My husband and I are divorcing. He's the one who wants out. I've posted my situation on here a few months back, so I won't rehash it all. But here's what I need help sorting out. My soon to be ex is still in the house with us. We've got three young children...7,3, and 2. He moved out back in March...he'd sleep over on the weekends to see the kids. He doesn't share the bed with me...he usually bunks with our son. Well, over the weeks, he's gradually made his way back in the house and says it is "for the children's sake." He and I had this understanding and so I said fine. Well, we are just roommates who happen to have children together. I am having a very difficult time with him in the house. I am trying very hard to get through this with my head and not my emotions. However, I do very well for a week or so, and I feel pretty good, and deal with the divorce. But then like a migraine, it slowly creeps up on me, and I just get so down and depressed about the divorce. It is so difficult to have him in the house knowing he doesn't love me...knowing he doesn't give a crap about me. He's in the military, and he will be PCSing early next spring...then he will be out of the house for sure. But in the mean time, I really feel he's here for his comfort because he hasn't anywhere else to go. And I believe the 3 year old is getting confused. Just in the last week, she's been telling her dad, to "go sleep in mommy's bed." And today, I had a breakdown in front of everyone...despite my best efforts to keep it in until he and the kids went to the park...well, my 3 year old saw me crying and she took a tissue to wipe my face and gave me a hug and kiss...then she turns to her dad and says, "you go give her a hug." Of course, he didn't. She was perplexed because I always hug and kiss them when they are crying or hurt, and she thought her dad should do the same to me.
What do I do? Do I ask him to leave? Even though it will devistate the children...but I brought this up to my therapist last month and she wasn't too sure if him still living in the house was a good idea. I am suffering and hurting so much...and he doesn't care because he feels I was such a battle axe. I keep praying he will realize what he's giving up...once he's at his new assignment, and there isn't a "home" for him at the end of the day...no children bouncing around to greet him at the door...no dogs to slobber on him. He's just so full of anger, hurt and resentment. I know that until he's accepted that, then there isn't any hope for us.
Well, thanks for letting me get this off of my mind. I feel that if he's still living here, then he needs to work on the marriage...otherwise, he needs to accept what he wants and move out. He cannot have the best of both worlds. I feel myself sliding backwards instead of moving ahead.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or opinions about how to handle this situation.
