Topic : Too Much Discipline?

My stepson(10) seems to resent me every time Itell him to do something, or punish him. he feels I'm mean to him and I'm always yelling at him. Even though I'm telling him to do normal things that kids should be doing at home. Doing chores, homework, and taking baths. But he feels I'm taking his playtime away from him. And sometimes  it's worse when my wife and I  argue about me punishing him. She tells me to let it go. Even though he talks back to me ,as if I'm the child and He's the adult. Lucky i'm very patient with children, who's to say he talks back to someone w/out it, I'm afraid he'll end up dead or very injured. He has ADHD and I feel he's playing it between his mom and I, because he feels he can get away with it. Because mom will help him . And that's when argue alot. What  should I do? Don't get me wrong Ilove this boy like he's my own but do deserve to be treated like this. He don't act this way with our family members, friends. Only with us, because he feel he can get away with it.

I don't know what to do... some days our son is well behaved both home and school.  Other days, it's like something, unknown just switches inside him and he is very difficult to have do even simple everyday chores or activities.  Weekends have increasingly become hard as well.  It's much more than a basic challenge of authority.  It's like a war-zone at times, where our 6 y.o. will win.  I used to spank him, as a last resort, but only do that if he is using some sort of physical altercation or hitting someone.  Time-outs for 6 min. are the primary form of discipline.

 

Our son is also very misbehaved at school, distracted, not-paying attention, openly defiant to the teachers instructions as well. 

 

I have talked to my son about "who is in charge" at mom's house, school, and dad's house, and he nods his head like he "understands", yet says to me "I'm mostly in charge at my dads though.  I say do this, and that and we do.  Only sometimes different." 

 

I feel I have to overcompensate discipline-wise at times because of the lack of discipline/consequences and the over-indulgence he receives at his fathers place, which I believe makes things even worse.   I wish that the ex were of such a type who would co-parent and could sit down and reason things out with, but he is more the type to subvert, play political custody and emotional games, and manipulate the situation for his own gain and control.  He deliberately sabotages and manipulates things, without true care for his son, while appearing in public to be the "good, involved parent". 

 

We now have a meeting coming up where the teacher would like our son professionally evaluated because of his behavior socially in school.  He has received more pink slips than any other kid they know, including the older children.   Any advice would be helpful. 

woops, to add... teacher and i have tried positive reinforcement and rewards, as well as behavior charts, etc.  He seems unfazed by any of these things.  I have taken away toys and things as I know he had so much "stuff" it didn't faze him in the least when he had a consequence that involved taking away a privelege or special toy.  He said "oh well, I've got others"  His teacher is also concerned by his apparent lack of care to consequences, rewards, or other kids pain if he hurts them or insults them. 

Your concern is valid and reasonable. Your son is only 6, but he is learning behaviors that could negatively affect his life forever. I believe that seeking professional help is the best thing you can do at this time, for your son and for yourself. The fact that your son has no concern for others if he hurts/insults them is a big, red flag that there is something wrong.
If you watch Dr. Phil on a regular basis, you know what he recommends when a child is out of control. He advises parents not to simply take away toys, etc.- he has them totally clear out the child’s room, only leaving the bed, a blanket and pillow. From there, the child has to earn back everything. On a daily basis, if your son behaves himself, then he will get his lamp back. The next day, another blanket- you get the picture. You work on the essentials first, then the toys. The toys always come last. This way, the child has more time without them, hopefully this time will help him to realize that having nothing really sucks.
I know that this punishment will effect you in negative ways, also; but it is so important, because you are taking action to change his whole life. This isn’t just for now; this is to influence the rest of his life on earth.
His father is doing his child harm by allowing him to have so much power. By not giving his child consequences, no responsibility, no reason to care about anything, he is setting him up for failure in life. When your child grows up and goes out into the real world, he will be faced with people who don’t give him everything he wants, people who don’t jump when he says jump; then what happens to him? Giving the child some responsibility and accountability is the best thing that could happen to him.
Question: this meeting that is coming up, will your ex be attending?
I wish you the very best. All you can do is your best- you live and learn. 

Hey, 

   

  I’m a seventeen year old girl, and I would have to say my mom didn’t punish me all that much. She sat me down; we talked about what I did wrong.  

One thing that worked for me was she let me talk, she didn’t interrupt me she just let me say what I want to say then talked to me and showed me the points that I made that were wrong. When my mom would yell at me that would do nothing for me and I would just want to do the wrong stuff even more. Talking with them, not at them is the best thing.  

  

 Also if you have a boy, when your boy does something wrong take him for a drive and talk to them. Boys don’t like to talk to a person face to face so if you go for a drive you’re both look forward and he won’t feel so cornered.  

 

It is never OK for a teacher to yell at a student.  Not only does it damage the student but how the heck do you think you child is going to learn in there class.  My son was in a class environment where the teacher did a lot of yelling and I noticed some serious signs that made me check and It was bad really bad.  I didn't give the Principal a chance to give me an option.  I told him to change my sons class and do right now or I was going to make a real big stink.  My son was in a different class the next day. 

 

Thank you God!  My son felt the relief right away.  He still has issues to this day with liking school.  If school is positive than the child is going to be positive about school.  I don't think it takes a genius to figure that one out. The more a Mom is involved with there child's education the quicker you will be able to see the signs and prevent you child from the bad things that can happen.  Don't leave education up to the public schools your child will never be ready for college.  You are there most important teacher.   If you tell your child that school is fun they will laugh in your face (but in there room of course).  Make learning fun for them, teach them to learn in exciting ways. Don't leave it up to public school.

hi im a 15 year old girl with adhd, i have been on 2 different medications since i was 8. although medication may not seem like a way to treat adhd it actually helps immensely knowing how it feels to not be able to focus on things or being very hyper so much that other kids push you away the medicine helped me keep my mind under control. when ever i wasnt taking medicine back in 1st grade i was sorta an outcast i wasnt liked because i was very wild. i was sent to the office practically every day.i am glad my parents chose medication. i can be myself yet be under control also.

I would have to say my parents are pretty strict, heres why:

1. I have never been to a sleep over because i am not allowed, 16 by the way lol.

2. I can not date till i am in college or graduate from college.

3. I am expected to make dinner by the time mom's home, and have the house clean lol.

4. I'm a teen with no txting.

5. Never ever in someone else's house, even if it is a friend.

So yeah, there is a point where it goes too far lol.

 I think sometimes as parents we error on the side of too much discipline. I know I lean that way and sometimes it's hard to find the right balance. Usually when my husband and I have over done it as far as discipline goes we catch it soon after and try and correct our mistakes, nobody's perfect.

but you get to go on the computer!!! :-)
I'm guessing your mom works outside the home huh?
I know there's 2 sides to every story but that does seem like too much responsibility for a 16 yr old.
Do you have a job? Saving for a car?
Could you ask your mom if you could have a friend come over and help you cook and clean? This way you both get a little bit of what each of you want