Quote From: jcwbdw Knowing when to give up on a marriage is different for everyone, I guess, but at this point in time I believe that the best time to give up on marriage is BEFORE you get married! The fact is that love is so not worth the price that comes with it, and living alone prevents a lot of heartache. I cannot express how deeply I regret allowing myself to fall into that trap!
One would think I would know better by now, since I am nearing 52 years old and this is not my first marriage. But NOOOOOOO, evidently I am a slow learner. I hear that saying "once bitten, twice shy" and it makes me cringe to know that I was too stupid to play smart. But I guess old dogs can learn new tricks, because I am making some changes.
From personal experience I can tell you that physical abuse is not the worst kind you can experience. Been there, done that, and I find that it is far easier to recover/heal from the physical than compared to the mental/emotional abuse. Broken bones heal and bruises fade, but the 'inner' wounds from verbal and emotional abuse just linger forever! I believe that being alone will be far less lonely and painful than being married to someone who keeps you around just to prove they can. Being used as an emotional rug to wipe the feet on is not how I want to spend whatever years of life I have left! I wrote this poem to express how I feel, but haven't given it to my husband yet. I doubt it would even touch him at all should he bother to read it. He thinks I am so lucky to have him, because no one else would want me. He may be right about the second part, but if he is - well, that is a blessing, cause I sure don't want to take a chance on a relationship ever again. Anyway, here's the poem. Let me know what you think. Guess I'll just sign myself as
fed up
NO MORE
The tears have dried, and run no more in rivers down my face -
I've cried them all and then I found such anger in their place!
I struggled with the anger, tried to keep it in control,
but it was like a jagged wound at the center of my soul!
A wound that slowly festered, with no tears to wash it clean,
until the anger brought me to a place both dark and mean!
I did not like who I'd become - this 'other' side that came -
'Twas like looking at a stranger who was carrying my name!
How could I be this person? When did she take my place?
How did she get my name? How did she get my face?
I tried to meditate and pray, I tried to understand -
but always she kept coming back, to get the upper hand!
Desperately I wondered how to make her disappear
and find myself again, without giving in to fear.
Then one day it happened, in an unexpected way,
she left and, in her place, a different me had come to stay!
One more broken promise (one more than I could take)
sent that stranger running and left indifference in her wake.
No anger, tears, or longing for what I know now is dead,
love no longer lingers to raise a hopeful head.
It's really sad that love should come to such a place as this,
where all that I had dreamed we'd have I will not even miss.
I cannot find it in my heart to reach out any more
and offer all I am to you, when love's (to you) a chore.
So I will make a spearate life, in which you'll have no part,
and never let another man come close to touch my heart!
I vow, no matter where I go, or what may be in store,
that as I make the journey I will shed love's tears no more.
jcwbdw
don't give up yet on men. work on yourself. Get some of Dr. Phil's books about self help.(I can't remember the right name) When you become confidence in yourself then others can see it and then you will attract the better men that will value you and love you the way you want. I might be in that situation very soon. I am giving my husband one last change to repair our broken marriage. He is at this very moment reading the relationship rescue by Dr. Phil. I read it and it brought my out of a very dark hole. I now feel better about my self and I know now what I have to do if my marriage doesn't work. I felt before that I couldn't make it on my own, not financially but emotionally. I still need help and I'm going to read his next book just as soon as we (my husband and I) do the worksheet and excersises in the book we are currently reading. My husband has a history of starting something and not finishing it. He said that he would read the book for me. I want him to read it for him. We'll see if it sinks in for him. I think it is very sad to not love someone and be able to share life with someone. Just think of all the things that you could do with a partner. Just think it over and keep smiling.
