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Topic : Stay At Home Dads

Number of Replies: 16
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:50:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
With more women returning to the workforce, many dads have chosen to take a reverse role and stay home to care for the children. Share the trials and tribulations, joys and successes of being a stay at home dad.

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April 25, 2007, 7:39 pm CDT

working dad/stay at home dad

My son is one yr old and my wife and I bouth work 40hrs and have our time with him, and he is in daycare the rest do to my work hours I have him alot of the time witch I love very much and I am so very happy I can do this, Only question is if I didnt work and just stayed at home and rased him I would be a stay at home dad. My wife is called a working Mom witch she is and she is very good at bouth, but why are men not given the same respected of a working Dad. Or is that just a given daddy work to provide witch I do that dont get me wrong but I love being my son dad, but for some reason in america that not cool for dad to do it justed ok for mom. If I left my wife she could get all sort of thing from the govt to take care of herself and my boy, and if I didnt pay my child support I would be called a die beat dad and rightfully so. I not do this and I will be there for my wife and son. Do you know what that is called oh are you watch you son so your wife can have time to herself, no I am my son dad as such I am going to parent him and rase him along with my wife I just want this curture to take note that dad are parent not just a check and should be content to be in that role, I may be wrong but I just wanted to say this.

 
May 18, 2007, 6:25 pm CDT

depends

Quote From: mrmom32

Hello, I'm new to the board. I've come here trying to find help with my problems. I am a stay-at-home-dad but my wife hates the fact that I don't work. Even though her job brings home roughly 4X the income of person in our area she still finds issues that frustrate her to the point where we are on the brink of divorce.

 

I'd like to state that I am 28 (my wife 25) and we have 2 kids....3 & 9. I think if you do the math on the 9 yr old you'll see some of our problems. My wife had our 9 yr old daughter hen she was 16 and still living at home. I was 19 and worked in a factory to support myself and pay for my daughter but this had unseen consequences. Since they (my wife & daughter) didn't live with me until she was 3 I wasn't able to be around my daughter for all the little things parents get to do when they have children. I didn't get to be around her and see her playing all the time, I didn't get to have a part in rasing her like I would've liked, I didn't get to cuddle with her while she slepted, I didn't get to comfort her when she hurt herselft,I didn't get to see her first steps,etc..  I missed out on alot of that stuff that my wife & her parents experienced and unfortunatly you can see that in me/my daughers relationship now.

 

My daughter loves me of course but we don't have near the bond that my wife and her parents do. It frustrates me that she doesn't act like she loves me as much and that in turn effects the way I treat her sometimes.  I mean you ask her to rate the importance of people in her life she'll say mom#1 and garndma & grandpa #2.

 

I say all this cause when we had my son (3 yrs old) I desperately wanted to be there for every small detail. I was going to college and decided to quit to raise him. Since then the bond that I've created with him has been unimaginable. It has meant so much to me that I am getting to do all those things that I missed with my daughter.

 

Why won't my wife understand that I needed this? To me no amount of money and climbing the corporate ladder is worth not having a good relationship with your famliy. We just don't see eye to eye on this. It also doesn't help that I'm from a small, working man's town. Everybody looks at me like I'm a lazy bum because I stay at home and raise my children. It's ingrained into everyone that the man should always work and that it's unimaginable for a male to not work and stay at home. This has also contributed to the stress on my marriage. From my mother, my in-laws, and the community everyone views me as that lazy bum type who doesn't want to work.

 

Is there any advice you guys (and even woman if they read this) can give me to help? I love my famliy more than anything in this world and I don't want what I had growing up (my parents divorced when I was 9).

I have a friend that is in your exact situation. At first I was a huge advocate of him and though that he had the best interest of his children at heart while his cold-hearted soon-to-be-ex-wife was a terrible mother who simply wanted to fling her children into childcare...

 

I also majored in psychology so I did a lot of intesive studies on this as it related to my major. However, come to find out...it wasn't quite that way. He actually was being very selfish. Wanting to have his cake and eat it too basically. Think of how you would feel wanting to experience all of your children's moments every minute....but not being able to at all because your spouse wanted all of that for herself and didn't want to share it or contribute...leaving you the only option of working your life away to support everyone and all of her demands and wishes. Its one thing if a family agrees that one of the parents should stay at home...but its entirely a different situation when one parent just wants what they want and want to have it right now no matter what it costs to whom. If your wife wants you to contribute, than it is only fair you do so. She has the legal right to demand you do so in the event of a divorce also....chances are they will not grant you enough alimony or full-custody child support and you will have no choice but to get a job or be deemed unfit to have custody at all.

 

If your wife does not want to support you while you stay at home, then that's that. You should get a job, contribute, and compromise in some way. Anything else is actually very selfish. And the strain it will put on your marriage (and the no doubt impending divorce) will end up affecting your children horribly in the long run. By not being willing to compromise, and not sacrificing some of what you want for the greater good, you are being selfish and she has every right to be upset. If she doesn't want to support you, she doesn't have to. And they will not give you the children if you have no means of supporting yourself.

 

Best to just realize you can't have it all, deal with what you have, and make the best of it....or in a way your putting your own desires even above whats in the best interest of your children and your family completely and be an even more destructive force (see above).

The sooner you realize you can't just have your ideal situation with no effort on your part, the better. Reality bites, but you have the ability to help your children make lemonade out of lemons.

 
July 7, 2007, 6:33 pm CDT

Stay at home...

Quote From: mrmom32

Hello, I'm new to the board. I've come here trying to find help with my problems. I am a stay-at-home-dad but my wife hates the fact that I don't work. Even though her job brings home roughly 4X the income of person in our area she still finds issues that frustrate her to the point where we are on the brink of divorce.

 

I'd like to state that I am 28 (my wife 25) and we have 2 kids....3 & 9. I think if you do the math on the 9 yr old you'll see some of our problems. My wife had our 9 yr old daughter hen she was 16 and still living at home. I was 19 and worked in a factory to support myself and pay for my daughter but this had unseen consequences. Since they (my wife & daughter) didn't live with me until she was 3 I wasn't able to be around my daughter for all the little things parents get to do when they have children. I didn't get to be around her and see her playing all the time, I didn't get to have a part in rasing her like I would've liked, I didn't get to cuddle with her while she slepted, I didn't get to comfort her when she hurt herselft,I didn't get to see her first steps,etc..  I missed out on alot of that stuff that my wife & her parents experienced and unfortunatly you can see that in me/my daughers relationship now.

 

My daughter loves me of course but we don't have near the bond that my wife and her parents do. It frustrates me that she doesn't act like she loves me as much and that in turn effects the way I treat her sometimes.  I mean you ask her to rate the importance of people in her life she'll say mom#1 and garndma & grandpa #2.

 

I say all this cause when we had my son (3 yrs old) I desperately wanted to be there for every small detail. I was going to college and decided to quit to raise him. Since then the bond that I've created with him has been unimaginable. It has meant so much to me that I am getting to do all those things that I missed with my daughter.

 

Why won't my wife understand that I needed this? To me no amount of money and climbing the corporate ladder is worth not having a good relationship with your famliy. We just don't see eye to eye on this. It also doesn't help that I'm from a small, working man's town. Everybody looks at me like I'm a lazy bum because I stay at home and raise my children. It's ingrained into everyone that the man should always work and that it's unimaginable for a male to not work and stay at home. This has also contributed to the stress on my marriage. From my mother, my in-laws, and the community everyone views me as that lazy bum type who doesn't want to work.

 

Is there any advice you guys (and even woman if they read this) can give me to help? I love my famliy more than anything in this world and I don't want what I had growing up (my parents divorced when I was 9).

It is great that you want all of the bonding time with your children, but please let me remind you that it is not how much time you spend with your child that determines your bond. It is all about the quality of the time that you have together that will be the strongest determining factor in your bond with the child. I would like to alert you to the fact that as you are bonding with your 3 year old you are not spending time with your 9 year old.

 

Also, if you are having difficulty with your wife, that is also time lost from your children. All and all the point is that you should go back to work (part-time). Because if your household requires the extra income then go get it.

Your children will not suffer a great lose, but will gain a more respectful view of how you as a man (and listen up to the woman as well) get it done! Stop worrying about missing this moment or that moment...what a bunch of wasted time dwelling on the past moments that you will never get back. Go forward and deal with the now! Motivate yourself to get on with your life.

 

Hopefully you will take a moment and ponder this. Then hug each member of your family,,,then go out and get a job.

The only successful way to be a stay at home mom or dad is if the other parent supports that as an acceptable decision (applies to multiparent households).

If you were so worried about your time with your children then why would you want to become a weekend--every other weekend--some holidays---maybe christmas type of dad!

Bills need to be paid, food needs to be bought, and kids need clothes...so unless you get it free!   Go get the money to help out! Never think that you are irreplaceable!

 
July 10, 2007, 2:43 pm CDT

Why I would never stay home with children again

The beginning of Jane Austen's great work Pride and Prejudice tells the tale : "It is a universally acknowledged truth that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in need of a wife." This is what women have competed for and will always compete for. It is biology.

Therefore, although I moved twice across the country for my ex-spouse, and gave up a Ph.D. program for the kids, and took care of them while she traveled and earned an MBA, my entire family and hers loathed me. I lived for six years without any affection or respect from any human being in my "family." Until Bridget decided to divorce me and take the kids and all the money. No career, no money. I struggled desperately to catch up with my friends, but hte distance of income and experience was too great; they all enjoyed kicking me when I was down, just like the rest of my family. And then my ex-wife moved them 800 miles away and refuses to let them see me unless I am with "family" members that do not respect that I raised the kids. Kids who now grow distant, as if something is wrong with Dad. I suppose that I can take comfort from the fact that through my training in economics I have come to conclude that the United States is a diseased society with the illness of materialism, but that will not bring back the children I loved. I have fond memories of that time, but mainly loss. My children are dying before the weight of a new stepfather who hates them and poisons them against me, and in the despicable country that we have become where nothing matters but money, the legal system will not do any good. I would never stay at home with children again and would strongly suggest no other male do it as well. My reward is to have been threatened repeatedly with violence by ex-fathers in law and stepfathers and in the diseased country that this is there is no recourse. Don't do it EVER.

 
September 24, 2007, 2:04 pm CDT

Stay At Home Dads

My profile says I am a man.I can't fix it the last time I looked i was female.I tried to get in to teck support I can't.I can't find the posts I did last week.I am I the only one having trouble here.This was the only place I could get into.I problably won't find this place agian.I liked the other way better to much easier to navigate.
 
August 26, 2008, 10:55 pm CDT

Stressed Out Stay At Home Dad

hello everyone, im 22 years old, i married with 2 children... my daughter is 7 and my son is 4.5 months, now before i start i would just like to say that im not trying to just throw my business out there for anyone i just need some advice and hoping theres someone out there that could help. 

ok for starters i sit in my house 7 days a week, my wife works a full time night shift job so she sleeps all day and works all night, i do all the cooking and cleaning and caring for the kids and take care of all the financial situations in my household. my wife helps out as much as she can, which is wonderful but i feel like i just never get a break, i stay depressed to the max, worring about the bills and the kids and the house everything that life throws at me, now dont get me wrong im not asking for pitty i just want an outside apinion about what i can do to make things alittle easier and give my self alittle time to collect myself... anyone have some advice? if you feel you need more information or would like to talk privately to me, just email me.......

 
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