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Topic : Too Much Discipline?

Number of Replies: 73
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 04:06:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you and your spouse, partner or ex argue over how much discipline is acceptable? Where do you draw the line? Does your child complain about you being over protective? Share your stories and give and get advice from other parents here.

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April 30, 2007, 8:31 pm CDT

Hey Stacy

Quote From: stacys2kids

i have a 8 yr old and a 6 yr old. I am wondering and needing some help on the discipline topic! My kids are at each others throat all the time. I am so stressed out right now i have tried sticker charts, i have tried the if your good for 3 days and you do what your told and no fighting we will go to the store and you can pick out something that you want. NOTHING seems to work . So what i have tried for discipline is yeah i used to spank there butts (that doesnt work) but i stopped that. Then it was time out.. Now i make them march in place for 5 min or write sentences and then when there done 10 min later there right back doing it again. I know they are just kids but i need some new ideas i want to knip this in the butt b4 they get to much older and i really have problems!!

 

Thanks in advance

Stacy

Its definitely understandable that you are frustrated, and having done so so may different tactics and nothing  worked it may seem nothing will work.

I am not sure  exactly what their trigger is though. Is it just being together, toys, quality time with mom,to much energy not being utilized, I'm not sure what the root problem is.

I think thats were you have to start, it's like we can lop off the head of a dandelion, but if we don't get the root it is going to keep popping up, lol.

To get some much needed quiet time for mom, don't hesitate to keep them apart doing different activities away from each other, for a couple hours. Send one outside and have the other color books inside, then  reverse it and send the other one outside and have the other color watch TV or whatever. gives you a break and also gives them time to realize that their best potential playmate is not available. If the weather or it is too late to have them go outside, send have them do different activities in different parts of the house.

Observe what times your children tend to fight, what is happening in the family home at the time, and try to find out what triggered the fight, speak to each child individually and ask what they were feeling at the time the altercation broke out. I think if you observe the behaviors you will notice a pattern and will be more able to deal with it.

Choose which battles you absolutely can not ignore, siblings will argue, it's up to mom and dad to decide when the argument is not acceptable.

Oh yea Mom, cut the sugar intake of your kids drastically lol. Kids and sugar are a really bad combination, if you monitor your kids sugar intake great, but try cutting it back even further.

If they need sugar make it natural sugars from fruits and vegetables, and other natural foods.

That yummy cereal they love so much, you know the one that is 90% sugar and ten% wheat and other preservatives? Get rid of it.

It really is amazing how much sugar kids today ingest, and their poor bodies are trying to process all that sugar and not  having a very good go of it.

diet is really important to kids and sometimes too much sugar intake makes kids go haywire lol.

As an individual that is usually working with twelve to sixteen kids at any given time, that are dealing with crisis' there is no way I am going to give them a lot of sugar lol.

I had to learn that the hard way, but Really there was a noticeable difference in the children after removing processed sugars from their diets.

Let me know how it goes for you, and maybe we can come up with more strategies for you and your kids so that you can live in a peaceful household.

 
April 30, 2007, 11:40 pm CDT

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: mel1forjon

DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN? I do and my son has A.D.H.D. and its like night and day when he doesnt take his medicine. I use to hate the fact of medecating my child, thought it was the worst thing ever, but when I wittnessed him change,[ FOR THE BETTER, I became a believer.. He is now doing great in school, amazing at home, it even feels like home again. So unless you have been [PERSONALLY  in some one like myselfs shoes, then YOU HAVE NO PLACE  TELLING POEPLE  THAT IT ISNT A REAL DISEASE. Mel

For your information, I have two sons aged 14. There is so much that you don't know here.

 

They are normal kids when not on the medication. They test their boundaries as all kids will do. they just need to be reminded of them now and then. Their mother lives her life in the shadow of a pill bottle! And so she is teaching them that the way to cope in life is with a chemical. Personal responsibility and accountability mean nothing in life. Hide who and what you are behind a haze of chemicals and it will all eventually go away.

 

So, yes I have been and am "there" in the same shoes you seem to require of me. I just chose not to be sucked into the quagmire that the pyschologists and pharamcology are trying to suck us into. We so easily give up cause it is easier... what a crock!

 
April 30, 2007, 11:44 pm CDT

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: penny_lady

 This has to be a joke!
Do you see me laughing?
 
May 1, 2007, 12:45 am CDT

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: alijay1

Do you see me laughing?
Well, it gave me a great chuckle..thanks!
 
May 2, 2007, 5:55 pm CDT

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: jettav

Oh yes, many parents over do it with discipline. I think too much discipline can cause some rebellion and distrust. parents need to  communicate and choose their battles, discipline when neccessary but know the difference between overbearing and actually teaching the child right from wrong.
Thank you for believing that! I am eighteen and am about to move out this summer. The past eighteen years of my life have been a living hell. My dad is to worn out to do anything about my mother's crazy disipline theories. My siblings and I know right from wrong, thank god, but we did not learn that consept from my mother.
 
May 4, 2007, 1:35 am CDT

Dr. Phil on the wrong way

Yesterday I saw this episode about the 17 year old girl that ran away from home with gypsees and travelled trough 7 states or so. I couldn't believe what Dr. Phil did. He is intelligent but couldn't he see that the mother was a totally crazy dramaqueen? You just had to look in her eyes and it was immediately clear that there was something wrong. And then this 20 year old dramaqueen daughter.... Ugly, fat, a copy of her mother, trying to make an alliance with her against her much better looking 17 year old sister. The father couldn't handle it, he didn't really understand that the mother was crazy but I was astounded that Dr. Phil didn't see it and with his standard reaction. The mother was provoking her daughter all the time, there was no calm moment in this family, OF COURSE SHE RAN AWAY. Why didn't Dr. Phil tell the mother to seek help and that she should not provoke this girl and give her love instead. No, he was talking about discipline, that she had to listen, I don't understand. Furthermore Dr. Phil totally missed the point that we are mamals and that some women of 17 who can have children already for 5 years just naturally want to start their own family. I feel very sorry for this girl and I hope that Dr. Phil finds some nuance and apologizes to the girl. Maybe there are not enough people that look at his behaviour in an objective analytical way and dare to tell him that he's drifting from the righteous path too much.

 
May 4, 2007, 11:49 am CDT

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: tammy_anne

ADD/ADHD is a controversial topic in that some  contend that it does not exsist and some contend that it does. The reson it is so controversial is that they have not done enough research, to determine the exact causes of, what the medical profession terms, Attention deficit disorder.

What the scientist have been able to determine thus far in their research is,that ADD is nerobiological in basis, and possibly genetics.

They have also concluded that Hyper activity in children may be a result of excessive slow wave or theta activity in the brain.

They have also found that children that have been properly diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have lower levels of lower levels of Dopamine, a nerotransmitter involved with the mental and emotional functioning.

Neroimaging has also shown that there are differences between children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD most significanlty in the pre frontal cortex.

They have found that children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have smaller brains most notably in the pre frontal cortex, and cerebellum.

These children also dispaly maladative behaviors that clearly show they are not functioning on a level of a child who is developing normaly.

These scientists, Doctors, and researchers clearly see that there is an abnormality, an abnormality is present.

I certainly am not going to write out a thesis, these are just some of the facts, that they have been able to determine.

Proof is being demanded, well they are working on it. that does not change the fact that there is an abnormality and that it is serious, and is affecting the quality of life of many individuals and families.

The first case of ADD was medically diagnosed way back in 1902, this is not a new issue, it has only recently within the past few years had more recognition becaue of the media.

Saying something does not exist  because someone not convinced is foolish.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

- Herbert Spencer

If these men and women stop the research and turn their backs, saying there is not a problem, many children and familys will suffer for that foolish notion that if we ignor it it does not exist.

Do I think that there is no potential of misdiagnosing, over medicating, or unethical practices by some professionals. Absolutly not, but that does not change the fact that many of these professionals are practicing ethicaly, and doing much needed research, and treating and diagnosing their patients correctly.

Trying to beat scientific facts and research into submission with religious connotation is ridiculous. Making a broad statement that individuals don't need medication to restore them to a state of health, because the one saying it is healthy, is misguided

You are blessed that you are healthy and have no need for medications, however for many many individuals they are not so blessed. You can not use your own health and well being as an example as to why ill individuals should not take medication.

I most certainly am open to a healthy debate, but arguing and debating are two very diferent things.

 

Possibly, may be, all are phrases that seem to crop up a lot with this argument for these so-called diseases.

It can be stated, categorically, that no DSM condition/psychiatric entity is an actual disease and, this being the case there is not only justification for withholding drugs, there exists no medical justification for giving one. More importantly, nowhere in the medical-scientific literature of the world is there an article describing a characteristic, confirming physical abnormality making any single psychiatric entity/condition a disease. Anyone saying any psychological or psychiatric entity is a disorder/disease/chemical imbalance of the brain or body is lying or is ignorant of science.  The burden of proof, in medicine, lies with the professional saying a disease is present, that medical treatment is needed, not with those asking for proof.  Those who would treat must tell the truth regarding such things to meet the right to informed consent of the patient/family/guardian.

 

Throughout Medical Dispatch: What’s Normal?  The difficulty of diagnosing bipolar disorder in children (Jerome Groopman, The New Yorker, April 9, 2007) we encounter suggestions that bipolar disorder, ADHD, and all psychiatric conditions/diagnoses, are actual diseases having confirming gross, microscopic or chemical abnormalities.  We read: “serious psychiatric illness,” ‘“hugely familial,”’ “bipolar disease, particularly its biological basis,” and other such fictions.  

 Moreover, psychiatrists speak of “chemical imbalances” and of psychiatric disorders as diseases “as surely as diabetes, cancer, and epilepsy.”

 Groopman is a professor of medicine at Harvard, from whence so much psychiatric “disease” diagnosis and “treatment” emanates.  He knows as well as I, a neurologist, that all physicians—psychiatrists included, go to medical school primarily to learn of (1) all things normal (anatomy, microscopy, physiology and chemistry), (2) all things abnormal (pathology, disease), and, (3) how to tell the difference.  

 Groopman and the professors of psychiatry he interviewed--Hyman, Biederman, Wozniac (Harvard), Papolos, Geller, and others, know perfectly well, that despite contrived illusions of neurology, biology and disease in psychiatry, there are no such things, only subjective symptoms.

 Four-year-old Rebecca Riley of Hull, Massachusetts, was said to have died from clonidine, administered by her parents--both charged with murder.  However, the clonidine was part of a drug “cocktail” prescribed by the child psychiatrist who so implausibly diagnosed her with BD and ADHD at 2 ½ years of age, prescribing Seroquel and Depakote in addition to the clonidine—none deemed “safe and effective” for children her age.   What of the culpability of all who contrived to make this normal, disease-free child into a “patient” and then poison her, for profit?   What of the 364 deaths in Georgia’s state mental hospitals from January, 2002 through mid-December 2006. 

 In Congressional testimony, in 2003, pediatrician, William B. Carey testified that 17% of US schoolchildren--8.5 million--were on one or more psychiatric drugs.  Calling psychiatric conditions “diseases” making “patients” of millions of normals, nationwide, and drugging them, is the biggest healthcare fraud in history. 

 

 
May 4, 2007, 12:08 pm CDT

Too Much Discipline?

That last post of mine refers to Dr Fred Baughman MD and comes from an article he wrote recently, published in the press in the US.

 
May 9, 2007, 6:50 pm CDT

RESPECT

My son is 9 years old and recently diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years, I have been told by many people that he has respect problems.  I believed it was my fault because I was not a strict displinarian with him.  I wonder if his problems with respect are somehow because of his ADHD...he definitely is hyper and impulsive.  Here is my issue today.

 

A couple of nites ago my son was outside playing and a 15 year old neighbor gave my son a wedgy which hurt him enough to make him cry.  My son wrongly grabbed a broom and was going to hit this 15 year old.  The 15 year old was moving a huge basketball hoop and lowered it hitting my son in the face causing my son to have a huge bump on the side of his nose, a bump on his forehead and a bruise on his cheek.  The X-Ray showed a broken bone in the nose according to the DR...but the radiologist said otherwise.  I was visiting a neighbor when this all took place.  My son told me that he immediately fell to the ground crying and screaming and then the 15 year old's father (who was in his garage only feet away from the incident) came out because my son was crying.  He told my son to GET UP and my son said SHUT UP to him because he said he was in terrible pain and was so upset he said he was going to call 911.  After my son told this 39 year old man to SHUT UP (I am not saying my son was by any means right by doing so either)  the 39 year old man picked up the broom and holding it like he was going to hit my son with it said "SAY IT AGAIN AND I'LL HIT YOU!" 

 

Picture a small child screaming and crying in pain and the only adult around him that should be helping him shows him no COMPASSION, no CARE about whether he is hurt (obviously if he is crying he is hurt), no RESPECT, no REGARD.  I cringe at the thought of this and I am dumbfounded at how a grown man could be so heartless, especially since he is a father.

 

Here is my dilema ....my friend who is 100 times more stricter with her daughter than I am with my son says that my son should apologize to the 39 year old man who threatened him.  I have not made my son apologize and I will NOT!!

 

I believe that if children are taught respect they will learn respect and children who are forced to respect EVERYONE can be caught in tough situations because making them respect EVERY ADULT can make them EXTREMELY vulnerable which can turn out to be drastic.

 

Does ANYONE out there agree with me? 

 
May 10, 2007, 11:16 am CDT

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: danesmom

My son is 9 years old and recently diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years, I have been told by many people that he has respect problems.  I believed it was my fault because I was not a strict displinarian with him.  I wonder if his problems with respect are somehow because of his ADHD...he definitely is hyper and impulsive.  Here is my issue today.

 

A couple of nites ago my son was outside playing and a 15 year old neighbor gave my son a wedgy which hurt him enough to make him cry.  My son wrongly grabbed a broom and was going to hit this 15 year old.  The 15 year old was moving a huge basketball hoop and lowered it hitting my son in the face causing my son to have a huge bump on the side of his nose, a bump on his forehead and a bruise on his cheek.  The X-Ray showed a broken bone in the nose according to the DR...but the radiologist said otherwise.  I was visiting a neighbor when this all took place.  My son told me that he immediately fell to the ground crying and screaming and then the 15 year old's father (who was in his garage only feet away from the incident) came out because my son was crying.  He told my son to GET UP and my son said SHUT UP to him because he said he was in terrible pain and was so upset he said he was going to call 911.  After my son told this 39 year old man to SHUT UP (I am not saying my son was by any means right by doing so either)  the 39 year old man picked up the broom and holding it like he was going to hit my son with it said "SAY IT AGAIN AND I'LL HIT YOU!" 

 

Picture a small child screaming and crying in pain and the only adult around him that should be helping him shows him no COMPASSION, no CARE about whether he is hurt (obviously if he is crying he is hurt), no RESPECT, no REGARD.  I cringe at the thought of this and I am dumbfounded at how a grown man could be so heartless, especially since he is a father.

 

Here is my dilema ....my friend who is 100 times more stricter with her daughter than I am with my son says that my son should apologize to the 39 year old man who threatened him.  I have not made my son apologize and I will NOT!!

 

I believe that if children are taught respect they will learn respect and children who are forced to respect EVERYONE can be caught in tough situations because making them respect EVERY ADULT can make them EXTREMELY vulnerable which can turn out to be drastic.

 

Does ANYONE out there agree with me? 

i certainly agree that you shouldn't let your son apologize to this man in this situation.

however, normally i would. part of him being disrespectful might be his ADHD but i also believe that how you raise him is part of it too. although he has ADHD it isn't an excuse for him to not behave. if he would be more respectful he might not get in this kind of situation so easily.

But i certainly don't mean to say, that this is his fault or something. i believe that how the 15 year old, and his father behaved is absolutely unacceptable!!!!!!!

 
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