Topic : Divorce Support

Reading this made me feel like you were talking about my husband. It's the old "I work all day" or "That's your job". If I do find something to do and he agrees to "babysit" he cancels at the last minute or tells me he will but I have to be home at a certain time. So I've just come to the conclusion if I do want to do something I'm on my own which usually includes finding 3 different places to drop the kids of at. Over the last couple years tho I have managed to really get in touch with myself and I sit back and wonder what in the heck was I thinkin? We are so different. Been together since we were 15 and I was yound and changed who I was to be the girl he wanted and come to find out almost 20 years later he still doesn't like me. Add his little pill poppin problem in there and I am about to throw in the towel. We cannot have a conversation with each other without it turning into WWIII and I don't want to fight in front of the kids so I just shut my mouth. The verbal abuse,the day to day of no affection,no affection during sex its just a function,no passion,no nothin. I think of the kids all the time and what is best for them.Of coarse most women are the ones who think of the kids. Is it worth it to stay if mom is unhappy? I don't know the answer to that one. I wish you luck and if you find the answer let me know:-)

Marriage is a relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal,and DEPENDENCE is MUTUAL, and OBLIGATION is a reciprocal.

there are 2 ugly words,DEPENDENCE and OBLIGATION, this is the state of marrage / divorce, a simple fact is some people just do not like marrage,and yet they endure it,or get out.

a relation ship based on love,allows allows each to be what he or she chooses,with no expectations and no demands.a simple association of 2 people who love each other would never expect the other to be something that he or she wouldn't choose for themselfs.

psychologial casualties do develope.

1  relationship based on love,allows each other to choose," no expectations no demands"

2  relationship is based independent rather that dependence

these 2 grisly little words that muck up the plan, threading through the blogs it appears most marrages were of dominanance and submission,while the roles shift.

Well, I've been married for 14 years been seperated for the last 7 of that 14.  The first 7 years was absolutely wounderful, we were best friends, great Love relationship for one another, great respect for one another couldn't of asked for a better Marriage, until,  He got a traveling job offer and excepted, I was determined to be with him, we decided to buy an r.v. and all of us hit the road and we did for 2 years and in that 2 years we had the children in 4 different schools 4 different States when the 4th move came up I decided I couldn't do it to the children anymore,

everytime we had to move they would get very upset because they just made good friends and it hurt them to have to say good bye.  We came back to our home town to settle them back down and 3 months later he is ready to go on the road again and I just plain couldn't, I enjoyed being on the road,however, It was against all I felt inside to continue to do that to the children.  I have been home with them alone for 7 years we have our way of doing things and we are very content with how things run.  I was recently approached by him that he was tired of being on the road and was ready to take his place back in the home and I told him it couldn't just happen like that.  I Love him, never stopped even though we have no relationship anymore and I mean not even on the phone, I just have a major problem with the fact that it was not enough that the children needed us to be home and be a family 7 years ago and now that he is tired of moving around he's ready to come home.  I just don't want the reason for him to come home to be because he's tired of being gone, We've never discussed divorce, I can't imaging being with anyone else but especially at this time I wouldn't date anyone, I am too busy with the children to think about a significant other and It is weird that I feel that way about my own husband.  The bad thing is I have no idea how long it will take me before I can even begin to think of intertaining the idea of a significant other, I'm 40 years old but I do not feel any since of my time running out or growing old alone syndrome, all I'm concerned with is getting my children on there right track of life without any adult situations interferring.  He is 50 and has told me he has that since of time running out, he wants to begin living the rest of his life with someone, he wants it to be me but I don't feel like I can do that at this point, I don't want to put any change in my children's life. 

Yaee I'm jumping up and down for happiness for you Hun, well figuratively I am lol. You got a great sense of self, and self worth! Your friend is awesome, I cheer her too!

I am so glad that you can see the best course of action for you and your son, and I hope you keep us posted on how things are going for you, and If you need a ear to bend or a place just to let it out, you know my ears are available.

HUGS

My husband decided about a two months ago he didn't want to be married.  It came completely out of the blue with the exceptions that he had gone out a little more without me than usual.  I, who was completely siderailed with the thought of seperation or divorce clang on and tried to explain to him that up until that point I never knew he felt the way he did, therefor he never gave me an opportunity to correct or modify what it was that I was or wasn't doing. 

Needless to say he wasn't willing to work on our marriage so our three kids and I went packing and moved into another one of our properties.  It so happened that I went out of town two days later and he needed to stay at my new home with the kids because I had the home office and he had to utilize it in order for me to go on my well needed vacation.  The five days I was gone really made him realize what it is that I do with my day and made him feel very upset that he questioned my role as a wife and mother.  I came home and he had almost a 360 degree change of heart.  He said we could go to counseling, said he would rent out our home that he was currently staying in and would move back home, has been pretty much living with the kids and I.  I have seen some change or movement towards change on his end but not the full committment I feel it takes to get our marriage to where we need it to be to be successful.

We have gone to one counseling session.  He felt it was beneficial and was "looking forwrd to going back."  However, he still hasn't taken the time to do any of the homework.  He continues to go out with his friends when HE wants too and now plays the card that he doesn't want to move in until we get our marriage resolved completely.  I personally think he is just wanting his cake and all the toppings. 

I guess my question is when do I draw the line?  He continues to give me a verbal committment to making the marriage work and doing whatever it takes but I truly don't see the results.  I guess I see small changes but we continue to have problems on his follow through.  I love my husband dearly but I am not sure if he should move back into our home but at the same time my girls and I really want him here.  We are set to go back to counseling next week but he has to move out of the other house next weekend.  I prefer to work on our marriage under the same roof than letting him out when things aren't easy but at the same time I don't want him here to continue the cycle if there is not going to be more change than what is happening.  Any advice would be great!