Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

You can’t allow people around you to have enough power over you to make you feel a certain way; you and only YOU are in control of your thoughts and feelings. If you feel that you are the ‘black sheep,’ then you are going to continue to wear that label. If you know in your heart that this label does not suit you, then refuse to wear it! You have more power then you think you have. When you do things that are positive, don’t expect praise from your family- that is setting your expectations too high, and you will likely always be disappointed. Instead, do these acts of kindness out of the goodness of your heart. Not because you want acceptance/praise from your family. Doing good things in your life and for others makes you a good person, and even if no one ever acknowledges this about you, at least YOU know in your heart that you are a good person. Do not allow your family to have the power over you to make you feel miserable when you deserve to live a happy, fulfilling life! I wish you the best!

i am 32 years old, and am the youngest of 4 with three sisters. my mom has been married ,i believe six times, though my sisters have all been married to the same men for as long as i remember. they have all set examples i can either accept or reject. my emotions are soup, or maybe "spaghetti". my "favorite" sister is in a marriage that i dont think she appreciates. her husband, i believe does as much as he can without digging his own grave, but her affection has long become effete. they have six children; seven if you include me, i was here before they were and i was spoiled as much as they have been if not more. my mom did her best to raise me, sometimes with the structure of a family, but she is no good at relationships. we moved several times over the course of say eighteen years, and i never could take root in a school, church, or community for very long. i have become very good at disassociating myself for fear of having to move all over again.

 

i was fifteen when i dropped out of highschool, and i felt nothing but relief afterwards. i hated school. i could not juggle both academics and social-psychology. i think i felt that i could master the school work, but i had trouble being someone i felt my peers accepted, so i ultimately did nothing, but think. i was quiet with severe depression, and had alot of anger issues. i have long gotten over being angry at myself, and redirected those feelings toward Hollywood. i have come to the conclusion that kids get their personality and attitudes from "Hollywood", but i have never wanted to immitate "characters" i have seen on tv or in a movie, but that can be difficult since celebrities are multi-millionaires for exemplifying what "Hollywood" thinks our norms should be. often times "Hollywood" contradicts everything that our parents tried to instill in us, not to mention the peers we had in school who were proselytes of "Hollywood" that wanted everyone to conform to their idols, therefore also contradicting our parents.

 

be back.

You are 32 years old. High school was a long time ago, its time to move on.  Perhaps you would feel better about yourself/your life if you set some reasonable goals for yourself. Have you considered going to college, taking some classes? You don’t say if you have a job outside of the home, do you?
It is easy to blame others for our problems. That is way easier then actually taking action to improve life. I agree that Hollywood has influence on our society, and I agree that it shouldn’t be like that. But, that is the way that it is. You can’t allow that to keep you down; it is up to you to create your destiny. If you are happy living with your sister, considering yourself one of her “spoiled” children, observing that she doesn’t appreciate her husband/marriage, scrutinizing all that is wrong with others, then don’t do anything to create change. But it doesn’t sound like you are happy.

I wouldnt necessarily call myself the black sheep of the family. But, I am unlike anyone that is close to me.

I'm basically a straight- A student, I have 2 brothers and 2 sister and they dont do as well. Mostly it's because their primary focus is their social lives and school and homework and all that takes the backseat.

I have friends but I dont go out every night and I really dont do much on the weekends, Im not into partying and all that stuff. I just dont see a need for all that. I have goals, Im a senior in high school and Im working hard to get into university. Of course, no one really understands this. Not even my parents who struggled in high school and didnt do the college thing. Another thing, I dont drive. Where I live you have to pay like 100 bucks for your license and I see it as unnecessary right now. My school is about 4 blocks from home and work is a relatively close distance away, I can walk.

I get bothered by my siblings and bugged by my parents to "just grow up".

My mom  fears my leaving for university thinking my social skills arent up to par

and Im sure my dad sits back and thinks I will be some kind of financial burden in the future.

 

I dont know what to do.

Im different from the rest and they just dont understand where Im coming from.

Sure, I wish that I had more time to hang out with friends, that I had places to go so I would need to know how to drive. But, that just isnt my life. I have different goals that have nothing to do with any of that. 

This could have been written by my 17 year old!

She also doesn’t see the need to get her license at this time. She has a ride or can walk to wherever she needs to go, and seeing her cousin get in multiple accidents has scared her a bit. She has friends/family who bug her about this choice, but it is the right choice for her.

My advice to you is to just think about getting your license before you go to University because you will be in situations where you will need a valid state ID; a license is perfect, even if you don’t drive! A University ID doesn’t work for all things. You are going to want to open a bank account, etc., to truly be independent- so consider it, if only for that purpose.

I think it is really great that you focus on your studies and you are a serious student. This will take you far in life, no matter what your family says. Their problem is this: they fear what they don’t identify with.

I am so sorry to hear of your pain.  I don't know if you believe in God, but what I've learned, (as painful and unfair it may be).  Our pains can..and will be used to help others.  I have lost my whole family, so I understand.  Be strong, You can survive and eventually be the person Our Lord meant for you to be.  Only advice is to focus on Jesus and His words.  Lose the evil. 

I'M LIVING WITH MY DISABLED MOTHER FOR ABOUT 4 YEARS NOW. I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER FOR US WHEN WE MOVED IN OUR PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AGO. BUT I GUESS THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER. IM 25 AND MY MOM IS 53. I HAVE 1 YOUNGER SISTER AND 1 OLDER SISTER. I DONT KNOW IF I WOULD CALL MYSELF THE BLACK SHEEP BUT I KNOW IM NOT WANTED AROUND HER UNLESS I HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE. IVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS PROBLEM FOR ABOUT 10 YEARS AND IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE. IVE TRIED TO TALK TO MY MOM BUT IT GOES AND LEAVES EVEN FASTER. IM NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW BUT I AM IN SCHOOL, WHICH I HAVE KEPT A SECRET.SINCE I WAS ABOUT 16, THINGS CHANGED FOR THE WORSE. IVE TRIED TO ONLY HELP HER SO I CAN HELP ME ALSO. MY FATHER HASNT BEEN AROUND FOR ALMOST 12 YEARS AND THAT DOESNT MAKE IT BETTER. IVE BEEN BACKSTABBED, DEGRADED, AND PUNISHED FOR THINGS I CANT CONTROL. IVE WORKED NOT TO ONLY HELP ME BUT TO ASSIST MY MOTHER. THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER EITHER. I PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAY FOR MY LIFE TO TAKE OFF SO I DONT HAVE TO BE HERE ANYMORE. WHEN I DONT HAVE SOMETHING FOR MY MOM, IM NO GOOD, A SLACKER, AND JUST LIKE MY DADDY. IVE BEEN TOLD THAT IM RUDE, UNGRATEFUL AND DISRESPECTFUL. I LOVE MY  MOM BUT I ................... FEEL LIKE IM STUCK IN A WARP THATS KILLING ME. I VE TRIED TO TALK TO HER AND IT STILL WONT WORK. SHE SAYS ITS BECAUSE SHES IN PAIN ALL THE TIME, WHICH IS NOT TRUE. WHEN SHE HAS WHATS SHE WANTS FROM PEOPLE SHES FINE TIL IT RUNS OUT. I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I FEEL AS A WOMAN,  YOU SHOULDNT DEPEND ON YOUR SPOUSES INCOME. IM  INDEPENDENT WHEN IT COMES TO NOT ASKING FOR THINGS THATS NOT NEEDED. BUT I SHOULDNT FEEL BAD FOR NOT ASKING MY MAN TO BUT STUFF FOR MY MOTHER. SHES NEEDS TO GET IT HER SELF AND NOT DEPEND ON NO ONE. I WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE I PUT ON HOLD FOR 4 YEARS. I SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR MY MOTHER NOT HAVING WHAT SHE WANTS. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO PUT ME DOWN TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER. I TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND AND HE COULD CARELESS FOR HER EITHER. ALL OF MY MOTHERS CHILDREN EXCEPT FOR MY OLDER SISTER COULD CARELESS. IM MOVING ON WITH WHAT I HAVE LEFT AND I " WILL NOT "LOOK BACK. I FEEL BETTER WHEN IM GONE FROM HER PRESENCE AND HER NON- COMPASSION ONLY FOR HER SELF. IS THIS THE WAY I SHOULD GO ABOUT THINGS?

I like the article in the Onion, where everyone claims to be the Black Sheep of the family. Isn't this just about individuality? Surely, we all need to put distance between ourselves and our siblings in order to avoid being termed cloned. It's when this process is retarded that we see extreme visible manifestations:

 

Goth
Tattoos
Piercings
emo

 

And cries for help:

 

Why don't I fit in?
I hate myself?
nobody understands me?

 

It's enforced compliance that's the problem here. That stops people developing as individuals and penalises and deviation from the norm. How do you 'come out' as gay or lesbian in these circumstances.

 

No wonder there's a blacksheep subculture in sites like www.imablacksheep.com and others.

 

Over-parenting and love of the 'norm' is the problem here people.

It is very sad that you have a toxic, dysfunctional relationship with your mother. The positive thing that I read in your post is that you realize you have no control over your mother’s happiness, and that you are moving on with your life. That is great!
It is understandable that you have waited, hoped and dreamed of your mother’s acceptance, even as adults, we all want to have love and approval from our parents. Your mother is withholding love and approval because she knows that is what you want more then anything from her- that is such an abusive, sad and pathetic way for a mother to be towards her own children.
The best advice I have for you is this: when you are told that you are selfish, don’t allow those words to sink in; don’t allow her words to hurt your self esteem. If you were selfish, you wouldn’t even be around her. (And by the way, it is healthy to be selfish sometimes!) People like your mother can be very draining, emotionally and physically. Get out of the home as soon as possible, and then, have as little contact with her as possible. She is a grown up, she can make arrangements to have her needs met; you are not responsible for her! Love yourself, take good care of yourself, because you deserve it!