Topic : Divorce Support

     Hi there

Its been a long time I have wrote anything on Dr Phill  I just need some help maybe some out there is the same as me see I was married for 16 year and last year I left my husband with my 3 kids it was the hardest thing I have ever did in my life but I had too cause it was bad (him and I would fight and yell almost everyday but in his eyes we didn’t ) sometime I feel like I am making it up and he is not this bad guy I tell everyone  about, So I  separated from my husband and this year I filed for my divorce but I didn’t tell him I was so scared to say anything to him. So now he will get the papers any day now and I am scared of what he will do cause he tells me he is sick and alone he is by himself he makes me feel like I am the bad guy L and part of me feel like I gave up on him or something I don’t know it hurts me to see him that way but I have to let him go everyone I talk to says I still love him maybe I do but I cant go back to him cause he is not the same man I  fell in love with I am so mixed up  I feel like I shouldn’t of sent them divorce papers cause its xmas I feel like I am going to make every ones xmas bad  I just need someone to talk to about it I think I am going nuts L

Listen, you aren’t a fool!

You were a hopeful woman, who was waiting, wishing and hoping for him to change. When the abuse began, you didn’t leave because you were hoping he would snap out of it; that is what many women do- you aren’t alone. Now that he is gone, you can see these things clearly; but never think of yourself as a fool.

He’s gone. You are moving on, whether you want to or not. Your children deserve to be financially supported by their father, so if he doesn’t do that on his own, I urge you to go to your family court house and file the paper work for child support. You don’t need an attorney for that; court employees are there to explain to you how to do this. If you feel that you need an attorney, look in your yellow pages for the number for legal aide in your area; you might qualify, its worth looking into. You’ve settled for less long enough- its time to get what your kids deserve!

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years now.  We have two boys ages 6 and 3.  In the beginning, I did nothing but take care of everyone else.  And I actually enjoyed it, until I realized I was being taken for granted.  I caught my husband on several occassions being unfaithful.  At this point, I decided to do something w/ myself.  I had gotten a good job, lost weight, and began to reach out to my friends again.  This is where our troubles began.  He became very jealous.  Always accussing me of doing something I shouldn't.  Well, after a while, I did do something I shouldn't.  I had a very brief affair.  I didn't plan it and I'm not proud of it.  Anyway, my husband had suspicions and asked me one night if I had cheated on him.  And, full of fury, I told him the truth.  But at this point, I didn't love him anymore and still dont.  I feel that things would be much better for the children if we were to get a divorce.  All we do is fight anyway.  I dont like for the children to see us fighting but he doesnt try to control his temper around them.  I begged him for a long time to leave and he refused.  He would say that he was staying simply to make my life a living hell.  I finally convinced him to leave.  But he's still at my house every day and gives me 20 questions about everything I do.  HELP!!

I meant to also say that since our problems first started I gained my weight back.  He makes me feel so unworthy of even living.  I feel like I'm losing my ming....LITERALLY!  I dont have health insurance and cant afford to see a dr. or therapist.  How do I get my sense of self worth back?

My divorce will be official by the end of this month and i've started dating again. I've been separated for almost 6 months but feel 100 percent that i'm ready to get back out there. My soon to be ex and I haven't had a relationship basically for over a year. My question is though that I have met someone that has the same values, beliefs and interests as me but not a really great job. He pays his bills and loves his job. If someone has all of the emotional and physical things I want & need is it fair to not date him just because he doesn't make enought money? I'm not brought up that way but my step-mom keeps repeating that he needs to have a stable financial background. She's just cautious becuase I filed for bankruptcy for the first time with my ex earlier this year so I understand her condern. I just don't know if it's worth losing a great person that could truly treat me the way I've always wanted to be treated because he doesn't make enough money.

Any advice would be great

Kelly