Topic : Too Much Discipline?

My son has been getting into trouble at school over last few months.  First he is a bully and likes it. He told a teacher in school....he likes to be a bully because it gives him power and makes him feel big.  He calls other kids names...even right in the middle of class.  He has pushed a kid down and took a ball on the playground.  Kid sustained bruises.  He has picked on another little boy over a girl he liked but she did not like him.  They are in the third grade mind you.  Last Friday, I received a phone call from a neighbor down the street,  how my son was doing weed with an older boy who lives next door to us.  My understanding was my 7 y.o. son and friend walked into the area and found them smoking weed.  The boys went and told an adult and thats how I got a call.  The older boy is about 16 or 17 y.o. and understood has a wrap sheet already.  Our houses are very close and no restaining order will fit due to how close.  My husband (Step-dad) went to our other neighbor who is a state police officer for advise (off duty of course).  He started investigating and found my 10 y.o. high and then to his friends house across the street.  14 y.o. boy also high.  My 7 y.o. was found clean.  Officer also investigated his daughter who is 13 y.o. and spends alot of time playing with all the kids too.  She was found clean.  Now since the whole street knows....we feel pegged now. We work very important jobs in the community as EMS.  My son doesn't seem to care.  We have taken everything away......anything that runs on electric or batteries, except his alarm clock to get up for school and the light in his ceiling fan to see. He is not allowed outside or with the other kids.  He has been writing sentences since.  Or should I say paragraph.  It doesn't bother him.  I have even made him dig my 6x12 garden area by hand as punishment.  No sweat!  The killer of this whole thing is....he advises he tried it once and didn't like it but pressured his 7 y.o. brother to get his money to buy a $10.00 bag of weed.  The 7 y.o. did not obtain that money.  I have looked into military schools even just for the summer 3 to 6 weeks.  But you have to be rich to do that.  $3000 and up.  I understand he is just starting in the drugs scene....I don't think there is an addiction yet...but how do I stop this now.  What do I do to change this situation.  We have vacations planned for this summer...camping a week in Virginia, flying to Florida for 10 days, Six Flags and a few weekenders.  What do I do then...I don't think he deserves it and I really don't want a druggie going. NOW WHAT TO DO??? 

As an update to the above...We went to counseling yesterday.  The lady was really nice and my son liked her.  He did really well at answering her questions.  I was very surprised.  Anyway,  during the interview process...my son admitted to thoughts of suicide thoughts.  The lady questioned how....with a butcher knife...stabbed in his head.  She replied....boy that is really going to hurt.  He smiled.  Anyway,  the lady advised me..I have punished my child way too much.  She believes children should have behavior modification.........whatever.  My child has been punished without being hit.  I have been so angry...I think I could really hurt him.  He has nothing that runs on electric or batteries, except his alarm clock and ceiling fan light.  He has to write a paragraph I wrote for him 500 times.  The paragraph states his behavior and bad choices and what will happen later if he doesn't change and last it includes how he is learning from this punishment.  He has wrote it 68 times already and can tell you word for word.  He even agrees with it.  He has also dug my garden 6x12 by hand.  No contact with friends or outside.  My child has not been hit and we usually don't.  He's only been slapped a few times in his life...because he was in reach.  I will not chase him.  The counselor thinks I should cut his punishment in half.  DO YOU THINK I AM TOO STRICK?  DO YOU FEEL I SHOULD CUT HIS PUNISHMENT IN HALF?  IF I WAS TO CHANGE IS PUNISHMENT...WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

 This I can identify with. Only I was the teenager on the other side once. =)

 You are a wonderful mother, much like my own. I experimented with alcohol with my parents. When they felt I was trustworthy enough to go have a few with my friends without being in danger I was unleashed. I was the same age as your daughter. And like your daughter surely will I discovered that puking sucks.

 First off, I am 19 so I'm nine years wiser than your son. I've learned a lot in those nine years. Experimentation with the neighbor's kid is very normal. Actually by all accounts he is pretty normal for a ten year old. He's also a person not your possession. Have you tried talking to him face to face. He's troubled, he needs your guidance. I don't think punishing is what he needs.

 I don't say this to undermine your authority. I say this because I faced similar issues. I experimented with weed. I was a plant smoker for 5 years. I thought I was cool, so does he probably. He's not a druggie and he deserves to go one vacation with you, his mother, whom he loves very much. It will get him away from all of the bad things and give you guys time to bond with him.

 This I can identify with. Only I was the teenager on the other side once. =)

 You are a wonderful mother, much like my own. I experimented with alcohol with my parents. When they felt I was trustworthy enough to go have a few with my friends without being in danger I was unleashed. I was the same age as your daughter. And like your daughter surely will I discovered that puking sucks.