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Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

Number of Replies: 213
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 11:44:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you the outcast in your family, the one NO one wants to talk about or even acknowledge? What makes you different or unique, and how does it affect others in your family? Share your story here.

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December 22, 2007, 5:36 pm CST

Black Sheep of the Family?

Quote From: michiyamo

I know exactly what you mean by mormon bad behavior. They tout this loving thy neighbor but when you don't go along with what the bishop wants aka god you are shunned by them and all of your mormon friends stop visiting.  It is the most judgemental religion.  I quit going after the bishop told me I could not open a business and work.  I told him it was non of his business.  And I never went back.  No religion has the right to oppress women.  It is archaic the way they look at women.  Another mother in my ward who had a master's degree just like me was chastised by this same bishop.  She told him off and she got the raised eyebrow from her brotheren.  I thought Christmas was about empathy, compassion,and understanding.  So much for the Mormon faith.  The only way to deal with a mormon famiy is either join their cult or sit out.  Sad but true.  YOU are not going to change their way of thinking.  It is imbedded in them.  So if you don't want to become a mormon then you and your family has to deal with their judgemental nature. 

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the lds religion but i don't think a bad experience is a good reason to judge an entire religion. Sometimes people forget the true meaning of their faith and put less important things at the top of their priority list. Being LDS is not bad just like being a part of any other faith is not bad. I did not mean to leave anyone with any other impression. Mormons are people, just like catholics, or any other religion. We are all people, we make mistakes. We can't change other people. It's your life and you make the best of it! Whether we talk to friends, go to couseling, to find answers to problems , we learn from life and hopefully move on as well. I am really sorry that you have had such a bad experience with mormons but i know that it wouldn't benefit you to judge people by their religion. I do know that if the people you had run into treated you badly, it's because they forgot what their faith is about and hopefully they've learned from it by now.  Any way it's up to you how you'll treat them but i would suggest not to pass the hate. Best of luck!

 
January 2, 2008, 9:03 am CST

Black Sheep

I have gone my whole life as the black sheep of my family. No matter how good I am I am always ignored. And whenever I do something wrong, I'm immediately told about it. Any act of goodness I do, I get no credit. Growing up, I was always told by my family that I was the good one of the family. But now it seems, everything I do is bad, like I don't do any good anymore. Frankly, I'm getting tired of being treated this way.
 
January 18, 2008, 4:46 pm CST

ex homeless guy

i am 32 years old, and am the youngest of 4 with three sisters. my mom has been married ,i believe six times, though my sisters have all been married to the same men for as long as i remember. they have all set examples i can either accept or reject. my emotions are soup, or maybe "spaghetti". my "favorite" sister is in a marriage that i dont think she appreciates. her husband, i believe does as much as he can without digging his own grave, but her affection has long become effete. they have six children; seven if you include me, i was here before they were and i was spoiled as much as they have been if not more. my mom did her best to raise me, sometimes with the structure of a family, but she is no good at relationships. we moved several times over the course of say eighteen years, and i never could take root in a school, church, or community for very long. i have become very good at disassociating myself for fear of having to move all over again.

 

i was fifteen when i dropped out of highschool, and i felt nothing but relief afterwards. i hated school. i could not juggle both academics and social-psychology. i think i felt that i could master the school work, but i had trouble being someone i felt my peers accepted, so i ultimately did nothing, but think. i was quiet with severe depression, and had alot of anger issues. i have long gotten over being angry at myself, and redirected those feelings toward Hollywood. i have come to the conclusion that kids get their personality and attitudes from "Hollywood", but i have never wanted to immitate "characters" i have seen on tv or in a movie, but that can be difficult since celebrities are multi-millionaires for exemplifying what "Hollywood" thinks our norms should be. often times "Hollywood" contradicts everything that our parents tried to instill in us, not to mention the peers we had in school who were proselytes of "Hollywood" that wanted everyone to conform to their idols, therefore also contradicting our parents.

 

be back.

 
January 23, 2008, 7:45 pm CST

Black Sheep of the Family?

I wouldnt necessarily call myself the black sheep of the family. But, I am unlike anyone that is close to me.

I'm basically a straight- A student, I have 2 brothers and 2 sister and they dont do as well. Mostly it's because their primary focus is their social lives and school and homework and all that takes the backseat.

I have friends but I dont go out every night and I really dont do much on the weekends, Im not into partying and all that stuff. I just dont see a need for all that. I have goals, Im a senior in high school and Im working hard to get into university. Of course, no one really understands this. Not even my parents who struggled in high school and didnt do the college thing. Another thing, I dont drive. Where I live you have to pay like 100 bucks for your license and I see it as unnecessary right now. My school is about 4 blocks from home and work is a relatively close distance away, I can walk.

I get bothered by my siblings and bugged by my parents to "just grow up".

My mom  fears my leaving for university thinking my social skills arent up to par

and Im sure my dad sits back and thinks I will be some kind of financial burden in the future.

 

I dont know what to do.

Im different from the rest and they just dont understand where Im coming from.

Sure, I wish that I had more time to hang out with friends, that I had places to go so I would need to know how to drive. But, that just isnt my life. I have different goals that have nothing to do with any of that. 

 
February 16, 2008, 10:30 pm CST

I've learned

Quote From: trippkitty

 There is no easy way for me to admit this to myself but,I'm a stereotype black sheep. Middle child in a large family (4 real sibs,9 steps), goth,depressed,self mutilator,satanist trapped in a happy,yuppy,uptight christian family . I never conformed to my family's ideal "perfect child" ,I formed my own ideas and opinions at an early age. Even when my sibs failed to meet the familys standards for living(3 teen moms,3 hardcore drug addicts,2 huge criminal records,and 3 metal hospital commitments), they were still treated better then me (I was kicked out at  ages12,13,14,16, & 18). Now,I work two jobs,go to school,live a drug/alcohol free life,DON'T have a kid but because I "live in sin" with my boyfriend of 7 months,I'm still not worthy of their time/affection/love. Keep in mind I live with him because THEY kicked me out and I had NOWHERE else to go..............Any thoughts on how I could patch up my nonexistant relationship with the family?
I am so sorry to hear of your pain.  I don't know if you believe in God, but what I've learned, (as painful and unfair it may be).  Our pains can..and will be used to help others.  I have lost my whole family, so I understand.  Be strong, You can survive and eventually be the person Our Lord meant for you to be.  Only advice is to focus on Jesus and His words.  Lose the evil. 
 
February 25, 2008, 12:30 pm CST

HOW DO I OVERCOME THIS PAIN?

I'M LIVING WITH MY DISABLED MOTHER FOR ABOUT 4 YEARS NOW. I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER FOR US WHEN WE MOVED IN OUR PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AGO. BUT I GUESS THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER. IM 25 AND MY MOM IS 53. I HAVE 1 YOUNGER SISTER AND 1 OLDER SISTER. I DONT KNOW IF I WOULD CALL MYSELF THE BLACK SHEEP BUT I KNOW IM NOT WANTED AROUND HER UNLESS I HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE. IVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS PROBLEM FOR ABOUT 10 YEARS AND IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE. IVE TRIED TO TALK TO MY MOM BUT IT GOES AND LEAVES EVEN FASTER. IM NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW BUT I AM IN SCHOOL, WHICH I HAVE KEPT A SECRET.SINCE I WAS ABOUT 16, THINGS CHANGED FOR THE WORSE. IVE TRIED TO ONLY HELP HER SO I CAN HELP ME ALSO. MY FATHER HASNT BEEN AROUND FOR ALMOST 12 YEARS AND THAT DOESNT MAKE IT BETTER. IVE BEEN BACKSTABBED, DEGRADED, AND PUNISHED FOR THINGS I CANT CONTROL. IVE WORKED NOT TO ONLY HELP ME BUT TO ASSIST MY MOTHER. THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER EITHER. I PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAY FOR MY LIFE TO TAKE OFF SO I DONT HAVE TO BE HERE ANYMORE. WHEN I DONT HAVE SOMETHING FOR MY MOM, IM NO GOOD, A SLACKER, AND JUST LIKE MY DADDY. IVE BEEN TOLD THAT IM RUDE, UNGRATEFUL AND DISRESPECTFUL. I LOVE MY  MOM BUT I ................... FEEL LIKE IM STUCK IN A WARP THATS KILLING ME. I VE TRIED TO TALK TO HER AND IT STILL WONT WORK. SHE SAYS ITS BECAUSE SHES IN PAIN ALL THE TIME, WHICH IS NOT TRUE. WHEN SHE HAS WHATS SHE WANTS FROM PEOPLE SHES FINE TIL IT RUNS OUT. I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I FEEL AS A WOMAN,  YOU SHOULDNT DEPEND ON YOUR SPOUSES INCOME. IM  INDEPENDENT WHEN IT COMES TO NOT ASKING FOR THINGS THATS NOT NEEDED. BUT I SHOULDNT FEEL BAD FOR NOT ASKING MY MAN TO BUT STUFF FOR MY MOTHER. SHES NEEDS TO GET IT HER SELF AND NOT DEPEND ON NO ONE. I WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE I PUT ON HOLD FOR 4 YEARS. I SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR MY MOTHER NOT HAVING WHAT SHE WANTS. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO PUT ME DOWN TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER. I TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND AND HE COULD CARELESS FOR HER EITHER. ALL OF MY MOTHERS CHILDREN EXCEPT FOR MY OLDER SISTER COULD CARELESS. IM MOVING ON WITH WHAT I HAVE LEFT AND I " WILL NOT "LOOK BACK. I FEEL BETTER WHEN IM GONE FROM HER PRESENCE AND HER NON- COMPASSION ONLY FOR HER SELF. IS THIS THE WAY I SHOULD GO ABOUT THINGS?
 
February 29, 2008, 9:02 pm CST

i'm a blacksheep too, everyone should be

I like the article in the Onion, where everyone claims to be the Black Sheep of the family. Isn't this just about individuality? Surely, we all need to put distance between ourselves and our siblings in order to avoid being termed cloned. It's when this process is retarded that we see extreme visible manifestations:

 

Goth
Tattoos
Piercings
emo

 

And cries for help:

 

Why don't I fit in?
I hate myself?
nobody understands me?

 

It's enforced compliance that's the problem here. That stops people developing as individuals and penalises and deviation from the norm. How do you 'come out' as gay or lesbian in these circumstances.

 

No wonder there's a blacksheep subculture in sites like www.imablacksheep.com and others.

 

Over-parenting and love of the 'norm' is the problem here people.

 
March 3, 2008, 7:16 pm CST

Black sheep are very special!!

I am the black sheep of the family, if you can even call it that.  I have had lies told about me for many years that were nowhere near truth, been called on when I could be of help but any other time have been treated like I have leprosy or something.  I am considered the one that is NO GOOD.  For many years it really bothered me but I have done a lot of studying and found that if you really look at things, Jesus was the black sheep in His day too.  He had nowhere to go, no home to go to when He got tired and worn out, nobody that really wanted to invite Him in and live with them.  I found through a lot of study that I am a child of the King, a royal Prince and that makes me really special in anyone's eyes.  If anyone else does not think so, that is their opinion and I am sorry for them but I am a Prince anyway and nobody can take that from me.  Jesus died on a cross for me and one day I will be in Heaven with Him for all eternity and that makes me very special indeed.  Whether you believe in the bible or not, it states the truth.  It is the Word of God and I take it for what it is and if it says it is true, it is true.  Now I do not worry about what others think of me or that I am basically alone in this cold world.  I have a job to do here and when it is done, I will be laid to rest to wait for my Lord and Savior to come get me and take me to a place I cannot even fathom in my deepest imagination.  So when you are considered a black sheep, remember how many there are that are black compared to how many are all white.  Very few indeed.  That makes you special.  Have a wonderful day. .
 
March 4, 2008, 6:41 am CST

being diffrent

 
March 4, 2008, 6:50 am CST

being diffrent

  I came out at 16 and was shunned from the family for many years now that im in my late 30's

my younger brother came out and was welcomed in open arms and was his partner by our parents

I dont know why but i feel jelous because it is still very uncomfortable being around my perents if any one out there can offer advice on how to rebuild a relation ship with mom and dad it would be great

 
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