sent him an email telling him that I wanted to move on with my life but he never replied to it.  Then after a month, he started seeing another different girl who I think he already knew the first year of our first separation.  They've been together for 8 months now and I think still growing.  He's been exposing our daughter to this girl already.  I am still upset about this especially that he's been exposing our daughter to her and I know there's nothing I can do about.  I am still hurt that he has moved on with his life.  I don't want to feel this kind of feelings anymore.  I hope that someone here can help me.  I don't want to wonder anymore if he is really very serious with this girl or not.  I also wanted to meet the girl for peace and because he's been exposing our daughter to her but he just ignored my request.  Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think that we as mothers as a protective thing get caught up in that... 

you will not feel better after you see her face, that only shows you what she looks like on the outside. My son was 9 when my Ex got a new partner, he liked her. Then I met her and because of my yrs of reading people I saw more than him. My ex said I was upset over nothing that she was good to our son. Then one day she got ahold of a person that we were both friends with and set me up for use to talk one on one. Thats when a found out more about her then I really wanted to know. She is one of those poeple who has no morals,she preceeding to flirt with men in front of me,she even allowed one to touch her breast. Of course the next day I told the ex what I had seen and felt. His reply to the whole thing...HE MARRIED HER. We were all at war for a yr or better. She then started to treat my son bad when his dad was not around, which as you might guess just fueled the fire in me. Now things seem better...I dont fight her anymore...my ex is fully aware of how I feel about her and the whole thing...if she hurts him in anyway she will be visited by the police...no games here. I guess the whole story stems on this....educate your child...then trust them and their feels..reassure them that no matter what she tells you you will never be anger with her...and ask questions when she comes home. Healthy questions like did you have fun at daddys....what did you do with daddy this visit...as she tells about going to the park ask if grandma went to.....something simple...she will tell you if something that you should know about...when you ask if she had fun...you will know how the visit went. Some people may disagree with it but i did that...thats how if found out that in his dad's home he was seeing her hit his dad and dad hitting walls. That explained why his started to hit things in his anger. Now his visit dad via grandmas house mostly. 

You will met her someday for me it was too soon. 

Then i have a friend who would rather talk to her ex's new lady than to him. 

Me i think that it is between him and I. I do let her in on conversations now...but i always tell her that in the end it is up to me and his dad...but I am 4 yrs into this 

 
August 9, 2005, 10:00 am CDT

Your ex and his new girlfriend..........

Quote From: aba1969

My ex who I've been with for 4 years (according to him) and I have been separated for more than 4 years now.  During the years of separation we've gone off and on. We have a 7 yrs old child together.  The reason he left was because according to him we always fought and told me I was so insecure with his past girlfriend when he called her to say merry christmas.  He had dated alot. in 2003 was the longest time of getting back together that lasted 3 months. He needed space again (that he is not ready to commit..like marriage) so we again broke up.  After a month he already started seeing a girl who he already know before we got back together.  That was the first time he treated someone like a real girlfriend after me.  They only lasts less than 5 months.  Then he started getting back to me but at the same time he's seeing another girl who he met through a friend.  Then we got back together again and only lasted for 2 weeks or less than that.  I sent him an email telling him that I wanted to move on with my life but he never replied to it.  Then after a month, he started seeing another different girl who I think he already knew the first year of our first separation.  They've been together for 8 months now and I think still growing.  He's been exposing our daughter to this girl already.  I am still upset about this especially that he's been exposing our daughter to her and I know there's nothing I can do about.  I am still hurt that he has moved on with his life.  I don't want to feel this kind of feelings anymore.  I hope that someone here can help me.  I don't want to wonder anymore if he is really very serious with this girl or not.  I also wanted to meet the girl for peace and because he's been exposing our daughter to her but he just ignored my request.  Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think that you definatly should be moving forward with your life, whether you got a response from him or not, you don't need his permission. Who knows, maybe he isn't responding to that "request" so he can keep you waiting, so he'll have someone to hang out with while he is between other girlfriends...don't let him disrespect you that way. You know that your relationship is too toxic to ever be together and be happy. If he has been with this woman for 8 months, it is safe to say he is serious about her. I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but, if he has been with her for 8 months and he is bringing your child around her, its likely that he wants a future with this woman, otherwise he wouldn't introduce your child to her. Unless he is irresponsible with your child in other ways that you don't mention, its most likely that he feels his girlfriend is a safe and responsible person to be exposing your child to. Who knows, she might be a nice person, a woman who will treat your daughter with kindness, a person who could create a stable environment for your ex and your child? I know that is a difficult scenario to process.  

My exhusband remarried when our daughter was only 2, and I was very protective of her, I was worried about her being around this other woman, etc., but as time went by, I realized that if it wasn't for this woman, my child probably wouldn't even be seeing her father, because she was the one who called to arrange times for her to visit, and even if my daughter was sick, I came to realize that she took good care of her, and it was comforting. I admit I definatly had a hard time at first seeing them together, but I was dating, so why couldn't he? He has been remarried for 12 years now, and I couldn't have picked a better step mother for my daughter. Like the other poster said aboutsomeone she knows, I would rather talk to his wife then him! You've got to find a way to let go, and move forward, because you deserve to be happy.  

 
August 9, 2005, 10:45 am CDT

thank you for the nice reply..

Quote From: jenoc99

I think that you definatly should be moving forward with your life, whether you got a response from him or not, you don't need his permission. Who knows, maybe he isn't responding to that "request" so he can keep you waiting, so he'll have someone to hang out with while he is between other girlfriends...don't let him disrespect you that way. You know that your relationship is too toxic to ever be together and be happy. If he has been with this woman for 8 months, it is safe to say he is serious about her. I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but, if he has been with her for 8 months and he is bringing your child around her, its likely that he wants a future with this woman, otherwise he wouldn't introduce your child to her. Unless he is irresponsible with your child in other ways that you don't mention, its most likely that he feels his girlfriend is a safe and responsible person to be exposing your child to. Who knows, she might be a nice person, a woman who will treat your daughter with kindness, a person who could create a stable environment for your ex and your child? I know that is a difficult scenario to process.  

My exhusband remarried when our daughter was only 2, and I was very protective of her, I was worried about her being around this other woman, etc., but as time went by, I realized that if it wasn't for this woman, my child probably wouldn't even be seeing her father, because she was the one who called to arrange times for her to visit, and even if my daughter was sick, I came to realize that she took good care of her, and it was comforting. I admit I definatly had a hard time at first seeing them together, but I was dating, so why couldn't he? He has been remarried for 12 years now, and I couldn't have picked a better step mother for my daughter. Like the other poster said aboutsomeone she knows, I would rather talk to his wife then him! You've got to find a way to let go, and move forward, because you deserve to be happy.  

Since I did not get any reply from him I just stay quiet.  I asked because when he dropped our daughter off to me after having her for the weekend, she was with them but did not get out of the car.  They don't live together.  And then the next weekend that he should have our daughter but he asked me a favor to take care of her as he was going to attend a wedding,  the gf woke up early in the morning, went to his place, picked them up only to drive him and my daughter to my place (he has a car too) and she parked far after dropping them both and then waited for him.  I feel like they are both using my daughter to get back at me.  And him to use our daughter to let me know what is going on in his life and his lovelife.  I feel like this girl is not the right girl (but I know it's really not my problem).  I hope I am wrong about how I feel towards her.  I thought that it was just approriate letting know or warn me that he was going to expose our daughter to a girlfriend already.  I hope he is really serious about her so that my daughter's well being will bring good outcome in the future.  Too bad her dad and I could not become friends.  If only we're friends, everything should have been smooth and easy (for me maybe).  We don't communicate, only when he has to talk to his daughter, he will send me a text message.   

 
August 9, 2005, 12:18 pm CDT

new

Well it has been a a year and half since my husband and I seperated.  (my doing)  We have two great kids and share 50/50 of them at this time.  We are finally filing for divorce.  We have been friendly towards each other, of course at times he gets angry at me for failing in this marriage.  I did not cheat or anything, I think we just got married too young.  I am still trying to figure myself out.  We have been married 11 years.  I just turned 30 a few days ago, that was a depressing moment for sure.  It seems like I had so much going for me. two great kids, a house, a dog, a marriage and now I have nothing.  I know it's my doing because I left the marriage.  He is a great guy but I felt as if we were roommates more than anything.  I wish him the very best in life.   

Well we are talking tonight about the house and stuff like that for the divorce paperwork.  He is living in the house and has been.  He wouldn't leave, so I had to.  Plus his parents live across the street, his grandparents are on the same street and his sister around the corner.  Let's just say it's a little too close for comfort.  Anyhow, I know I made the choice to leave the marriage.  but he keeps telling me I abandoned the house and the kids and I know he will fight me on the house $$$.  The kids have been figured out, it works out great for all of us.  I never wanted to take them away from their dad so I thought  50/50 was only fair.  I just don't want a huge battle waiting.  I want to be fair and sweet.  He didn't want me to date this entire time, so I didn't.  But it's to the point where, when can I start building my life again?   Should I always feel guilty for leaving my marriage, I tried to leave on good terms.  I know I hurt him, but I think we all still need to pick up and move on and be happy?  I don't know what I am trying to say here but I just have so much on mind lately, I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown.  I am stressed because of money (which was never a problem when we were together, so that is new to me), I get depressed when I don't see my kids very much, I miss having someone (male) around, I just feel like I am in a rut at the age of 30.  I don't want to argue and fight over material things with my soon to be ex.  but I don't want to give it all up either.  I just don't know what to do to get out of this mood  but it just seems to get worse as time goes on.  I know I can be happy but I guess I just need to focus on that rather than all the negative stuff in my life.  

 
August 10, 2005, 5:23 am CDT

Help???

Quote From: chelli

Ok...Iam going to try this again if it wont post then I am on my own again... 

I have been divorced almost 5 yrs, I have a boyfriend of almost 3 yrs. He asked me to marry him. I already postponed the wedding once. Now i wondering if i should again. He is a great man. The problem is that anytime i bring up wedding plans to him or anyone else he will change the subject to something else. It makes me wonder if he really wants to marry or if he is only in it because he knows I have hopes of being remarried. I know that he loves me. I just dont understand the changing the subject thing... Is this a guy thing or maybe so unsure feeling coming out??? 

Gee maybe my issue wasnt as big of a deal to anyone else out there, but it was and is a big deal to me. I was married for 9 yrs...guess i needed some advise about not running into something with blinders on...or calming the nerves...just posting my own reply as no one thought it was a big enough issue...thanks for the help... 

Surprised and surprised 

i guess i thought other poeple would have the helping trate that i try to display... 

live well all and heal well 

 
August 10, 2005, 9:02 am CDT

DIVORCE AND CUSTODY BATTLE

Hi I'm new to the message board and am going through a divorce and custody battle! My soon to be X is falsely accusing me of being an unfit mother and is trying to get sole custody of our child! He was abusive in all ways imagined and wants to make me out to be the bad one when I was there for my child the whole time! 

 
August 10, 2005, 9:27 am CDT

hey sadmom

Quote From: sadmom

Hi I'm new to the message board and am going through a divorce and custody battle! My soon to be X is falsely accusing me of being an unfit mother and is trying to get sole custody of our child! He was abusive in all ways imagined and wants to make me out to be the bad one when I was there for my child the whole time! 

I am going through a divorce and fierce custody battle as well. I have been posting on the "abuse" board, check it out if you have a chance-there is a ton of useful info there!  My h has been all but physically abusive and I am  a SHM.  He wants to dominate and control me through the kids and doesn't think I deserve anything from the divorce including the children I have raised for 12 years!  He is trying to say that I am an unfit mother and blah blah blah!  I am so sorry you are going through this, I know it is heart wrenching!  From another sadmom!
 
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