Topic : Divorce Support

Ok, here's the situation....My husband and I are having rough times for the past 5 years. Well, according to him I need to greet him nicely when he comes home....I do anyway, just not the way he wants.I had a crappy day yesterday, and was excited for him to be home.He camwe in said hello to me, then sat on the couch. I went over sat really close to him, and leaned in to snuggle, kiss, hug on him. He told me to get off, and that I needed to let him take a 15 minute nap. I was dumbfounded but I complied. He could not understand why I was mad. I was really hurt. I told him that I was only trying to greet him happily as he requested. It ended up with me going upstairs to listen to the I-POD so that he could have his nap. How can I try to remedy this situation if he doesn't give me the chance? He also called me "crazy" for being mad at him.Whatever. then guess where he is this morning....Hunting. I cannot compete with hunting....He always goes hunting with his brothers. Every time they call. I feel like he spends more time with them than me. He knows this, all these issues have been brought up to him.He agreed to work on them. According to him he has, but if you ask me.....NO. I told him that I wanted him to take me out, or just spen dtime with me....hasn't yet. Had an opportunity today....chose hunting. I know that things probably are not going to change. I just hoped they would. I am feeling rather devastated today that I know our marriage is over. But when I get ready to leave he begs and pleads that he will change, and I hang on to that ONE glimmer of hope that It will, then  the weekend comes, and his brothers call to see if he wants to go hunting, and so he goes.Leaves me behind. I want to try to find some medical reason why he gives up....but there isn't one. I just want to know why I am not worth fighting for? Why wouldn't he stand up, and fight to have me? What do I do for him that is soo wrong?  I have decided that I am going to start leaving. One picture at a time. My heart cannot take anymore.

It was somewhere around my 11th year of marriage that I found out my husband was on the interenet.  It has been about 3.5 years, counseling services, and a lot of crying ago now. I have caught him 4 or 5 times on many dating sites and secret emails. What I have read and seen would blow your mind. This from a man that I was deeply in love with and thought I could trust! We are now getting our house ready to try to sell in this awful market so that we can divorce and move on. I am sad, but after much pleading with him I know now that he will never stop. I think, no, I know that I am over it all now. . I really want to send out a message to all women that what you see on these dating sites isn't always what you get. Over the years he has told these women that he was divorced. He has lied to them. I was sitting right here with him the entire time thinking we had this wonderful marriage and all along he was living another life.

So, women, beware! And men (im sure women do it too) just be careful out there.

As for me, if and when I am ready to date again after all this is over, I will never date a man that knows how to use a computer, let alone own one!

Hi-  I am new to this.  I am seperated from my husband of 14 years.  We have 3 young children.  I think I want a divorce, but I feel so sad for my kids.  I want them to have their Mom and Dad and a traditional family.  We have many years of issues and verbal abuse.  We never had cheating or money issues.  Just in-law issues.  He is a workaholic and the stress got to me and I was always miserable to be around because I was being stretched too thin.

Part of mw so wants to split and move on-actually looking forward to the new adventure....but the other part thinks of the  kids and carries a treamendous amount of guilt to not try harder for the sake of the kids.....but I really don't think he loves me anymore and I sure know that he doesn't respect me!

What should I do?

You don't mention if you two have ever been to therapy or not but if you haven't  I sugget that you go for a few reasons.  You both owe it to your kids to try everything and anything to fix this marriage.  I think it is important before you file for divorce that you and the kids know that at least you tried and you can tell them with a good conscience and no self doubt down the line that you left no stones unturned before making that final decision.  Another reason is because "you think" you want a divorce.  You need to be 100% certain that this is what you want.  And lastly you are still uncertain on whether or not he still loves you  which means that your communication lines are non existant and I'm wondering if you knew in your heart that he did love you, would you be willing to give this another chance after counseling. 

You're ridden with guilt and uncertainty and I think you need to work on these emotions before calling it quits for good.  It's important that you walk out that door with no anger, guilt, unanswered questions, confusion  so hat you do not second guess yourself years down the road.

You don't say what he wants in all of this?  Is he willing to work on this marriage? 

Well the ring didn't appear there magically.  This is a reach but is it possible that he had been leading a double life with another woman which resulted in a nervous breakdown due to the guilt and stress?  Was a female accompanying him on his business trips?

You state that you two had been in therapy - what lead you to a counselor's office in the first place?

It may seem as though you are entirely miserable now.  After you leave however, it gets worse.  I divorced my husband of 15 years and have two great kids!  He cheated on me and I lived with it for 6 of those years.  He cheated again and that was it for me.  It never worked for us, but I know that after we seperated, the loneliness and thoughts of where do I go from here didn't subside, even now.  Once that security is broken, it seems to not come back, at least for me.  I am much happier in my life, but my kids have suffered tremendously as he is now remarried and I am also in another relationship.  The kids seem to do fine for periods and then rebel!    Another problem is that since you do have kids, you will never be free from him.  He'll be in your life weather you like it or not.

Perhaps it may be best to find some spark in your relationship.  Try surprising him with things you've never done before like kissing the mirror with lipstick to say I'm sorry or I love you.  Dress up together at Halloween and go to a party.  You need to rekindle it somehow.  You may feel that he no longer loves you, but I don't think that it is a reality really.  In fact I believe that you are still in love with him, you just can't see it.  You've just grown apart because you've been together so long.  Unless he is cheating on you or being abusive, I would suggest trying to fix it.  And yes, counseling or a support group at your local church is not a bad idea.  Good luck to you.  I hope you can save your marriage.