Topic : Divorce Support

Hey folks, looking for some great ideas for my new business. I have been married twice, the first one was a closet case and the second (of 17 years) was king of domestic violence. With a lot of help and support, I was able to get out...scared to death of course...but have been out since last September and divorced in Feburary.

So, here I am a divorced 41 year old photography teacher who is just beginning her new life. As I get things in order (ok, throwing away a lot of the old crap) and looking forward to the future...an idea entered my mind.

Tell me what you think...I am wanting to begin my own business as "The Divorce Photograher - A Creative Celebration" for individuals who would like to therapeutically (and of course totally fun and super creative) deal with moving with their new life through photos. I would shoot anything they would like, such as trash the dress or tux, stand up on a mountain top and let the veil fly away..you get the idea...however they want to express themselves in a way that will allow them to heal.

With the divorce rate so high...who needs a wedding photograher these days Thanks for your feedback - mustbef8@gmail.com

When I read this, I could have sworn I typed it. Except we’ve been married 10 years and our daughter turned 12 a week ago. I have been a good faithful Christian and now even my walk with God is not in the right place. I am in a place of vengeance right now and I feel like I can’t stop myself. So I am trying to isolate myself from everyone but he is making it impossible.  I want justice for myself and my child. To me cheaters, rapists and molesters are all the same: people who will stop at nothing to commit a sexual act with disregard for the possibility that they may scar their victim for life. I know a woman who killed herself behind a cheating husband. No legal action was taken. I know a woman hospitalized for being molested as a child. This man was at least arrested. Which is worse? Dealing with the death of your daughter? Especially if U are a Christian like me who believes there is no heaven for suicides (which by the way is the ONLY reason I have not killed myself at this point) or at least being able to visit your daughter and have strength for her healing? Why do I make such a gruesome comparison? Because I was molested as a child. Raped/almost raped (it was a friend of the family and when I screamed he stopped. It went in a little but not all the way, but far enough. I still remember being held down, his weight, his breath etc, which is horrible in itself) as a young woman and cheated on by my spouse multiple times (this 3 year affair is the worst bcuz we went thru 6 months of counseling only to find out he KEPT his girlfriend throughout counseling and would talk to HER about OUR sessions. HE never talked to me about our therapy!) Having experienced all three I can honestly say that this act committed against me by my spouse is worse than the others. This act has me on the edge of my sanity and my life. Where is the justice for me? Would infidelity be as high if it was punishable by law? How do we get a law passed? Research the women who have killed them selves, gone crazy or both to hold someone responsible?

After reading your story, I thought about my marriage of nearly 30 years. My husband is not affectionate either. He never seemed to want to be intimate so I just got used to his low level interest.  Recently I learned that he has been having a relationship with another woman.  I was shocked.  He was not the type and has always put a premium on securing our financial future.  He never took interest in other women as far as I could tell.

I tired of not feeling loved, honored or wanted but after learning of his affair, I have decided it's time to move on with my life by filing for a legal separation.  My child has noticed my husband shows no love or concern for me except when I'm sick.  This is not a healthy environment for any child.  I could not stay in the same house with my husband if I had three kids because you are modeling behavior that is not what you would want for them in their relationship.

If the issue is economic, save your funds so you can move on. I wished I had done it years ago but better late then never.

I have been married for 7+ years. I have a daughter from prior to my marriage (I was a single mom for 8 years.) and a son from this marriage.

My husband was physically and mentally abusive from the beginning of our marriage to both myself and my daughter. I kicked him out and told him he could not come back unless he complted anger management and fixed his behavior. He did that, and is no longer abusive. (He also reduced his drinking by quite a bit.)

However he still has an explosive temper, where he punches and kicks things or yells at the kids and then leaves. He wont yell at me anymore.

He knows I am not in love with him anymore. I have not been since he first started the abuse, but I was pregnant when started the physical abuse and have been coming up wtih reasons not to leave for years. (I had to finish college, I needed to make more money, I wanted the kids to be older, my parents will disown me...still a possibility.)

He is a good father and the kids love him. But I am miserable. All my excuses are gone now. I finished school, and am making enough money and I am tired of being upset.

I dont want to loose my house, and I dont want the process to be harder on anyone in our family than it has to be, but Im tired and miserable.

I just want him to go away. How can I ask for a seperation and ask for him to move out. I dont want child support, I just want him to split the bills 50/50 and leave. He can have the kids as often as he wants, in fact it will be required as I travel for work regularly. Will my daughter still be treated like his child? She is not, and I wonder if he will just chuck her aside. He is the only father she has ever known.

Please some advise...How do I tell him without ANOTHER huge argument. How do I get him to leave and yet not hate me?

After 21 years of marriage, I am now again "single".  My story:  My husband was emotionally abusive to me and preferred food to a relationship.  He developed into what is medically referred to as  "morbidly obese".  Numerous health problems ensued; high blood pressure, high cholestrol, erectile dysfunction, diabetes, bleeding hemmoroids, and severe sleep apnea.  As he grew more rotund, our marriage disintregrated.  His outlet for his anger was me.  No longer did I recognize the man I married.  Then came the Internet relationships....he "shared" his life with total strangers (and his mom).  He withdrew and didn't even pick his dirty underwear off the floor.  I was living with a stranger who expected me to take care of everything; and I did until finally, I wore out.

Okay....so I'm out.  But I'm so darn sad and angry.  I have days when I just want to cry.  Never did I expect to be in my late forties and single.  I feel old and used!! 

He's still abusive.

He has a problem with alcohol.

Explosive tempers are a way to control and have power over you and your children, your household.  That is abuse.

Punching things and kicking things is physical abuse.

Punching things and kicking things are also implied threats.

Yelling at the kids is abuse.

He's abusing the kids, and knows it also hurts you.

Good fathers do NOT abuse their children nor their children's mother.  They do NOT create chaos in the home.

Please contact a domestic abuse hot-line and speak with an advocate on setting up a plan, a safety plan, a plan for making these changes along  with legal advocacy and to be sure its done as safely as possible.

This guy is still abusing YOU and YOUR CHILDREN.

This is not going to be easy and he'll not take kindly to separation...or divorce.  Abusers do NOT let go easily nor with a smile on their face.

I'd also be leery of his behavior toward your daughter...he will surely continue what you already know to be his behavior toward her.

I'm sorry you and your children are going thru such on going pain.

Abusers can rain hell on an entire family.

Take care