Topic : Too Much Discipline?

Well, let me try to explain things a little more clearly in ways that might help you to better understand what your parents are trying and not trying to achieve with their rules that you feel are confining!!!

1. Never been to a sleep over: Could be a little over protective of you, but at your current age that also slides into the what could she be doing or get talked into doing when we aren't around. So just keep her home.

2. Can not date until college or graduate of college: Honestly honey this is really in your best interests !!! I say this with motherly love because I was a teen mother and I think your parents are just making sure that you stay focused on what is important in your life at this age, and making sure that you have all the choices in the world you can imagine with out any chance of anything coming in the way of your future, be it a boy that you like, a baby too soon, sex too soon, std's...... I am sure you are getting the hint by now.

3.As far as dinner being cooked and cleaning the house this is a two fold lesson and helping hand: They are teaching you adult responsibilities , how to do these things so that you can care for yourself as an adult, and it sounds like they must both work, so in turn you are helping them out for all that they do for you. You should take pride that they are trusting you with such adult responsibilities, and feel good that you can help make their day a little easier, look at it as a nice way to repay them for all they have done for you and will do for you later. ( Y ou will appreciate this when you are in college and you know how to cook and you can find what you need because you know how to be neat and organized). This also  prepares you for  marriage and what you will need to know how to do as a wife and mother someday. (not fun to learn on the fly)

4 As for texting , I have a 15 year old and he doesn't have a phone , no texting, no dating, and his chores are cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry for him and his brothers, and yes even cooking on occassion(which he does most nights because I work nights, and he loves that he knows how to cook, and so do his friends), and he also babysits for his 3 younger brothers all summer and after school while his dad and I work. : So as for the no texting thing, good for your parents, your time should be spent doing things that matter and not talking in a chopped up version of the english language . Play sports, join a local youth group or volunteer. Not to mention that most teens do things to excess,you don't understand that there are limits for use of things like cell phones and texting, and not to mention they probably don't want the bill !!!

5. Not sure what you mean here? Did you mean you have never , ever been to someone elses' house?

If so , yeah you may have something here, but again that falls into the over protective parents catagory. Or the out of sight out of mind, fearing your choices.

All things considered, the bottom line is that your parents have not been brain washed into the spoil your brat to excess state of mind , and letting the teenager decide what they are doing and where they are going, and talk to and treat their parents like dirt. Sounds like your parents have it spot on , but may be just a bit strong in some areas, but you are their child and they are responsible for your life. And that 's alot so take it easy on them they really are doing it with love and good intentions!!!!

Yeah I had a similar story but one day i realized 'She only wants the best for me'... Why do I hate her?

So I stopped hating my parents and just disregarded what they said. I found that yoga helped,and know I'm doing much better, in every way. It's OK, if she's jealous of you you should be happy, becasue it means you have something she didn't. And don't give up!

R.A.

This letter was printed in Dear Abby today.  I thought just of the discipline boards when I re-read it, and thought it would fit very well in the Too Much Discipline boards.  The words and advice printed just may give some parents something to think about:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a normal 10-year-old girl, but when my mom gets mad, I get scared. She doesn't hit me, but I still feel panicked when she's mad.

My siblings have told me they're scared of her, too. I don't have anyone to turn to because my mom and dad are both only children.

Please tell me what to do. Should I wait until I'm older, or should I say something now? I'm confused and really scared of her. What should I do? -- SCARED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SCARED: Talk to your mother about your feelings now. You are reaching an age when you should be able to safely confide all of your concerns to her and be able to communicate without being afraid she will overreact. Because you and your siblings are all afraid, your mother may be expressing her frustration in a way that is not appropriate.

If the situation doesn't improve after you and your siblings talk to her, perhaps another adult can make her understand her behavior is counterproductive. Your dad, a close friend of hers, the mother of one of your friends, or a trusted teacher or school counselor may be able to help.

I am 55 years old, my husband and I are finally at that point in our lives when we would like to be empty-nesters...but we have a 26 year old daughter who lives with us---with her two small daughters---4 1/2y & 2 1/2 y.

My husband & I adopted our daughter 3 days after her birth in 1982.  It seems that she is most likely the products of drugs and as a result she has lots of problems---i.e. anxiety, hypersensitivity, mood swings, emotionally incontinent, and an occasional violent episode.  We had her tested when she was very young and she was found to have a borderline IQ---the bottom of normal---also ADD and even Schizophrenia and Bipoloar Disorder.  Because she is so close to normal there was no help for her unless we paid alot of money that we did not have.  She insists on raising her girls even though she has no income, no child support and no insurance of any kind.  Most of the time my husband and i end up with both of her children.  She will get up almost every morning, when the girls begin to disturb her sleep, and herd them up the stairs for my husband and I to feed, diaper and to generally care for,  This we do not mind most of the time as we would much rather that they be with us than have to put up the impossible nature of our daughter.

Here is a typical example---

One morning our daughter will wake up and ecide that that day she wants to be mother and we let her have her children but then she will scream all of the day at them because they are making the normal noises that small children make!  This fuss is not only because of hypersensitivity but also because their noises prevent her from concentrating on HER TV shows or reading HER book, etc.  If the girls watch their TV shows, movies and or books then my husband and I end up reading them to them.  Then the following day we will end up with the girls for an almost uninterrupted 2-3 week stretch.  This 2-3 week stretch will end when she gets angry with the way we are disciplining her children; she will pitch a fit that we are interferring and trying to take over her parenting role and and she will have them again for another 1-3 days!  She does not undertand how important it is for small children to have a regime so that they can develop their own discipline as well as developing good habits of eating, sleeping and hygiene.  I have tried to outline a simple regime for her, many times but she eventually throws them out because she is sure that i am trying to interfer with her parenting!  She cannot take an kind of advice even when she initiates the request.  I have invited her several times to walk beside during the course of a day to observe how I get on so well with her girls but she eventually suspects that I am interferring again and wlll end it abruptly!  My husband and I have been recently discussing putting the two girls in pre-school so that the girls can have some kind of discipline and personal training---we worry because our oldest granddaughter begins kindergarten this coming Fall!  We have also thought about taking the girls away from her not only to prevent abuse but so that the girls can have insurance.  We think it would destroy our daughter if we did this but we fear more that she might destroy our granddaughters if we don't. 

Our daughter ended up married sort of accidentally---she invited her husband to come and live with us years ago (withour our permission of course).  Once we had this young man living with us it was very hard to get rid of him.  We actually love him and enjoy him, he has a playful nature and he is really good with his daughters---much better than our daughter is with them!  But there are so many more things that we cannot tolerate!  He lies, steals, reads porn, does drugs, cannot hold a steady job, will not do any chores regularly and eats us out of house and home!  When we suspected that our daughter was having sex with this young man, we insisted that either he move out or marry our daughter.  Unfortunately they married and abt 2 years later they had their first daughter and then abt 2 years later they had their other daughter.  He has moved in and out of our house many times since he married our daughter and has even spent some jail time (for drugs, domestic violence with a girlfriend while he was/is married to our daughter---and stealing); my husband and i laid down the law the last time he moved out and told him that he could not ever move back in with us!  He now lives north of us in another state and he will visit occasionally bringing gifts for the grls with him when he comes.  My husband and I suspect that he has another girlfriend up north and that that is why he will not give us his address nor allow us to come up there and visit him.

My husband and I love our daughter very much but  we just do not know what to do about all of this nor what to do with our daughter!  Her yelling really disturbs me especially in wondering what it is doing to her two small girls!

Please help me/us!