Quote From: shellzie26I have been told that I did the right thing before, and glad to hear that others out there agree, but there the problem is, how do I get over him and move on and be happy. How do I get along with him when I know that he is the same person even if he acts different. He has already called and asked how I was and how our son was. We are having a boy. He will be nice and seem different, but then when I mention anything that he assumes is against him or blaming him for something when I am not, it turns into a huge fight. For example, he got served the divorce papers and freaked out on me that he did not understand any of it and yelled at me and treated me like crap on our phone conversation. It always turns into a fight and I am left feeling that it is my fault when I know it is not, I still feel that way though. His mother recently called and I have not returned her phone call and do not plan on it. She has issues as well. She still does everything for him like a mother would for her young child, but he is 25!! That is another thing, he is so dependent on others, and does not know how to do things for himself. I was pretty much his slave wife, his excuse was that his mother did it for his dad, so why cant I kind of a thing. He has texted me 3 times now. One apologizing for the fight about divorce papers, one to see if I was okay and one about how horrible it was that Stoughton WI was hit by a tornado, I live about 10 minutes from there. I have not responded and I don't plan on it, but I still have to see him in court in 11 days. HOW DO I STOP LOVING HIM AND GET OVER HIM AND MOVE ON TO A BETTER LIFE? HE IS THE FATHER OF MY SON AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT, SO PLEASE HELP ME, I NEED ADVICE ON HOW TO DO THIS FOR ME AND MY SON. THANKS.
Just like a bad habit, and he is just that, it has it's ups and downs. It is not going to be easy because you are used to having him in your life. When those weak days happen, you just need to find someway to remind yourself, of all that he has said to you, and all he has done to you.
You may want to start a journal, writing in it your feelings, and such when he has treated you poorly. Each time you begin to feel weak about it, go read your journal.
He sounds like a Mama's boy and he needs a mother, not a wife, with what you have shared with us. I would bet he treats his mother similar to that, and has her stepping and fetching as well. Like the good doctor says, a child would rather be from a broken home, than to live in one. This you need to keep reminding yourself. Your children are going to be better off not living in a household where the yelling and putting down always takes place. Don't give in to wanting to use your children as an excuse to get back with this abuser.
Time heals most wounds, and this too shall pass. At the present your husband has beaten you down enough to cause your self esteem to be Nil. You need to focus on building it back up, until you realize you are worth more than to allow any person to treat you this way. Like all abusers do, he is willing to say or do anything to get you back, and within a very short time, he would be back to doing the same things all over again. IF he truly wants to change, he would be willing to go into therapy without you, to get himself some help. I would bet good money that he would not be willing to do that without you, wanting to convince you that he would do it "with you" as doing it without you, he does not have the control he so desperately needs . Stand your ground girl, and in time, you will meet someone that will love you for you, and not want to crush you and make you their whipping post. This will come, and remember, good things come to those that wait. You are going to have to learn patience, at the same time you learn you are a wonderful person, that along with your children, deserve only the best!
Again, good luck, and I hope this helps. Don't give in, and don't give up. You have one person out here that has faith in you, and your ability to stay strong, and in those weak moments, again go back to the journal, and remind yourself what you have had to live like.
