Topic : Divorce Support

Quote From: dirt46

Where to start, I have been married for 22yrs and yes I can say they all haven't been grt. But the last 5 yrs have been the pits. My wife has completely pulled away from me, and to my knowledge I have not done anything to make her do this. I thought it was our enviroment so we moved to a bigger house because it is what she wanted. She was still distant towards me. I have never abused her in any way shape or form.  They say opposites attract and we are opposites but did work for us. By pulling away from me I mean, she does not even want to be in the same room when we are in the house together, she will find a reason to start a fight, she will make a decsion without consulting me with something that has to do with OUR life and our sex life, well thats a joke we don't have a sex life to be honest with yopu we have sex in the last 5 yrs about ten time and it is always feels like pity  sex. We have not had sex now for 15 months and belive I have try everything, she always comes up with some reason she can't and none of them are any good, but I will not force it on her. And with no sex for that long of a time and I haven't gone outside my marriage to get any. It now has got to the point that I can't find a reason to come home from work,for what to be ignored and have to take care of the house work like cook and clean not saying she doesn't do some of it but most of the time she isjust laying around or is on the computer. When she does want to spend a evening out with me it is to go to corner bar and play the poker machines and that itself is not good because ther goes at least $200 down the drain. And then complain about money for the month. Yes I have told her how I feel and she gets very defensive and start a fight,so Itry to talk to her nothing is changing. She feels there isn't a problem ,she will not get  marriage help. The only thing left for me to do is to move out, But again that is hard ,I don't want to feel like a failure in this marriage. some one please help me

Quote From: sandy0914

It doesn't seem like you guys are ready for a divorce just yet for a few reasons.  First of all, have you even tried marriage counseling yet or counseling with a member of the clergy to air your feelings in a controlled environment and to get some constructive feedback on how to fix this marriage?  If not, then you need to do so.

You two need to do everything and anything to try and salvage this marriage before you split up, basically leave no stones unturned.  You have to earn your way out of a marriage, you two haven't even tried to fix it yet.   Seek therapy, read relationship books, go to marital seminars etc....  I think once you tell him of your thoughts and feelings, that you are considering splitting up - he may actually want to try to fix this marriage.  Does he even know how you feel and your thoughts about the future of this marriage?

The other reason why I think you are not ready is because you are unsure and that you still love him.  You may not like him but you still love him.  You still have too many unresolved emotions and until you can walk out that door with no anger, hurt, guilt or questions - you're not ready to divorce yet.  You want his love and attention, you want him to be more responsible for his finances and family - you don't want a divorce, you just want to be loved and feel special.

 

Give therapy a chance and talk to him about how you feel.  If he is willing to salvage this marriage then start working on it.  If in 6 months or so you both can honestly say that you tried and things still aren't working, then revisit the divorce issue again.      You mention his drinking, is this an issue in your marriage as well?

Quote From: sandy0914

Before you move out I urge you to get counseling on your own.  It is a hard decision to make even based on your circumstances and it helps to have a non biased person help you make a decision ,get  a plan and then transition you through the process.  22 years is certainly a long time to be with somebody and to live another year or even another day in a loveless marriage would be a waste.  And who knows, maybe with you going to counseling, she may decide to jump in at some point.

 

My first thought while reading your post - is it possible that she is having an affair?  That certainly would explain her physical and emotional distance as well as her time spent on the computer.

Quote From: sandy0914

Before you move out I urge you to get counseling on your own.  It is a hard decision to make even based on your circumstances and it helps to have a non biased person help you make a decision ,get  a plan and then transition you through the process.  22 years is certainly a long time to be with somebody and to live another year or even another day in a loveless marriage would be a waste.  And who knows, maybe with you going to counseling, she may decide to jump in at some point.

 

My first thought while reading your post - is it possible that she is having an affair?  That certainly would explain her physical and emotional distance as well as her time spent on the computer.

Quote From: justasgtswife

 When do you know if it is time to call it quits?  I've been married for almost 4yrs now and it has been full of  ups and downs, we've been seperated before and had cheating issues, he left the 1st time when he thought he found something better and we split, and he felt the need to sleep with my so-called best friend when I was around and they could have been cought. He always promises to change and says he is sorry and wants to make things better ect ect,  and he will be great for about a week and then back to normal. we both work full time and have 2 children (we each had 1 b4 marriage), he dose not help around the house at all with anything inside or out,  he is still paying childsupport to his ex when he has custody and isint doing anything about it and that puts us in a hudge financial strain,I am even looking for a 2nd job to make up that diffrenece because we have another person to take care of now,  I have given up so much to be with him and I am always having to sacrafice someway because he is in the military . I am the one who makes sure everything gets done around the house, the kids are taken care of , bills are paid ect. he wanted to do consuling and re-new our vows and  it never happend. I feel that he knows what he needs to say and when things cool down he is in the clear again. He comes home form work and parks it on the couch.

I am so frustrated and tired of all this, I feel that I  would be better off  just me and my daughter. I feel that I have had to give up everything and be the one to forgive and forget about things and for what ? I get nothing in return except someone in my house that brings home a paycheck and sits on my couch.  He knows how pissed of all of the above issues make me and he dosn't do anything to change it. Is it really past repair or is there someway to fix this. I do belive in the vows I took and would do anything I could and I have considering what has already happend but there is a point where you just can't turn back

I need advice... thanks

Quote From: scooterpi

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years.  We are both over 40 years of age.  During our dating relationship he had a problem keeping his hands off other women (even while I was in his presence).  I even caught him in a bar with friends and his hands up a woman's blouse.  This finally ended and things were going well so we married.  2 years ago (6 months after we married) he started traveling and only came home everyother weekend.  While traveling he began going out with his co-workers (so I'm told) for dinner each evening and would not call me.  This went on for 1 year.  His comment was it just took so long for them to have their dinner.  I later found out he was having liquid dinners and getting drunk.  We began having major differences at that time.  I expressed how I felt about not being thought about enough to even receive a phone call.  The job soon ended and I tried to express to him that we can't go through the same things again.  He received another job out of state and left me to sell our home and join him later.  Two days after being in the new state he began the same thing.  I moved 1 month after he did because it was beginning to appear that he wasn't going to his room at the Inn at night.  Last week on his birthday he got drunk and told me if I didn't become more passionate he would divorce me. 

 

I think it is time for a divorce.  I do love him very much.  He seems to think his behaviors and actions are no big deal and that I should not take them seriously.  Please, someone tell me if you also think I am taking the behaviors and actions too seriously.