Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

I have become the balck sheep of my family since November 17,2008.  That was the day that I signed temporary gaurdianship of my three small kids over to my mother who had already filed for custody of the children anyways.  Now, before you say well ya, I can understand why you would be the black sheep of your family signing your kids away...understand this first....it was my family's idea for me to give my mother temporary custody!!!  They all supported the idea that my mother take over as temp gaurdian of my three children until I could find the means to totally support and care for them.  I had always been, until recently one that wanted nothing more than to please my family, so, I did what they wanted me to do, much against my better judgement and the ink was not even dry on the papers when I was cast out and turned away.  My fiance and I recieved three christmas cards this year, from the only members of the family not wanting an opinion.  We delivered our cards only to find out later that many of the family members had thrown theirs out.  I wouls really like to know why they think I made the wrong choice when it was the choice they all urged me to make to start off with!!!

i  am   amother     of  to  boys  12    and  14  my  mom   and ex   have  custudy    of   my  kids    they  took  my  kids   away   in   o3   because   i  married    a  guy  they  didnt    approve  of   when     i  took   my  ex   back  for   child   suport  i  was   severd    conservership   papers   i  didnt  have  a  lawyer  present   to  exsplain   what  iwas   signing   i  was    told  itwould   be  temporarty    until   igot   back   on  my  feet  well    lnow   i am    sitting  here   and  iget  upset  about   this  stupid    game they  are  playin  me  and  my  kids     no  one  understands  me  my family  thinks  i  dont  understand  oh  but  i do  im  on diablity    and    wants  my kids  back     im  the  black  sheep  of  the  family  with no  support  at  all 

The Shamer
This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.

I have a family just like this they know who they are I am telling them right here and now I am taking a stand! I am not going to take it anymore! There is no written law that says I have to tolerate your crap anymore I love you because you are my family. I do NOT have to be treated this way any longer.I have feelings if you choose to listen it is up to you. I have a HAPPY, STABLE , LOVING home life... Having said that I want you to know that your opinion of me is yours I love who I am and you can love me the way I am take me or leave me. Either way I am happy I hope you will be too.



No Longer Your Victim

Today I have made a conscious decision
You will no longer have power over me
I will not allow thoughts of you to consume my life
I will not shed another tear because of you

Can anyone relate to this?

1. You are in a relationship which in some way is abusive.


2. You are always being put down, verbally, both in private and in public.


3. Your needs are never recognized, nor met.


4. Your family lives a life which rarely includes you.


5. You are desperate to make things right.


6. You are convinced that much of your unhappiness (and what you perceive as your partner’s unhappiness with you) is your fault.


7. You fall over backwards to please – and fail.


8. You try to talk things through – and fail.


9. You are frequently tearful – and whiny.


10. You are certain that if only you try hard enough things will come out right.



Wrong!

If you feel that any of these ten points could be attributed to you, then it may be that you are – or are dangerously close to being – a doormat.



* A doormat is a household item on which feet are wiped.


* That is its purpose.


* It has no other use.


* It exists solely to accept the dirt which is deposited on it.


* In doing so, it permits all other flooring around it to remain clean.


* It does not move.


* It is dormant.


* It is not active in any way.


* It is passive, receptive, and submissive.


* It is beneath the notice of all who use it and abuse it.


* The only time any attention is paid to it is when it is so dirty that it requires a beating.


I don’t want to be a doormat
I don’t want to be stepped on
And have people wipe their dirty feet on me
I’m not a piece of stationary carpet
I’m human, alive and emotional just like you
But if you’re wondering why I relate myself
To an aged, faded rug stained with mud
It’s because I feel like one
When I’m around you
Do you understand why I say this?
What CAN you understand?
You talk, I listen, and I understand you
I’ve continued understanding you, yet still
You hardly know me.
I’m sure you have much emotion to share
But so do I
I’m just like you in that sense.
That’s why we’re friends
But I want to talk too
So you can get me as well
No worries, I’m not asking you to stop talking
I love to hear you talk, and I love to listen
Just please, spare me a chance, I’ve emotion just like you
I’m not a doormat, not a heartless carpet-cutout.

I have been the blacksheep of my family for years. And now that im ignored and I refuse to call my siblings and mother.my stressed out life has so verymuch been easier. They have sabotaged my life since childhood, lied and stolen from me. they even sided with my ex during the custody battle of my kids.

Now, everyone who matters (mainy my kids) are seeing them as what they are.

I dont hate them, I just washed my life free of them. after several years of not being told about family reunions etc and family functions i was deeply hurt, then it occured to me ,its best to let them be and live without. I dont suffer anxiety attacks worrying  wha they are going to do to disgrace me or turn my life upside down.

to be honest the only one i care about now is my sick dad who doesnt partake in the dasterdly deeds.

 

my family is so out of control. ever since i was younger my mother took us away and secluded us away from my fathers family. now that i am older, i have made a decision to remain in contact with them. naturally they were a little hesitant on excepting me after so many years of me being away. thats when the whole concept of black sheep started.  i talked different, i acted different, i had differnet views, religious values, oh and God forbid, i date outside of my race. they could not come to terms with it. then. i got accepted into college. it all went downhill from there. at a time when i should have been celebrating and feeling proud of myself, ive had nothing but problems. they think that i do nothing but have a grand party up here at school. what they fail to recognize is that i am here all by myself, i pay and do everything on my own because the family is not one that is very supportive. they hate that i am doing better then them at the age of 21 then more then half of them already have in their whole life. they can not stand to see the next do better, or get anything better then them. it all comes down to trying to keep eachother down. my fathers side of the family will not lift you up or support you in any way. i guess my strings were drawn when i have finally heard so many lies about me that i decided to stick up for myself. i told them that i was tired of justifying my life and that it is so stressful and too tiresome to have to worry about keeping my head above water, and worrying about what untasteful lie they could scheme up next. i do however get along with a very small number of people on my fathers side, and we decided that we would form a little group. we are the "the bah bah six wooley black sheeps" of our family. my family can not stand that the black sheeps in our large family have come together and started to help eachother out. but even though i have my small group of black sheeps that offer their love, it still is hard because i am even blacker then the black sheeps. i am their burden, the one that they have to go out of their way to get, and out of their way to see. i am trying so hard to be the ONLY person in my family to graduate college, while being a black sheep. its hard. im tired of it. there is so much hurt that my family has caused, that even if they decide to try out my pasture, ill never let them eat my grass thats green when theirs goes brown!

I have finally come to realize after 2 decades that my immediate family does not care about me at all.  This is so painful for me.  My mom seems like she does not care about me anymore at all.  She does not return my calls and when I am around her she acts like she no longer wants me around.  You see I am african american and I have been in a successful relationship for 20 years.  My husband is sooo special to me!  He is kind, giving and loving.  His family on the other had are a loving, christian and kind family to us.  My family are non-christians.

Let me stop for a minute and give you a little background on me.  I am a very kind , loving and giving person.  I am non-fake.  I speak how I feel.  When I love someone I love them hard and it is true and genuine love.  I do worry alot about things and I am working on that not to worry so much.  I have tried over the last several years to be a part of my immediate families life.  The pain was so great 15 years ago that I attempted to take my life.  I felt isolated and alone.  I even express these feelings to my mom but she never gives me any type of advice or encouragement.  My family has asked me to co-sign for them for things like a house, car and business due to their bad credit and I declined because financially I did not want to over extend myself.  The only time I hear from my immediate family is when they need something.  When I go around them with my husband my older sister (who is divorced) stays in talks with us in the living room and then she disappears it's like she does not want to be around us.  She always tries to pick agruments with me.  My mom's husband who is white acts like he hates me and does not want me around.  It almost appears like he is prejudice but my mom is african american and darker than I am so that was is a mystery.  My mom looks at me kind of disgustingly and I do not know why.  I am extremely attractive I kind of resemble Kelly Rowland from Destiny's child.  Okay fast forward my family never returns my calls at all.  They never call to see how I am doing.  They act like they no longer want me around.  There so much more I have to say but it would require me writing a book.....lol

The bottom line is today I woke up and I am starting a new life.  I told my husband to have absolutely no contact with my family whatsoever so we can move on with our lives.  They do not want me in their lives and I need to move on.  So they have ousted me into being the Black Sheep of the family.  I am done with them!

I feel your pain and as of today I am done with my family.  It is painful but I have moved on now.  (((Hugs))) hang in there your strong and loving heart will get you through this.  Trust me!  ((Hugs))