Topic : Divorce Support

I have recently written in about filing for divorce.(I have Filed) I had some great advice replied back. But now the situation has gotten worse and weird.  

  

I told my husband that I had filed for divorce on Sunday, my son and I had left the home on Wednesday before I told him, But what is strange is he is all of a sudden acting like he can change and be that person that I thought for so long he was. He keeps begging me to come home and work things out. He is telling me all the words I wanted to hear a month ago when I left for the first time. So why now when I have made up my mind to call it quits for good.  

  

He should know that he is hurting himself more now trying to mend something that is no longer there. I hate to seem so mean to him but never is our marriage have i had this much attention from him. The only sad part is this time I don't what his attention.  

  

If i go back to him, will he stay this way. ( all sweet ) or is this a front to get me back... What shall I do? He says that I should give him a second chance but I feel that I have done too many chances.  

Any advise would help greatly..  

When I filed for divorce 10 months ago, my h sent me flowers, offered to take the family on a vacation, even offered to buy me a new car!  I stood my ground, after 18 years of marriage that turned abusive and him neglecting the children and me.  We still live together while "duking" it out with our lawyers.  He's trying to stop the divorce and is contesting everything.  But I know in my heart that what we have is not a marriage and I realized that my children needed to see a healthyl loving, partnership; and that's not what my h and I have.   My h comes home to a clean house, cooked meals and the children tended to so why would he want things to change?!  I need time away from him to sort things out in my head and heart.  It's really hard and I am sorry that I don't have any words of wisdom other than maybe if you live seperately for a year you will be able to tell if he is sincere about changing or if you are happier not being in the marriage.  Good luck! 

I know how that works.  But I just sit back and let him think I don't know any better.  But I do, and he actually knows that I am pretty smart when it comes to stuff like that but he also knows I have trust in him but when it comes to this, I don't!  I need to realize that I need a lawyer to handle this. I just didn't want a war or battle.  I want to move on and get it over with and be happy.

  

Second try at this. 

  

I am finding that if I log on and write a LONG message that it will not post, just as Lyni describes. 

  

There must be an idle time limit on site now, much as with some ISPs.  If you are writing a long response and not navigating on the site you get logged off.  Then the message will not post and the board always asks for you to log in again. 

  

The best way around this is to use Word or your email to write your response then copy and paste into Dr Phil.  Hope this makes sense. 

  

Gee, hubby just DOES NOT know why his ex left?  More like does not want to tell you.  I think your opinion hits the nail on the head. 

  

I am sorry you have not had responses.  Most of us are struggling with this new format and having problems. 

  

Guys do not "talk" about things like we females do, but changing the subject is something else.  Has he been married before? 

  

Why did you postpone the wedding?  This tells me he is not the "great" man you make him out to be.  You did this for a reason and as long as you have ANY doubts do not marry him. 

  

This on again off again stuff is no good for anyone involved.  Don't do it any more. 

  

Jeff Foxworthy says "I need space" is half a sentence.  The other half is "without you in it".  Makes it easier to persue ex girlfriends that you feel obligated to contact at Christmas. 

  

I think he HAS replied to your email, in actions, if not in words.  You said you wanted to move on and he took you seriously.  The "hurt" will lessen in time.   

  

I strongly advise that you get over "her" involvement with your daughter unless you think she is dangerous.  Unless Dad cuts daughter out of his life contact is unavoidable and you have no power here.  It would be nice if you could meet her on civil terms, but maybe you are not ready for this yet. 

  

  

First off hubby is feeling rejected.  And if the shoe was on the other foot you would too.  Being "sweet" is difficult even in the best divorce situation. 

  

I find it very interesting that your list of assets puts your marriage last.  Even the dog gets better billing. 

  

If you think turning 30 is depressing, you will have real problems with 40, 50 and 60.  Deal with this attitude/depression now.  You cannot toss out your life with each age milestone. 

  

I bet his family was in place when you bought your house.  If they were too close for your comfort a move would have been cheaper and easier than divorce. 

  

I suspect that in some states you could be divorced on desertion grounds.  Your legal counsel knows best about this.  If your name is on the house I do not see how he can keep you from your fair portion, and to fight you on it will only cost everyone money, pain and time.   But people do it all the time.  Could you afford to keep the house?  Does it have sentimental value to him because it is near his family?  Perhaps you negotiate that he keeps the house and you get other assets. 

  

I am not sure why you give him power to dictate your social life.  Were you hoping to reconcile?  I do not encourage people to date on the rebound.  A year after the divorce is soon enough.  Let's face it you are second-guessing your decision and it is stressful at best.  Throw in money woes and kids and the fact that you feel "less than" without a man and you have real problems. 

  

Again you mention depression in your message.  I strongly advise a visit to your doctor for depression screening and possibly a counselor recommendation.  While you need not always feel "guilty" for your divorce, you must take responsibility for your part in it.   

  

Unfit mother is not as easy to prove as it once was.  Please get legal counsel immediately and do not let hubby bully you.