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Topic : Divorce Support
Number of Replies: 4365
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:01:52 pm
Author : dataimport
Over half of all marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't make it any less painful for those going through it. Discuss your experience here.
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December 7, 2006, 8:30 pm PST
 Quote From: todd34 Hello everyone and might I say wow, as a 34 year old man I never thought I'd be posting on the Dr.Phil boards. No offense Doc, none intended. I truly hope someone can offer me some advice as I'm in a total state of confusion and I'm not sure what to do. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. As it stands we are currently sererated since Moday night. I ignored all of the warning signs. She wanted me to stop drinking every weekend and I said I would but never did, I lied about finaces, and I was never there for her the way a good husband is supposed to be. It took her leaving me to finally make me realize just how much I have lost and I take full responsibility for letting things get this far. Over the course of the last couple of weeks she told me she had feelings for another man, a man that would listen to her and again, ultimately it's my fault. If I had of been there for her she wouldn't have felt the need to look elsewhere. I have told her that this time I will change and to be honest, this time I truly mean it and I've never been more sincere about anything in my life, I want to save our marriage but she needs so time to think about how to process her feelings for said other man, what they mean and also if she can ever trust me again in that if I'll really change or not. I told her I would give her some space to think but she works with the other man and I feel so helpless if I'm not able to communicate with her daily and he is. I don't want to pressure her or drive her away but I also don't want to just sit by and let this other guy convince my wife to leave me and be with him. I love her so much and I just dont know what to do or how to do it. She hasn't wrote me off yet but I'm very fearful if I don't do something to prove to her that I'll change and how much I love her I'll lose her forever. I know this is all my fault and I probably deserve to be left but I want to fix it and be the man she deserves to be married to. She is a wonderful loving wife who has put up with alot of my trash and I have truly seen the error of my ways I just hope I'm not too late. I suggested counseling also as we have a free service through my employment but she said she still would like to wait a couple of more weeks but I'm just so scared that if I can't be in contact with her for that time and the other guy can that I'm going to lose her and I want to put uf a fight to prove to her I've changed and am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. I'm so confused and I really hope someone here can offer me some advice as I'm truly in need of it. thanks for reading everyone.
-Todd. Todd,
I too give you credit for being willing to take the blame for the breakdown in your relationship. I am in a similiar situation myself. The only difference is that I have not yet gone to the step of having an affair. I will say that it has been very tempting. 10 years of going through what you describe is certainly difficult. Having said that, an affair is never the answer. My Husband and I are planning on getting a divorce. We tried counseling and it only made us realize how over we are. I believe that an affair is the one form of betrayal that can not be overcome for a lot of people. The counselor stated that if there is "another person" involved than all the counseling in the world is a waste of time. The other person must be out of the picture completely if there is any hope of making the counseling work. Some people do have the strength to move past an affair, it just takes strength, a lot of desire and love. Regardless of what is going to happen with your wife I have to say that I agree with the other advice, if there is a alcohol problem going on than AA is the only way to go. This is a major part of the breakdown in my marriage. You would only be helping your future and the potential future with your wife. Only time will tell what is going to happen with your wife. I wish you the best. I hope that your situation works out for the best for you and that you are able to work things out the way that you want them to. It is true that you never know what you have until it is gone. Maybe you will get that second chance after all. If you do than I am sure that you will have a stronger relationship than you could have ever imagined. Good luck to you.
Mary J |
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December 8, 2006, 11:58 am PST
Quote From: dtk7322 I just want to let you know I know how you feel because I'm going thru it right now also. I was marriad to my husband for 26 Years and he left me for another woman who has 2 children. We still have a minr child together who is 11 yrs old. HJis girlfriend had their number changed so I have no way to reach him. My son tried to call him when we had the number and he never would return his calls but yet he claims he loves his kids he says he will call when he is ready . He blames me for everything he says I was never a good wife but yet I did everything for him. He won't call because he says he doesn't want to talk to me. He makes me feel so bad about myself because I feel that I was a failer of a wife and maybe if I was better he would still be here with me. I know I need to move on but I am just so devastated I don't know what to do. He just walked out of our lives like it was nothing and started his new life with her. I wanted to reply to you, because I went thru a similar phase after I left my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. You have to stop blaming yourself for his bad behaviors. You cannot control what another person does. Only you can control your own feelings. Going thru a situation as you are going thru is very difficult. You cannot force him to spend time with your son. You have to be the better parent here. When your son asks questions about his father, don't be vindictive. Keep your opinion of him to yourself...no matter how hard it is. You are allowed to feel the way you do towards him, but don't express that to your son. Let him form his own opinion of the situation. When he is hurt, be the supportive one and try explaining to him in a loving way that you are there for him. People who don't want to take accountability for their actions blame others....why not? They certainly are not going to take the blame....denial for all of us at one time or another has been a coping mechanism. It doesn't work, but we have all done it in one way or another in our lives. Another thing you said...he makes me.....NO ONE can make you feel bad about yourself!!! You are giving him permission say things to you that make you feel guilty. His guilt!!! You are giving him your power....you need to take it back . You have said that you did everything for him....why? So he would love you more? Look up co-dependent and you will find ways to stop taking care of people. Start taking care of yourself....you come first....your kids will see a much better mother instead of an unhappy one. OK...he started a new life, like nothing....now grab life by the horns and start your own life without him...there is a life after divorce. Until you realize that you deserve the best that life has to offer, that you deserve respect from another human being...you will get yourself into another situation as you wrote above. Check out this website....drirene.com. She has so much info on abuse and co-dependent issues....it will inform you on things about yourself, you never new.....good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress!!!!! |
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December 8, 2006, 12:31 pm PST
I posted this on "living together" also. I just want some advice on the situation. Thanks. I'm 23 and my bf is 24. We started dating back in high school, broke up for about a year, got back together and about 1 yr later we moved in together. We lived together about 1yr and broke up. During that time I was dealing with the deaths of 2 close family members and the break up. We ended up "dating" again, but neither of us was really had intentions of getting back. I got pregnant during that time so he moved back in. The pregnancy for me wasn't enjoyable because of all the problems we had and he was constantly blaming me for this. After our daughter was born, things were still rocky but eventually started getting better. Then we started talking about having a second child and how far apart we'd like them to be. So when our daughter was 9 months old we decided to start trying again. Well I got pregnant, and am almost 6 months along now. He told me recently that he didn't love me but still cared about me and doesn't want to be with me any more. So I started making plans to move out, and he hesitated. When I asked him why he told me that yet doesn't want me to leave just yet and he said he was confused about what he wanted, but for right now he knows he doesn't want to be with me, he's just here for our daughter. I'm pregnant and feeling depressed about all of this. I wish things would have worked out, but I feel I did my part in trying to revive whatever we had, often planning dates and things like that....he liked it, but never returned anything on his part. Always using the excuse that why should he since we're already together that being romantic is only when you are dating and not living together. We have communication issues and I have trust issues with him, he's never cheated on me, but there came a time where this girl kept calling him, she knew about me b/c we ran into her at once and she was being all friendly with me. He ended that friendship with her. As a last resort, I asked him to come to couples counseling with me. It is provided at his job for free, but he refused. Sometimes he asks me what I want, honestly I would have liked for things to work out, but after seeing that he's not putting any effort, what's the use. Right now he claims we're broken up but he still tries to kiss and hug me and says he doesn't want me to leave just yet. I'm pregnant, I have a daughter, I'm going to school, I'm not working right now, so it's hard for me to just pick up and leave, but I'm already looking to see where I can go. I would like advice on this.... if any one has experienced something like this.... should I talk to him and hope for something or should I just let it go and move on. |
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December 10, 2006, 5:39 am PST
My wife and I got separated in Mach, this year. We really had a good marriage, we had some small problems, but nothing really big. We have 2 children, boy 8 and a girl 5. Anyways, up till a month ago, i was doing fine. But then my X wife, told me she had met the most wonderful man, on the Internet. She had not met him yet, but they have already discuss than he wanted to have children and so did she, and him moving, to our town. I remember asking how long she had known him, and she replied 4 days. She was gonna met him, the same weekend for the first time. She call me the same Sunday, and told me that it was everything she had ever dreamed of. I went totally blank, at that moment i realize that the divorce was i big mistake, Yes i wanted the divorce, but i never fought for our marriage, we just got a divorce. 3 weeks later they broke up, it was a Friday. As the great X husband i am, i went up to her, to help her through the tough time. We did a lot of talking that weekend, about us, the family, our marriage, and what we did wrong. The same Sunday she called me, and ask me, if it was possible to get our divorce paper cancel. (which i had send in four days earlier) The next day i call to get the papers canceled, and they did. Two day later, she was in doubt, didn't know if she wanted to try to get it to work again. another 2 day, she ask me if i would call the local marriage therapist, so we could get some therapy. Sunday,,(only 7 days after i got the divorce paper canceled) she tells me she wants to go on the Internet again, to find a boyfriend there. 7 day later she tells me, she found, a boyfriend. and again its everything she has been looking for. 2 days later she show him to the kids, as her new friend that sleeps with mommy. a couples of days later they call her from school to pick up, our son. Course he is really sad, and is crying all the time. a week later they call us from school, they would like a meeting, about our son. they are really afraid that he is so sad (crying, talking to himself, not playing with other kids) , that he needs a therapist . They ask us, why we think he is so sad, my X wife does most of the talking. She replies that, i (the X husband)have been sad, for a long time now, so it must have rubbed on to our son. But she never goes into why I'm sad, so i tell them the whole story. How the kids, knew about the first boyfriend, and saw me and mommy kissing and holding hands. And how she show the kids to the new boyfriend, and how they went to the mall together. After she had known him for about 7 days. She gets really mad at me, and says that its between her and me. I disagree, when the school is worried about our son, and ask us if we have any idea, why his is acting this way. We need to tell them the whole story. The same day we go to our own doctor, so he can contact the therapist. Through the evening i get several text messages, from her saying, that she is not worried. Cause she had ask him why he was sad, and if it had some to do with the divorce or her new boyfriend. He told her that he was not sad, and he was fine. and it was because his little sister was teasing him, that he was crying in school. And off cause mommy knows best, and why would he lie to her. ( i think she is naive) I tell her, that i read on a website, that i would be a good idea for him, to have him talk to somebody he feels comfortably with in the family, like her brother, or his grandma. Somebody he trust, and maybe can talk feelings with. She thinks its a good idea, but she would rather have him talking to her new boyfriend (course he is a divorce child himself)(she as now known him for 2 weeks),,,, instead of her brother In my book, that is totally out of the question. Why should he talk to somebody his mom has known for 2 weeks. That has nothing to do with, him talking with somebody he feels comfortably with. In my book, its just to please herself. I still have feelings for my X wife, but i don't recognize her anymore. She has total lack of judgment, and is still hovering on that pink cloud. I'm afraid, if this new boyfriend, doesn't last, she is just gonna find a new on, a week later. To keep herself from hurting. At the same time, I'm split up. Between the jealous X husband, that didn't get a second chance. and the X husband that is worried for his kids well being, and his X wife well being. I would give anything for getting back to my wife, but i guess that out of the question. I guess my question is, why my X wife is acting this way, what the heck is she thinking. Why new boyfriend.? Why doesn't think of her kids.? Or is it me that is blowing everything out of proportion? |
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December 11, 2006, 12:45 pm PST
Quote From: denmyos My wife and I got separated in Mach, this year. We really had a good marriage, we had some small problems, but nothing really big. We have 2 children, boy 8 and a girl 5. Anyways, up till a month ago, i was doing fine. But then my X wife, told me she had met the most wonderful man, on the Internet. She had not met him yet, but they have already discuss than he wanted to have children and so did she, and him moving, to our town. I remember asking how long she had known him, and she replied 4 days. She was gonna met him, the same weekend for the first time. She call me the same Sunday, and told me that it was everything she had ever dreamed of. I went totally blank, at that moment i realize that the divorce was i big mistake, Yes i wanted the divorce, but i never fought for our marriage, we just got a divorce. 3 weeks later they broke up, it was a Friday. As the great X husband i am, i went up to her, to help her through the tough time. We did a lot of talking that weekend, about us, the family, our marriage, and what we did wrong. The same Sunday she called me, and ask me, if it was possible to get our divorce paper cancel. (which i had send in four days earlier) The next day i call to get the papers canceled, and they did. Two day later, she was in doubt, didn't know if she wanted to try to get it to work again. another 2 day, she ask me if i would call the local marriage therapist, so we could get some therapy. Sunday,,(only 7 days after i got the divorce paper canceled) she tells me she wants to go on the Internet again, to find a boyfriend there. 7 day later she tells me, she found, a boyfriend. and again its everything she has been looking for. 2 days later she show him to the kids, as her new friend that sleeps with mommy. a couples of days later they call her from school to pick up, our son. Course he is really sad, and is crying all the time. a week later they call us from school, they would like a meeting, about our son. they are really afraid that he is so sad (crying, talking to himself, not playing with other kids) , that he needs a therapist . They ask us, why we think he is so sad, my X wife does most of the talking. She replies that, i (the X husband)have been sad, for a long time now, so it must have rubbed on to our son. But she never goes into why I'm sad, so i tell them the whole story. How the kids, knew about the first boyfriend, and saw me and mommy kissing and holding hands. And how she show the kids to the new boyfriend, and how they went to the mall together. After she had known him for about 7 days. She gets really mad at me, and says that its between her and me. I disagree, when the school is worried about our son, and ask us if we have any idea, why his is acting this way. We need to tell them the whole story. The same day we go to our own doctor, so he can contact the therapist. Through the evening i get several text messages, from her saying, that she is not worried. Cause she had ask him why he was sad, and if it had some to do with the divorce or her new boyfriend. He told her that he was not sad, and he was fine. and it was because his little sister was teasing him, that he was crying in school. And off cause mommy knows best, and why would he lie to her. ( i think she is naive) I tell her, that i read on a website, that i would be a good idea for him, to have him talk to somebody he feels comfortably with in the family, like her brother, or his grandma. Somebody he trust, and maybe can talk feelings with. She thinks its a good idea, but she would rather have him talking to her new boyfriend (course he is a divorce child himself)(she as now known him for 2 weeks),,,, instead of her brother In my book, that is totally out of the question. Why should he talk to somebody his mom has known for 2 weeks. That has nothing to do with, him talking with somebody he feels comfortably with. In my book, its just to please herself. I still have feelings for my X wife, but i don't recognize her anymore. She has total lack of judgment, and is still hovering on that pink cloud. I'm afraid, if this new boyfriend, doesn't last, she is just gonna find a new on, a week later. To keep herself from hurting. At the same time, I'm split up. Between the jealous X husband, that didn't get a second chance. and the X husband that is worried for his kids well being, and his X wife well being. I would give anything for getting back to my wife, but i guess that out of the question. I guess my question is, why my X wife is acting this way, what the heck is she thinking. Why new boyfriend.? Why doesn't think of her kids.? Or is it me that is blowing everything out of proportion? It sounds like she's in denial about there being anything wrong and she's looking for a guy to make her feel good for a moment because who moves in with some one only after a few days of knowing them? She is clearly being reckless and it's sad she's ok with exposing your children through this. Your kids need to talk to someone because it's obviously affecting them. About your ex wife, I really don't know what to tell you. Maybe once your kids are in therapy maybe she'll get that what she's doing is wrong. I wish you and your family the best. |
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December 11, 2006, 2:08 pm PST
Quote From: denmyos My wife and I got separated in Mach, this year. We really had a good marriage, we had some small problems, but nothing really big. We have 2 children, boy 8 and a girl 5. Anyways, up till a month ago, i was doing fine. But then my X wife, told me she had met the most wonderful man, on the Internet. She had not met him yet, but they have already discuss than he wanted to have children and so did she, and him moving, to our town. I remember asking how long she had known him, and she replied 4 days. She was gonna met him, the same weekend for the first time. She call me the same Sunday, and told me that it was everything she had ever dreamed of. I went totally blank, at that moment i realize that the divorce was i big mistake, Yes i wanted the divorce, but i never fought for our marriage, we just got a divorce. 3 weeks later they broke up, it was a Friday. As the great X husband i am, i went up to her, to help her through the tough time. We did a lot of talking that weekend, about us, the family, our marriage, and what we did wrong. The same Sunday she called me, and ask me, if it was possible to get our divorce paper cancel. (which i had send in four days earlier) The next day i call to get the papers canceled, and they did. Two day later, she was in doubt, didn't know if she wanted to try to get it to work again. another 2 day, she ask me if i would call the local marriage therapist, so we could get some therapy. Sunday,,(only 7 days after i got the divorce paper canceled) she tells me she wants to go on the Internet again, to find a boyfriend there. 7 day later she tells me, she found, a boyfriend. and again its everything she has been looking for. 2 days later she show him to the kids, as her new friend that sleeps with mommy. a couples of days later they call her from school to pick up, our son. Course he is really sad, and is crying all the time. a week later they call us from school, they would like a meeting, about our son. they are really afraid that he is so sad (crying, talking to himself, not playing with other kids) , that he needs a therapist . They ask us, why we think he is so sad, my X wife does most of the talking. She replies that, i (the X husband)have been sad, for a long time now, so it must have rubbed on to our son. But she never goes into why I'm sad, so i tell them the whole story. How the kids, knew about the first boyfriend, and saw me and mommy kissing and holding hands. And how she show the kids to the new boyfriend, and how they went to the mall together. After she had known him for about 7 days. She gets really mad at me, and says that its between her and me. I disagree, when the school is worried about our son, and ask us if we have any idea, why his is acting this way. We need to tell them the whole story. The same day we go to our own doctor, so he can contact the therapist. Through the evening i get several text messages, from her saying, that she is not worried. Cause she had ask him why he was sad, and if it had some to do with the divorce or her new boyfriend. He told her that he was not sad, and he was fine. and it was because his little sister was teasing him, that he was crying in school. And off cause mommy knows best, and why would he lie to her. ( i think she is naive) I tell her, that i read on a website, that i would be a good idea for him, to have him talk to somebody he feels comfortably with in the family, like her brother, or his grandma. Somebody he trust, and maybe can talk feelings with. She thinks its a good idea, but she would rather have him talking to her new boyfriend (course he is a divorce child himself)(she as now known him for 2 weeks),,,, instead of her brother In my book, that is totally out of the question. Why should he talk to somebody his mom has known for 2 weeks. That has nothing to do with, him talking with somebody he feels comfortably with. In my book, its just to please herself. I still have feelings for my X wife, but i don't recognize her anymore. She has total lack of judgment, and is still hovering on that pink cloud. I'm afraid, if this new boyfriend, doesn't last, she is just gonna find a new on, a week later. To keep herself from hurting. At the same time, I'm split up. Between the jealous X husband, that didn't get a second chance. and the X husband that is worried for his kids well being, and his X wife well being. I would give anything for getting back to my wife, but i guess that out of the question. I guess my question is, why my X wife is acting this way, what the heck is she thinking. Why new boyfriend.? Why doesn't think of her kids.? Or is it me that is blowing everything out of proportion? Nothing for nothing but your wife needs to find herself a really good therapist!!!! She is totally selfish and is only thinking of her needs regardless of who she hurts. The most important people in her life right now should be the children period. She is confusing the hell out of them without a care in the world. They deserve to grow up in a secure and stable environment - she is not providing that. Find your kids a good therapist that YOU can take them to. See them as often as possible so they have some normalcy in their lives and tell your ex to grow the hell up. She may be single right now but she sure isn't childless. Kids come first, she comes second. And I agree. the kids shouldn't even be introduced to her fling of the month - what the hell is she thinking! Put your foot down and take care of the kids emotionally. |
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December 12, 2006, 4:54 pm PST
Quote From: jd5600 I posted this on "living together" also. I just want some advice on the situation. Thanks. I'm 23 and my bf is 24. We started dating back in high school, broke up for about a year, got back together and about 1 yr later we moved in together. We lived together about 1yr and broke up. During that time I was dealing with the deaths of 2 close family members and the break up. We ended up "dating" again, but neither of us was really had intentions of getting back. I got pregnant during that time so he moved back in. The pregnancy for me wasn't enjoyable because of all the problems we had and he was constantly blaming me for this. After our daughter was born, things were still rocky but eventually started getting better. Then we started talking about having a second child and how far apart we'd like them to be. So when our daughter was 9 months old we decided to start trying again. Well I got pregnant, and am almost 6 months along now. He told me recently that he didn't love me but still cared about me and doesn't want to be with me any more. So I started making plans to move out, and he hesitated. When I asked him why he told me that yet doesn't want me to leave just yet and he said he was confused about what he wanted, but for right now he knows he doesn't want to be with me, he's just here for our daughter. I'm pregnant and feeling depressed about all of this. I wish things would have worked out, but I feel I did my part in trying to revive whatever we had, often planning dates and things like that....he liked it, but never returned anything on his part. Always using the excuse that why should he since we're already together that being romantic is only when you are dating and not living together. We have communication issues and I have trust issues with him, he's never cheated on me, but there came a time where this girl kept calling him, she knew about me b/c we ran into her at once and she was being all friendly with me. He ended that friendship with her. As a last resort, I asked him to come to couples counseling with me. It is provided at his job for free, but he refused. Sometimes he asks me what I want, honestly I would have liked for things to work out, but after seeing that he's not putting any effort, what's the use. Right now he claims we're broken up but he still tries to kiss and hug me and says he doesn't want me to leave just yet. I'm pregnant, I have a daughter, I'm going to school, I'm not working right now, so it's hard for me to just pick up and leave, but I'm already looking to see where I can go. I would like advice on this.... if any one has experienced something like this.... should I talk to him and hope for something or should I just let it go and move on. First thing you need to think about is yourself and your child. This man will always be a part of your life as he is the father to your children and you will both have to co-parent the kids together. For starters I would go to therapy to learn how to do that in non combative peaceful way so the children do not get hurt. Basically this guy wants to be single but doesn't want you to move on. He needs to understand that there is another child on the way and things need to be settled one way or another. You do not need his approval to do what you think is best for you and the kids. He is 24 years old and has a lot of growing up to do, counseling is a must for the both of you so that these kids have a stable environment to grow up in with or without him. Communication has to be key here, you can't make him want or love you but you can love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be happy with or without him. |
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December 13, 2006, 8:09 am PST
Quote From: denmyos My wife and I got separated in Mach, this year. We really had a good marriage, we had some small problems, but nothing really big. We have 2 children, boy 8 and a girl 5. Anyways, up till a month ago, i was doing fine. But then my X wife, told me she had met the most wonderful man, on the Internet. She had not met him yet, but they have already discuss than he wanted to have children and so did she, and him moving, to our town. I remember asking how long she had known him, and she replied 4 days. She was gonna met him, the same weekend for the first time. She call me the same Sunday, and told me that it was everything she had ever dreamed of. I went totally blank, at that moment i realize that the divorce was i big mistake, Yes i wanted the divorce, but i never fought for our marriage, we just got a divorce. 3 weeks later they broke up, it was a Friday. As the great X husband i am, i went up to her, to help her through the tough time. We did a lot of talking that weekend, about us, the family, our marriage, and what we did wrong. The same Sunday she called me, and ask me, if it was possible to get our divorce paper cancel. (which i had send in four days earlier) The next day i call to get the papers canceled, and they did. Two day later, she was in doubt, didn't know if she wanted to try to get it to work again. another 2 day, she ask me if i would call the local marriage therapist, so we could get some therapy. Sunday,,(only 7 days after i got the divorce paper canceled) she tells me she wants to go on the Internet again, to find a boyfriend there. 7 day later she tells me, she found, a boyfriend. and again its everything she has been looking for. 2 days later she show him to the kids, as her new friend that sleeps with mommy. a couples of days later they call her from school to pick up, our son. Course he is really sad, and is crying all the time. a week later they call us from school, they would like a meeting, about our son. they are really afraid that he is so sad (crying, talking to himself, not playing with other kids) , that he needs a therapist . They ask us, why we think he is so sad, my X wife does most of the talking. She replies that, i (the X husband)have been sad, for a long time now, so it must have rubbed on to our son. But she never goes into why I'm sad, so i tell them the whole story. How the kids, knew about the first boyfriend, and saw me and mommy kissing and holding hands. And how she show the kids to the new boyfriend, and how they went to the mall together. After she had known him for about 7 days. She gets really mad at me, and says that its between her and me. I disagree, when the school is worried about our son, and ask us if we have any idea, why his is acting this way. We need to tell them the whole story. The same day we go to our own doctor, so he can contact the therapist. Through the evening i get several text messages, from her saying, that she is not worried. Cause she had ask him why he was sad, and if it had some to do with the divorce or her new boyfriend. He told her that he was not sad, and he was fine. and it was because his little sister was teasing him, that he was crying in school. And off cause mommy knows best, and why would he lie to her. ( i think she is naive) I tell her, that i read on a website, that i would be a good idea for him, to have him talk to somebody he feels comfortably with in the family, like her brother, or his grandma. Somebody he trust, and maybe can talk feelings with. She thinks its a good idea, but she would rather have him talking to her new boyfriend (course he is a divorce child himself)(she as now known him for 2 weeks),,,, instead of her brother In my book, that is totally out of the question. Why should he talk to somebody his mom has known for 2 weeks. That has nothing to do with, him talking with somebody he feels comfortably with. In my book, its just to please herself. I still have feelings for my X wife, but i don't recognize her anymore. She has total lack of judgment, and is still hovering on that pink cloud. I'm afraid, if this new boyfriend, doesn't last, she is just gonna find a new on, a week later. To keep herself from hurting. At the same time, I'm split up. Between the jealous X husband, that didn't get a second chance. and the X husband that is worried for his kids well being, and his X wife well being. I would give anything for getting back to my wife, but i guess that out of the question. I guess my question is, why my X wife is acting this way, what the heck is she thinking. Why new boyfriend.? Why doesn't think of her kids.? Or is it me that is blowing everything out of proportion? Your wife is being extremely selfish!!!! Does she realize that she may be putting your children and herself in harms way? Meeting someone on the internet can be a very dangerous thing to do. (There are alot of freaks out there!!!!) She is introducing your kids to complete strangers....having them sleep over when she has known them for such a short period of time. Do you realize you have a say so in this matter? In my opinion, you need to let her go and focus on yourself and your children and what you can do in the best interest of the children!!! It sounds like to me you are playing a passive roll in this because you want her back. Why would you want her back when she is doing all of these things? What about STD? Your children are your first priority. Keeping them in a stable enviroment is the best fthing for them. Can you provide this for them? This is already creating alot of damage with your son. She is choosing her lifestyle without any regards to your children or herself. She sounds like she is in denial. She also moves very fast!!!! Wanting your son to talk to a complete stranger? Where the hell is her head??? She sounds pretty male dependent and she needs to work on those issues...but that is her....you need to work on your own issues of letting her go and getting on with your life. Sometimes we stay in the most sickest relationships because we think we are doing the right thing and the children pay the consequences for this decision, and we feel that is all that we deserve...or that we have a personification of what our relationship should be (the fairy tale) or wanting the person to change.....so far from the truth...you deserve a good person to spend the rest of your life with, and your children deserve to have good parents raising them and putting them first in their lives. If you want what is best for your kids, start focusing on how you can become a better person from this...do it for your kids and for yourself!!!! |
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December 13, 2006, 11:48 am PST
I have been married almost two years now, we have had our ups and downs like everyone else, now the beginning of the relationship was fine (over 3yrs ago) but as we spent more time together on a private in your face day to day, i started to pick up on something from her that i wasn't exactly sure of, it was innocent at first but she had a short temper, fuse and had a problem communicating or addressing the problem,arguement she would say just leave me alone and eventually ill get over it! and that is how she delt with our arguements or dissagreements, we got married a year later but the bitterness was still there, heres an example and this is almost a daily ruotine: She asks me to get her something to eat and she asks for specifics and maybe i would forget one ingredient or they would make a mistake she would curse me and tell me i did it on purpose verbaly attack me then throw away the food. That is just an example of the pure misery I am not innocent a little over two years ago i was caught sending e-mails with another woman and not that i had intentions on persuing them but i was not getting any attention from my wife or sex and she would not address those things with meher response would be well when i feel like it or want it then we will have sex and thats that. I feel that with my issues i can be writting here all day so i will try to sum it up. I made one mistake over two years ago, in the begining and throughout the relationship i have been accussed of hidding something or not bieng honest and i have , she doesnt want counceling or to even address our problems she verbaly abuses me and i am fed up, i give everything material wise , freedom and my attention and she walks all over me many of our friends and family have been witness to this and are simpathetic to my positon, i am ready to give up , i will be giving her an ultimatium, either she seeks help for herself , me or us toghether or i am going to seperate from her...again i have not been able to give you the examples i would like to because there are to many to list but please help? |
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December 13, 2006, 8:11 pm PST
Quote From: dtk7322 Well another weekend is here and he is spending it with his lover. Me & my son went up and confronted him last night and he chose her over us it hurt me more then anything else He just said I don't want to come home I will talk to you later and he let her call the cops on us then turned around and went back inside with her. I know I should move on but I'm devastated and just don't know what to do.He has been part of my life for 26 years and I can't believe he is doing this to us. HOw do I get thru this Listen dear you need to do a self-analysis and find out who you really are and what you're capable of and what you are good enough to have. The only reason someone can walk in and out of our lives is because we allow them too. Ask yourself what kind of person I am to allow him to even say this to me, have I given up on myself. The best thing I can recommend for you right now is to get Dr. Smith's book "Lies at the Altar". It is awesome. And you will discover what "love" really is and how to love yourself. After 26 years you should know this. Don't allow your heart to over rule your head. Don't be bombarded by the years; out of those 26 how many were you really truly happy and satisfied. Please stay posted |
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