My mother remarried almost 6 years ago. I have no problem with this as long as my mother is happy and not abused. My problem is this: When my mother remarried, she had 5 kids which ranged in age from 15 to 39 (myself being the oldest). Her husband had one child who was 27 at the time. He is now 32. He lives with them. He does not work. In 5+ years, he has worked 2 times for a total of 11 months. He also joined the military, not even making it thru basic training. They have put him thru Real Estate school. He did not or could not or would not pass his licensing exam. They pay for everything for him, even down to his cigarettes and deo.
My mother has made it clear many many times that he needs to move out. That he is old enough to live on his own. They (my mother and her husband even gave him a one year deadline once he got out of the army. That will be 2 years ago in March. That came and went and he is still living at home.
Every time she brings it up, there is a big argument with her husband. He refuses to make his son move out for various reasons including: his son can't make it on his own, he has no experience of living on his own (now, who did have experience of living on their own til they moved out of their parents' home), he is an only child, therefore, he (his father) loves him more than my mom loves her children.
Now, his latest excuse (which he not so nicely brought to our attention out of the clear blue on one of our recent visits) is that he will never make his 32 year old son move out of the house because he (the father) doesn't want to abandon his son. Now, how are you abandoning a 32 year old by making him live on his own? As far as the abandonment, I may have just turned 44, but I had a miscarriage in September and had a very rough time. For the first time in my life, I told my mother that I needed her. They were traveling from Texas to KY and would be 5 hours from us a week and a half after this miscarriage. He refused to come up and see me and my husband, knowing we were going through emotional times. He told my mother to tell me that she would talk to me when we came down to visit in two months. He said that this vacation was for him to see his family 5 hours away from me. How's that for abandonment? I told my mother that I was hurting both physically and emotionally and needed her then, not in 2 months.
He allows his son to talk to my mother in the most horrible way, telling her that someone is going to have to call the sheriff's department to pick up an old lady off of the ground. My mother came back at him and the whole time her husband/his father was sitting there telling my mother to shut up and not saying anything to his son. He later used the excuse that he is hard of hearing and heard nothing that his son said. My husband (who is totally deaf in one ear and has 50% hearing loss in the other) was sitting next to him and heard everything. He (my mother's husband) treats my mother the same way, putting her down constantly. She has a day care that she owns and runs. He tells her that it isn't a real job and that she needs to get a real job. He and his son sit in the house while my mother mows and weed eats the 1/2 acre they live on, refusing to help. Oh, the son will help if they pay him. When I question why the son is allowed to treat my mother this way, I am told because he is different and because he lives in the household.
How does a grown man think that he will be abandoning his 32 year old son by making his son live on his own? How come all of the other children can live on their own and provide for themselves when they range in age from 20 to 44 and a 32 year old can't?
