Topic : Divorce Support

Quote From: andrea1014

 Ok I guess I am confused as to what is going on.  Who is the she that you are referring too, me?  And what is the OW board?  Sorry am new to this so maybe you can clarify.
Thanks,
Andrea

Quote From: andrea1014

 Regguy,
Ok when you say husband as a DD do you mean designated driver?  I think that is more me seeing how I am pregnant;)  I totally agree with the concept of reading books before we get married.  My sister in law said I need to think back as to what made my husband fall in love with me in the first place.  But now he says we are too different to stay married so I don't know if those qualities are what he wants anymore. 

My girlfriend at work is always talking about the back rubs that she gives her husband so I had her give me some tips today.  I am going to use that as my reason to give him one seeing how I don't think he will let me touch him if I just offer.  As for my expressions of love...have you ever read the book the 5 Love Languages?  It explains that there are 5 ways in which people show love, physical (touching, sex, etc), words (you look  nice, ILY), doing things for each other (mowing the lawn, cooking dinner), spending quality time together, and giving gifts.  My husband and I are totally different when it comes to how we express love.  I want words and I show how I love with words, while my husband does things for people and wants them done for him.  So I have been taking on more responsbilities with the house, taking him his luggage yesterday, taking my car for the oil change, etc.  I just tell him I care about him or miss him but not often because the was 4th on his list out of the 5 languages.  Physical was his 2nd so I have been trying to touch him but not pushing it cuz sometimes he still pulls away.  As for the Mars/Venus book I read it about 7 years ago, I should read it again soon.  As for you starting to crumble....I don't see sticking it our for a year or so as crumbling.  I see that more as patience.  Patience is a virtue that you seem to have too bad more people don't have it. 

Take care and Happy Thursday!
Andrea

Quote From: missmywife

My wife and I split up in Jan. '05... she left me one weekend while i was out with some friends. For a few weeks, i tried to get her to come home, and her mother talked her out of it. after a few months, she decided that she was ready to come home, but by that point, i was enjoying the single life again... About 3 months ago, i started rethinking the situation, but decided to keep it to myself because i thought she was dating someone else. 2 weeks ago, i decided i couldnt hold it in any longer and told her, at which time she confirmed she was dating someone else. they are not seeing other people. I miss her dearly! We have a daughter that will be 4 in July and she has been asking a lot of questions over the last 6 months or so about why mommy and daddy arent together anymore. We tried counseling once while we were married and i didnt take to it very well. I have opened up to the thought of counseling but she wants to see where her other relationship is going to go. Although i hate the thought of being second choice to some other guy, i also am in a constant state of panic whether i will ever get her back. I am NOT suicidal, and i would never harm myself or her or anyone else, but i cannot stop thinking about her. Is there anything i can do? I feel so helpless and alone! Please help me!

Quote From: sandy0914

The only thing you can do is wait it out.  And nauturally go to counseling by yourself.  You have no control over what happens in her life but you can control yours.  You are panicking because you have no control over her and what she does just as she had no control over you when she wanted to come back home.  If you guys were meant to be together it will happen, in the mean time go into therapy and get on with your life one day at a time.  Why did she leave in the first place???

Quote From: hollijb5

Hi, I am a stay at home mother of three and I think my husband is going to divorce me! My name is not even on the house and I have no money of my own. Does anyone have any suggestions for me, so that I will not end up out on the street unable to care for my kids. I feel like everything is spinning out of control and can not catch my breath. I live in Indiana and have no idea where to begin, so that I might protect myself and my kids! I have devoted myself to my home and family for so long that I don't know how to do anything for myself. I threw out all my dreams I had for myself to be his partner and now all I have is nothing. I am only 27, but feel as if there is nothing I even have to offer. This is the lowest I have ever felt and I feel completely alone. Any advice would be appreciated beyond anything you can imagine! Thank you

Quote From: four2love

I'm from over in the abuse boards and am back to this board.  I was on a lot last year when I filed for divorce, he was out of the house for 6 months and now has been back in for 9 months. 

  

We have 4 children, and I'm a stay-at-home mom and haven't worked for 8 years now, almost our entire marriage.  We've been married for 8 1/2 years.  I've had a problem with my h being verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive through our entire marriage.  After last year when I filed, he knew that I was serious, and he started to get help for his anger.  We even went to marriage counceling too once he came back into the house.  Much hasn't changed and he is do demeaning to me, screaming and yelling at me and the kids all of the time.  He is always uptight and taking it out on us. 

  

I've been such a mental case for the last couple of weeks, just wanting out of this marriage.  I am physically burnt out, I have no more energy to fight this.  I'm done trying.  I avoided him for a week, then yesterday was the day to finally tell him that I WANT OUT!!!  Well, I did, and he is blaming me for everything saying that I am giving up on our family, and that he needs me to get better.  We tried that and it hasn't worked as of yet.  Over 8 years of this, and I don't want to go another 8 being unhappy.  Then he tells me that maybe I'm the one provoking him to be like this.  I know that he is going to take all of the money away.  He has his check direct-deposited into an account that I pay all of the house bills out of and if he stops that, which he did last year, I want to be able to pay the bills. 

  

Do I need to call a lawyer today?  Or is it too soon?  He is at work today and probably won't be home until 9-10pm, so I don't know if he is planning on moving out and staying somewhere else.  I don't know what to do. 

  

He keeps threatening me that he is "going to win", and I will have to sell the house.  He even said, why does he have to leave, why can't I be the one to go to my parents?  He said the same thing to me last year.  I don't want to leave.  I want to stay in this house with the children.  He is the abusive one, and he should be the one to leave. 

  

Any advice, where do I go from here?  It is going to get worse, and that is what I am so afraid of. 

Quote From: four2love

I'm from over in the abuse boards and am back to this board.  I was on a lot last year when I filed for divorce, he was out of the house for 6 months and now has been back in for 9 months. 

  

We have 4 children, and I'm a stay-at-home mom and haven't worked for 8 years now, almost our entire marriage.  We've been married for 8 1/2 years.  I've had a problem with my h being verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive through our entire marriage.  After last year when I filed, he knew that I was serious, and he started to get help for his anger.  We even went to marriage counceling too once he came back into the house.  Much hasn't changed and he is do demeaning to me, screaming and yelling at me and the kids all of the time.  He is always uptight and taking it out on us. 

  

I've been such a mental case for the last couple of weeks, just wanting out of this marriage.  I am physically burnt out, I have no more energy to fight this.  I'm done trying.  I avoided him for a week, then yesterday was the day to finally tell him that I WANT OUT!!!  Well, I did, and he is blaming me for everything saying that I am giving up on our family, and that he needs me to get better.  We tried that and it hasn't worked as of yet.  Over 8 years of this, and I don't want to go another 8 being unhappy.  Then he tells me that maybe I'm the one provoking him to be like this.  I know that he is going to take all of the money away.  He has his check direct-deposited into an account that I pay all of the house bills out of and if he stops that, which he did last year, I want to be able to pay the bills. 

  

Do I need to call a lawyer today?  Or is it too soon?  He is at work today and probably won't be home until 9-10pm, so I don't know if he is planning on moving out and staying somewhere else.  I don't know what to do. 

  

He keeps threatening me that he is "going to win", and I will have to sell the house.  He even said, why does he have to leave, why can't I be the one to go to my parents?  He said the same thing to me last year.  I don't want to leave.  I want to stay in this house with the children.  He is the abusive one, and he should be the one to leave. 

  

Any advice, where do I go from here?  It is going to get worse, and that is what I am so afraid of. 

Quote From: lunachic

I'm so sorry about what is happening in you life. My advise to you is to talk to an attorney to know your rights. Many attorneys in my area offer free legal advise for their first consultation. That may put you at ease regarding your money issues and also prepare you as to what you have to do next to protect yourself and your children should a divorce follow. Also, you're first priority right now should be getting yourself better emotionally so you can care for your children. Go to a good therapist, support group, reach out to family & friends, anything that w/help you get back on your feet emotionally. Keep the lines of communication open with your husband...but allow him (AND YOU) some space. Although things look bleak now...time does heal...just take one day at a time...good luck 

Quote From: alf8mykat

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years. We have a beautiful little girl who will be 2 in October. About two months ago, my wife came to me and told me she thought we should live apart for a while to be able to work on things. She told me she thought it was the best thing for our marriage and it would help save our marriage. I was dead set against the idea, but I told her that if she truly felt it would help, I would do it. Basically, I felt like I would do anything to save our marriage. Also, we decided that we would begin marriage counseling immediately. Within 3 days of me being out of the house, she told me she was filing for divorce and no longer wished to go to counseling. Prior to that, the idea of divorce was never even brought up as a possibility.

 

I've most definitely made some mistakes in our relationship. For the last couple of years I've been trying very hard to run my own business out of the home. The fact of the matter is, I simply do not have the organizational skills to run my own business. It was failing, and I felt trapped. I was also a full-time stay-at-home father for the last year. I just felt like I had to keep trying. She didn't like the idea of being a full-time mother, and neither of us liked the idea of our daughter going to day care.

 

With the business, and also some instances of flat out being selfish, I just haven't been as attentive to her needs and her feelings as I should be. I acknowledge this whole heartedly, and I'm in counseling myself to overcome that, and also a depression I've been dealing with since childhood. Also, I've read several books on understanding relationships, and being able to express love better, etc. Through all of this, in the last two months, I've made some major changes in philosophy, and also in the way that I act.

 

My wife still loves me, she's told me this... She's scared to trust me though having trusted me with her feelings only to have me not take care of them before. I just don't know what to do... My family means more to me than anything in this world. I come from a family where my parents were divorced when I was very young, and it's something that to this day is causing me problems (the depression). I don't want this for my daughter, but even more so, I love my wife very much. I just don't know what I can do at this point to save my marriage.

 

Thanks to anyone who reads this and may be able to give me some encouraging words or advice.

 

Sincerely,

 

Andrew